Let Your Geek Flag Fly
by Alive to Touch It for Myself
Summary: Between Sam's health deteriorating and Cas disappearing, Dean is feeling at loss for what to do next. When he realizes that hunting isn't much of an option at the moment, Dean decides that it's time for a staycation at The Batcave with some company from Charlie, who could use a little company herself. Dorky Dean, Doctor Who, and domestic Destiel ensue. SLASH IN LATER CHAPTERS.
1. It was only a click

**Let Your Geek Flag Fly **

After a particularly gnarly hunt that had been rife with complications, Dean was more than ready to climb in behind the wheel of his Baby and get the hell out of Dodge. Sam, equally 1000% done, folded himself into the car and proceeded to sink down as far as the confines of the front seat would let him. The brothers were both aching, bruised, and generally exhausted, wanting nothing more than to just get home as soon as possible. 'Home' was a word the Winchesters never really thought would find a place in their vocabulary and both men visibly relaxed once inside the car, knowing exactly where they would be in about four hours. Nearly 30 years of grungy hotel rooms, questionable diner food, and a lack of personal space had taken their toll on the brothers, but they had pretty much resigned themselves to that life with the assumption that there was little they could do about it.

Coming upon the abandoned Men of Letters bunker had felt like winning the lottery and neither man had realized up to that point just how much they needed a home base. Dean was so excited to have come across this jewel, he couldn't help but give it his own nickname, as he did all things and people that he loved. Thus it became The Batcave. The bunker was made all the better by the sense of entitlement the brothers felt at being there, knowing that they had every right to make it theirs, somewhere they belonged. It felt like Christmas when Dean discovered an old bathrobe in one of the rooms and immediately claimed it for himself, ready to enjoy the perks of a somewhat domestic life. Of course Sam had to point out with a disapproving look that the robe had belonged to someone long dead now, but Dean didn't care…it was comfortable and that was good enough for him. The Batcave was perfect- secure, private, tasteful, and a perfect example of form following function. Pleasingly blank, it was an open space to sprawl their scant possessions and themselves as they saw fit, just waiting to be occupied and personalized. Having an impressive library, the place held the scent of old books, a smell that Dean came to find comforting over time. It didn't take long for the Winchesters to contribute their own unique scent to it as well, as all homeowners do- the foods they ate, laundry detergent, and the overall essence of _them._ Dean was particularly sensitive to it all, knowing that it was, in a way, territory marked.

The four hour drive passed relatively quickly, and both men were ready to just get inside and settle in for the night. Sam called dibs on the shower before they even pulled up, feeling like he was going to crawl out of his skin if he didn't get clean and wash the grime of the day away. He bee lined for the bathroom immediately upon entering the threshold. Dean gathered their things from the trunk and walked into the Batcave, feeling a little badass that he was entering their lair. They have a freakin' lair! Ah, and there was the smell. Dean took the opportunity while waiting to pour a glass of scotch and flop down into a plush recliner they had recently bought with the winnings of a small pool tournament.

Thankfully, Sam didn't waste time in the shower that night, just wanting to get on with it so he could get in bed and pass out. With a quick 'goodnight', the taller man disappeared into his room and fell asleep within moments of crawling under the covers. Dean was grateful that there would be plenty of hot water left to soothe his muscles and made his way to the bathroom. The room was still full of steam as he stripped down and he could already feel himself relaxing as his breathing came easier. The pressure and the heat of the water beating down his back felt glorious and Dean knew he was getting spoiled on having little creature comforts like this, but couldn't bring himself to do anything but enjoy it.

All his life, Dean had always asked for so little, just grateful to get what he could- control over the music in his car, pie when available, and the occasional magic fingers mattress. He decided that he'd saved the world enough times to deserve something as simple as his own room and a shower with good pressure. Over the course of Dean's friendship with Cas, the angel had slowly convinced the hunter that he deserved whatever good things came his way and just as slowly, Dean had begun to accept that sometimes a little selfishness was a good thing. Cas had wanted Dean to see his own value and that he didn't have to make every single thing that went wrong in the world out to be his own fault.

As much as it bothered him, Dean knew that he was one to love deeply and tried time and time again to distance himself from this trait that he felt was a flaw. With their lifestyle, it seemed inevitable that love would equal heartbreak, having lost so many people he cared about. It was easier to play it gruff and hope that no one but Sam noticed how much he needed that love returned. Although Dean didn't often want to talk about his feelings, his emotionally-attuned younger brother made it clear that sometimes it was necessary to at least ponder your own emotions and understand them, even if they weren't shared aloud. With age, Dean had come to accept that his brother was on to something. He became more introspective, recognizing that as part of his duty to find his own value, he had to quit evading the idea that his happiness was necessary to living the moral life he desired. He also knew that part of learning to be happy was stowing his insecurities and being more open (at least with himself) about the things and people that made him happy.

The hunter ruminated on these thoughts while the steam from the shower was helping him to think clearly and he only came back to his surroundings when the water started to run cold. Shutting the water off before it had the chance to become frigid, he stepped out of the shower and toweled off quickly, ready to get into his comfy pants and sink into the luxury of having a robe. Stepping out into the cool of the hallway, Dean was reminded of his exhaustion and made his way to his room, ready to collapse into the comfort of his bed.

Crawling under the covers and squishing the pillow up was one of Dean's favorite parts of his day and he was glad to be experiencing it in his own bed, hoping for a deep dreamless sleep. After a few minutes he felt his body relax and took a deep breath as he prepared for sleep to overtake him. Maybe he was overly aware of his need for sleep or mentally still on the hunt, because he laid there for what felt like an eternity. He turned to look at the clock. Two o'clock. The hunter's mind started to wander back to his day and he realized that sleep was going to evade him for a bit longer, so he decided that lying in the bed would only serve to aggravate and vacated the bed. Going for old trusty, Dean walked over to his desk and poured himself a drink to settle the whirlwind in his head and opened up his laptop, not even bothering to turn on a light.

Dean was still irritated with how the hunt had gone. It was supposed to have been a simple job, routine even, but due to a simple miscommunication with some other hunters, the whole thing had gone to hell in a handbasket in record time. The brothers' profession was nothing but one big bag of risks, but in perspective, miscommunication shouldn't have to be much of one. The fiasco had felt like when you accidentally start to get in someone else's car because it's the same as your own. You look around and hope no one saw what you did, but inevitably there is a witness laughing their ass off at you and your jackassery. As a hunter it's necessary to take stock of your strengths periodically and be realistic about which skills could stand to be honed a little more. Dean was nowhere near incapable of doing research, whether by book or by internet, but he had always preferred hands-on tasks, leaving Sam to do the nerdy work. Dean had thought it was hilarious when he made that pun a couple days ago, but Sam just rolled his eyes in amusement and chuckled softly in disbelief at what a dork his brother was turning into. Or rather, how he was becoming so outward about it.

Being a man of action, Dean decided it was time to try a new channel for communication, in order to avoid more mishaps like they'd experienced earlier that day. Being in the privacy of his room, Dean decided to do this while he could, without being given the 'what the hell are you doing?' face from his brother. Wounding his pride a little, Dean opened the browser and typed in the URL he'd been avoiding for over a year.

Twitter. Ugh. After hastily setting up an account with one of his aliases and using a picture of his Baby as his icon, he started searching for other hunters, assuming he would come up dry. Much to Dean's surprise, there were several people he knew on the site. Of course most of them had signed on under their favorite aliases too, but knowing what to look for made them easy enough to find. Huh. Apparently, several of the Winchesters' colleagues had been utilizing this resource for some time because it appeared that almost everyone was following each other. It took a minute of poking around for Dean to familiarize himself with the layout and the terminology, but he got the hang of it quickly. It came as no surprise to him to see Garth on there with about a zillion followers and his stupid sock puppet icon. He even had "Party on, idjits" in his bio section. Dean felt odd when he realized that he read that line in Garth's voice. _Of course he's on here. He's the 'new Bobby'. _Hunters have to get their information somehow though, and no one else had attempted to pick up the reins, so Dean couldn't really spite him for it. In fact, the guy was actually kind of endearing and truthfully, Dean was just irritated that Bobby had to be replaced at all and missed his surrogate father. After following several hunters, contacts, and news agencies, Dean decided to just scroll through his feed and creep for a minute. It really was only a minute though, before he received his first direct message. _How in the hell did she find me so fast? _Dean was aware that Charlie was possibly the nerdiest nerd to ever nerd, but he hadn't expected her to find him within minutes of setting up an account.

"**Hey Dean, follow me back."**

Dean followed her back and they started chit-chatting back and forth. He didn't realize how much he had wanted someone to talk to about things other than hunting. Charlie was the only person Dean knew besides his brother to see him openly get his dork on and he felt comfortable with her. She also had an uncanny ability to bring out his lighter side and Dean knew that he needed to find lightness when he could or he'd drown in himself. After a few minutes of banter, Dean realized his eyes were getting blurry with sleepiness combined with looking at the bright of the computer screen in the dark. He really wanted to talk to her, but knew that he was reaching his expiration date quickly and decided to wrap things up. Finishing his scotch in one swift gulp, Dean said his goodnight and closed the laptop.

On the way home from the hunt that night, Sam had suggested that they take a few days and do nothing but loaf around the house and research. Dean was completely fine with that, glad to give his brother some much needed rest after seeing the toll the trials were taking on him. Dean was glad that he could sleep as late as he wanted the next day and padded over to his bed. This time when he laid down, Dean felt more at peace and drifted off to sleep soon after punching his pillow into a perfect cradle for his weary head. He was even lucky enough to have the deep, mostly-dreamless sleep that he so desperately needed.


	2. The stream of warm impermanence

_**A/N:** __Long chapter, hope you guys enjoy._

Dean had no idea how long he was out, but it must have been quite a while because he wasn't irritated or full of sleep-hangover when awoken by Sam's knock at his door. "Hey Dean, are you okay? It's lunchtime and I was gonna run to town to grab some takeout and was wondering if you want anything."

"Yeah Sammy, I'm up. Don't leave yet though. Just give me a minute and I'll be out," Dean croaked out in a rough morning voice that hadn't been touched by liquid yet.

Dean decided to devote this day to utter laziness and felt zero guilt for getting up so late. Throwing on the robe and sliding into his house shoes, Dean shuffled to the kitchen, the smell of fresh coffee dancing before his nose and he imagined one of those cartoons with the smell physically beckoning him into the room. Considering that Sam was pouring a cup of coffee into a travel mug for himself, Dean assumed that Sam had slept late as well and they both leaned quietly against the counter, a little zoned out and slowly coming into the world of the living.

Dean's phone suddenly buzzed with an alert, snapping them both out of their respective worlds. Both brothers frowned, knowing it could only be bad news…the only kind of news they seemed to get these days. Dean unlocked his phone to see what the problem was that they were being asked to deal with. It turned out to be a Twitter notification and without a thought he opened it up to see that Charlie had messaged him.

"Dean! Are you serious? You actually got a Twitter? Hey, is that Charlie?" Sam laughed lightly, his older brother surprising him yet again. The LARPing had been unexpected and not really his own cup of tea, but Sam was glad all the same to see his brother enjoy himself for a minute. Even if it was quite possibly on the very top of the list of dorky things he never thought he'd see Dean do. Dean didn't realize until Sam spoke that he was close enough to see what he was doing on his phone and felt a small flush of embarrassment at having to admit that he joined the site he had so adamantly refused to even consider until the night before. "Yeah, well, we can't screw up again like a couple of asshat kids. It just seemed like the smart thing to do. So go ahead, give me your best shot," Dean said with his signature smirk, crossing his arms over his puffed out chest. Sam looked down, a trace of a smile still on his face and mumbled something with the tone of a question at the end. "Sammy, we've talked about the mumbling. If you've got something to say, just spill it," Dean said with his head tilted slightly. _God, he looks like Cas when he does that. _The taller man looked a little resigned and let out a huff and looked sheepishly at his older brother before asking for his user name with the promise of getting his own account when he got done with his lunch. _What the hell is going on with him? Dean doesn't do…Twitter._ _Okay, just file this under random new things that my brother is doing. _With a loud clap and straightened shoulders, Dean piped up. "So how about that takeout? I'm starving now. Also need to stop at the store…the kitchen's getting pretty bare. If we're going to be here for a few days, we'll need some more grub supplies." Dean moved to rifle through the cabinets to see what they had on hand and frowned when all he found was some beef jerky, a single beer next to a petrified piece of pizza on a plate in the fridge, and half a bag of stale buns. "Okay, forget about the store, it's gonna have to be a real trip and I'm too hungry to wait for that, so just get me the usual. I'll go later for the groceries." Sam took that as his cue to leave, watching Dean start a grocery list with what appeared to be a trace of delight on his face. The brothers had spent enough time eating around each other to know what 'the usual' meant at each type of eatery and could easily order for each other in the other's absence. The pie situation had improved only slightly, but at least cake wasn't happening anymore. Sam walked out the door, shaking his head in amusement at his brother. He liked seeing Dean being willing to try new things and get out of his sentimental rut, because it meant that he was finally becoming a grown-up and starting to think farther ahead than the next 24 hours. Sam felt a glimmer of hope at the thought of the possibility of persuading dean to get a CD player for the car—the iPod cradle had clearly not gone over.

Dean quickly jotted down the grocery list and went back to his room to fetch his laptop and see what Charlie had to say.

"**Did you tell Sam yet?"**

"Yeah, sort of. He caught me checking out your message. He's getting one after lunch."

"**Okay, I'll find him later. How's your lazy time going?"**

"Not sure yet, just woke up right before you messaged me. So far so good though. If you're not busy, mind to call me? The phone's easier for me." _God I'm turning into a chick._

About ten seconds later, Dean's phone rang with a generic tune. _I really need to give her her own ringtone. _He liked being able to tell who was calling without looking. Charlie's chipper tone greeted him when he answered the phone and it was nice to hear a familiar voice that wasn't calling on business. Dean had spent many years learning to read people though, and could see through her tone immediately, as hard as she tried to give off an air of energy that she really didn't have. He knew she was still coping from the Djinn incident, but decided to let it be for the moment. Dean could hear the rapid clicking of a keyboard in the background while they spoke, making small talk for a couple of minutes. He could tell she was distracted, but he knew better than to assume it was because of whatever she was working on because the computer was an extension of herself, like Dean's gun was for him. After a brief pause in conversation, Dean decided to ask about feelings. Because he was Dean freakin' Winchester and he was man enough to rise to the challenge of learning to do another new thing. He may not have a lot of experience with verbalizing emotion in a healthy, conducive way, but he could at least make the effort for a friend. _Dude, are you actually doing this? Charlie's going to think that you're the one that needs help._

"You doing okay, Charlie?" The clicking in the background abruptly stopped.

"**Well, you know me, I'm just chugging along keeping myself busy," **she said in a slightly strained voice, trying to sound much more upbeat than she felt.

"I know how that goes," Dean said with empathy, not knowing what else to say. "Well listen, me and Sam just got home last night and we're taking a few days off here to relax and I was wondering if you've got any free time and would like to come hang out. We could stand some company while we're here, and I think it would take Sam's mind off the trials for a minute." There was a long pause and Dean heard a quick huff on the other end of the phone.

"**Don't you invite me to your lair out of pity, Winchester. I have plenty of ways to blow off steam and I-"**

"Oh come ON! It's not pity, okay? Do I have to freakin' spell it out?" Dean sighed before continuing, "I don't have many friends, Charlie. Isn't this what normal people do when they just want to hang out?" Dean was starting to feel uncomfortable, having to lay himself out like that. He could hear the clicking resume in the background, less feverishly this time.

"**Well, if it's my awesomeness you seek, then I'll accept that,"** she said with something closer to her normal timbre**. "I have something I want you to watch anyway, but I want to be there so we can talk about it together. I think you'll like it. You have a TV and DVD player, right? I know the Batcave is still a little Mad Men."**

Oh yeah, Dean was always down for chilling out with some movies and just vegging. "Yeah, we broke down and got both. Nothing fancy, but it does the trick. What are you wanting to watch?"

"**Don't you worry about that. I'll give you one clue though. It's gonna punch you right in the feels, but you'll enjoy it."**

"Punch me in the what? _Enjoy _it? It better not be some girly crap."

"**Oh ye of little faith, surely you know I wouldn't do that. I solemnly swear to protect you from growing ovaries. I promise you'll like it, just give it a chance. But anyway, I'm only a couple hours away from you guys, and I'm not on any deadlines, so whenever you want to do this."**

Dean started to wonder what he was signing himself up for, but was willing to at least try it, this normalcy thing. Truthfully, he missed the average life he'd lived with Lisa. Although Charlie was full of vocabulary he'd never heard of and was at times rather enthusiastic, Dean admired her confidence in herself and genuine nature. He couldn't help but smile to himself while they talked, and was engrossed enough in the conversation that he didn't notice Sam arrive with the food. Sam's interest was piqued seeing his brother smiling at a phone conversation…phone time was just not something he'd ever seen Dean do.

"Well, if you want to come over tonight around 6 we'll do dinner and lounge around. You can just plan on staying here tonight and we'll do a marathon or something. Sound good?"

Charlie couldn't help but let out a giggle at their conversation.

"**Dude, this is turning into a slumber party of awesome, but don't expect any pillow fights. I shall arrive at 6 bearing pie."**

"This is not a slumber party! But I accept your offer of pie. Call me when you're close and I'll see you later. And be careful, you hear?" the hunter said before hanging up the phone.

The smell of food brought Dean back to reality and he swiveled to see Sam leaning against the door frame a few feet away, grinning like an idiot. "You didn't tell me we were hosting a slumber party. Who was that?" Dean just glared at him before telling him the plans while they ate. Sam was glad to see Dean making a friend with human DNA that he could relax around a little bit. God knows Dean needed to de-stress. Plus, Sam liked Charlie and thought she made good company. He couldn't help but get one good jab in at his brother's expense though. "Who's braiding hair and drinking herbal tea now? Why don't you add nail polish and a copy of Vogue to your grocery list while you're at it?" Dean knew it was fair turnabout but decided to glare just for good measure.

"Bitch."

"Jerk."

After finishing his meal, Dean went to his room to get some real clothes on and prepare for the epic grocery trip that lay ahead. It was bittersweet, reminding him of his time at Lisa's and their weekend grocery and errand runs. He hated shopping, but it wasn't quite as bad, knowing that he was buying food for his own home and not just completing a 'honey-do' list. A little over an hour and an enormous pile of bags later, Dean made it back home and put everything up. He even got the meat marinating in the fridge that he would cook for supper later. Looking around, he realized that while he enjoyed having a manly lair of manliness, it was definitely not conducive to hours of laying around in comfort. After taking a quick look around the bunker, he located a few soft blankets and pillows that their guest could use for the night and threw them over the back of the couch. It was near 3 o'clock now and Dean found Sam at his laptop, clicking lazily and looking utterly bored.

"Okay I got an account set up and followed you and Charlie and a few others. Who all are you foll-"

Dean couldn't believe what he saw when he looked over his brother's shoulder. "Dude! Did you actually use a moose as your icon?"

"What? NO! I used…" Sam had been busy looking at Garth's tweets, but immediately started scanning around his 'following' list and saw Dean's icon.

"Uh, Dean? Did you use a picture of a sexy brunette with black angel wings tattooed on her back?"

"What the hell is going on here?! I used a picture of my Baby! Did we get hacked? Maybe it's just Charlie. Let's just not use Twitter until she gets here, in case someone's trying to get our info."

_Well, at least Dean's icon wasn't some sub-conscious thing, like I thought it was. Still weird though._

Sam quickly changed his icon back to the cover of a copy of _Dante's Inferno_, closed the browser and stood up, looking rumpled, weary, and a bit faint. "I think I'm going to go lay down for a while. Get me up at five so I can have time for a shower and help get ready for our slumber party," Sam finished with a smirk. Dean tried his damnedest to keep his face from betraying the worry he felt and just nodded in understanding. His brother didn't want pity and Dean could respect his wishes, knowing that he wouldn't accept it either if the tables were turned.

With some two-odd hours to kill, Dean decided to take another shower (just because he could, dammit!) and then putter around on the internet some more. He remembered that Charlie had said that the Supernatural books were online now and decided to do some research to see just how much of their lives had been published so far. Dean entered 'Dean Winchester, Supernatural' into a search engine, not sure what to expect. After clicking through a few links, he determined a few things. For one, it was true that Cas had definitely been included in the recent publications, and for two: the fans were even heartier online, in their love for the series. Every other search result had turned up links on something called Tumblr. Dean wasn't sure what to make of its dominance over other sites, in regard to the book series. It was touching to see so many people feeling compassion and defensiveness for his little trio of what the fans believed to be fictional characters. However, some of the things he saw, he knew he could never unsee or unread. These must be the Becky's. It was like a car wreck and he was unable to look away. Some of the fan art he saw made him shudder in their highly sexualized nature, while some was nothing short of breath-taking. It amazed him that some of the artists were able to so accurately depict what they all looked like having only descriptions to go on, even in their posture. Some of the posts had been so accurate in their conclusions of what they'd all been through and their behaviors, he felt like he must be looking at a shrink's notes for all of them. Dean couldn't help but laugh at how many of the blogs included the word 'assbutt' and 'moose' in their name. The word 'Destiel' was brought up repeatedly and even though he knew what it must've meant, he chose to shut that down real fast in his mind, one new idea at a time. One link led to another and before he knew it, he was sifting through someone's blog, scrolling through a variety of things they'd posted. Thankfully, not all of the posts were about his life, though their 'about me' stated something about a ship and Destiel. Dean figured it must be a fanfiction thing and decided to ignore it. He'd learned to leave the fanfiction thing be. This particular blog was actually kind of funny and contained a variety of posts and before he realized how long he'd been scrolling through, his phone rang with that generic tone, and he knew it was Charlie. "I'll be there in about 30, so be looking for me," was all she said and hung up. She must have been in traffic.

Dean sprang from his chair, realizing that the dinner he'd promised had to get going. Having developed an unexpected love for cooking, Dean moved deftly around the kitchen, gathering a cutting board, knives, and the skillet he would need to prepare the meal. Then on to the ingredients. Thank goodness he'd had the forethought to get the steak strips marinating earlier when he got home. All he had to do was get the peppers and onion sliced and he could start in on his newest venture- fajitas. He was gathering the spices he would need when there came a knock at the door, announcing Charlie's arrival. A little earlier than expected, but okay.

Opening the door, Dean was greeted by the sight of Charlie trying (rather awkwardly) to manage a couple of full reusable grocery bags while keeping a bakery box balanced so as to keep the contents from being upended. Wild red hair that was clearly wind-whipped and hanging in all the wrong ways just added to the effect of it all and Dean found her lack of composure endearing. Offering a broad grin, Dean strode over to relieve Charlie of the bags and greet her. "Hey! How was the trip?"

"Easy enough. But you have no idea how challenging it was to find a bakery with a whole pie to sell to me. You'd better be glad I love you," she said with a quick peck and a clearly forced frown. Dean lifted the bags with ease, and they made their way inside. Settling her things on the table, Charlie followed Dean into the kitchen, glancing around as she walked. "Where's Sam? Is he doing okay?"

"Oh shit! I forgot to wake him up earlier. He's just taking a nap…let me go get him," Dean said in remembrance and headed toward Sam's room. Charlie decided stroll around and take in her surroundings, being of a curious nature. She saw the open laptop on the table and decided to take a peek and do a little security work on it for the boys. Of course _she_ would know how to hack it if necessary, but it would be easy enough to give it a little boost of privacy protection from other, less skilled hackers. With minimal effort she figured out the password and was taken aback at the screen that stared back at her. _Oh God! How did they find my Tumblr? Okay, don't panic, they probably don't know it's yours. Which one was even looking at this? At least it's just a random text post. Maybe that's all they saw. Probably just one big coincidence. Just minimize the browser and get back to what you were doing. _Before her hands could follow her brain, Dean had walked over with Sam lumbering behind him, trying to wrangle his glorious moose mane into something passable as suitable for being around company. "Oh, don't go getting prissy for me Sam. Your hair will always be lovely," Charlie said with humor and fondness, before offering up a warm hug. Sam tried to bring up a bitchface, but it came out looking more like some sort of twisted smirk. "So I see you cracked Dean's password. What are you looking at, anyway?" _Shit. Of course you had to notice. But Dean looking at this? _Dean and Charlie both stiffened slightly, awkwardness coming out in waves. Sam couldn't help but notice and wanted to laugh at them until he realized that they weren't sharing the embarrassment together. Mentally filing away yet another observation for later, he looked back to Charlie expectantly.

"What? Oh, this was already opened up when I unlocked the screen," she said, totally not ready to claim this one. "I was getting on here to see if you guys needed a tune-up on your security while I waited for you," she continued. Seeing Dean's jaw clench slightly, she decided it would be best to close the lid and put off the security check until later. Dean had been staring the computer down like he was waiting on it to go up in flames and looked relieved when she closed the lid. _Okay, I'm going to have to talk about this with Dean later. How can I resist? _"That could take a minute though, so let's wait until after dinner. What's on the menu? I'm not much use in the kitchen, but I can still help with other things if you need me to."

"Yeah! Dinner. I don't really need any help, but why don't you guys come with me and have a beer while I cook. It's just fajitas, so it won't take too long to do." Dean was just glad to get away from the computer discussion. They all cracked a beer once they made it to the kitchen and Dean set to work, warming oil in a skillet and removing the marinated steak from the fridge. Within minutes, the warm spicy smell started to fill the room, as the three started to notice their hunger, glad that it was a simple meal to pull together. "Slop's on, guys. Have at it," Dean said with a flourish in the direction of the little toppings buffet he'd laid out while the food was cooking.

Nothing overly important was discussed over their meal, but the three were enjoying the break from serious matters for a while and content to share stories and laugh at each other's (sometimes terrible) jokes. The silence was comfortable during the lulls in conversation and they were all pleased just to be in each other's company, doing something that normal people did all the time, but had been a rarity for each of them. With a playful punch to his arm Charlie leaned toward Dean. "Dude, I'm learning something new about you every time I see you. No offense, but I would've never taken you as one to know how to cook, much less be this good at it. Domestic life suits you, huh?" Sam was also surprised at the new talent his brother had shown. "Yeah Dean, how'd you learn to do this? This is really good," he said around a mouthful, not too concerned about proper manners at the moment. Dean felt a little spark of pride in his chest and shared his recent ventures into internet cooking videos as well as finding recipes on there. Charlie couldn't help but give Dean a soft smile. "Like I said, domestic life seems to work well for you. Speaking of, how long are you boys 'vacationing'?" she asked, looking between the two.

Truth be told, Dean didn't really have a game plan. Although he was aware that there was never a shortage of hunts, he had no desire to allow Sam to overexert himself and Cas didn't come all the time when Dean prayed, like he used to so long ago. He'd also learned that hunting alone was the single worst idea to be had and had no desire to attempt it. Dean had hung a mental "TBD" sign around that part of his brain, knowing that things rarely go according to plan. With a shrug, he replied, "Not sure. I'm pretty sure the shit will hit the fan soon enough though, so I figure we save up our strength and enjoy the rest while we can, because who knows how long it'll be until we get it again." Sam and Charlie both looked down a little, aware of the truth behind the words. Not one to linger (at least outwardly) on the sad stuff, Charlie took this opportunity to move the conversation along. She laid a hand on each of the brothers' and with a quick squeeze said, "Well, speaking of enjoying a veg fest, let's clean up so we can get on with the entertainment I promised." Dean had been curious and he was dying to know what Charlie had felt important enough to share with him that she'd come all the way out to the Batcave to watch it with him. "Let's get this show on the road then. Sam, think you can dry for me?" The kitchen settled into the happy clatter of dishes clinking together and water running, and the room truly felt like home.


	3. How did it end up like this?

Chapter 3

"Well guys, if we're going to do this properly, I'm going to have to go get my jim-jams on. I'm not sitting around on the couch feeling all confined while I'm full of food. Hope you don't mind," Charlie announced as the three walked out of the kitchen. She figured they wouldn't mind, but looked to them all the same to make sure. "No, that's fine, make yourself at home," Dean replied and then quickly turned to look at Sam with a wiggle of eyebrows. "If she's getting comfy, I'm getting comfy," he said with decisiveness as he pointed first to Charlie, then at himself. Sam sighed and gave Dean the Disapproving Bitchface that had come to be reserved specifically for the robe in question. "Go ahead Dude, it's your robe." Charlie watched the exchange with curiosity and Sam turned to fill her in on the 'dead guy robe' thing. Although she agreed that it was slightly creepy, it didn't really bother her and in fact, made her feel better to know that she wouldn't be the only one in the house not wearing real clothes. Gathering up one of the bags, Charlie made for the bathroom astride of Dean, on his way to his room. Apparently Sam was too cool to be bothered with comfort.

Charlie grabbed Dean's elbow and in a hushed tone asked, "What were you doing on Tumblr? I figure you didn't want Sam to know by the look on your face earlier, but dude, we're so talking about this later." Dean immediately had the deer in headlights look and she realized he must have thought she was going to make fun of him. Oops. "No Dean, I mean, I just want to know what all you saw on there, that's all. But first things first, so don't worry about it. " Dean let out a breath and scratched at the back of his neck, relieved to be out of the crosshairs for a moment. "Okay, uh, cool then." Without another word they both separated and proceeded to get on with their wardrobe changes.

Sam was already set up in the recliner enjoying some sort of Greek yogurt and fruit concoction, and fiddling with the remotes to get the entertainment system turned on. Charlie went to get the other bag she'd left in the main room while Dean fetched the pie and a couple forks. All in the living room now, Dean looked over to his brother. "What is that unholy looking concoction you're eating?" Dean stared at the bowl as if contained some creature's innards. "Mwhat? It's Greek yogurt. Good for the digestive system," Sam offered, unsurprised by Dean's question. "Well, I for one am going to enjoy some pie like a normal person. Hey Charlie! You're gonna eat some of this, right? Please tell me I'm not the only person here with taste buds." Charlie had no repulsion toward healthy eating, but the Greek yogurt was a bit too far for her. "Uh, yeah, I think I'll stick to pie. Thanks Dean." Sam shrugged and went back to his "dessert".

"Okay guys, let me just give a few words of warning before we start this. First, it's British." Dean groaned and Sam knitted his eyebrows a little. Neither said anything though. "Second, I need you to keep an open mind. It may not be as high up on the special effects scale as you're used to, but I promise you'll get used to it and it's totally worth it. Also, the show's been on for like 50 years, but revamped several years ago, so I'm just starting you from there." Dean flopped down on the couch while Charlie slipped the disc into the player. Without asking, she grabbed the remotes from Sam with no protest, and sat down next to Dean, handing him the volume and keeping the player's remote for herself. When the title screen popped up, Sam let out a snort of laughter upon seeing what Charlie had brought for them. "Oh my God! I haven't seen this show in forever! Jess's friend used to make us watch it sometimes back at school. Charlie, I don't know if Dean's going to-" Charlie shushed him with a look and Dean sat up slightly to look at Sam. "Not a word. I said I'd try it, so just let me just do it," he said with stubbornness in his voice. Starting the first episode, Charlie sat back and dug a fork into the pecan pie, lifting a bite to her mouth. _Damn I know how to pick a pastry. _Dean made an almost pornographic sound at his first bite and elbowed her in the ribs with a smile on his face. They both relaxed into the couch, Dean propping his feet up on the coffee table while Charlie perched her knees up a little.

He didn't share it aloud, but Dean recognized the blue box from the blog he'd been looking at before Charlie arrived. Dean commented on and off as they watched, going back and forth between sarcasm and interest. "Mannequins?!"..."Cool jacket"…"Hey! That's not your boyfriend, calm the hell down!"…"Did that chick just swing across on a freakin' chain?"…"Come on Rose, go with him. Your boyfriend's a wuss, anyway."..."Kind of a lame disguise for a spaceship." Sam didn't have much to say, knowing all of this stuff already and was busy taking his own personal stroll down memory lane. Charlie couldn't help but look over at Dean every few minutes to see his reaction when she knew different scenes were coming up. He reacted exactly the way she expected and she was pleased because that meant he might be willing to watch more. Charlie figured that Dean would identify with the characters and wanted to see his response. "Well? What do you think? Wanna watch another?" Dean hated to admit it, but this nerdy stuff was actually kind of fun. "Yeah, might as well," he tried to say with slight indifference. Sam looked over and added, "Go on and get it going. I've missed this show," he ended a little sadly. Thrilled, Charlie started the next episode.

Dean was surprised that he could enjoy something like this…it was totally out of his normal range of shows he would watch. Of course nothing could ever replace Dr. Sexy, but this show was growing on him. Abandoning the pie, Dean shifted on the couch and Charlie repositioned as well, lying down on her side with her head at the opposite end of the couch. Her feet had gotten cold, so she nudged them at Dean's thigh in the universal sign to lift his leg and let her warm her feet up under it. Once her feet were positioned, he started to feel the cold radiating off of her and she just sighed in relief. "Dammit Charlie, why didn't you say something?" Dean unfolded one of the blankets from the back of the couch and leaned to shake it out over her. "Thanks! I wasn't even thinking about it…my feet seem to get cold every time I sit still for very long." With a pat to her shin, Dean relaxed back into his spot. It was nice to have someone to take care of without it being related to a near-fatal wound or a curse of some sort and Dean was enjoying the simplicity of the relief he could provide. God knows Sammy wouldn't let him do much for him. After watching the world burn and "ghosts" being fought by Charles Dickens, Sam stood up and stretched with several satisfying cracks erupting along his spine and an elbow. "I think I gotta turn in guys…have a good rest of the night," Sam ended with a yawn. "Night Sammy." Charlie nodded toward him and added her own goodnight. Once Sam was out of sight, Dean's eyebrows knit in concern for how much sleep his brother was necessitating these days. All the more reason to stay put unless absolutely necessary. Charlie sat up and placed a reassuring hand on Dean's shoulder. "At least he's allowing himself to rest, Dean, instead of pushing himself. It was a good idea to take some time off." Although the concern didn't really dwindle, the truth of her words soothed him somewhat and he decided to let it go for the night. It would only serve to keep him awake all night and Dean had been learning that some thought processes had to be avoided at night in order to keep his anxiety down, or he'd never sleep. "Thanks Charlie." He didn't know whether he was thanking her for her words or her company, but it didn't seem to matter. She smiled and stood up, doing her own little stretch, rolling her shoulders and neck. _I really need to get away from my desk more often before I start getting a hunchback. _Then, as if reading his mind, she said, "Hey, I brought some tea that's good for calming you down at night. I think it has valerian root in it. I drink it most nights to calm my mind down and it's pretty good, want a cup?" _Oh, how Sammy would love to see this. Good thing the Sasquatch went to bed. _Dean thought about it for a second and decided just this once to try tea instead of a scotch. "Okay, but don't you dare tell my brother! I'll be stuck looking at his stupid self-satisfied mug the whole day." Charlie couldn't believe he actually agreed to try it. She figured she'd at least have to sell it a little more. After Charlie fished a pair of fuzzy socks out of her bag and put them on, the two headed toward the kitchen. After poking around the cabinets for a minute she found an old stainless steel kettle and filled it up before putting it on the stove to boil. They both leaned against the counter, just as Dean and Sam had earlier that day. It was around 1:00 now, but Dean knew that as late as he'd slept, he wouldn't be ready to sleep any time soon without the aid of something.

"So, uh, what were you doing on Tumblr earlier?" Charlie asked nervously. Dean cleared his throat and looked down briefly in embarrassment before answering. _What am I supposed to say? Oh, well, I was just looking myself up to see how much everyone knew about me because I'm paranoid. I guess there's no way to cover this one. _"Well, you know how you said that the Supernatural books were floating around the internet? I wanted to see how much Chuck had published since the last time we saw him. The searches kept popping up with this…Tumblr thing and I decided to check it out," Dean said in a low voice before continuing. "Then I started looking around and next thing I knew I had clicked on a billion links and hell, that site has way more information on us than I expected." Charlie could see his reasoning and internally sighed. Then he just had to bring it up. "That last one I was looking at was probably the best one I looked at…it wasn't as full of that Destiel and Sabriel crap and had some pretty funny stuff on it. I saw the TARDIS on there too," he confessed. "Oh! So did you find what you were looking for on the site?" she asked with concern. _Please tell me he didn't search the tags. _"Honestly, more than I expected. Some people were cool about it, but then some were just downright creepy. The thing that really surprised me though, was how well some of the art showed Sam's bitchface. I mean, it's eerie, but hilarious. There was even an entire tag dedicated to it!" he said with a quiet laugh. Charlie couldn't help but laugh in return and then it slipped, "I know right! Some of those comics are hilarious." _Shit! Busted. _Dean eyed her skeptically and asked her the question she'd been avoiding. "Are you on Tumblr?! Which one's yours?" This time it was her turn to look down at the floor. Thankfully, the kettle started whistling. "Here we go! Got a timer? I need about seven minutes," she said cheerfully as she poured the water over the bags she had put in their mugs. Dean set an ancient egg timer and turned back to Charlie. "So? What's your blog like?" He grabbed the timer and walked back to the main room where his laptop was waiting for him on the table, Charlie following him begrudgingly. Dean set the timer down and opened the lid, typing his password in with the efficiency of fingers that had clearly entered the string of letters many times before. Charlie winced a little when the screen popped up, still settled on her blog. Dean immediately clicked on the 'home' button to go back to the first page. "I found this one through the bitchface tag, but I didn't get to see all of it. Once the page reloaded, he looked at the first post, a text that read, "Going to spread some Who love to some friends tonight! Wish me luck, I may gain more Whovians to fangirl with. And don't worry, I'm doing it properly, starting at Nine. Peace out bitches! Oh, and Geronimo!"

Charlie had started to bite a nail as Dean read, knowing what was about to happen. As he read, she watched his face turn from impassive to confused, and then there it was, recognition. "Uh…" Dean looked up with confusion and humor in his eyes. "Is this yours? Because it sounds an awful lot like you." Charlie was never good with a poker face and she knew it. Definitely busted. Dean locked eyes with her and had his answer immediately. His friend shifted on her feet and looked away to the timer sitting on the table. Two minutes. A hearty laugh erupted from Dean's mouth as he threw his head back. "What are the odds, man? That yours is the blog I would find the first time I ever looked at that site?! There must be over a million on there and I managed to find you in an hour," he said with a shake of his head, still disbelieving. The oddness hadn't escaped Charlie either, and she knew it was a little bit funny. At least he didn't look horrified at the realization. "So…you're not totally creeped out by me now, are you? You just need to know that I honestly started that blog way before meeting you guys and I've only recently checked the posts related to you. You know, some of the people I follow have some really great insight," she started rambling. Dean just smiled in understanding. "Don't worry about it, it's fine. Besides, I have a Twitter question for you now." He entered the URL and hit enter, ready to move on. For now, anyway. The timer went off as the page started loading, so Dean got up and the two went to the kitchen to get their tea. Charlie suggested honey and Dean listened because hell if he knew the best way to drink the stuff. The soft smell of spearmint and some other unidentified smells wafted up to him as he stirred the honey into the tea. It actually smelled pretty good, but once again, Sam didn't need to know that. Blowing off a little bit in a spoon, he tested the sweetness and was surprised to have gotten it right first try. Shuffling back to the computer, they both pulled up a chair and sat their mugs down.

"So you know how I had a picture of my Baby as my icon, right? Well, when I opened up the page earlier, someone had changed it to this," he gestured toward the screen with exasperation. "There isn't a chance that this was you, is there? Cos if not, I think I got hacked. Sam too…his got changed to a moose!" Charlie raised her eyebrows at the sight of the voluptuous backside of a woman with a blue ribbon headband peeking out from dark brown loose curls hanging over her back, just above a large set of black wings tattooed on her shoulders. They sprouted from between her shoulder blades and reached all the way down to the small dimples above her butt. Tastefully, the picture ended at the wing tips and only a little bit of side-boob was showing. The tattoo was beautiful, yet slightly masculine, making the picture all the more appealing. "Well, I can certainly tell you this wasn't me. Give me a second and let me see if I can pinpoint when this happened and locate the source," she offered, switching swiftly into work mode. Dean saw screens and boxes pop up that he didn't even know his computer was capable of producing. Charlie toggled between them all with ease, typing what looked like nonsense with a fluidity between screens that Dean found to be hypnotizing. He had no idea what she was doing, but he always enjoyed watching someone work at something with competence. After a few minutes of this and several frowns and sighs, she made all of the screens vanish and was back to the regular Twitter page. "I cannot believe I'm saying this, but I can't find a single thing wrong with you or Sam's accounts. All of your traffic was normal and the only IP to have accessed your accounts is yours. Let me reinforce your security a little bit just in case, and then you should be able to use your account without any issue. Just be wary of what you put on there for a while until we see if it happens again. Want me to beef up the rest of your computer while I'm at it? I'll low jack it too, if you want. It'll only take a minute." Dean couldn't believe there was nothing suspicious going on with their accounts, but he trusted the flame-haired geek next to him and let it go, agreeing to proceed with caution. Satisfied with some initiative having been taken, Dean wrapped his fingers around the warm mug and took his first real sip of his tea, now that it'd had a minute to cool off enough to taste it. Charlie watched him expectantly to see his reaction. _Damn, she stares almost as much as Cas. That bastard needs to get his feathery ass back here soon and start talking. I wonder where he even is. Quit thinking about it dude, he'll show up eventually. _Dean realized she was still watching and took a second sip because his mind had wandered as he swallowed the first, not really tasting it. More conscious of it this time, he noticed that the warm liquid felt smooth on his tongue and held a delicate flavor that didn't overwhelm, but wasn't so simple as to be flavorless. The spearmint edge of it was refreshing and the hunter felt calmer just for having taking a swig. It glided down his throat easily and with a different kind of burn than alcohol. It was a satisfying warmth that reminded him of the first sip of coffee in the morning. Dammit, he hated to admit how much he liked it. The corners of his lips turned up slightly and Charlie looked pleased that she introduced her friend to not one, but two different things in a matter of hours that he liked. The hunter quirked an eyebrow at her and she knew what he meant. "I know, I know, it's our little secret. Just don't forget to rinse your mug out and put it back before you go to bed." Dean had to give her credit on the sneakiness level…he wouldn't have thought of that last step. This woman might be better at this stuff than he thought. Just unpracticed, that's all. They sat for a little while longer, discussing the show they had watched earlier, sipping on their tea. About halfway through his cup, Dean could feel himself starting to relax and swigged at it with a little more gusto before it could get cold. He didn't expect it to actually work, but felt himself getting sleepy nonetheless. Charlie looked to be in the same place, so he took their mugs to the kitchen, washing both of them for good measure and they went back to the living room.

"So we have a room you can use, but it's a little chillier than it is out here. There's something a little screwy with the air vent and it seems to stay cooler in there than the rest of the place. You can sleep on the couch too, if you'd rather do that, either way."

"I think I'll just burrito up on the couch. And thanks for letting me stay tonight. I really didn't want to make the trip home at night," she shared.

Dean yawned out, "No problem," and then finished with a 'goodnight, see you in the morning' before heading to his own room.

Once in the privacy of his own room, Dean sent up a prayer to Cas. "I don't know where you are or if you're okay, but please Cas, let me know if you're listening. If you can, anyway." The telltale flutter didn't come and Dean hung his head. "Well, either way, I miss you man. Just come back sometime and tell me what happened. G'night." Dean laid down feeling a touch of disappointment that another day had passed without word from the angel, but the day had been filled with other good things and he really couldn't complain. Not knowing where Cas was had become par for the course, anyway.


	4. This is who I really am

Chapter 4

Charlie was still passed out on the couch when Sam awoke to Day #2 at home. Not that they hadn't spent consecutive days there before, but this time was different. There had always been an explicit reason for being there, but this time felt more like spring break or something. Sam knew that he may not have that many days left and decided to enjoy what time he may have left in the comfort of his own home. The time for the third trial could be at any moment, so he decided to be prudent and save this strength.

Seeing Charlie so content on the couch made Sam feel a little better, like there might be the possibility of a future for him, or at least his brother. And all the billions of people just like his friend there, good people that deserved saving. Sam was feeling surprisingly rested this morning and decided to take a drive and get some fresh air. He quickly scribbled a note for the other two and headed out to the Impala, figuring that Dean and Charlie wouldn't be going anywhere that day.

A couple hours later, Dean shuffled out of his room into the living room, where Charlie had clearly just woken up minutes before. With greetings exchanged, Dean headed to the kitchen to make some coffee while Charlie stayed put on the couch, throwing her hair up into some semblance of a ponytail and doing a couple of slow stretches. Dean was surprised at well he had slept the night before. Two nights of rest in a row! It almost felt foreign and he had a more cheerful disposition that day than he was used to. Charlie also felt good and decided to wrap up in a sweater and get some coffee.

As they waited on the pot to finish, Dean noticed the note that Sam had left.

"Feeling stir-crazy, gone to get some fresh air. Be back in the afternoon. Feel free to keep watching your show, I've seen it and I know you liked it. –Sam"

Dean really did want to watch some more of the show, but didn't want to look needy asking Charlie to stay again. "So, uh, what are you wanting to do today? You wanna hang around some more, or do you need to roll out?" _There, leave it up to her. _

Charlie had also wanted to stay, but had her own pride and didn't like to feel like a burden. She judged by his tone that Dean truly was fine with whatever she decided and went with it. "Well, if you're interested, we could watch some more Who, or whatever you want to do. I don't have anywhere to be, and I've been enjoying myself. If you have something to do and need me out of your hair just let me know though."

Dean was pleased that she liked being around and figured that this really was the closest thing he'd ever have to a sister. "Yeah, let's just hang around some more today, if you want," Dean said with a shrug of his shoulders.

With that they both looked awkwardly at each other for a moment, both wondering if they could get away with remaining in their lounging attire. "So…" Dean started. "Would it be weird to keep on with the robe?" as he swept his hand through the air to indicate his "outfit". Now that he'd gotten used to it, Dean really didn't feel like getting dressed just to hang around his own living room.

Charlie grinned and replied, "Nah, as long as you don't mind me staying in my comfies too. Real clothes are overrated." They both chuckled a little sheepishly and headed back to the living room to absorb some more television time. This time though, they were both sitting up with a little more attention, excited to get back to what they were watching.

When the opening credits started, Dean was surprised to feel a little chill come over his arms and felt a little embarrassed until he saw Charlie absently rub her hands down her forearms. Having justified his reaction, Dean settled a little more into the couch. They watched gaseous aliens invade the British government, which was entertaining enough, and then he saw a Dalek. _So this is what I kept seeing all over that site. Not really that scary if you ask me._ When the Doctor started going off on the thing, Dean knew that something was coming that would make him cringe. Then that trilling voice came out. "You would make a good Dalek". Dean's heart clenched for the Doctor a little at the words. The episode ended and left him feeling odd, but he wanted to continue on to the next episodes. Charlie was a little hesitant to show Dean an episode about trying to save someone long dead, but he insisted. As Dean watched the episode, his own feelings started to bubble up inside of him and his throat clenched with the desire to walk out of the room. Instead, he chose to stay, too wrapped up in the show now to stop, deciding that he could get over his own issues for a while and come back to them like a grown up. The hunter glanced over to Charlie to see her face reddened slightly, and a single tear go rolling down her face. Dean looked away, knowing she wouldn't want him to see that and just sighed. _This must be what she meant by enjoying getting punched. What _is_ this? It's not quite masochism, but pretty damn close. _When the episode ended with some consolation to the emotional trauma that Rose had experienced, the meaning of what Charlie had said started to make more sense.

Both needing a break, Dean and Charlie stretched simultaneously and stood up. "Wanna get some lunch? I could use the movement," Dean suggested. Charlie took him up on his offer, but requested the shower first. Grabbing her bag, Charlie made for the bathroom. Stepping into it, Charlie was amazed at the quantity of bottles the shower contained, mostly hair products and some exfoliating scrubs. She couldn't help but laugh at the realization that it must be Sam's stuff, and that the giant of a man, all muscles and scruff had more products than she did. Helping herself to some exfoliating scrub, she decided to make a point of asking Sam about where he got it later because her skin felt radiant! Once dried, dressed, and ready to go, Charlie came out to see Dean looking like Dean again. The two walked out and headed for her little yellow car, enjoying the warm freshness of the breeze as it brushed past them. The sun was out and Dean realized just how badly he must have needed the vitamin D, because he immediately started perking back up. The bunker may be all safety and security, but it definitely wasn't conducive toward having a sense of time or getting sunlight. Immediately upon getting in the car, Dean started to fiddle with the radio. Charlie looked over with all seriousness and slapped his hand away.

"I love you Dean, but my car, my music. Sorry." Dean looked at her with surprise and poutiness and she couldn't help but laugh at him. "Come on, my taste isn't all that bad," Charlie said with a smile.

_This must be what it's like to be Sammy. Why hasn't he starting using his iPod in the car? _Dean couldn't help but grin though, when the familiar drum beat burst from the speakers.

"_That's great, it starts with an earthquake, birds snakes and aeroplanes…"_

Arriving at the little mom & pop restaurant nearby, they picked a table and sat down, ready to look through the menu. When the waitress arrived at their table, Dean only half-noticed her general attractiveness, but no real details and gave a wink as he gave her his drink order. It was an old habit and he didn't even realize he was doing it anymore. Charlie decided it would be fun to lay her own charms out and Dean was mesmerized at the ease with which his friend was able to charm the stranger. The waitress walked off to get their drinks with a small blush to her face and Dean met Charlie's eyes, which were full of amusement and pride. She chuckled a little and shared that their waitress wasn't even into girls, 'but you never know who's curious'. When the waitress returned to get their orders, Charlie laid it on again and Dean decided to lay his Dean-ness out there as well.

"Charlie! You can't seriously be trying to compete with me!" he said once they were alone again.

Charlie merely smirked and retorted, "It's not like you're looking all that convincing at trying to get a piece. Don't worry, the smolder's still there, you just don't seem that interested from where I'm sitting." Charlie fixed the hunter with a look with a speculative look.

"Yeah well, I doubt you're going to get much accomplished either," Dean replied, not sure what Charlie was implying.

Their food arrived within a few minutes and between the two smolders aimed in her direction, the waitress had enough. "Hey guys? Don't get me wrong, I'm really flattered, but I'm not really into the whole swinging or threesomes thing. You seem really nice though and I'm not trying to be mean," the waitress shared with a weak smile. Simultaneously the two friends looked at each other and then back to the waitress, started in with how much they weren't a couple and all three fell into an awkward silence for a moment before the waitress scurried off to hand the table off to someone else. When the second waitress appeared, a middle aged woman that clearly didn't take shit off of anyone came by to top their drinks off, Dean decided it was time to go and the two friends decided to finish their lunch at the park. Boxing up their food and laying down the money, he and Charlie walked as quickly out of the restaurant as they could without looking like they were running. They made it outside when Dean's phone rang with Sam's familiar old ringtone. He was glad for the distraction.

"What's up Sammy?"

"Still in town, just taking a drive. Wondering if we need anything before I head back."

"Actually, me and Charlie are in town right now. We just left from grabbing lunch and we're about to go to the park to eat it. Wanna join us?"

"Thanks, but I think I'm going to get back home and lounge around. See you guys later."

"See ya."

Dean pursed his lips, hanging up the phone. He knew that Sam was exhausted and sick, but he also knew that there was nothing to be done except research and see if there was anything at all that would tell them if Sam could be saved. At least maybe some obscure prophecy that would denote the outcome of the person doing the trials. Dean's face had taken on a sadness that Charlie hated to see on her friend and she wanted to help him or comfort him but didn't know quite how. If the Supernatural books had revealed anything to her about the man in front of her, it was that he needed to talk to Cas. Charlie hated to sound pushy on what seemed like a tenuous situation, but it was all she could think of.

"Dean, why don't you call Cas? Maybe he knows something that can help. I know you've said that he hasn't been answering, but maybe it's worth a shot to try again. Maybe he's heard something since the last time you spoke. He's your best friend, and you guys are connected somehow, right? Surely he still hears you."

Dean's shoulders slumped a little and almost in a whisper said, "Cas has more important things to do these days." The hurt and concern were evident in his voice, but he tried his best to put on a shrug of indifference.

Charlie squeezed his bicep and figured it was time to change the subject. "Well, I say we eat our lunch and just enjoy the sunshine. Allons-y!"

Dean had no idea what that last bit meant, but was glad to end the conversation. They walked across the street to the little park and found a table under a shade tree. They ate in silence, watching a toddler try to figure out how to make his ball go the way he was trying to kick it. After a couple minutes he gave up and squatted down to pick at some pebbles he saw in the grass. _Cas please! Just let me know you're okay. We can't go on like this, let me help you. Me and Sammy are still holed up in the bunker for now. Call me with your phone, if you have to. Just something, man, Sammy's getting worse and I don't know who else to talk to about it. _

Dean wasn't sure how long they'd been sitting there, and looked at his watch. 2:38. He noticed from the corner of his eye that Charlie was starting to look a little fidgety in her seat.

"What's wrong?"

She glanced at her bag and then back to Dean and said, "Don't make fun, but I haven't checked my Tumblr or Twitter in a couple days. Would you mind if I…" and she motioned toward her bag.

"No go ahead. But seriously, what is up with you and Sam being able to get Wi-Fi no matter where you go? We're in a park!"

Charlie pulled her iPad out of her bag and gave him a look that could only mean 'you're kidding me, right?. Dean's face didn't change and he was waiting for an answer. "Well, I don't know about Sam, but I carry my hotspot with me. And if that's not an option, yoinking someone else's signal isn't that hard." Seeming satisfied with her answer he nodded and continued eating. Every couple minutes she'd laugh at the screen and Dean's curiosity got the better of him. He walked around to her side of the table and leaned over to see what was capturing her attention so well. The first thing Dean saw was a small repetitive clip (Charlie called it a gif) of the Doctor grinning like a Cheshire cat and doing that ridiculous head thing when he'd been jamming out to some Earth songs in space. Dean couldn't help but laugh at the memory and continued watching her scroll. After a few minutes of this, Dean couldn't stand it anymore and asked if he could look through the site.

Charlie looked at him nervously. "Are you sure you want to do that? I mean, I'm gonna be honest here, Tumblr can be really strange sometimes. Some things might make you feel really uncomfortable."

Dean just fixed her with a face that said 'Oh, please. Just hand it over.'

"Okay, okay, here you go. Don't say I didn't warn you though."

Dean sat down and decided to start with the tags and looked up various bands and car-related things, just to get a feel for it. The more he looked, the more he wanted to see. It felt like he couldn't stop, there was so much to look at. After an hour, Charlie was over having to use her phone and practically had to pry the device from his hands after her patience had waned. Dean sighed, realizing that it was happening. He was slowly becoming enthralled with the internet. Charlie sent out a couple tweets, checked her feed, and put the device away, seeing Dean's wolfish look at wanting to get it back in his own hands.

"When we get back, I think I'm going to need some alone time with my computer," Dean mumbled.

Charlie's face screwed up in a look of distaste. "Oh dude, I did not need to know that!" The look on her face was hilarious and Dean realized what his words had seemed to imply and quickly corrected himself.

"That's not what I meant! I meant that I want to look around at some more stuff! Not-porn stuff." He looked down sheepishly, knowing how much he would have made fun of himself months before.

Charlie knew he was coming to terms with this new side of himself and decided to go easy on him. "Well, when we get back, I'll leave you to it." They both felt a little more cheerful on their trip back, Dean having a mission, and Charlie just glad to help her friend find a distraction to keep his mind off of his troubles even if only for a little while at a time. Well, and she knew that she was in the process of gaining someone else to fangirl with, but didn't dare say so out loud.


	5. As lost as I get, I will find you

Taking a drive was just what Sam had needed to get out of his funk for a while and clear his head. Content and relaxed, he was glad to get home and help himself to a rather enormous salad. The hunter had been enjoying the drive too much to stop for lunch and was starving on the way home. Having groceries was an excellent idea and he started fantasizing about all the goodies he could put in his salad that the diners had never seemed to offer. Having crisp lettuce was a new thing too and he was ready to get to it. Lost in his reverie, Sam didn't really remember the drive home and was still trying to establish when exactly he'd pulled up when he got out. Still distracted, he shut off the engine, climbed out of the car, and started walking toward the door while looking for the key to get inside. He took the few short steps toward the door and stopped short, startled by the body he nearly mowed down on his way in.

"Hello, Sam."

The tall man jumped up and backward with a speed that a man his size really shouldn't be to accomplish.

"Jesus, Cas! What are you doing here? What's going on? How long have you been waiting here? Are you okay?" the hunter fired off, trying to catch his breath. Then he got a good look at the angel and saw that he looked a bit more disheveled than usual and was beyond scruffy. Although difficult to really tell beneath the layers of clothing, Sam thought he looked a little thinner, too.

Cas rolled his eyes a little bit at the sheer quantity of questions in such a short time and tried to figure out how to begin. "I'm okay, but do you mind if I come in and we can talk more?"

Sam nodded and pulled his eyebrows together in concern. "Of course Cas, come on in. Dean will be home here in a little bit," Sam offered. The angel looked around suspiciously before entering the old bunker. For some reason, he felt himself becoming a little nervous at the idea of entering his friends' abode, this place that meant a sense of permanence for them; Cas knew that homes are a private affair.

Once inside, the angel took in his surroundings and was surprised at the home the two hunters had made. Warmly lit and full of the smell of books, it gave off the air of a library, one that was meant to be respected and enjoyed. He looked around the collection of boxes that had yet to be organized and some of the items that were already on display. This place was intriguing and he felt comfortable in his surroundings because everything about its presence felt touched by the brothers he had come to care for.

Regardless of the surprise guest, Sam was still focused on the salad and made his way to the kitchen, Cas following behind him. Pulling out the ingredients, Sam started putting his meal together and decided to make enough for two, just in case. Cas eyed the salad hungrily but chose not to say anything and it didn't go unnoticed by Sam. He knew that the angel wouldn't ask, so Sam simply divvied the greens up and took them both to the table with a variety of dressings. Cas followed Sam's lead and sat down at the table, ready to eat for the first time in almost two days. Stuffing a giant bite in his mouth, Cas almost groaned at how good it was to eat something fresh. Sam quirked a curious brow at him but remained silent on the issue, waiting for the conversation to begin. After a few bites, Cas finally opened his mouth to speak. "Sam, I-"

The sentence was interrupted by the sound of the door opening and Dean's voice in a friendly discussion with a woman. "I know you love that thing and it is kinda cool, but I am _not _getting one. I've been using a computer for way too long and I've started bonding with it," Dean argued.

"Well, don't knock it 'til you own one!" Charlie retorted.

Cas stiffened in his seat before getting up to walk into the main area. Charlie came down the stairs first and reached the bottom, coming to a full stop at the sight of the stranger before her. She knew that this could only be one person and gaped at the sight. _Damn, Dean! He really is dreamy. And oh my God, he's doing the head tilt. Wait, he's doing it at me. What do I do? Okay, just smile. _Dean stopped behind her to see what she'd be looking at and it felt like the ground was sinking beneath him.

"Hello, Dean."

Charlie smiled so hard her face almost hurt and whipped her head over to look at Dean. His mouth had fallen open and he looked caught between surprise and relief. Then something similar to disappointment and alarm washed over his face. Charlie was always amazed at how quickly emotions could pass over Dean's face, no matter how subtle the muscle movements. It took a moment before Dean thought to move and finally got his brain to communicate with his legs. The hunter strode over to Cas with purpose, and both Charlie and Sam looked at each other, not sure if Dean was about to hug the angel or punch him. Neither assumption was correct though. Dean marched right up into Cas' personal space, not even an arm's length away and stared into those familiar blue eyes with a slight frown on his face, trying to figure out if it was safe to have the angel there with a civilian in their midst. All Dean could see was a look of sadness tinged with hope and he knew within seconds that this was indeed his old friend. The hunter hesitantly stuck his hand out and placed it on the shorter man's shoulder and intoned so low that it was nearly a whisper, "What's going on, Cas?".

The angel sighed in relief and his shoulders dropped slightly. Dean dropped his hand, letting it run down the angel's arm briefly as it came down and stepped back a little. This is when Dean noticed his old friend's appearance and made a mental note. Cas didn't answer immediately and turned his head a little to the right, looking at nothing in particular, his hands fidgeting at his sides.

Turning back now, he said with remorse, "I heard your prayers. I couldn't come until I knew there was less chance of endangering you. I heard you today, when you said you were here, but I was already on my way…" The sentence trailed off and Dean's breath quietly caught in his throat. In one swift step, Dean swooped in and gave his friend a ferocious hug, relief pouring through him that Cas was there and okay. Cas timidly returned the hug, not sure exactly how long a hug was supposed to go on for. Sensing the discomfort, Dean released the hug and Sam cleared his throat. The whole room turned to look at him and he suggested that they all go in the kitchen to finish the conversation. Normally Sam would leave the two alone to have their stare-down, but after seeing what their last meeting did to Dean, there was no way he was going to let Cas off that easy. The angel deserved to be scrutinized. Sam felt that he had just as much right to know what was going as Dean did and figured it would be easier to just hear it all together. Plus he was really ready to get back to his salad before it started getting all gross and wilted.

The group walked into the kitchen and each pulled out a chair, Cas and Sam returning to their previous seats. Remembering his salad, Cas took a smaller forkful than earlier, being more conscious of his manners.

Cas looked from Dean to Charlie and back again, and the hunter realized he'd forgotten to introduce her. "Cas, this is Charlie. Charlie, Cas." The angel tilted his head and Dean knew that the angel was trying to puzzle out their connection. "Charlie's helped us a few times on some cases. She's hell on wheels with a computer and a pretty good shot, too." Dean looked at her with pride and gave her a wink. "Me and Sam decided to take a little vacation and invited her here to hang out with us."

Charlie was still in shock at seeing the real Cas in front of her, and not just the one she'd imagined from the description in the books. His voice was _not_ what she had expected and it caught her off guard a bit. "It's nice to finally meet you, Cas." With that Charlie stood and moved toward the fridge asking over her shoulder, "Would anyone else like a beer?", to which all three men replied with a loud 'YES!'. The brothers both looked over to Cas, who just shrugged in reply.

Once settled in with a beer and relaxing a little, the brothers and their surrogate sister were ready to hear the story. Charlie wasn't sure if she should be there for it, but she was curious and neither Winchester seemed to imply that she should go, so she decided to sit there quietly and just observe the situation before her. The fact that the brothers didn't object to her being there assured the angel that it was safe to speak freely. Cas picked at the label on his beer and let out a breath out from his nose before he began to speak.

"The angel tablet is safe, but I've had to suppress my grace in order to keep myself from being tracked. If I use my abilities it will act as a sort of beacon and they'll be able to find me immediately. I can't risk teleporting, so I had to take more human means to get here." He shook his head a little and shared his distaste for the airport around the last mouthful of salad, the other three nodding in agreement. The angel turned to Dean with apology in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Dean." The hunter's eyes softened and the two simply stared at each other for a moment, already sinking into their old habits.

"I know you are," Dean said as he leaned forward to put his elbows on the table. "But Cas, we need to know who Naomi is right now, so we can know what to expect." The angel simply nodded and straightened up in his seat, regaining his old posture before going on to tell the group about the angelic bureaucrat.

"Naomi is the one that brought me back from Purgatory. She was using tools of mind control and pulling me between Heaven and Earth to report to her without my remembering. Something didn't feel right for a _while_, but I didn't know what it was. Dean, she tried to get me to murder you in order to get the Angel Tablet. Naomi used me to get to you, knowing that you would find it. I still can't remember everything that happened, but glimpses come to me sometimes. I couldn't do it, I could never hurt you. I wasn't sure if I had completely broken the connection and wasn't sure what to do, so I left and suppressed my grace right afterward to go hide the tablet. Since then I've been living as a human and trying to stay 'off the radar' of heaven." _After all this time, still with the air quotes, _Dean mused to himself. "The longer I suppress my grace, the more I'm finding myself with human needs," he said as he gestured toward the empty salad bowl. It was then that Dean noticed how tired Cas looked.

"Well why don't you stay here tonight? We have plenty of room. I could also use your help tomorrow identifying some of the artifacts that were here when we found the place," Sam offered.

Cas was touched by Sam's hospitality and nodded before turning to look at Dean, wanting to make sure he agreed. Dean's eyes were warm as he looked at Cas, his look echoing Sam's offer.

"Thank you, I'd like to stay here," the angel replied with more gratitude in his voice than the words he had offered. "I'm not sure how much I'll be sleeping, I'm still trying to get the hang of that. But I _would_ like to take a shower, if you don't mind."

"That's fine Cas, use whatever's in the shower and I'll get you some fresh clothes," then Dean stood up with a jerk of his head to indicate that Cas follow him.

When the two exited the room, Charlie looked to Sam with her mouth open, and Sam had a similar look but a little more toned down. "Oh my God, are they always like that, with the staring and everything?" Charlie asked.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Pretty much. You get used to it after a while. Just a warning though, Cas can be kind of clueless socially, so try not to take offense if he's overly truthful or blunt or doesn't get your references." Sam chuckled a little and added, "It's kind of funny, really. The guy's been watching humanity for millennia and is _still_ learning how to talk like a normal person. He's gotten a lot better than when we first met him, though."

Charlie was torn between feeling like an intruder and wanting to watch Dean and Cas. "So he really does wear the trench coat and the tie and everything, huh? I mean, I've read that in the books, but I thought it was meant more in the sense of kind of like how cartoon characters always wear the same outfit. Just like you always wear flannel and Dean always wears a ton of layers," she said to the younger Winchester who was looking at her with amusement.

"Yeah, that's pretty much his uniform. Honestly, it's going to be a little weird seeing him in regular clothes. Dean's seen him that way, from when he went to 2014, but this is all new to me too." Sam realized that Charlie must have viewed Cas as something similar to a character sprung to life and enjoyed watching her reaction. He still had his concerns about whether Cas would flip on them, but he knew that Dean could read the angel better than anyone and wouldn't have welcomed him in so easily if he'd sensed something was still wrong. Still, Sam was determined to keep a watchful eye.

When Dean got back in the kitchen he could tell that Sam and Charlie had been talking about him. Neither person offered to share their conversation, even after he looked between the two of them with purpose.

"Go ahead Sammy. I know you're thinking something."

Sam had put on his skeptical face and said, "Dean, you are sure that he's regular Cas, right? I mean don't get me wrong, I don't want him wandering around homeless all half-human either, but I do think we should keep an eye on him just in case."

Dean could see that Sam's point was rational, but couldn't help feeling a little defensive after just getting his friend back. "He seems like the old Cas to me and I think they guy could use a break. Of course I'll be watching the hell out of him, but let's give him the benefit of the doubt for a minute, okay?"

Sam wasn't surprised by Dean's reaction. "Alright, but if something seems off you let me know," the younger brother said, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back in his chair. _I hate it when he does the stubborn face chair thing. _

"Fine," Dean replied tersely, shortly before Cas came walking down the hall toward them.

When Cas walked back into the kitchen, the sight of him made it hard for anyone to believe that he was in any way shape or form in danger of going darkside. It's hard to look threatening with little dots of toilet paper on your face while standing around in plaid pajama bottoms. He even had on an ancient t-shirt from some BBQ joint that said 'Best Wings in Town' on the back. Dean couldn't resist picking that shirt out of his collection and looked over to Sam while cocking his head with a smug look. Cas shuffled from foot to foot and rubbed a hand over his left forearm. Charlie noticed how self-conscious he must have felt, assuming it was from the lack of layers he'd apparently been wearing for years. It didn't help that Dean was staring at the guy like specimen in a lab and Charlie tilted her chin down and looked sternly in Dean's direction with her best 'momma face'. The older Winchester could feel her looking at him and made eye contact, knowing what she was implying with that look. _Hell no. _Charlie stared harder with a touch of puppy dog this time. _Sam has got to stop teaching people the face. _

"Seriously?! I am so not giving up the robe! No offense-," he held his palm up to Cas, "but the I found the robe, I'm the one that's gotten shit for it, and that's all there is to it," Dean said with finality.

Sam and Charlie rolled their eyes simultaneously. Cas was starting to understand how Charlie fit in with the Winchesters and decided he liked her. The angel's lips curled up slowly into a smile as if remembering something funny, looking down at the floor. "You know, you could just wear a blanket," Cas said with a playful tone that surprised Charlie and added, "You seemed fond of them before." The angel looked into Dean's eyes on the last word. It took a moment to dawn, and then Sam let out a loud clap and threw his head back in laughter and Dean shot him a defensive look before turning to look at Cas, who just stood there with his hands in his pockets grinning with fondness.

Dean looked between the two men ganging up on him and with a bit of exasperation quipped back, "Oh come on! Still? It was a serape! It's functional." Sam had gotten tickled by the memory of how ridiculous Dean had looked that day and the fact that Cas made a funny was just too much. Dean hadn't seen Sam laugh that hard in way too long and it made him happy, even if it was at his own expense. Cas and Dean gazed at each other, sharing the look of two people that have many memories and history with each other. They both felt a bit more laid back now. Cas' body language became more comfortable, so the other three relaxed too.

"So, what do you guys wanna do for dinner tonight?" Dean questioned the room at large.

Sam just shrugged, Cas made the 'I don't know' face, and Charlie was caught off guard. She was pretty sure that the three men had plenty to discuss and with their history, they may want some privacy. Although Charlie was aware that she was their friend, she also knew that there was a possibility that her presence could make everyone feel uncomfortable for an extended amount of time. The three men had a very personal history together, after all. "Well, don't worry about me, I think I'm gonna head out and get out of your hair," she answered. Cas looked over to her with sincere eyes and said, "My apologies, if my presence has made you uncomfortable." The angel then looked to Dean for approval before continuing. "You are the Winchesters' friend and I don't wish to displace you." Charlie appreciated his willingness to be in her company, even though she was a stranger to him.

"You don't have to leave just because Cas is here, Charlie. You're welcome to stay. Besides, I think Cas would appreciate the Doctor," Dean said with a sly grin.

Charlie happily accepted their invitation once she gleaned that it hadn't been offered out of some sort of social obligation. "I think you're right, Dean. I'm pretty sure Cas here _would_ appreciate the Doctor."

Cas looked at Dean with concern and a question, "This isn't Dr. Sexy, is it? Because I don't care for that show, Dean."

Charlie turned toward Dean and said, "What is this about Dr. Sexy, Winchester? Guilty pleasure?"

Sam murmured, "Only his favorite show."

Charlie giggled and turned to Cas. "No, it's absolutely nothing like Dr. Sexy. This show is about time and space and an old alien that saves the world with his human companions, and sometimes other worlds too."

Cas looked relieved rubbed a hand along the underside of his jaw. "That sounds interesting. I think I'd like to watch this show." Dean lit up a bit but tried to hide it. Sam just shook his head and whispered, "Dorks".


	6. But oh, to get involved in the exchange

Chapter 6

After an excellent sales pitch, Sam convinced everyone that they needed to try one of Dean's burgers and then laid down for a quick nap before they enjoyed an early supper. The older Winchester couldn't have been more pleased that everyone seemed to enjoy his cooking. This was something he'd made before, so Dean felt pretty confident as he moved about the kitchen. Cas watched in awe at the confidence and efficiency that his charge seemed to be able to transfer from the battlefield to the kitchen. Charlie couldn't help but be impressed as well. She stole a glance over at Cas, with one arm on the table, watching the scene with the attention of a child watching their favorite show. Charlie had been observing the hunter and the angel and found them fascinating. Her chair was next to Cas' and she took the opportunity to lean in and talk to him.

Laying a gentle hand on his arm, she got his attention and nodded toward Dean. "Why don't you go see if he needs some help with anything. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you washed up the dishes as he cooks or something."

"Dean seems to be proficient at his task," the angel whispered in annoyance.

Charlie was seeing what Sam had meant about the angel's social skills. "Yes, he is, but maybe he would like your company while he works," she said after a small eye roll.

It was almost like she could see the gears turning in his head as he looked at her with narrowed eyes. _Jesus, he stares. But I can't look away. When should I look away?! _Then she saw it, that cog clicking into place as he found understanding of her implications. Charlie couldn't believe it, but she actually saw an angel look bashful and couldn't believe how adorable it was. _So this is the BAMF that helped save the world, went to hell and back, and made an archangel his bitch. Interesting. _While she recognized that he seemed harmless, she decided to keep it in the back of her mind that he really was a powerful being that was only as docile as he chose to be.

The angel truly wanted to get back in Dean's good graces, after all the wrong he'd done to him, even with the best of intentions. He missed his charge and friend and didn't like to see the skepticism on Dean's face. Dean may have said that he needed him, but the hunter was only slightly aware that the angel needed him, too. The angel and the hunter kept each other in a delicate balance and both benefitted equally from their relationship, even if they each tended to feel like a burden on the other. Cas took a hearty swig of his beer and nodded at Charlie before walking over to Dean.

Dean wasn't surprised when Cas walked right into his personal space to see what he was doing. "You wanna cut up the potatoes?" Dean asked, happy to have the angel offer his help. The hunter showed Cas how he wanted the potatoes sliced and left him at the cutting board. Although the angel had never cut a potato in his life, he picked it up quickly and had them sliced in very little time, each piece nearly uniform. When Dean looked over, Cas was grinning with the pride of having accomplished a new task and the hunter couldn't believe how well his friend had done. "Damn, Cas, need you in the kitchen more often. Charlie! Did you see this?" Dean turned to Charlie with pure excitement on his face.

The two men found their rhythm and continued moving about the kitchen together, Dean giving orders and Cas moving gracefully around him as if they were part of a dance. Charlie was mesmerized with the coordination they shared and could easily imagine the way they must fight together. It also didn't escape her that Dean had no problem giving orders to an angel and even more, that the angel followed them without hesitation. With the potatoes spiced and in the oven and the burgers cooking, their pace slowed down and Dean grabbed a beer for each of them to sip on while the dinner finished up. The angel cracked his beer and took a nice long pull from it. Dean and Charlie both stared at Cas for a moment before Charlie just had to ask.

"So Cas, now that you're doing human stuff, does alcohol affect you? Or do you just like the taste?"

Dean was curious as well, and they both looked at the angel with expectantly. After thinking for a moment, the angel answered. "This is the first alcohol I've consumed since suppressing my grace, so I'm not entirely sure. It does feel warm when I swallow it though, and that didn't used to happen. The flavor's okay," Cas answered with a shrug.

Dean chuckled and gave the angel a rough pat to the back. "Looks like you're in for a buzz then, if you drink much more. I'm going to guess it would take three?" Then Dean looked to Charlie for input.

"I concur. Three would probably do the trick, judging by his size," Charlie said, contributing her opinion.

"Well, nothing goes with a burger like an ice cold beer," Dean said with a wink to Cas. Truthfully, Dean was much more concerned about getting food into Cas, who was looking slightly malnourished.

Charlie had never seen this side of Dean and it was utterly endearing. She realized that the way the two were interacting meant that serious discussion wasn't going to happen tonight because they were just too glad to be in each other's company. _The books definitely didn't let on to any of this. I guess they couldn't though, everyone was too busy trying to stop an apocalypse to enjoy themselves. The things they went through, I can't even imagine. _Charlie's opinion on Dean and Cas was turning into something else. Seeing the real person of Cas in front of her, she didn't want to degrade their relationship with terminology because they just _were_. Soon her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the timer going off and the smell of the potatoes as they were pulled from the oven. Charlie's stomach growled involuntarily and she remembered that Sam was still napping.

"Hey Dean? Why don't you go get Sam up? I think me and Cas can handle condiments and place settings."

Dean agreed and walked out to go get his brother, leaving his friends behind in the kitchen. Charlie made for the cabinets and started pulling out plates and flatware, handing them to the angel next to her, who moved to set the table. She still wasn't quite sure what Cas thought of her and whether he was simply being polite out of courtesy toward the brothers and it set her nerves on edge a bit. Charlie didn't like having to admit attachment toward anyone, but knew all the same that she'd really started to care about the Winchesters and wanted their angel to accept her too. Suddenly Cas' voice was coming from right next to her and startled a small yelp out her. _Damn he's quiet, even without using powers. He needs a bell or something._

"You know, I really have no interest in smiting you, right?" he said with raised eyebrows and a glint of humor in his eyes. The angel even rocked on his heels, making the sentence seem all the stranger.

"What? Oh. Well, thanks. It's always nice to hear that someone affiliated with the Winchesters doesn't want to kill me," she replied with a crooked smile.

Cas just looked at her with eyes that seemed much older than the body in front of her and said gently, "I can see that you have a good soul and I know that you seek the company of the Winchesters because you find a common bond with them. I'm sorry you've been alone for so long."

Charlie was taken aback at his words, feeling suddenly exposed before this person that meant so much to her friend. She'd only just met Cas and he already touched on her most sensitive emotional spot, but it was with kindness, not judgment, pity, or looking to use it against her. There was no intent behind his words except empathy and compassion and she felt her eyes well up slightly, for both of them, when she realized that Cas must be speaking of himself as well. Before she could control it, a tear stubbornly demanded release and rolled down her cheek.

The angel immediately came to the conclusion that he must have done something wrong and came forward to put a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry to have upset you, that wasn't my intent," he said quietly and sighed as he dropped his hand. "I really just wanted to say thank you for sharing your kindness with the Winchesters. I know I haven't exactly been a rock in their lives," he said with a tone of regret. Another stupid stubborn tear made its way out and Charlie could swear she saw the angels eyes waver between different shades of blue.

"Cas, may I hug you?" _Wait, what am I doing? Who asks an angel for a hug? What is happening in my life?_

Cas squared his shoulders a little, not used to being asked for something like that. "You may, if you'd like."

Charlie went against her own judgment and hugged the man in front of her, disregarding the awkward she knew she should have felt. Even though Cas had tamped down his energy, Charlie could still feel a power and calm emanating from him, almost like a low hum. She felt the need to hide her face in his shoulder while asking, "Cas? How did you know that I've been alone?"

"You're one of mine. You were born on a Thursday and I used to hear your prayers when you were young," he explained with a shrug, as if it were the most natural conclusion in the world. Charlie stepped back to wipe her face but before she could say anything back, Dean came back in the kitchen with Sam in tow.

"Cas, what did you do? I leave you alone with her for five minutes and you make her cry? We talked about this before, remember? The postman's daughter? " Dean said, a disappointed frown creeping onto his face.

Cas threw his hands up in a gesture of frustration and defeat. "I didn't mean to. I was just complimenting her on her soul." The angel fixed Dean with his own special puppy face.

Charlie didn't want this to get more uncomfortable than it already was and chimed in, placing a hand on Dean's forearm. "It's okay Dean. Cas was being nice, I'm just not good with feelings and stuff. Let's just move on to the grub, okay?"

Dean identified and felt bad for Charlie being on the receiving end of one of Cas' "insights". Sam threw Cas a bitchface and proceeded to pick up his plate to fill it up. No one said anything about having to get the condiments out of the fridge.

Once everyone was seated and started eating, the mood came back to a normal place and the foursome started talking cheerfully. The brothers shared stories about the old days with the angel, some funny and some awe-inspiring. The group started to form their own way about the flow of their conversations and slipped into a camaraderie that was starting to feel more natural. Sam was glad that Charlie was there. It kept the time they were spending from feeling so tense and he finally had an ally to roll his eyes with when Dean and Cas started their silent conversations. They moved through the meal fairly quickly, everyone being rather hungry that night. After clearing the dishes, everyone moved to the living room to resume the Doctor Who marathon. Before starting though, Charlie looked to the Winchesters and once again announced her need to be comfortable. Gesturing to Cas she said, "If he gets to wear sweatpants, so do I," and nodded to Dean in confirmation that it was that time again. Dean looked thrilled and the both of them headed off to change. Sam claimed the reclaimed the recliner and Cas sat on the end of the couch.

Returning a moment later in what had become their lounge-time uniforms, Dean and Charlie sat down on the couch with Dean in the middle. Dean rested his arm on the back of the couch above her head, and Charlie wedged herself into Dean's side, draping a leg over the arm of the couch. Cas was sitting up with his signature posture and Dean elbowed him in the ribs. "Cas, you gotta relax, man. We're all here to lay around and enjoy the show," the hunter said, sweeping a hand to indicate Charlie and Sam's acceptable postures of laziness. The angel looked around at the rest of the group and decided to follow suit. Sliding down a little, he allowed himself to sink into the couch and stretch his legs out to rest his feet on the coffee table next to Dean's. The hunter had to shift to accommodate for the change in Cas' position and ended up leaning heavily against the angel from shoulder to knee. Dean was aware that this would have made him really uncomfortable once upon a time, but he'd been working hard to try and get over himself and quit being so uptight. Plus, it was nice getting the body heat from being in the middle.

The credits started and once again with the chills. Dean assumed this would become a normal thing and ignored it. Charlie decided on behalf of the group to skip around some episodes to speed their viewing experience along, figuring they could go back and watch them some other time if they wanted.

Sam found it odd how creeped out Dean was by the gas mask people, considering how much worse they encountered on a regular basis. Cas watched raptly with little comment, content to drink in the story. Dean decided that he liked Captain Jack and felt a sympathy clench in his gut when Rose was stuck clinging to a rope above the ground. When the Doctor cried out with joy (clearly one of the few times he experienced it on that level) that everyone would live, all three men felt their hearts grow and looked at each other with understanding.

When they started in on watching the two travelers go through an ominous reality show, all three men in the room were reminded of their time with Gabriel and shared more looks. They were all privately coming to the conclusion that the show was eerily similar to their own lives, in some aspects. Dean's lower back was starting to stiffen and he knew he had to do it. Squirming out of his figurative comfort zone, Dean went for it and wiggled to wedge himself under the angel's arm, similar to the way Charlie had done to him. _Aaaah, relief. No wonder chicks do this! _Charlie adjusted to lay more on top of Dean and looked over while adjusting. She was amused to see Cas looking completely lost as to what to do with his arm. After some unsuccessful attempts at getting comfortable, Dean helped him and hooked their elbows together, resting his hand on his own stomach. _Well, I guess I'm snuggling. This isn't so bad…Cas is more comfortable than he looks. Two friends can totally snuggle without being weird, right? Right. _

Cas wasn't sure what to make of this contact. In all his years, the angel had never had someone purposely lean on him just for leaning's sake. He knew that this was a common event for humans, being creatures that necessitated physical contact with others, but he was unfamiliar with the sensation. _This is not a Dean thing to do. I don't understand. I guess he needs comforting. _With that the angel relaxed into the touch and allowed himself to enjoy the soothing effect of the close contact. Dean was his friend and Cas knew how much he owed the hunter. If Dean wanted to lean, then let him lean.

Sam looked over at Dean and raised a questioning eyebrow that Dean pointedly ignored. The younger hunter looked to a smirking Charlie and they both gave a tiny shrug before turning their attention to the TV screen.

Dean asked Charlie why the words 'Bad Wolf' seemed to be all over everything, but she just smiled and told him to keep watching. They watched as the Daleks returned and Dean figured it out, that the Daleks themselves may not be frightening, but what they represent sure as hell was. As the climax approached, they watched the Doctor stand with his hand on a lever with an almost impossible decision to make.

"There's got to be another way," Cas murmured more to himself than anyone. Dean glanced over, feeling pride for helping convince the angel of the value of free will.

When all hope seemed lost on their show, Rose achieved what should've been the impossible and came through as the one to save the Doctor's life for a change. Dean's mind twisted in knots when the companion revealed how she had changed time and couldn't help but smile at her smiteyness when she got down to business. He felt a reverence for this character that he hadn't expected when he first started watching. Cas looked over when Dean shifted to sit up straighter in his seat as the intergalactic smiting went down. _I wonder if he looks that way when I smite something. Probably not anymore. _It was a bittersweet moment, for everyone in the room, when the Doctor took on Rose's energy and regenerated into a new man. Each felt it for their own reasons, though.

At the end of the episode, Charlie decided that this would be an opportune time to make her way home, pajamas be damned. Although she had been enjoying her stay, she was ready to get to her own bed in her own house and enjoy the solitude she had become accustomed to. Slowly sitting up, she shared her intent. "Well guys, I'm missing my bed, so I think I'm going to head home. I'll leave the DVDs with you though, so you can keep watching and I'll get them back later." Sam perked up from his chair and let her know that she was free to stay, but she had already made up her mind.

After gathering her things, Charlie re-entered the living room to say her goodbyes. All three men stood up, each with their own intent, knowing that the night had drawn to a close. Dean took her things and waited for her. First she wrapped her arms around the largest man, uttering thanks for his hospitality and well-wishes for his health and good luck (with a nod in the direction of the other two men). Next she went to Cas and gave him a gentle hug and used the opportunity to whisper a warning for him to be kinder to himself and try to relax a little around the hunter. Pulling away she gave him a quick peck on the cheek and gave him a warm smile. "It was good to meet you Castiel. Good luck with your human stuff, and I'm sure I'll see you again," she finished with a wink. Charlie nodded to Dean in indication that she was ready and they walked out of the Batcave together.

Dean put her bags in the car for her and grinned sheepishly, knowing what all she had witnessed, and rubbed a hand on the back of his neck. "I'm glad you came over Charlie, this was fun."

"I enjoyed it too. And it was nice to finally meet your Cas," she said mischievously. "I think you two need to take care of each other. You both looked happy and it's rare to find someone you connect with like that. We all need someone to watch our backs, you know?" Charlie really wanted to label it UST, but knew better than to push it with someone like Dean.

"He's not 'my Cas'. Either way, I'm glad you two hit it off. Sorry he made you cry, though. He has a good heart, but sometimes he doesn't realize what it does to people when he's blunt with them, you know?"

"Dean, is there really such a thing as angels for different days? Cas told me that I was 'one of his' because I was born on a Thursday. He said that he heard me pray when I was younger."

The hunter felt his throat constrict for his friend. To pray and hope that someone is listening is a totally different thing from talking to the person that's actually heard your prayers. Dean knew that that must've been at least one of the reasons for the tears earlier and knew that he'd been too hard on Cas. "Yeah Charlie, he actually is the Angel of Thursday. Wild, huh? I guess I've gotten so used to him, it's easy to forget that he still has regular angel stuff to do."

Charlie nodded slowly, trying to integrate all of her observations and information into a clearer picture of just who this angel was. She decided to dissect it more later. "If someone would have told me five years ago that I'd be in a super-secret bunker with the two most important humans in the world and an angel, snuggling on the couch, watching Doctor Who, I would've assumed they'd lost their shit. You Winchesters have made my life really strange, but in a good way. Thanks again, for having me over. It was nice to get away from myself."

Dean had to laugh at her perspective, realizing just how strange their lives really must seem. "Well, we were glad to have you." He leaned in and gave her an appreciative hug. "Be careful and give me a call when you make it home, okay?"

Charlie agreed to his request and got in her car, driving away from the men that had become like brothers to her. She was glad to have met them and for the first time in a long time, she didn't feel so alone.


	7. The quiet things that no one ever knows

When Dean came back inside, Sam had vacated the recliner in favor of getting a glass of water in the kitchen while Cas poked around curiously in the cabinets. Dean had been ignoring the fact that Sam had grown paler each day as the coughing had progressed. It was just too hard seeing his normally robust brother dwindling down, knowing that the worst was yet to come.

"What?" Sam questioned at Dean's stare.

Dean didn't realize he'd zoned out until then. "Just thinking, Sammy, don't worry about it."

Sam knew exactly what Dean was thinking about but was just too damn tired to go there. Tired enough that he wanted to sink into the bed and go semi-comatose for the next several hours. "I'm going to bed guys, see you in the morning," he said with a short wave as he walked off toward his room with his water.

Cas had stopped poking around to look at Dean. "I don't think there's anything I can do, Dean. I wish there was, but I have yet to find anything. Having to travel like a human has kept me from being able to search the libraries that would have the possibility of anything useful. Just keep him calm and rested. We don't really know what's happening to him, anyway. There's always the possibility that whatever is happening isn't actually killing Sam. Molecules can change without degrading."

Dean knew there was truth in his words, but it didn't lessen the sting. "I know, Cas. It's just hard…he's my brother, you know? I can't lose him again, not like this. Sammy deserves to grow old," the hunter shared in a hushed voice. _Okay, I need to calm down or I'll never sleep tonight._ Dean suddenly remembered the tea and looked over to an open cabinet, relieved to see that Charlie had left the box of calming tea. "Hey Cas? Have you ever had hot tea? I just tried this kind last night and it makes you sleepy, but in a good way. Want some?"

Cas was pretty sure he had tried hot tea at some point, but couldn't remember when or what it had been like and agreed to the beverage offered. Especially if it would calm him enough to allow himself to attempt real sleep. Meditation was one thing, but to lose consciousness and be completely vulnerable for hours at a time made him uneasy. The last few days had started wearing on him, having only dozed a bit here and there and Cas could tell that he was going to have to take on a night of actual sleep soon, if his body were to keep functioning without the use of his grace keeping it together. Figuring that the bunker was the safest place he could hope to find, the angel knew that this was where he would end up finding his rest.

Getting the tea steeped and honeyed, the two men sat at the table in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. _Okay, night two of tea, and I still like it. I think I'm just going to tell Sam to kiss off if he finds it. Not that I'm going to volunteer it or anything. _Dean looked over to Cas to gage his reaction to the tea. The angel looked back with a child-like grin on his face after nearly purring at the flavors and warmth hitting his mouth.

"This is really good. However, I didn't expect you would drink this," the angel said with a nod toward the bottle of scotch on the counter that hadn't been moved in two days.

"This only the second cup I've ever had. Charlie made it for me last night. I swear she has some psychic mojo or something because she seems to know what I'm thinking half the time. I was worried about getting to sleep last night right before she suggested this," the hunter said, pointing to his mug.

"Dean, she isn't psychic. Charlie just has a good soul that wants to help people, and good souls find each other. Some people would call it 'soul mates', but it's not really about being bound to each other. Also, the concept shouldn't be confined to romantic notions, and souls aren't limited in how many others they bond with. Most people just simply don't meet enough people in their lifetime that they can 'touch souls' with. Those that have lost and feel that burden tend to find each other as well."

"Charlie really is one of yours, isn't she? That's what she told me before she left, anyway. You know she's still gotta get used to this angel thing, right?" the hunter chided.

Cas still felt bad for upsetting Charlie that evening and didn't want Dean to misunderstand his intentions. "Yes Dean, Charlie was born on a Thursday. I heard her prayers when her parents got in that car accident, but there was nothing I could do about it. It was fated and I was on orders to let it be because she was destined to assist in a good deed toward human history. She helped you take down Dick Roman, didn't she?" Giving Dean a moment to take it in, Cas continued. "She stopped praying after a while and I understood why. I could see tonight that she was still hurting and I was trying to let her know that I understood her reasons. I guess I was trying to do the job that I wasn't allowed to do when she needed it. Apparently I'm no good with sharing my sympathies."

Dean was moved to hear the angel talk about his other heavenly duties, something the hunter had never really asked about before. For all his own emotional issues, Cas had a deeper appreciation of humanity for longer than Dean had thought. _Cas understands how we work, just not so much when he's part of it. _Wrapping his fingers around his mug, Dean took a sip of his tea and enjoyed that smooth texture the honey provided.

"Cas, I don't think you ruined anything. I think you just caught her off guard, that's all. People aren't exactly used to having someone they just met know all about them, and then talking about it all up close and personal. It's hard, it kind of feels like being naked." Dean saw understanding starting to dawn in the angel's eyes and their gaze said without words that the conversation was over.

The angel was starting to feel the pleasant effect that the tea was having on him. The combination of the tea, the relief of getting back to his friends, and the safety of the bunker allowed Cas to start relaxing in anticipation of the first sleep he so sorely needed since repressing his grace. Dean could see the exhaustion starting to take his friend over and offered him the same choice of accommodations that he'd given Charlie. Cas opted for the couch, not enjoying this new sensation of getting cold. After making sure that the angel was set up with the blankets and pillows, Dean showed him down the hall to point out the bathroom and he and Sam's rooms. "If you need anything, just knock. If I'm dead asleep you might have to come shake me." Dean turned to go into his own room.

"Goodnight, Cas."

"Goodnight Dean."

The next day started as any other day with the typical coffee, breakfast, clothes, and discussion on what to do. Cas only slept for six hours, but it was six hours he'd desperately needed and he awoke refreshed. Having spent two days doing absolutely nothing, neither Winchester had slept much either, full of stored up energy and ready to do something. Dean even ditched the robe for the day and put on some real clothes, knowing it would make him feel more alert. Figuring that Cas would appreciate it as well, Dean left the angel in his room to pick through his clothes and find something he'd be comfortable with. Cas emerged with a pair of jeans that had been a hair tight on Dean (and not conducive to their profession), a plain charcoal t-shirt, and a black button-up left open over the t-shirt with the sleeves rolled to the elbow. The angel definitely felt better having the extra layers. It was still kind of bizarre to the Winchesters, seeing Cas in regular clothes. Dean shuddered a bit at the memory of 2014 Cas.

The three men started going through the boxes of books and artifacts that had mostly stayed untouched since the brothers moved in. Sam figured he would be better suited toward dealing with the books and files, leaving Cas and Dean to the artifacts. Having witnessed the birth of many of the objects, or least the reasoning and origin of their purpose, Cas was able to put a good dent in their identification. Dean was on duty of figuring out how to catalogue them and grabbing texts as needed by Cas in order to verify the angel's assumptions. The three men worked easily together, glad to be productive toward something that _was_ in their control.

The group took a break at lunch time to discuss their progress over sandwiches. It turned out that the brothers had been sitting on a mountain of precious items and had no clue until then. The Winchesters were aware of the dedication the Men of Letters had put into their work, but they didn't realize just how much the society had squirreled away, hidden and locked away from the world. It was a sobering morning, finding out just how much there was to protect at their home that could cause catastrophic damage if not guarded. Some of the items brought a smile to Cas' face and roused a sentimental streak he didn't know he possessed. Observing the angel's reactions to some of the artifacts, Dean thought it looked like someone going through a box they'd found after a move years before. It was a blatant reminder to the hunter of just how old the angel was, and how much he'd seen and for a moment, Dean felt really small. By mid-afternoon the three men had catalogued about a third of the pile, setting aside the items and books that would need further research, hopefully that could be found on the internet. Dean volunteered to take that little project upon himself while convincing Sam to do the person-work necessary for some of the items, needing expert opinions from local professors of various backgrounds and degrees. Sam saw Dean's point- Dean had always hated having to go along on those trips to talk to the academic experts.

Deciding it was time for another break, Sam grabbed a beer and flopped down in the recliner, rubbing his temples. Cas opted for another shower, and Dean decided to take the opportunity to check his Twitter. Not much was going on, at least of relevance to them. Then that little itch started in the back of his brain. _You know you want to. Come on, just do it. No one's looking, you can get away with it. _

Dean looked around once before typing in yet another URL he didn't think he would go to, on purpose anyway, and decided to just get it over with. It was time to set up a Tumblr account. Dean figured it could be a good way to kill time and get his mind off of 'the hunters' life' for a minute. It turned out that it was harder to get a URL you wanted than he expected. After several attempts Dean finally found a handle he was satisfied with and once again used the picture of his Baby as his icon. The hunter figured that the blog customizing thing could wait, except for putting a brief sort-of bio up of his interests. First thing he did was follow Charlie, having remembered her name on there. After scrolling through for a minute he reblogged a few funnies and moved on to the tags. Finding several interesting things, he found himself following more and more people until he had a variety of posts coming across his dash. Dean had become addicted to the home icon that would refresh the posts, and was surprised when a post about writing in the language he'd seen in the TARDIS came up. _Seriously? There are people that actually took the time to do this? How in the hell did they figure it out? It's just a bunch of circles and lines! _Nevertheless, he found himself reading through it and almost grabbed for a pencil and paper when he was startled by Cas' silent appearance at his side and jumped in his chair.

"Shit Cas! How do you do that? You're not even teleporting," Dean said with surprise still in his voice.

"I'm wearing socks, Dean. And it's not like there are floorboards to creak," the angel said with a touch of impatience and the head tilt of sass. "What are you looking at?"

"Oh. Uh, it's a thing on how to translate the Doctor's language. I thought it was kind of neat," Dean answered with a cool that he normally wouldn't possess about being caught looking at this stuff. However, he figured Cas was already a nerdy dude and had watched the show with him, so Dean didn't see the point in trying to pretend he didn't like it. Plus, the hunter figured that Cas had no clue what Tumblr was and wouldn't make fun of him for it.

"It's called Circular Gallifreyan. Look," the angel said with confidence. Grabbing a piece of paper and a pencil, Cas drew several damn near perfect circles that all connected in an intricate pattern with lines intersecting some of them. Looking over his work one last time, he handed the paper to Dean with a bit of smugness.

Dean's mouth had dropped open at Cas acknowledging the language, then moved on to gaping as he watched his friend draw up what he assumed to be a sentence with ease. It was almost like watching one of those artists that make it look like the simplest thing in the world. Dean couldn't wrap his head around what he'd heard and seen.

"Dude! How could you possibly know that! It's not even a real language! It's on a TV show! Why do you even need to know a fake language?"

Cas laughed heartily and said, "Dean, I've told you I know every language! That includes fictional ones. Elvish, Double-Speak, Klingon, the one from Avatar. There's plenty more, but are you really that surprised? And I don't _need_ to know them. I happen to have a special talent for linguistics, and enjoy deciphering new ones. It is a pleasure for me." The angel enjoyed being able to rouse such a reaction out of Dean…it was so rare anymore.

"So how do you know Circular Gallifreyan if you've never watched the show?" Dean wondered aloud with suspicion dripping through his tone.

"I was shown the language years ago when another angel stationed on Earth challenged me to decode it. I promise I didn't know the context of it until we started watching the show together. It makes more sense now though, that a race of Time Lords would create their written language based on the image of a clock."

Dean was still astounded by what he was told and then it dawned on him to look at the paper. "Cas, what did you write on here?"

The angel tilted his chin down and smiled cheekily. "Why don't you translate it? You have the explanation of characters right there," he gestured to the screen. Cas was certain that Dean was more than capable of deciphering it, if he chose to be patient and take the time to do it.

"Come on Cas! Just tell me! Please don't make me sit here pondering fake alien doodles," the hunter said with an impatience that the angel found comical.

"You can do it Dean, just try. I want to see you try something new besides tea and science fiction." Cas wasn't budging…it was too amusing watching Dean get all worked up.

Not one to back down from a challenge, Dean calmed himself. "Fine. I'll translate the damned thing, you just watch me," the hunter pointed at his friend. Then he deflated a little and threw his hands up in the air. "You know what? Let's just watch some more of the show. My brain is tired and I'm pretty sure Sam's feeling done for the day. I'm gonna see if Charlie can recommend the important episodes so we can skip ahead and get to the new stuff. Til then, I say we start on Ten."

Before going into the living room though, Dean couldn't stand not to share this new information with Charlie and sent her a quick message, despite his concerns over feeling ridiculous. He knew that Charlie would understand why he was so weirded out.

"_Dude, Cas knows about Circ. Galli. and wrote me note in it, but the bastard won't tell me what it says. Also, DW ques. for you. Ttyl."_

Dean and Cas entered the living to find Sam dozing lightly, as they had expected and Cas was still wearing a shit-eating grin. Dean shot him a look and then grabbed the remotes. The two friends sat down to watch the show, but with markedly more space this time. Dean knew that he had secretly enjoyed the snuggling the night before, but didn't want to freak Sam out with it if he woke up. If Cas had expected otherwise, he didn't visibly acknowledge it and just slunk down into the cushion as he had the night before, having come to appreciate the relaxation of his posture.


	8. I'm not an addict it's cool I feel alive

Chapter 8

I'm not an addict it's cool, I feel alive

Sam was vaguely aware that Dean and Cas were on the couch, but they were being quiet, so in his only-slightly-conscious state, Sam continued to doze. Within seconds he was starting to sink back into an actual sleep and settled deeper into the recliner. It was short lived though, when he was startled awake by a loud "OOOO WEEEE OOOO" sound. He flew up in his seat with a grandiose movement hair.

"Seriously guys, still with the show?! Come on, can't you at least wait 'til after dinner like normal?"

Dean grinned fox-like and turned to nudge Cas' foot on the coffee table. "Told you it would work."

Cas tried, but did a poor job of trying to pretend that he didn't find Sam's reaction funny. "Sorry, Sam. I promise we won't do it again." Cas had to laugh then, upon seeing Sam's hair flop back and forth as he looked between the angel and his brother.

"You guys are dicks. And Dean! You're the one that's been mother-henning me about getting rest!" Sam was aware of how grumpy he must look.

"Geez Rapunzel, calm down. It's just a little fun." Dean took a moment to pause the show. "And no, not waiting, because I want to get a couple episodes into this Doctor to feel him out before Charlie messages me back. I'm going to ask her which episodes of this guy I need to watch before starting on Eleven because I want to catch up enough to watch the new episodes. I'll come back to Ten later."

Sam and Cas were starting to look a little confused. "What are you talking about, ten and eleven? What does that mean?" Sam asked.

With an impatient sigh, Dean responded, "You know, the Doctor we've been watching was the ninth Doctor, this here is the tenth, and now they're on the eleventh."

"Dean, have you been talking with people about the show? Because you sound like you're really up in it, naming them and all."

"Well, that's what everyone else calls them! They get called by their number," Dean spilled out before he could stop himself.

It dawned on Sam what Dean meant by everyone and his eyebrows knit upward. "Uh, have you been talking with people on the internet about Doctor Who?" Dean's guilty face confirmed it. "I've seen you do a lot of random stuff lately, but this? Since when do you get on the internet for anything but work stuff and porn?" Sam noted that Cas was looking at Dean with too big of a grin on his face.

"I found a site full of people who talk about all kinds of things and this show is just one of them, okay? Now, if you're done with the Spanish Inquisition, I'd like to get back to watching," Dean said, and hit play without waiting for a response. Sam made eye contact with Cas and raised an eyebrow in amusement, to which Cas just shrugged.

As Cas watched the Doctor try to talk down the masked aliens from invading the planet, he fell in love with the character. There was so much to admire, how could he not? Although the angel had no clue who this Lion King was that the Doctor got confused about, the sentiment was still lovely. When the Doctor started fighting to save the world in a bathrobe, Cas and Sam both looked at Dean who was already smirking, and the two shared a knowing grin. Dean wasn't sure if he liked the new Doctor at first, but as the episode came to a close, he figured he could get used to it. Before Dean could put the next episode on, Sam insisted that Dean get a shower and go pick up some dinner. Grumbling, Dean got up and headed down the hall.

Sam took the distraction-free moment to ask Cas a question. "So how long are you staying? I mean, not that we mind you being here, it's just…how will you know if someone finds the tablet?"

"I used some of my grace on it as a sort of tracking device. If anyone so much as touches it, I'll feel it. Of course I'd have to use my 'mojo' and get there quickly, but as long as it remains undisturbed, I'll continue to stay 'off the grid' unless necessary."

The younger Winchester nodded in understanding. Then he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and laced his fingers together. In a protective tone, he said, "Cas, I think you need to just keep staying here. We can all look out for each other. But you do need to tell Dean all this because I don't think he could take it with you just off and disappearing without warning again. Dean deserves to know what could happen, okay?" Cas could see Sam's point and agreed to talk to Dean about it, as well as making sure that his temporary residency was still okay.

While the other two men were talking, Dean had made a quick run of his shower because he wanted a minute alone in his room to see if Charlie had responded back to his message. When he opened up the app on his phone, he immediately went to see her reply.

"**ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? Hurry up and get to translating, I wanna know what it says! Also, email your ques."**

Dean sent his episode query to Charlie and hoped that she would answer back quickly. Apparently she was on right then because she called within two minutes. _Here we go. I knew she was going to be pissed. _When he answered, she didn't sound as irritated as he'd expected.

"Okay, first things first. Spill it and tell me how you two came around to having a discussion about Circular Gallifreyan," she requested with excitement.

Dean told her the story and Charlie practically squealed when he imitated the Cas voice. "I can't believe you were fangirling about the Doctor! Make sure and include me next time. So be honest, how awesome was it watching Cas write the note? Most people take hours to write something, and you said he did it in about a minute?"

"Okay, first of all, I don't fangirl because I'm a dude. I fan_dude_. And I'll make sure to include you in it, okay? Now don't you dare repeat this," Dean lowered his voice, "but it was pretty freakin' awesome watching him write the note. I mean, old languages are nothing because they still have something that looks like letters. But this Gallifreyan crap? It looks more like art. Then the smug bastard refused to tell me what it said and told me I'd just have to decipher it myself," Dean finished with a 'hmph'.

"Well, you'd better let me know when you do." Changing her tone, Charlie moved on to answering Dean's question about the show. "Now about the episodes. You should know that I normally would rip you a new one for wanting to skip around and not doing it in order, but considering the craziness of your life, I'm going to give you a free pass. Do you want me to skip you a bit through Eleven as well? I mean, I'll do it, but you have to promise me that you'll go back and watch all the ones you skip when you have the time."

"Absolutely, yes to all of it," Dean said with fervor, then added, "but can you narrow it down to five episodes per Doctor for now? We watched the Christmas Invasion, but that was as far as we got on Ten."

Charlie groaned loudly before replying with disappointment. "Do I really only get to ten total episodes for five seasons? You're killing me, man," she said with a sigh. "Give me an hour to think over it and I'll send you an email with the list. But I mean it, you better go back and watch the rest of them."

"Yes ma'am, you have my word. Thanks, you know, for helping me out with this. I gotta go, I'm supposed to be going to pick up some food. Talk you to later."

"Alright, have a good night."

Dean walked out into the living room and could see that Sam and Cas had been having a serious discussion. "What's up?" he asked in a tone to match the room.

"Dean, we need to talk," the angel started. Dean leaned against the doorway, preparing for the worst. Cas looked to Sam, who nodded encouragement before he continued. "I used my grace to protect the tablet so that I could sense if it were in any danger. That's how I've been able to be away from it. That also means though, that if something were to threaten the tablet, I'd have to leave immediately to go to it, using my powers to do so. If something were to happen, I thought you'd need to know this and that I don't intend on leaving again without warning. Sam has suggested that I continue to stay here, but I wanted to make sure it was okay with you too."

Dean let out a breath, relieved to be privy to the reason Cas would disappear this next time. He knew it seemed pessimistic, but in truth that was just what Cas did. The angel appears and then disappears, the cycle goes on. "Of course you can stay, Cas. I do have a question though."

"What's that?"

"Are you keeping any more secrets? Because if you're gonna stay here, we have to all be on the same page. If you know something we don't, we can't look out for each other, and that'd defeat the whole purpose of you being here."

"No Dean, I don't have any more secrets."

Satisfied with the angel's answer, Dean allowed himself to feel some happiness for having some security now and let his face spread into a grin. "Well thanks for telling me everything, I really appreciate it. And Cas? Let's keep it this way, okay?"

"Yes, Dean."

The hunter then left to pick up dinner and returned shortly with their food. The three men sat at the table with more ease that night, having dispersed a lot of the tension by getting the questions out of the way. The more he thought about it, the happier Cas was, because this was a second chance. A do-over if you will. The angel was conflicted though, between wanting to redeem himself to his friend and feeling like he didn't deserve it. So many people had been hurt because his actions, which was something he would never quite escape from. But at least he could try to fix this one thing.

Dean checked his email after they finished their meal, and Charlie had reported that after much deliberation, there was no way she could pick only five episodes of each Doctor. She reasoned that it just wasn't enough to give proper backstory and that many were two-part episodes, anyway. Dean figured this would happen and had given her the request more in wishful thinking than actual expectation. Dean cleared his pockets and pulled Cas' note out to look at it one more time. He then taped it up above the desk where his laptop was sitting. Dean changed into his "uniform" and checked his social media for a minute before heading to the living room with the episode list he'd printed off, enjoying the night time ritual he'd started. Sam was already engrossed in some show he'd been watching and Cas was sitting in the middle of the couch with some books on each side and another in his hand. Sam and Cas looked up in unison when Dean walked in the room, but Sam went back to his show, wanting to take advantage of the TV while it was under his control. Cas picked up the books on his left and moved them over to his right, giving Dean the end of the couch, and resumed reading. Dean sat still quietly for a few minutes before looking at his watch. Then he leaned over a bit to see what Cas was reading. To Dean it was a bunch of squiggles and splotchy ink. Then the hunter began wiggling his right foot unconsciously, causing his knee to bounce as he picked at a hangnail on his thumb.

A firm hand came to Dean's knee and held it down slightly for a moment. "Dean, please stop doing that. It's wiggling my book," the angel said without looking up. Within a few minutes though, the wiggling started again, but this time Cas put the book down, sighed, and looked at Dean. "I'm going to get a beer. Would either of you like one?" Sam mumbled a 'no thanks' but Dean accepted the offer happily. Returning to the couch with beer in hand, Cas sat down and turned his attention to Dean, abandoning his efforts to read. "Did you get the episode list?" the angel asked quietly so as not to disturb Sam. Cas wasn't sure when he'd gotten so involved in something so trivial as a TV show.

"Yeah, I've got it right here," Dean replied.

Sam started coughing but it eased up within a few seconds. The other two men looked over at Sam, who just waved them off. "My show's going off here in a minute and then I'm going to get in the shower and head off to my room to do some reading so you two can do your nerdy thing out here."

"You're the nerd….nerd." Dean knew it wasn't exactly his snappiest comeback.

"Whatever. Do what you want." Sam said with his eyes turned back to his program.

Cas tilted his head at Dean, but didn't say anything. The angel still wasn't exactly sure what a 'nerd' was, but it seemed like it was supposed to be some sort of vague insult. Humans and their colloquialisms still confused him sometimes, but he'd gotten used to worrying about simply gleaning what he needed from a conversation and moving on.

When his show was off, Sam rose to go to the kitchen but paused in the doorway. "By the way, mind if I have some of your tea? I hear honey's good for the throat."

Dean stiffened into a defensive posture before he realized that the kettle had been left out for two days and there was no denying it. But hey, Sam wanted some too, so there. "Go ahead Sammy." The brothers looked at each other nervously, each waiting for an insult that neither wanted to lob. They came to a silent understanding and Sam disappeared for the night.

"You should give your brother more credit, Dean," Cas said, pulling the hunter out of his thoughts. Then the angel continued, "I believe you judge yourself much more harshly than Sam does, and he doesn't appear to be put off by your new hobbies or tastes at all. Just let yourself have something for once."

Dean knew that his friend was right. "I know, I'm working on it Cas." The angel tilted his head in appreciation this time.

Cas followed Dean's lead and found a fresh shirt and opted for the pajama pants he'd been wearing the night before. The night went on as usual, episode after episode, more food for thought with each one, tea to end it. When the tea was gone and both men were drowsy, they said their goodnights and Dean headed off to his room.

When Dean got to his room, he turned off his laptop to remove the temptation to putter around on it. Crawling under the covers felt magnificent. At least for a few minutes, anyway. Try as he may, he just couldn't get comfortable. After a little over an hour, Dean finally fell into a light sleep, dreaming of nothing in particular. Before he could hit a hard sleep though, he was startled by a cry from the living room. Going into hunter mode, Dean grabbed his gun and treaded stealthily to the room the cry had come from. Upon entering, he saw quickly that there was no threat and put his weapon down before walking over to the couch.

No stranger to nightmares, Dean felt badly for Cas. As much as Dean had been through, he knew that the angel had millennia of memories to draw from and the hunter couldn't imagine the horrors that might surface in an angel's dreams. His friend was starting to shout fragments of sentences and pleas to stop and his body became racked with tremors and a sheen of sweat had dampened his hairline. Dean wasn't sure if Cas was a 'flailer' upon waking, so he stood at a safe distance to nudge his friend's arm, trying to rouse him. The distance proved to be a good decision, when Cas' arm shot out to swing at whatever force his sleep-addled mind had thought was trying to get him. Dean caught his arm and he said calmly, "Cas, it's me. It's just a nightmare, Buddy." Upon hearing Dean's voice, the angel stopped shouting and let his arm relax, though his body was still shaking just as hard and a few tears started to roll out. "Come on Cas, it's gonna be alright. You gotta wake up, man." The angel's eyes opened up and he immediately bolted upright looking disoriented, scanning for the threat that seemed to be after him before he saw Dean. A couple more tears made their way out before Cas noticed that his face felt wet and wiped his face, confused about the moisture. Dean felt it safe to get on the couch at this point and wrapped his arms around his friend, pulling him in close to his chest like he used to for Sammy. The hunter gently ran his hand up and down the angel's back, a trick he'd learned over the years. After several minutes, the shaking calmed down to a small shiver and Dean just stayed quiet, waiting on Cas to speak when he was ready.

The angel took a shaky breath and spoke. "I couldn't get to you, Dean. They just kept coming and coming and were tearing at my wings. I saw your soul starting to dim and they were pinning me down, making me watch." After taking a deep breath, he pulled away and stared at Dean as if to make sure he was still there and unharmed.

"It's okay, we're both at home, and it was just a nightmare," the hunter repeated.

"I've seen many nightmares in other people's dreams, and I know the atrocities a mind can create, but I wasn't expecting it to feel so real," Cas said with haunted tone, shivers starting anew. "Will you stay, please?"

Dean was exhausted, but felt like it would be cruel to go back to bed at this point. _Bros can get away with snuggling, right? We did the other night, so we can do it again. _Mind made up, the hunter laid down with his back pressed to the back of the couch. Cas snuggled his back into Dean's chest and Dean threw his arm over the angel. Within a few minutes the shivers had stopped and Cas' breathing slowed into a more settled pace as he fell back asleep. Dean felt strange with the arrangement, but was in a comfortable position and allowed himself to relax. Dean knew good and damned well he was going to catch hell for it the next morning, but he could suck it up for now.


	9. I'll be there for you

Dean wasn't sure what time it was, but it didn't matter because he was absolutely roasting. He awoke and realized within a moment there was good reason to feel like he was going to burn out of his skin. Dean had found himself on his back, Cas curled around him like an octopus. The angel's head was lying on his shoulder and he was snoring softly, almost like a purr through his nose. _Oh good God, can a person even radiate this much heat? How could he possibly ever get cold? Okay, you gotta figure out how to roll him. _Dean tried to move, but the octopus just tightened his grip around its human body pillow. Dean lay still for a moment, hoping that maybe the angel would wake up soon too. He looked at his watch- 8:06. After several minutes (and a bit more light dozing), Dean's bladder was just not having it. _Oh come on Cas! I've gotta pee! _

"Then why don't you just go to the bathroom?" the sleep-gravelly voice vibrated against the hunter's chest. Dean jumped, nearly rolling his friend onto the floor. Cas sat up, disoriented and startled, looking around to figure out what just happened.

"Cas, were you listening to my thoughts in your sleep?" Dean said with pointed eye contact and annoyance at the angel sitting next to him. Cas just looked with one eye while rubbing the other and let a yawn, clearly not concerned enough by Dean's standards.

"What are you talking about? I was asleep, Dean. And now I'm not and you're irritating me," the angel almost whined.

"I woke up all roasty toasty and you were completely out and when I tried to move you, you squashed into me even more. Then I thought to myself, and I quote, 'Oh come on Cas! I've gotta pee!' and then you answered me out loud."

Cas blinked a few times and thought for a moment, really not awake enough for this yet, and came to a plausible conclusion. "Maybe I took your thought in as a prayer? Because I wasn't in your dreams and I don't recall answering you. All I know is, I was asleep, and then I was awakened by the feeling of falling."

Dean looked at the angel for a moment, then scrubbed his hand over his face. "Okay, sorry. It was just weird, alright?" He looked to the doorway anxiously and Cas just waved him on, understanding the hunter's need to exit.

Returning a moment later, Dean headed for the kitchen as per usual, but Sam wasn't there. Looking around, he found the note taped to the fridge.

"Gone to do the 'person-work'. Back sometime late afternoon, I'll call on the way home. – Sam"

_Well, at least we don't have to see him til later. I know he saw it, I know he did. _

Cas shuffled in, hair sticking out every which way, eyeballing the coffee pot with smile typically awarded to seeing an old friend. Dean was amused that Cas was turning out to not be so much of a morning person. "So Cas, I was thinking we'd-"

Dean was cut off by a hand held up and Cas shaking his head slightly. "Not yet, Dean, I need to wake up for a minute. At least get the coffee in my veins. Is that newspaper still around from yesterday? I never got to look at it."

_Okay, apparently there's a right way and a wrong way to wake up Cas. Noted._ Dean handed Cas the abandoned paper as the hunter walked by to make them a quick breakfast. Sitting back down, Dean ate quietly with his brow slightly furrowed. The longer they sat at the table, the more uncomfortable Dean felt, but he decided to push it down for the day, as he did most things. Or he tried to, anyway.

Cas knew that Dean was mulling over what had happened and would likely end up in a funk if it continued. "Dean, you're thinking too much."

"What?"

"You know what I mean." Cas tilted his chin down and looked up with raise eyebrows into Dean's eyes. The look bore into Dean and he saw the authority behind it, the age of the angel that had seen everything.

"You're worse at this than me, man," Dean scoffed.

Cas sighed and put down the paper, tilting his head as he looked across the table. "Dean, all I meant was that you're worrying about something that doesn't need worrying about. Mankind has found comfort in sleeping next to another as long as I've watched you and it will always be that way. It's simply a fact of your nature to enjoy closeness with those you care about. In fact, your psyche demands it in order to flourish. Now Maslow…there was an interesting man to watch at work." The angel stared off at some distant memory with a small smile on his face for a moment before coming back to himself and looking back to Dean. "I may not be human, but having my grace tamped down has given me more human needs, so thank you for helping me last night. I slept well."

Dean felt more at ease after Cas' explanation and decided that it had been a rational decision to make the night before. There was still a small uneasiness lingering in the back of his mind, but he decided to ignore it and move on for the day. "So…I was thinking that I'd go fix that air vent and clear up that other room for you, if you want to keep working on the artifacts. That sound okay?"

"That would be nice Dean. Thank you for doing that for me." Cas gave an appreciative grin.

Fixing the air vent really wasn't as challenging as Dean had expected, and the job was done fairly quickly. With that task completed, Dean decided to clean out the boxes in the room and it give it a fairly detailed cleaning and put down fresh linens.

Once done, he admired his handiwork and walked out of the room, noticing the soreness in his back from all of the lifting and hefting and hunching. Dean went back to his room to take a break with his laptop. Nothing like drabbling around on the internet to waste some time. After scrolling through several Doctor Who posts on his blog, he decided it was time to take an actual break and watch some more of the show. Sam would probably be back soon and then it would be time to do dinner, so he didn't see the harm in knocking off a little early. Dean walked out to the main area, where Cas was still working, but looking a little tired. "Hey Cas! I got your room done. Come look and see if it's okay." The angel followed Dean and took a look at his room with wonder, that someone would do this for him.

"It's great, Dean. Thank you for doing this. All of this," Cas said with a sweeping gesture, a smile reaching his eyes.

"No problem, Cas." Then, after a pause, changed subjects. "So, I was thinking we take a good break and watch some TV. My back's tired and it could use some rest on the couch. What do you say?"

Cas agreed and they went to the kitchen to grab some snacks before going back to settle on the couch. Cas got to the couch before Dean and took the end. "I hope you know how nice I'm being, letting you take my seat," the hunter said with an unconvincing gruffness, standing in front of the couch. The angel just shrugged, putting his feet up on the coffee table with a grin, looking up at the hunter. Seeing the look on Dean's face, Cas couldn't resist and settled down into the cushion with an exaggerated 'aaaaah', as if he'd just taken a huge swig of a refreshing drink. The actions were so uncharacteristic for the angel, Dean couldn't help but look a little confused, and shook his head muttering "smartass," while the angel chuckled to himself. He sat down next to Cas and started the show. After finishing up the last episode of the tenth Doctor, Dean felt rattled at the Doctor's last words and looked over to Cas, surprised to see his friend looking just as upset as himself, if not more. The two of them looked at each other and held their gaze as they silently acknowledged their shared sadness for the Doctor. After a minute the moment was over and Dean let out a deep breath through his nose, still processing what he'd just watched and stood to go to the bathroom. Returning to the living room he looked to Cas and took a deep breath, exhaling through his nose before asking, "You ready to start on the next Doctor?" Cas squared his shoulders and nodded his head.

"I'm ready. Let's get it going."

Dean had half-expected Cas to say Allons-y, but was glad when he didn't. Then the hunter started the eleventh Doctor's first episode and sat back, deciding consciously to lean into Cas. The angel only glanced to him and threw his arm over Dean's shoulder, enjoying the closeness and comfort of it.

Dean had struggled internally for a minute before deciding to do it, not sure why he felt the need for the contact, not being upset or anything. He was pretty sure that he cared for Cas just as much as he did Sam, but with Cas it wasn't about familial responsibility. Dean realized that the angel was the first real friend he'd ever allowed himself to have, and only because he knew that Cas was capable of taking care of himself. Dean knew that making good friends with those outside of their profession was dangerous for the person involved, as he'd already witnessed with Charlie and even Benny. Cas was different though. Maybe it was the 'profound bond' from having been rescued by the angel; Dean wasn't sure. He just couldn't quite put a name to it. Sure they were friends, but they had also fought side by side as warriors, been each other's saviors (literally), and seen both the best and the worst of each other. Sam was the only other person that had shared those experiences with Dean, but Dean knew that his bond with Cas just wasn't the same. The hunter knew deep down that he loved his friend, but he wasn't sure exactly in what manner. Their relationship was complicated, and Dean wished he had a better way to define it. _This is exactly why you screw everything up. Just go with it for once and don't overthink it... Huh... Maybe there isn't a name for it… Goddamnit, can't we just be Dean and Cas?... Actually, you know what? That's exactly what this is. We're just Dean and Cas, living our lives and kicking ass…that should be good enough. Did I just rhyme? Heh. That would totally be a theme song if we had our own show._ Dean inwardly smirked at that last thought, imagining how awesome it would be to have your own theme song.

"You're doing it again. Just watch the show," Cas said without looking from the screen.

"What are you talking about?"

"Your eyebrows are furrowed and you appear to be unfocused. Whatever it is, just calm down and enjoy the show for a while. You can return to your normal brooding later."

Dean stared his friend down for a moment until he realized that Cas was purposely ignoring him, putting his own words into action. The hunter let out a small sigh through his nose and squished into Cas' side, getting more comfortable.

Both men were relieved that Eleven's first episode was light-hearted and humorous. Cas was concerned for a minute about the ethics of taking a child along on such dangerous adventures and was glad when the Doctor came back at the wrong time. So far, both the angel and the hunter liked Amelia Pond. Dean still missed Donna, she had been his favorite, but this red-head wasn't so bad either. When the Doctor put on the jacket and bowtie, Dean cringed a little. "No dude, what're you doing with that bowtie?" Cas tilted his head a little in amusement, looking at Dean, but the hunter was too wrapped up in the Doctor's speech to pay him any attention. Even though the comment had been disapproving, the grin on Dean's face was undeniable as he was watching the show. Cas always liked to witness those rare moments that Dean would just enjoy something with a child-like wonder and not be worried about the rest of the world. The angel supposed that Dean hadn't experienced many good things like this and it made a fondness creep even deeper into his heart, knowing that he was witnessing Dean feel wonderment rather than his typical jaded outlook. When the episode finished, the two spun around in their seats to face each other, both smiling about what they'd just seen.

"Okay, so I like the new Doctor," Dean said excitedly. "And the TARDIS is so much more, I don't know," he gestured vaguely, "Happier, maybe."

"I agree. But also, do you think the new screwdriver does wood this time? And what if he breaks it while he's away from the TARDIS? Do you think it just _knows_ and makes him a new one to have ready when he gets back?" Cas was way more full of questions than Dean had been prepared for and he laughed good-naturedly at Cas' enthusiasm.

_Well shit, I'm fanduding now. I guess I'll have to talk to Charlie about this tomorrow._

Neither man had noticed Sam walk in as they were going over their thoughts on what they'd just watched and positing their theories. Sam was too amused with the rather animated discussion going on to say anything and just leaned in the doorway grinning. Dean was the first to notice and startled at realizing that he'd totally missed a giant man standing only a few yards away. When they made eye contact, Dean looked down and made a small gulp.

"So, did you guys do anything today, or just lay around watching the Doctor?" Sam asked, genuinely curious.

Cas spoke up. "I went through more of the pile today, and Dean fixed the air vent and cleaned up that room for me. We're taking a break and were waiting on you to get here to talk about dinner."

Dean was still being quiet, so Sam came over to perch on the recliner. "Dean, I'm not going to make fun or anything, so quit freaking out. I mean, it's your business, and I'm not here to judge. We're all adults here."

"There is no 'business', Sammy. If two bros want to take a nap and snuggle up some, they can. If Joey and Ross can do it, so can we!" Dean stated defensively. Sam's lips turned up at the corners a bit and he looked a little confused. Cas silently wondered who Joey and Ross were and decided to ask Dean about it later.

"Did you just use Friends as an explanation right after I said I don't need an explanation? Calm down Dean, it's no big deal," Sam said with a grin and a shake of his head.

Cas had been looking between the two like a kitten watching ping pong and finally settled on Dean, who caught his gaze and just gave the angel a shrug.

"Well, then, if we're done having this moment, let's skip the hair-braiding and talk about grub," Dean changed the subject quickly.

Their meal went by with a slight bit of tension, mostly emanating from Dean, but the other two ignored him and went about eating, choosing instead to try and keep the atmosphere light. Sam shared that he'd found out a pretty fair amount on one of the texts he'd taken to one of the academics he consulted, but only on the one text. Cas also gave his own report on the progress he'd made that day and the conversation stayed mostly on business. When Dean saw that the other two weren't lingering on the previous conversation, he lightened up a bit and started talking again.

Resuming the night time routine, the three went to the living room to watch TV and this time, Sam seemed more into it. When the Weeping Angels appeared, all three cringed, including the actual angel in the room. Dean found himself digging further and further into Cas' side as the angel got closer and closer to Amy while she was stuck in the trailer. Sam noticed, but chose wisely to keep it to himself. However, he couldn't hold back shouting at the TV to the Doctor, "Oh come on, dude! She's totally your wife you dipshit! Did you forget the Vashta Nerada?" It was Cas and Dean's turn to smirk to each other at the usually impassive Sam getting so into what he'd called "nerdy stuff", even referencing a previous episode. Sam even stuck around to watch another episode, about Van Gogh. The younger Winchester hadn't expected to feel so effected by the episode and chose to vacate to his room when it was over, being tired from the day anyway.

Dean and Cas got their tea and returned to the couch, continuing on with their TV time, but this time Dean got to the couch first and took his seat back with a satisfied grin. Cas rolled his eyes, but sat next to the hunter none the less. "Dean? Do you think we could quit skipping and try watching the rest of these in order? I'm really enjoying this Doctor and would like to continue watching him for a while."

"Sure Cas, most of the rest of the season is on Charlie's list anyway," Dean said with a grin, glad that he wasn't the only one that wanted to keep on with it.


	10. Got you where I want you

Dean had started on decoding the Gallifreyan note in his room before bed, but only got as far as 'You' before getting tired and frustrated and laying down, falling asleep fairly quickly. The night went by just as quickly, and he woke feeling like he'd just lain down, even though he'd been asleep for six hours. Dean went to the kitchen and Sam was already up, eating some kind of rabbit food and staring into space a bit. The brothers said their good mornings and sat in a sleepy silence with their coffee for an interminable amount of time. Sam suddenly came to and looked to his brother. "Where's Cas? I'd thought he'd be up by now."

Dean shrugged in reply and looked at his watch. 9:30. Another half hour and still no sign of the angel, so Sam suggested that Dean check on him. Knocking on the door, Dean hollered loudly to see if his friend was up. No reply. He made a second attempt, and no noise. He was about to open the door when he remembered the moodiness from the previous morning and opted to go back to the kitchen and get a cup of coffee to bring as a peace offering. It turned out to be a good idea when Dean was greeted by a rather irritated "What do you WANT Dean?" from behind the door.

"Uh, we were just worried, you know, because you weren't up yet. I brought coffee," Dean said apologetically. The door opened to a disheveled Cas, who looked like he couldn't decide if he was annoyed by being woken up or relieved to have coffee delivered straight to his door. Opting for gratitude, Cas opened the door wider and took the coffee with a soft "thank you". Dean just nodded and went to his own room to get dressed for the day and decided to check his computer.

When he opened up his Twitter he was irritated to see that his icon had been changed yet again, from his Baby, back to the tattooed woman. With a low irritated growl, he changed it back. _Whoever is doing this needs my boot up their ass_. Seeing very little going on, Dean moved on to Tumblr. Today was just not the day to get an early start on work, he decided. After scrolling for a few minutes, Dean was starting to feel guilty for poking around instead of being productive and was about to close out the browser when a post that had just finished loading at the bottom of the screen caught his attention and he choked a little on his own spit at what he saw.

"CAS! SAM! Get in here now!"

Hearing the alarm in his voice, the angel and the taller Winchester came running into Dean's room to find the hunter standing a couple feet away and staring open-mouthed at the screen. When they leaned in to see what had shaken him so badly, the other two looked just as shocked before the three of them started talking simultaneously.

"Is that?"

"What the hell is he…"

"Is that who I think it is?"

"I don't know!"

After a moment they all quieted and Dean pulled the laptop over to the bed so the three of them could sit together on the bed and look at the screen. It was a GIF of a scene featuring Amy Pond, with a gun being pointed at her by a man in a typical-looking suit.

"Dean, I think we need to get to the living room NOW! This needs to be confirmed. What episode is that from?" Sam said with urgency. Dean looked up the info quickly and the three men took off to the living room.

Dean slid the correct disc into the player and grabbed for the remotes. Zooming for the couch, Dean joined Cas and they got the episode going. So far so good, typical Doctor Who stuff. Then the TARDIS appeared in the Oval Office and after a minute they saw it.

"Oh my God! That's really him! It's Crowley!" Sam shouted, shocked and slightly angered.

Dean paused the disc and the three men looked at each other for a moment before Dean spoke. "We need to find out what he was doing on that show. What if he's using the media to make more deals? Like, maybe he's been doing something bigger that we didn't know about."

Cas had been quiet, sitting in thought with his head tilted when it occurred to him. "Maybe he's manipulating the way _we _see him." The angel then nodded toward Dean. "You did say that someone's been changing yours and Sam's icons on that one site. Maybe Crowley has been playing with you. I think you need to call Charlie right now, and get her to describe this character from her perspective so we can see if he looks the same to her. It would be an objective opinion."

Nodding agreement, Dean picked up the phone and called her number. Dean was glad that she answered and said, "Hey Charlie, it's Dean. We might have a little problem over here and could use your help. It's about Doctor Who. I'm putting you on speaker now, so we can all talk."

"Hey guys, what's up? Have you gotten to Eleven yet? Dean hasn't been sharing with me like he promised," she said with a tsking tone.

Cas was impatient and cut right to the chase before the brothers could start. "Charlie? We have watched some of those episodes, but we haven't gotten to the one we're going to ask you about." Then the angel paused for a second and grinned, looking at the brothers before continuing. "And no, I'm not asking for…'spoilers'." The Winchesters face palmed, both toward the reference and the air quotes.

"Cas! Is that you? And did you just make a funny? Oh my God, er, sorry. Goodness," she corrected.

The angel found her endearing, but had to get back to business. "Yes, it's me. So our question…could you please describe the appearance and voice of the character of Canton Delaware Everett the Third?"

Charlie fulfilled the request and sure enough, she was describing Crowley down to a T, minus the accent. When she was finished, she just had to know why they asked such a strange question. After explaining the history of the demon, she sat in silence for a while.

Dean wondered if the call had dropped. "Charlie? You still with us?"

"Yeah, I'm here. But now I feel a little dirty. I really liked that character, too. So…are you needing me to do anything else?" Charlie's voice clearly indicated her desire to NOT be involved.

"No Charlie, that was all we needed. I'm taking you off of speaker now," Dean told her. Then he looked to the other two and motioned for them to leave.

"Okay, it's off. I can't stay on here, but I just wanted to let you know that I…" Dean sighed. "I fanduded. With Cas. And Sam caught us."

Charlie squealed and said, "Okay, I know you said you can't talk and I won't really keep you, but thank you for telling me, and you'd better call me back or I'm going to come down there in a few days. You have three days, Winchester."

Dean said his farewell and got his shoes on, grabbing for his jacket on the way out the door of his room. He joined the others in the main room, and they talked over what they should do about it. They certainly weren't in a position to summon Crowley himself, and it's not like he would tell them anything, anyway. It was finally decided that they should carefully trap a weaker demon and go from there. The Winchesters set straight to gathering the supplies they would need. Dean wasn't pleased about bringing Sam along in his current condition, but this needed to be found out, to see if there was a larger plan being set in motion by Crowley. If this 'plan' had been in motion for a couple of years, who knew how big it could be by now. The brothers were heading for the door when they noticed that Cas was right behind them.

"Oh Cas, I don't think so man. You need to stay here. We can't risk you out there, sorry." Dean set his jaw stubbornly.

"Dean, I'm coming…I can't sit here doing nothing. And don't forget, I'm not defenseless. I still know how to fight hand-to-hand, lest you forget who I really am." Cas had gone into warrior mode and Dean shivered at authority in the angel's voice. He was brought back to a night many years ago in Bobby's kitchen, a private conversation with the angel that demanded his respect.

Sam wasn't thrilled with the idea either, but said, "Dean, he has a point. Plus, he has his own sword. Two weapons, salt rounds, and three against one are fairly good odds."

With a stern look between the two men, Dean puzzled over how to argue their points but came up with nothing. Truthfully, he wanted to protect Cas just as much as the Angel Tablet and knew that Cas would blow his own cover if Dean were in trouble, because the angel always stuck his neck out for Dean. Seeing that Cas had made up his mind though, Dean knew that there was no convincing him otherwise and agreed half-heartedly to allow him to come along.

It took relatively little time to set the trap and have all precautions made before summoning a crossroads demon a few towns over from their home. The demon took its time appearing and the men had almost turned to check the contents of their box to make sure they hadn't made a mistake when a woman finally appeared in the devil's trap. Looking around nervously, she didn't look eager to be where she found herself.

"Really guys, a trap? Do I look like I have any desire to deal with the Winchesters?" said the petite blond. The woman didn't have the typical "Crossroads Look". She was dressed in clothing more closely resembling a politician's wife than the usual sleek business attire. This didn't escape Sam's notice and all he got out in an uneasy tone was, "Dean…" when the one they'd been avoiding appeared.

"Hello boys. Miss me? Oh Moose, you're not looking so well." Crowley said with a self-satisfied smirk.

Cas stepped in front of Dean, sword drawn. "Crowley. What are you doing here?"

"Oh, surely you didn't think that I wouldn't hear about the infamous Winchesters trying to summon one of my workers, now did you? You know I'm not interested in your souls, so what is it you want? And get on with it, I have a lot on my schedule."

"We saw you on television and want to know what you were doing on there," Cas demanded. He remained stoic, although inwardly he was at a loss, considering there was little chance that Crowley would tell them anything. In fact, this was becoming a bad idea quickly.

Crowley chuckled and put his hands in his pockets, rocking lightly on his heels. "Well now, I'm afraid I've been rather busy in the media over the years. Would you be referencing my performance as an FBI agent by chance? By the way, you're looking good Angel. Tell me how that's working out, living as a human." Cas' face hardened and his jaw clenched.

"Ah, not feeling talkative today? Very well."

The hunters and the angel tensed, ready for an attack that didn't come. Crowley made no move except for his mouth, the next words bringing bile to the back of Dean's throat.

"Say goodbye to your humans, it's going to be a while. In three…two…one." The demon finished with a snap and Cas' eyes blew wide.

"Dean! The tablet!" Cas shot a look of regret before disappearing, leaving only an empty spot in the road where he'd once stood.

Dean's vision went red and he grabbed the demon knife from Sam and ran to the edge of the circle with a roar. "What have you done, you bastard?! You tell me right now or this knife will be so far up your ass it'll cut the back of your tongue!"

"You really are a dull one. I gave you a week before I gave up and took to your precious blog. And Dean, I must say, your 'favorites' are quite…interesting. I also never would have figured you for a fan of British programming."

"What are you talking about," Dean spat. Sam lifted his chin, ready to hear what Crowley had to say.

"Oh. I see that you haven't appreciated my little gift on your Twitter account. I thought the icon rather…suited you." Crowley then turned to Sam. "As for you, well, I was merely entertaining myself with yours," Crowley said with a smile.

"Really? You tried to get our attention through Twitter? That's lame even for you, you smarmy asshat. Now what did you do to Cas, and what do you want with us?" Dean yelled on the last part.

Crowley rolled his eyes as if he'd been trying to explain something to a child. "You didn't come across that picture today all on your own, you know. Moving on though, your angel is indisposed at the moment, so I wouldn't worry about him right now…I'd be more worried about yourselves." And with a snap, eight more demons appeared outside of the circle awaiting their orders. Crowley looked around at them and gave an impatient look and shouted, "What are you waiting for? Get them!" Then he pointed at the closest one. "You, get me out of here you idiot!" The demon obliged and smudged the still tacky spray paint at the edge of the trap and Crowley and the blonde disappeared immediately, leaving his grunts to do the dirty work.

The brothers managed to fight their way through four of the creatures, watching the electric glow run through each of them, while salt rounds slowed the others. When two made for Sam, Dean turned to stab one and Sam got the other, but the men were both knocked forcefully to the ground and pinned by another stronger demon. Sam was knocked unconscious by the fall, Dean hollering his name being the last thing Sam remembered. Dean vaguely registered that he'd broken at least one rib when he hit the pavement before being knocked out by a harsh boot to his head.

Waking up some hours later in a warehouse, chained to a wall, Dean registered that he seemed to be in some sort of basement, the only light in the room coming from a light shining under a door crack several yards away. In a loud whisper, he started. "Sam! SAM! Are you in here?"

"Yeah, I'm here. What happened?

"We both got knocked out and that's all I remember. Are you okay?," Dean asked, heavy with concern.

"I'm okay, but I'm chained up. Are you okay?" Sam asked.

"Same. We gotta get-" Dean was cut off when the door swung open and Crowley strolled in easily, as if he were simply walking through a store. Two rather large demons trailed behind him.

"So boys, I realize that I was rude to never answer your question. If you must know, I was on the show because I was owed a favor. I did strike a deal, but considering the profession of the person I was dealing with, I thought I would have a little fun while I was at it. You've heard of Steven Moffat, right?"

Sam looked a bit puzzled, but Dean's expression darkened. "What did you deal for, Crowley?" he said with a sad tone.

"Well, let's just say that our dear Moffat wanted to…fortify his writing skills. I just happened to throw in an additional term to our agreement, that I would appear on one of his shows at some point. And that is the story of yours truly, as Canton Delaware Everett the Third. Now, onto the real business at hand.  
Tell me where your prophet is. All I want is your half of the Demon Tablet and we'll all just go our separate ways."

Dean's head was spinning a bit from having been unconscious and he was having a hard time organizing everything that had happened. He knew one thing though…they had to get out of there.

"You really think we're going to just tell you? Piss off." Dean knew there wasn't much he could do, but at least they could keep Kevin and the tablet safe.

"I assumed you'd say something like that. I guess the Moose will have to help you talk then," Crowley said with purpose in his voice and eyebrows raised. Sam was suddenly screaming as an icepick was being jabbed into his calf.

"You let him go you son of a bitch!" Dean cried out.

"Oh I'm sorry, what was that? I couldn't hear you. Now, where's the prophet?" Crowley said patiently.

"What makes you think we know where he is? He comes to us." Dean didn't know what else to do but stall for the time being. Sam shrieked again, this time being stabbed in the fleshy spot where the armpit joins the torso.

"Don't play games with me boy. I can do this all day, if you'd like. You see, _this_ was the schedule I was speaking of earlier. Again. Where is the prophet?"

Winded, Sam spoke up. "Do what you want, you're still not getting your hands near the tablet."

Dean noticed in the corner of his eye that the demons behind Crowley had crumpled silently to the floor, flickering white-blue light in their eyes as they fell while Sam was talking. No doubt, Sam had seen it too.

Crowley froze as the angel sword poked harshly in his lower back. "Cas. Did my boys not keep you entertained?"

Cas' eyes held a light blue glow that was slowly turning more white. _Oh shit, Cas is in a smiting mood, _the brothers and demon thought collectively. "Do not move. The Winchesters will be coming with me," Cas said in a low snarl, "Now." The angel dug the blade hard enough to push through the demon's jacket and shirt and was burning into his skin, making Crowley hiss involuntarily.

"My dear Cas, what happened to the good old days? We used to work so well together," Crowley said with a little less suave than he'd hoped.

"Do not test me, Crowley. I will smite you where you stand."

"Ah, but then you'll be a big bright blip on their radar. So I suppose we're at a stale mate." Crowley was brimming with pride at his logic.

"You know Crowley, you should really stop underestimating me, you ass." With a quickness, Cas had shifted his hand up and was piercing the demon behind a shoulder blade, while using his grace to free the brothers from their chains. The stab wasn't enough to kill Crowley, but enough to maim the demon long enough for the angel to gather the Winchesters and zap them back to their house, healing them both the moment they reoriented themselves.

Cas' eyes were filled with sadness as he said simply, "I'm sorry Dean, I can't stay. Goodbye, Sam." And with a nod, the angel was gone, leaving only the familiar sound of the flutter of wings.

_**A/N: I wanted to say thank you for all the kind reviews, I really appreciate it! It's been fun writing this and I'm glad you guys are getting enjoyment from it as well. As for Moffat, please just know that that's just my own little bit amusement and in no way implies that Moffat has come by his skills in any way but by hard work and natural talent. Just figured it was time for some DW/Crowley time. Only a couple more chapters, guys!**_


	11. It's been a long day

Dean and Sam ran inside, knowing that there was a possibility that angels of ill-intent could be trailing Cas and that they needed to disappear quickly. Once inside, the brothers both walked slowly to the kitchen, processing everything that had happened. For the first time in over a week, Dean grabbed the Scotch from its place on the counter while Sam grabbed two glasses. The two sat for a minute lost in thought, drinking their scotch in silence. They both had known that this was a possibility, but it didn't lessen the worry. After a tense moment with himself, Dean snapped and stood so quickly that his chair flipped over behind him and he nearly knocked the table over in his haste.

"We should have never done that summoning!" Dean shouted bitterly. "And now it's my fault, again! Cas is gone, and we don't even have a way to know if he or the tablet are safe. I screwed up, Sam." Dean's arms dropped to his sides.

"Dean, this isn't your fault! Not everything that happens is always your fault, so just stop already!" Sam was not going to let Dean sink into this again. "Let's just calm down for a minute, okay? Take a swig of your drink," the taller brother said with a finger pointed at Dean's glass.

Dean took the glass in one long gulp, but the anger bubbled back up. "Calm down?! I sure as shit ain't calming down right now! What are we gonna do?"

Sam sighed and looked down, knowing that there wasn't a good answer to that question. "I don't know, Dean. The only thing I can think of is to get Kevin moved and you pray to Cas. That's all we can do, right now," he said with a grimace.

Dean knew his brother was right, but it didn't change the fact that he was quickly losing it. It was made all the worse by the fact that he couldn't even get in his Baby and drive out his frustration. For a loss at what else to do for the moment, Dean turned without a word and stalked off to his room. The hunter proceeded to get beyond wasted on the mostly full bottle that he always kept in his desk, sitting extremely still on the side of his bed, just breathing and trying to hold it together. When it became too challenging, he stripped down and got under the covers, ready to pass out in a drunken stupor. Dean felt bad for abandoning Sam that way, but trusted that his brother would get the word out and make sure that Kevin was moved safely pronto. No longer able to keep his eyes in focus, Dean said a prayer before he rolled over to pass out. "Cas, I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm still praying. And I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let you out that door. Please just stay alive. Please."

The next day left Dean with a monstrous hangover, taking him almost an hour just to sit up all the way in his bed and try standing. His head pounded and the room still spun a bit, so he sat back down. Then he noticed the two little pills and glass of water on his nightstand. Dean felt bad for a minute that Sam had to take care of him, but the gratitude for that simple kindness took over and he took the pills, drinking the water down slowly. When he felt capable of standing, Dean exited his room, headed toward the kitchen to get some food in his stomach.

The day went by with an almost palpable heaviness hanging over it. Just as Dean expected, Sam had gotten arrangements together for Kevin's move and made sure he was secured. Kevin was getting closer to figuring out the third trial, but progress was slow, so it was still an unknown as to when Sam would have to go through it. At a loss for what else to do, Sam continued his work on the library, just trying to keep his mind occupied. Dean on the other hand, mostly just sat and moped at the kitchen table in silence, drinking an entire pot of coffee and looking at nothing in particular. Somewhere around lunch time, Dean's hangover had subsided a bit and he thought he was going to go crazy if he didn't get out of the bunker. Remembering that he didn't have his car, he cursed loudly and made for his room to get his phone, pulling up Charlie's number.

"Hey Dean, what's up?" Charlie asked a little distractedly. It was her day off and she decided to do a little shopping…her media collection was getting out of control and she needed more shelving.

Dean let out a shuddering breath before responding, "Hey Charlie. Um, could I ask you for a favor?"

Charlie knew something was incredibly wrong, judging by that breath. "What's going on? Are you okay? What do you need?"

"Well, I was hoping you weren't busy and wouldn't mind coming to the house. My car is a couple towns over and you're the only person I trust to come help me get her back," Dean said with a vague tone.

"Please tell me what's wrong, Dean. I mean, I'll come, I'm out and about anyway, but seriously man."

Charlie heard a loud sigh before he answered quietly, "Cas is gone."

"Oh my God! Okay, I'm on my way. Just give me a couple hours. I'll call you when I'm close, okay?" Charlie was filled with alarm for the angel and concern for Dean.

Dean felt a tiny bit of relief knowing that Charlie was on her way. "Thanks Charlie, it means a lot. Oh, and make sure to arm up, okay? Just in case. You know what to do, right?"

Charlie felt a shiver up her spine when Dean warned her to be ready to protect herself, but she was a good shot and knew that her friend needed her. "Yeah, I know what to do. See you soon."

Dean was feeling a little better knowing that Charlie was coming, but he still felt like he was fraying at the edges, not knowing what to do about anything anymore. Needing to busy himself, Dean took to cleaning the Batcave and catching up laundry. He took to it with determination, just needing something to get his energy out. Just as he finished putting the wet clothes in the dryer, his phone began to ring with that same old generic tone. Charlie announced over the phone that she was twenty minutes out, so Dean grabbed a shower, basking in the relaxing heat for a while, trying to will himself to calm down. Once clean, he dried off and finished dressing just in time for Charlie's arrival.

When Dean opened the door, Charlie was standing there with worry etched all over her face, sizing him up to see if he was in an okay mood for being touched. His eyes were weary and anxious and she decided that he would accept a hug and rushed over to him, wrapping her arms around him and sliding her hands soothingly up and down his back. After a moment she pulled back to look at him and didn't like the downtrodden look on her friend's face.

"Thanks for coming, Charlie. Mind if we go right now? I just really need to be out of the house for a while," Dean asked, hoping he didn't sound rude.

"Not a problem, hop in. Hope you don't mind if we make a pit stop and grab something through the drive-through. I'm starving."

Dean popped into the house to tell Sam where he was going and came right back out, walking straight to Charlie's little car and getting right in. Charlie looked over at him with kindness and reached over to pat his knee before putting the car in gear and pulling away. Dean told her where they needed to head, but stayed silent for several minutes. Even though she felt comfortable around Dean, too much silence always irked Charlie, so she decided to turn on the radio. The first station that she reached that was coming in clearly was one of those that plays older rock and alternative songs from the 90s. Charlie had turned the radio on just in time for the intense build-up to the best part of the old song and Dean seemed okay with the music, so she left it be. Then the lyrics started up with the breakdown and she watched his forehead bunch up…

"_Kudos my hero, leaving all the best_

_You know my hero…"_

"Uh, sorry, I'll-" Charlie began, but Dean shook his head. Although it wasn't his normal thing, Dean could still appreciate a good rock song, and he felt just masochistic enough to listen to something that reminded him of his situation. Dean had heard the song before, years ago, and had to admit that it had a certain charisma that made it hard to turn off.

Charlie didn't want to prod her friend, so she waited until he was ready. The trip was going to take about an hour, so she figured they had plenty of time to talk when he was ready. Finally, Dean sat up a bit in his seat and decided to share the story.

"I'm so sorry, Dean. I wish there was something I could do to fix it!" the woman said with frustration for her friend.

"Well, you're helping now. And hey, you could stay tonight if you want, since you came all the way out here" Dean offered.

Charlie knew that Dean was asking _her_ to stay, rather than just being hospitable. "Well I'm glad I can help. And thanks for inviting me, I'll take you up on it," she said with a soft smile. Dean relaxed a fraction, but didn't say anything else until they got to the drive-through in the town where his car was stowed.

Once they pulled up to the Impala, Dean looked at Charlie with a weary smile. "Thanks again. I'll see you at the house." Dean hauled himself out of her car and quickly strode to his own, getting in and starting the engine. With a quick wave to Charlie, Dean pulled out, the little yellow car following behind. Dean was grateful to be in the safety and comfort of his Baby- nothing helped him get his thoughts together like the feeling of miles being put behind him and the ambient hum of the engine under his control.

The trip went by in a blur and before he realized it, he was pulling up without really remembering the trip. Putting the car into park, Dean let out a long breath and shut the car off. The hunter exited his car and walked over to take Charlie's bags, weapons included, figuring this would be a good time to inspect his friend's small arsenal and help her make improvements if necessary. Charlie said a small thanks and they walked into the bunker together.

Sam was sitting at a table in the main area surrounded by piles of books and making notes on a pad of paper next to an open text he was reading when he heard his brother and friend come in. "Hey guys. How was the trip?" Charlie saw the worry etched on the younger Winchester's face and gave a tight-lipped smile before making her way over to him. She leaned down and gave him a hug the best she could, with him still being seated, then pulled away to answer.

"It was fine. How are you holding up?" Charlie noticed that Sam's condition hadn't improved and that he appeared more haggard than the last time she had seen him.

"I've seen better days," Sam replied quietly, not really in the mood to talk about himself.

Charlie understood and turned back to Dean. "So. Are you gonna stand there all day looking pretty, or are we going to relax and let you inspect my weapons?" Trying to relax the mood a bit and give Dean something to do, she was rewarded when the corners of his mouth quirked up the tiniest bit.

"You know, if you were anyone else, that would've been a great dirty joke," Dean smirked.

"Glad to see that your mind is still in the gutter," Charlie said with a small grin. She truly was glad actually, because that meant Dean wasn't totally lost in a spiral.

Moving toward the living room, the two friends took their seats, Dean laying the contents of Charlie's arsenal on the coffee table. Dean was actually rather impressed with what Charlie had managed to pull together to defend herself. He decided that for now he would clean and sharpen and oil her weapons before augmenting or improving upon what she had there. Dean was surprised when his friend propped her foot up on the table and pulled up her pant leg to remove a gun hidden there and handed it to him to be cleaned. "Damn, girl! When did you start packing like that?" Dean couldn't hide the surprise and amusement in his voice.

Charlie rolled her eyes but looked to him fondly. "Do you really think I haven't learned by now? Spend time with the Winchesters and you learn a thing or two about the world; and the creepy-crawlies tend to learn about you too."

Dean nodded his head with the 'not bad' face, and set to cleaning her gun. It felt good to have something to keep his hands busy. Without looking up, Dean decided to talk. "Crowley used Cas to get to us. The bastard had this whole damn thing lined up and we played right in. He knew that we were laying low and drew us out like mice to a trap. I should've seen this coming, and now we're screwed. But messing with Twitter icons? Since when do demons do anything with subtlety?" Charlie knew that Dean didn't just talk his thoughts out with anyone and sat quietly while he argued with himself. The hunter continued on verbalizing his thoughts. "And why in the hell didn't he just take the Angel Tablet, if he knew where it was?"

Charlie thought on it all for a moment before speaking. "Maybe he was betting on Cas not using his powers to deal with the demons. Seems pretty rookie. Or it could just be that he wants your half of the Demon Tablet bad enough that he was willing to give up the Angel Tablet for now. Either way, I'm sure that's why Cas didn't just go ahead and kill him when he had the chance…he was probably trying to make sure that you and Sam would still be able to get to Crowley and get the other half, even if he wasn't there to help. And Dean, for what it's worth, I think Cas is still out there hiding. From what I know, he's come back from worse. Just give it time and I'm sure he'll get back to you when he can."

Dean pondered on her theories for a minute and finished putting her gun back together in silence. He handed the gun back to his friend and leaned back in the couch, raising his arms to lace his fingers together behind his head. "I just don't know what to do anymore, Charlie. Sam's not getting any better, we have no clue when or what the next trial will be or if he'll make it out alive. We don't know where Cas is or what's going on upstairs right now, and we don't even know if the Angel Tablet is safe. And now we'll have Crowley on our asses more than ever. I feel like I'm gonna go batshit if I have to keep hanging around here doing nothing, but what else can I do? Hunting is not an option, and there's no way to get any intel on either side without risking Sam," the hunter finished quietly.

"Dean, you probably don't want to hear this, but I think you need to just keep laying low and just wait. Now I know that waiting isn't your thing, but at this point, it's the best option you've got. I'm sure Kevin's doing his best, and I know that Cas will find a way to let you know what's going on when he can. Plus, as long as you're here, you know that Sam is safe."

The hunter rubbed his hands over his face and sat up, turning to look at Charlie. "Well, I guess I'm running out of options. You're probably right."

Charlie remembered something and sat up suddenly. "We need to delete your Twitter and Tumblr accounts pronto. If Crowley was able to manipulate them, he could easily find you if he wanted to dig. I'll check up on your security again and let's just hope that Crowley was just using powers to mess with your stuff, rather than a geek."

Dean groaned at the thought of having to wipe out his accounts and felt bitter that he couldn't have those small pleasures for himself. It's not like he ever asked for that much, so why did the world seem so bent on making sure that even small things were denied him? The two went to his room and Charlie took the seat at the desk ready to get to work, when Dean sat a hand on her shoulder lightly.

"Mind if we save that Circular Gallifreyan post before we delete the account?" Dean said a bittersweet tone.

"Sure, I'll pull it up." Charlie got the post up and saved quickly and turned to Dean. "Are you ready?" she asked, as the cursor hovered over the 'delete blog' button. Dean nodded quickly and she clicked the button, knowing that the hunter was getting worked up on the inside, feeling the loss of one of the very few things that he ever allowed himself to have.

Deleting the Twitter account didn't bother Dean as much, it's not like he really used it anyway. It still stung though. When it was done, she stood up and was about to suggest they go get a beer when Cas' note hanging above the desk caught her eye.

Charlie couldn't contain herself and pointed excitedly to the note. "Dean! Is that the note? Oh my God, it's amazing! How did he get the circles so perfect?"

For the first time that day, a real smile made it to Dean's face when he thought about that note. It really was beautifully written, even if he didn't have a clue what it said. "Yeah, that's the note. And I have no idea how he did it, but there it is."

"Well, I'm sure you'll get it deciphered once you sit down and decide to do it." Charlie decided it was time to quit sulking for a while and try to lighten the mood. "So, I say it's that time of day," she said with a mischievous grin and a nod toward the robe hanging on the hook. Dean followed her gaze and his features lightened, feeling warmed by the happy memory of what that robe had come to symbolize.

"Only if you do too…" Dean said with arms playfully crossed over his chest.

"Come on Winchester, you think I'm going to turn down the opportunity for comfort? Please," she said, and walked toward the door. "I'll see you in the kitchen," she threw over her shoulder before closing the door behind her.

Dean grinned softly to himself, glad to have Charlie there, and got changed with a quickness before wrapping the robe around himself. Damn, it felt good to be back in uniform.


	12. Holiday from Real

Charlie wasn't sure if Doctor Who would be a sore spot for Dean and chose not to bring it up. She really wanted to know what Dean and Cas had fanduded about though and was hoping that Dean would bring it up first. Instead she attended to the stove, cooking breakfast for supper, figuring that no one else would feel like cooking and leaving the Batcave wasn't happening for the rest of the night. Dean and Sam were sitting at the table quietly sipping their beer while Charlie cooked, when Dean spoke up.

"You know, I wish my Baby was also a TARDIS. Then we could just go to Kevin, let it translate the Tablet, and get on with this crap!"

Sam and Charlie looked at each other in surprise before turning to look at Dean, who suddenly looked slightly defensive. "What? You know it would work. I'm just sayin'." The hunter trailed off a little at the last sentence. Charlie cracked a huge grin at Dean, and it must have been infectious because the brothers both grinned as well.

"Dean, did you just imply that you'd like to be a Timelord?" Charlie asked.

Sam startled everyone with a loud guffaw that took him a moment to calm down from before he could speak. Dean glared at his brother.

"Dude! Could you imagine what Dean's TARDIS would be like? There'd be a whole room just for pie! And what if you could make it sound like the car starting up when it gets ready to leave somewhere?" Sam was enjoying this and it was rubbing off on the others.

"Yeah, well, you'd have to have a whole room just for hair products! And I'm sure you'd have a garden in there with nothing but exotic types of lettuce for miles!" Dean retorted teasingly.

Both Winchesters turned to Charlie, who smiled wickedly. "Oh trust me, you guys really don't want to know what I'd have in my own TARDIS," then she paused and scrunched up her eyebrows, "or maybe you do. Let's just not." Sam and Dean both chortled.

Suddenly the mood of the room had lightened and everyone was left with the warm buzz of laughter. Charlie decided that she didn't need to know what Dean and Cas had talked about and was just happy to be part of this right here. With the stove turned off and food served up, the three talked about happier times and made it a point to move on from the ugliness that had happened recently. It was only a temporary fix of course, but the brothers needed it, to just be happy even if only for a little while. As the meal ended, they all took to the living room, beer in tow. The next couple hours found them all tipsy and relaxed in the living room, flipping channels and bantering back and forth. Dean laid down with his head in Charlie's lap, allowing her scratch on his scalp like a cat, while she and Sam had some kind of discussion that Dean wasn't really paying attention to. Dean was just enjoying the good company and the tension easing from his body when his thoughts wandered to Cas. _Hey Cas. Charlie's here with us again, she helped me get my car back. We were talking about what all rooms we would each have if we had our own TARDIS. I tried to think of what you would have in yours, but I came up empty. Maybe just a very large library? That seems like something you would like. Without creepy shadow monsters, of course. Sam said mine would have a room full of pie, and I have to say, I definitely wouldn't mind that. Not sure why I'm telling you all this. I guess I just miss you, man. Just come home all in one piece, okay?_

Around 11, Dean remembered something and sat up slowly, back stiff from laying still for so long. "Hey Charlie? Do you think you could help me make you a ringtone? You've had the same generic one and I want to have one just for you. I mean, it's nice to know who's calling without looking."

Charlie smiled and said, "Well yeah, as long as it's awesome."

Sam shook his head at his brother's continued dorkiness and rose, announcing his plans to get a cup of tea and head off to bed, asking if Dean wanted a cup as well. "Not tonight. Thank you though." Dean and Charlie said their goodnights and took off to Dean's room together, where his computer still sat on the desk. Charlie took to the desk while Dean lounged on the bed, hands laced over chest. Charlie started clicking away and in no time had a program downloading that would allow Dean to convert music into ringtones. Waiting for it to download, she turned to him with a quirked eyebrow. "Soooo…the tea isn't so secret anymore, huh?"

Dean's lips quirked upward slightly before he spoke. "No Charlie, not so secret. In fact, it's kind of become a nightly ritual around here, to be honest. I'm just not in the mood tonight." Then rolled to his side and propped up on one elbow. "I wanted to say thanks though. For everything, and I mean it."

Charlie wasn't exactly sure what all was being implied in Dean's words, but whatever it was, it meant a lot to him. "Well, I like to help where I can. Although I don't really think I've done that much, Dean."

Dean laughed lightly, more to himself than her. "Oh, you have no idea how much you've taught me. Before you came along, I never would have drank tea or watched BBC or bonded over a freakin' sonic screwdriver with an angel. Apparently I even fandude now! Somehow, things are just making more sense to me now, that's all."

"I'm pretty sure you could have done all of that without me, but thanks for the compliment?" Charlie was pretty sure that Dean was mostly just thinking out loud. Meanwhile, the program had finished downloading and Charlie had it installed. "Okay, so your program's ready. Get over here so I can show you how it works, and then I'm heading off to bed."

Within a few minutes, Dean was comfortable with the program and the two friends said their goodnights before Charlie walked out to make her bed on the couch. Dean puttered around downloading various songs, and finally decided what he wanted to make as her ringtone. Setting to work, he listened and edited and finally got the audio file to sound exactly the way he wanted. Satisfied with his work, he saved the file and transferred it to his phone, assigning it to Charlie's number. Dean felt a little better tonight and knew that sleep would come more easily this time. Closing the laptop, the room was swallowed up in darkness, but he made it to the bed with sure feet and crawled under the covers, feeling suddenly tired from the emotional rollercoaster of the last couple days.

The next day, everyone got up and went about breakfast as if they'd all done it together a thousand times before. Although Dean didn't care for being cooped up, he was enjoying the way that he and Sam were slowly but surely coming into a way about running their household, regardless of who was there with them. Dean couldn't help but grin to himself, thinking about how grumpy Cas was in the mornings, in contrast to Charlie who was much easier to wake up. Charlie noticed and asked him what was going on.

"Nothing. You're just perkier than what I've been waking up to the last few mornings, that's all." Dean said before realizing how it sounded.

Charlie's face immediately filled with interest and Dean knew he wasn't getting out of this one. By this point Sam had also looked over, with a bit of amused interest in his eyes as well. "Okay, so I fell asleep on the couch with Cas the other night and when I woke up, he startled me and I kind of woke him up by almost rolling him off the couch. It was accident, but he still wasn't really happy about it." Dean felt himself flushing with embarrassment at the admission and suddenly became very interested in his bacon. Charlie looked to Sam, who just cocked his head to the side and shrugged.

"Sooo…it was kind of like Ross and Joey then, right?" Charlie decided to ask carefully.

Dean's head snapped up and with wide eyes and a victorious grin aimed at his brother, he nearly shouted, "See! I told you!" He then gave Charlie a mock punch to the shoulder and nod of approval before looking back to Sam. "Charlie gets it, because Charlie's awesome," and he reached for a high five from his friend. Sam smirked at his brother and said, "Oh I get it Dean, and like I said before, I don't need any explanation," he finished with his chin tilted down and a glint in his eyes. Stabbing up the last of his eggs and stuffing them in his mouth, Sam rose and dropped his plate off in the sink, giving Charlie a quick wink as he walked out of the kitchen. Dean had stayed silent, poking at his own eggs with his fork.

"I know what you're thinking, so just don't. Sam probably thinks we're together or something, but we're not. It's just…it's complicated with Cas, you know?" Dean couldn't believe he was talking about this with anyone.

"Do you think maybe that the two of you are something like soul mates? I mean, I guess he doesn't really have a 'soul' per se, but maybe that's what it is," Charlie spoke gently.

Dean was reminded of the conversation he'd had with Cas on the subject and suddenly he felt a click. "You know, Cas told me something about soul mates. He said that it's mostly a matter of souls 'touching'. Maybe that's what it is, 'cause I mean, I'm pretty sure our souls literally touched when he pulled me out of the pit." The underlying tension in his eyes started to disperse when it all dawned on him. "I feel like such a chick right now," he said with a chuckle as he ran a hand through his hair. _I wonder if Cas thinks we're soul mates. Maybe that's what he meant by profound bond. Wait, was that wording on purpose? Oh my god, what if that's what he was saying and trying not to freak me out? Oh shit, what if it's just me reading too much into everything? _Dean gulped and Charlie could see him starting to worry about it.

Charlie stood and gave his shoulder a squeeze. "You'll find him again, Dean. You two always do, right?" She walked over to put her own plate and Dean's empty one in the sink and leaned on the counter. "So, I hate to cut it short, but I gotta get ready and head back. I've got a hot lunch date that I definitely don't want to be late to. You should see her fill out a Black Widow costume," Charlie said with a conniving look. Dean just chuckled and Charlie walked out of the kitchen to get herself ready.

Dean exited as well, going to his room to get his own clothes on. Charlie was already in the living room with her bag together when he came back out. "Hey, I made your ringtone last night. Give me a call!" Charlie smiled and dialed the number. Within a moment, the Doctor Who season 4 opening theme was pouring from the little speaker, and both of the friends beamed at each other.

"Oh my God, Dean! It's going to sound like I'm heralding some epic shit whenever I call. That's so awesome, thank you!" Charlie ended the call and started to put the phone in her pocket when it suddenly started ringing out with a compelling electronic beat before a smooth male voice started.

"_I'm going hunting, I'm the hunter, I'll bring back the goods…"_

Charlie looked at him a bit sheepishly when he fixed her with a 'what the hell is that' face. "Oh come on, you know it's appropriate. Besides, the song is awesome. I know it's not your style, but just give it a chance…you might like it."

"Seriously? You couldn't have gone with some Metallica or something?" Dean was still a bit aghast.

"Dude, I chose that song just for you. Now just listen before you go pleasing it off," Charlie said with a demanding tone.

"Pleasing it off?" Dean was still learning some of her phrasing.

"You know, when you give the 'bitch please' face to something? Well, 'pleasing something off' is kind of like that. You could call it a dismissal, sort of."

Dean sighed, but decided he would indulge his friend. Charlie had done so much for him, he thought it was only fair. "Fine, cue it up, I'll listen," he said reluctantly.

Charlie pulled her earphones out and plugged them into the phone. After a moment of tapping around on the screen to get the song ready, she handed the phone over to Dean and he hit play. She watched his face carefully, trying to gage his reaction as the song went.

When the song started, Dean really did want to please it off for its utter lack of guitars and real drums, but continued on. He knew that the lyrics were what had driven Charlie to pick the song, so he listened with full attention, closing his eyes so he could concentrate. Although it wasn't his typical thing, Dean found the beat to be hypnotic and continued listening. As the song progressed, he became more engrossed and slightly embarrassed at enjoying something so far away from his typical style. When the song ended, he felt a slight shiver go down his spine, the lyrics hitting rather close to home.

Charlie had watched his face go from annoyance, to skepticism, to surprise, to enjoyment, and then surprise again as the song ended. "Well? What do you think? Can you accept my ringtone choice now? I mean, it's a cover of an older song, but it suits the purposes of a ringtone better than the original," she started to ramble, getting nervous. She really did want him to like it because it _was_ for _him_, after all.

"Charlie, I don't know how in the hell you manage to keep doing this. What is this freaky ability you have to show me things that I would NEVER go toward on my own, and manage to get me to like it? Don't get me wrong, it's not my favorite thing in the world, but I get it. I know why you chose that song," Dean said with affection in his voice.

Charlie let out a relieved breath and smiled. "You are full of surprises, Winchester. Honestly, I expected you to hate it. And, if you still trust me, I'd like to give you some more recommendations. I promise it won't be all stuff like that song. Besides, you know you're getting tired of the same old stuff all the time. Here, let me transfer some songs over to your computer before I go."

Before he could answer, Charlie was already headed off toward his room with purposeful strides. _I guess there's no such thing as saying no to Charlie. But damn it, if I can get a tumblr, watch scifi, and cuddle with my best friend, I guess I can try new tunes, too. Not like I'm stuck with it if I don't like it. _Within ten minutes, Charlie had a plethora of songs transferred to his computer and instructions for what to listen to first and in what order. Even if it was a little overwhelming sometimes, Dean still admired his friend's enthusiasm and just let her do it. He realized that after spending years around jaded hunters, Charlie was a breath of fresh air, still full of life, and that must be what he liked so much about being around her. Besides the fact that she'd never held any one particular expectation about him, except for him to be genuine around her. When she was done with her little project, they exited the bedroom and headed for the living room to gather her things and take them outside. Sam was sitting in the recliner when she came in and rose when he saw that Charlie was getting ready to leave. The taller Winchester walked over to scoop her up in a hug and leaned in for a moment for a quick whisper. "Thank you for coming, Dean really needed that, and I'm glad you know how to pull him out of his hole. You've helped him more than he knows." Sam released her and Charlie got up on tip toe to give him a kiss on his cheek before saying goodbye. With a look toward Dean, the hunter nodded and they walked out of the bunker.

Dean placed her bags in her car and turned to say his goodbye. "Thank you for coming, it was really nice having you around again. We need to do this more often, I mean it. You'd better call me up from time to time, you hear?" Charlie nodded and came in for one of those signature Dean Winchester hugs.

"Well, it was nice being here with my boys, so thanks for having me. And hey, you can call me too, you know. Let me know how you're doing, okay? And you'd better call me ASAP when Cas comes back!" she said with seriousness tacked on to the end.

"Okay, okay, I will. Now you better go on before you miss your own date," Dean reminded her.

"Oh! Dammit I almost forgot. Okay, talk to you later." She turned to get in her car, then whirled back around to give Dean a peck on the cheek, as always. "Okay, bye," she said and got in her car. Dean stood in place to make sure her car got started and had taken off before going back inside. Although Charlie's absence made Cas' seem even more noticeable, Dean was determined not to get too deep into the hole again and went inside with a purpose. He was going to decipher that note.


	13. All over you, all over me

Dean practically bounced down the stairs coming inside, glad to finally have a project of some sort to complete. The hunter went straight to his room and gathered up his laptop, the Circular Gallifreyan printout, Cas' note, and some paper and a pencil, putting it all in a bag. It was a beautiful day outside and Dean decided that he might as well get some much needed sunshine while working on the note. With a smile of satisfaction, he walked out of his room, ready to get started. Sam was dozing lightly in the recliner when Dean walked through the living room, so he decided to just leave a note and roll out.

Knowing that he had control over at least this one little facet of his life, Dean was in a fantastic mood when he pulled up to the park. There was something exhilarating about sitting at the picnic table with the warm breeze brushing past him and rustling the leaves of the greenery surrounding him. It had been so long since Dean had the opportunity to just enjoy his surroundings, he felt himself get lost in it for a minute. The hunter was always acutely aware of his environment, but the stimuli were always used as a tool for survival and rarely for pleasure. Today, Dean was allowing himself to immerse himself in enjoying every single sensation and it was almost heady. Although he was aware of the threat of Crowley finding him, his intuition said that he would be fine, so he listened to it. Mind relaxed and ready to focus, Dean sat down at a picnic table beneath a shade tree and pulled the papers out of his bag.

The hunter spent about an hour working on the note when he figured it was time to take a break and let his brain rest for a minute. He was making progress, but looking at circles for so long can kind of make your brain hurt, so he chose to stand up and take a stretch. Dean caught himself doing a double take when a man in a tan trench coat came into his field of vision in the distance. Realizing it wasn't Cas, the hunter sat back down, feeling disappointed. He decided to pray.

_Hey, Cas. Charlie left this morning and I'm at a park, and guess what I'm doing. I'm translating your freakin' note, so you'd better still be alive so I can gloat about getting it done. Well, not much else to say, so uh, amen._ Dean knew it wasn't much of a prayer per se, but chose to view his prayers to Cas as more of a one-sided conversation of things he would have said to him if the angel were there in the flesh.

After another thirty minutes, Dean's butt was starting to complain about the concrete bench seat and he was starting to get restless, anyway. Packing up his things, Dean made his way back to his car and let out a groan when his backside hit the soft leather seat, cradling him in all the right places. Although he put on some music for the ride, Dean kept the volume down lower than normal, savoring the calm that was still settled in him. A call to Sam confirmed that lunch hadn't happened for either of them, so the older Winchester stopped for takeout on the way home.

When Dean got to the bunker, he found Sam making out a grocery list in the kitchen and sat the late lunch down at the table. Sam looked up to see a genuine smile planted on his brother's face, and something akin to dreaminess in his eyes.

"What's going on?" Sam asked with interest and a confused smile.

"What do you mean, 'what's going on'?" Dean was worried that Sam hadn't found the note and started to feel bad.

"Nothing, you just look refreshed."

"Oh. Well. I'm glad that I got some work done on the note, that's all. Now, let's dig in." Dean really didn't care to elaborate, not wanting to rub his outside time in his brother's face. Sam needed to stay hidden, but it still didn't stop the older Winchester from feeling bad that the Sasquatch was stuck inside all the time. Dean assumed that Sam was making the grocery list with the intent of going to the store himself and felt a bit better.

Once their meal was eaten, Sam got ready and left for the store, leaving his brother feeling uneasy about Sam being alone in his current condition. The older Winchester knew that Sam had to get out some time and pushed down the worry. Itching to get back to work, Dean hauled the bag with his things from the park into his room. Although he knew he was still alone, Dean had wanted to do this in privacy just in case the note turned out to be rather personal. The hunter felt possessive of the note and didn't want to share it or his reaction with anyone. At least, not with his brother.

Dean's palms had started to sweat as he got more of the note translated, feeling anxious for it to be done. Being so consumed by his work, the hunter didn't hear it when his brother came back from the store. In fact, he didn't notice anything at all until Sam knocked on his door, startling the older Winchester.

"Hey, wanna do dinner, or do you just want to fend for yourself?" Sam asked, figuring that it was a 'fend for yourself' kind of night, and wasn't surprised when Dean confirmed it.

Dean did get up though, and grabbed a snack to munch on absently as he looked between the papers. Some of it had been easy to deduce, but in the name of accuracy he chose to double-check every single bit of each word carefully. Finally satisfied that he had it translated correctly, he sighed and huffed a small laugh. Reading it to himself again, he was caught somewhere between a grimace and a smile.

"Son of a bitch!" he said quietly to himself, but not angrily. In fact, it was actually a bittersweet feeling rising in him. Dean continued looking at the note, as if it would burn away were he to put it down.

"_You still deserve to be saved, Dean Winchester. You always have."_

Dean's chest was tightening and his head felt as if it were filling with helium, his mouth feeling drier with each passing moment. It wasn't that the note was sappy, or anything he hadn't heard from the angel before. It was the fact that after all this time and everything that had happened between them, Cas _still _held the same devotion for him. Dean was aware that the angel may not necessarily know that what he projected was love, but this note was at least Cas' way of showing his own equivalent to it. The hunter never did understand how something as mighty and old and knowledgeable as an angel could ever find him to be worthy of the level of possessiveness and protection that Cas had shown him over the years. In fact, it terrified Dean because what if the day came that the angel lost his rose-colored glasses and saw the hunter as the loathsome creature he felt himself to be. Through the years that they'd known each other, Cas had always maintained that Dean's soul was something to behold and even though he couldn't understand it, the hunter could admit that the sentiment was touching.

Thoughts starting to spin much too fast in his head, Dean started to get overwhelmed. Although he wanted to talk to his friend, the hunter was also starting to panic about what he would say. It's not that Dean couldn't identify his own emotions; it was just hard expressing them. Once the emotion was said aloud, the sentiment couldn't be retracted and the risk of rejection increased drastically. It also seemed in a way to raise the chance that the person would leave Dean, and the hunter wasn't sure how much more abandonment he could take in his life, even if it wasn't always intentional (for instance, in the case of a loved one's death). So of course he had to have these thoughts about the one person that has rolled out on him more than anyone. The older Winchester sat on the edge of the bed for a long time, just trying to organize his thoughts. It was frustrating because as much as he was willing to chalk it up to soul mates, there was still that nagging little voice in the back of his mind. That little voice terrified him and he tried to stuff it back into a far corner of his mind the best he could. Even just thinking it on a conscious level seemed too risky for Dean's liking. If you don't think about love for someone, it can't come back to bite you in the ass if it's not returned. _Shit shit shit! What did you just do? Oh god, just go do something, anything. Stow it and make yourself busy. _

Whiskey and a movie sounded like an excellent idea, so Dean proceeded to get tipsy in the living room. He really didn't want to get drunk though, just dull his thoughts a little. Fortunately, Sam chose to keep his opinion to himself, for which Dean was grateful. Noticing that his older brother stopped after five shots, Sam felt pride for Dean, who had been slowly working toward an easier way about himself. Even with this knowledge though, Sam felt it best to simply make eye contact with his brother a couple of times during the lulls in the movie and he gave a tight lipped smile, attempting to invite discussion without being too direct. When the movie finished and the credits had started rolling, Dean was unusually quiet, so Sam waited patiently for the question that was close on the horizon.

"Hey Sammy?"

"What's up?" Sam asked, trying to keep his face in a neutral expression.

"I'm going to ask you something and don't you dare give me shit, okay?" Dean was anxious beyond belief. Sam gave his 'I'm listening face' and waited for Dean to continue, putting on the sympathetic puppy eyes for extra effect.

Leaning with his elbows on his knees, Dean laced his fingers together and made it a point to keep his eyes on a small gouge on the coffee table. "Do you think Cas knows that he's not just a tool to us? I mean, you think he realizes that he's more than what he can do?"

Sam was surprised by Dean's wording, but answered quickly. "Well, to be honest I'm not really sure. I think maybe, just by the definition of being an angel, he thinks that being useful is a way to show that he cares. You and I both know that he means more than that, but you might have to sit him down and tell him that point blank, if it's bothering you. He may have seen just about everything there is to see, but he's still kind of dense about _these_ kinds of things sometimes, you know?"

The older Winchester pondered his brother's answer for a minute before rising and giving Sam an appreciative clap on the shoulder. "Thanks, Sammy. I'm headed to bed. Goodnight."

"No problem. Goodnight."

Sam was actually impressed that Dean had gotten the nerve to ask a feelings question and manage to do so in a concise manner without stumbling around it. Hopefully, his brother would take his advice and talk to the angel and get this squared. Over the years it had become more than obvious that there was something deeper between Dean and Cas, and Sam figured that there was a good chance that neither of them really understood what it was or how to approach it. At least, until now.

With tea in hand, Dean carefully padded to his room to wind his brain down and attempt sleep. Of course he'd gotten used to praying to his friend, but decided that he wasn't going to bring up the translation just yet. The hunter wanted to save that for the two-way conversation he was hoping yet scared would come soon.

_Hey Cas. I'm about to go to bed, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you. I feel kind of ridiculous with this sometimes, like I'm talking to an imaginary friend. You know, if someone would've told me ten years ago that I would be praying to an angel, who knows me by name, I would have laughed in their face. Yet here I am. Anyway, it's that time, so night night. _

Settling down with a book, Dean sipped contentedly at his tea as he read pages upon pages of words, without really seeing them. After reading the same paragraph three times, the hunter decided it was time to lie down and go to sleep, feeling the effects of the tea. Fortunately, his body played nice and he drifted off quickly, vivid images filling his head within minutes. The dreams were different than normal and completely void of flashbacks or memories. There was no "plot line" or order to events. It was almost like channel surfing, having to glean the "story" as each scene started. The most memorable dream though, was the one the hunter was having right before he'd awakened.

Dean had approached a large unfamiliar house, and while the sun was shining when he walked into the house, the windows revealed a stormy night sky once the door closed behind him. The hunter wasn't sure if he was supposed to be there, but felt compelled all the same to look around. There appeared to be three stories, but it was hard to tell because sometimes stairways led to places that felt like a lateral move and he wasn't sure what level he was on, until he managed to get back to a common area and could reorient himself. The top story was slightly frightening, much too bright and full of old broken furniture and holes in the floorboards and walls. He felt like he was supposed to working on making the repairs, but couldn't find any tools and moved back down to the entry level. This level was lit only by candles, oil lamps, and lanterns, as if the power was out from the storm raging outside. Dean could make out expensive, comfortable looking furniture and more doors than seemed necessary in each room, with shadows hanging over most of them. Although there was no indication of danger, the hunter could feel a strong sense of urgency to keep moving, as if looking for something. That was when he noticed a light blue glow coming out from under one of the doors. Like a moth to a flame, Dean went to it and opened the door to a dark hallway, lit only by the blue glow disappearing into another door off to the side. He pursued the just-out-of-reach glow through several rooms that all seemed to be connected to each other like a maze until he felt the floor sloping downward and found himself at the bottom, in a room with small safes lining the walls. Much to his irritation, the glow had completely disappeared, replaced by a small nightlight, and this room didn't seem to be connected to any others, except for the one that had led to it. Even though his curiosity was piqued, Dean felt like he wasn't supposed to try and open the vaults and just wanted to leave. In the dim of the cavernous room, he almost didn't see the safe whose door was cracked open slightly. The hunter's hands stretched out to swing the door the rest of the way open, but hesitated when the blue glow reappeared and then flared from behind the little door. The light was so inviting, beckoning him to look at it, but when he tried for the door again, his arms didn't comply. Frustrated, he eventually gave up and made his way back to the entry level, ready to try and get out of the damned house, feeling like it was going to swallow him up if he didn't leave. Making his way carefully around the furniture, Dean could see the front door ahead but paused when he felt a presence in the large living room. Spinning on his heel, he turned to see none other than Castiel, sitting peacefully at a chair with a book in hand and reading by lamplight. The hunter froze when the angel looked up and made direct eye contact with him, tilting his head and setting the book down. Dean opened his mouth to speak but was whisked away from the house and flung back into consciousness without warning, waking up to the epic heralding of Charlie calling him. Trying to figure out consciousness, he answered the phone more in an effort to make it quit being so noisy than out of concern for the actual call.

"Hello?" Dean's voice was thick and gravelly with sleep.

"Oh shit! Dean? I'm so sorry…I must have dialed your number on accident. I was trying to call the girl from yesterday." Immediately feeling bad for obviously waking him up, Charlie apologized one more time and hung up.

Still disoriented, Dean put the phone back on his nightstand and tried to get his heart rate back into a normal range from having been so startled. The hunter rolled over onto his side and shifted the covers around more comfortably, pulling them up to his chin and burrowing back into the pillow. Before long drowsiness had set in again and he fell asleep, back into dream land. This time though, he was hiking through a peaceful forest, making his way up a sloping hill. At a steady pace, Dean was making his way upward and could feel the exertion of his muscles and sweat running down his neck. Sensing that he was nearing the top, Dean sped up in anticipation of the view he would see, most likely valleys and hills and waterways. Coming out of the woods and stepping onto the rocky ground beneath him, he was excited to take a look around, but when he raised his eyes from the path he found himself locking eyes with who else but Cas, who was standing about ten yards away. The angel must have emerged from the woods at the same time as the hunter because they reflected a look of shock between them, and then the shock deepened at the realization that their dream selves both seemed surprised to see the other. Dean was having a hard time trying to figure out in his dream state how to interact with his friend. The hunter was interested to see what the hell his brain was going to do with this next and he decided to just roll with it. After a period of staring even longer than normal for the two, Cas tilted his head and said "Hello, Dean." But this time it was more of a question than a greeting, and alarms went off in the hunter's head.

"Cas." More staring.

Dean watched as Cas walked slowly over to him and as expected, ended up in his personal space. The angel looked utterly puzzled as he reached out a hesitant hand and placed it over the hunter's heart, pulling it back after only a moment. Dean felt his breathing quicken, as it seemed that his dream was quickly turning awkward. Then his friend frowned slightly and narrowed his eyes.

"Dean? What are you doing here?" Cas asked plainly.

"What do you mean? I was on a hike got to the top, and then I saw you. What are you doing here?" Dean could feel his throat getting tight with concern that Cas wasn't just showing up as a character in this latest dreamscape.

The angel's eyes widened and he took a quick step backward before disappearing, leaving behind an aura of soft light, almost like a reverse shadow. It was disconcerting seeing Cas' eyes look so panicked only moments before. Dean knew that he'd just seen the real Cas at that point and didn't know what to make of it. The dream continued on for an interminable amount of time with Dean finally taking a look at the land around him, but he could feel consciousness pulling him away, the details of his surroundings becoming fuzzy and surreal, his chest still feeling warm from the hand that had seemingly been there only moments ago. This time, Dean woke up gently and looked at the clock, noting that it had taken only thirty minutes for the whole dream. Within minutes his head started buzzing, full of thoughts and details, trying yet again to piece together what had just happened. He took a shower and ate breakfast running on auto-pilot and grabbed the book he'd attempted reading the night before, heading for the living room. Unfortunately for Dean, being so distracted he didn't take notice quickly enough and he was caught completely by surprise when he ran straight into an unnaturally firm body as he exited his room. Before he could bounce off of the form and fall over, two strong hands reached out to catch the hunter by the tops of his biceps. Shocked blue eyes met even more shocked green and Dean could only gape for a moment until he heard that one word that could convey so much.

"Dean."


	14. Your own personal Jesus

_**A/N: Okay, I'm going to quit swearing that it's only a couple more chapters because I can't hold myself to it...I'm having way too much here. Might even break this story down into a two-parter if there's enough interest, or create side shots later. Also, I wanted to thank each and every one of you have been leaving reviews...I've read all of them, and appreciate every kind word you leave. Hope you continue to enjoy! **_

After Castiel had left the Winchesters at the bunker, he was surprised (certainly an understatement) that none of his brethren had noticed the blip while hiding the tablet for the second time. Or at least, if they had, they weren't storming down immediately to retrieve the precious item and fugitive holding it. Although it was always possible that the angels were planning a more conniving attack to catch him unawares, Castiel decided against the idea, knowing how unlikely it was. He knew that angels rarely waited to strike, preferring in all things, to nip problems in the bud and avoid unnecessary messes. Wanting to be careful of staying off the radar, Castiel once again tamped down his powers and tried to make himself as untraceable as possible. Knowing that he would need shelter away from any general populace, he chose a small cave, keeping the tablet on his person at all times.

Despite suppressing his grace, Castiel was still able to hear Angel Radio and prayers, as well as being able to still sense the universe without effort. He figured that it was all so ingrained in his nature that he couldn't stow it away any more than a human could choose to simply quit tasting. This brought the angel comfort, knowing that he could hold on to this one lifeline to the world outside of the cave, until he felt it safe to leave the tablet untended again. The first time Dean prayed to Castiel after leaving the Winchesters at their home, the angel heard his charge in the same way he always had, the hunter's voice slightly fuzzy at the edges while searching for purchase amongst the airwaves. Very discernibly Dean though, and Castiel wanted badly to be able to respond and let his friend know that he was okay.

Then something strange happened.

Castiel had been sitting at the mouth of the cave, enjoying the quiet of the earth around him, not a soul around for miles. The weather was nice and the air smelled fresh, carrying the scent of all the life it had brushed past. Green and earthy, floral, and something faintly animal drifted past his nose, making the angel feel at home with his father's creations. Admiring the land before him, Castiel speculated on the possibility of being able to get back to his humans, even though their habitat was as much a cave as his own dwelling, the only difference being the purpose behind its existence. Thinking back to the sadness and concern in Dean's prayer, Castiel felt his throat starting to tighten. Before his thoughts had the chance to snowball though, the angel suddenly felt himself overtaken by a sensation of warmth and a slight swirling within himself, as if his insides were replaced by a liquid that just been gently stirred. Even more oddly, it was as if he could feel a color, soft gold to be exact, amidst the swirls. The feelings were all very pleasant and familiar, but Castiel didn't have time to discern what was going on before Dean's voice came through clear as a bell. The angel almost jumped at the unexpected volume and clarity of his charge's voice, as if it were right beside him. Hearing Dean talk about something as inane as TARDIS rooms and trying to peg what the angel's room would hold made Castiel laugh softly to himself. It made the angel feel secure to know that Dean wanted to include him in the conversation, even if it was one-sided for the time being. Once the hunter ended his prayer, the warmth and swirls faded slowly from the angel's perception, bringing him back gently to his surroundings. Castiel wasn't exactly sure what had just happened, but it hadn't given him a feeling of alarm, so he shrugged it off and continued on his reverie with nature.

A little while later, the angel was stricken by the alien sensations again, this time feeling distinctly a soft green, with a bit of a small tickling sensation, something bubbling beneath the surface and begging his skin to release it. Castiel was expecting the voice this time and didn't jump. Dean was telling him about translating the note and the angel smiled in satisfaction. Although the whole experience should have been disconcerting, Castiel just couldn't find it in himself to feel that. In fact, the angel found it comforting, as if he were somehow feeling Dean's essence.

The third time it happened, Castiel was caught off guard. Dean never prayed that often, so the angel hadn't expected to hear from him again for a couple days. The sun had set and the stars were breathtakingly bright, the crickets and tree frogs only serving to augment the feeling of calm that Castiel felt as he listened to the universe. The angel was reflecting upon all of the wonders in time and space that he'd seen when he was overcome by a new sensation. This time it was like soft waves lapping against his being, with an almost magenta-tinted purple rippling through the waves. Then he felt the music. The emotion it evoked was reminiscent of some of Beethoven's slower pieces, and Castiel felt as if he were part of the sound, but listening to it simultaneously. As he had come to expect, the angel then heard Dean's voice, sending up a bedtime prayer. Although the words were nothing spectacular, the pre-prayer feeling had been much more intense than the previous ones. Castiel found himself feeling a little overwhelmed by what was happening. The angel wasn't sure how, but it appeared that Dean had adopted some sort of ethereal way of announcing himself before he'd said a single word.

It was Wednesday night now, and Castiel felt the exhaustion of days of worrying and alertness wearing on him and decided to crawl deeper into the cave than usual, giving in to his need for rest. The angel checked his wards one final time before making his way to the pallet he had made, ready to allow himself to sink into sleep, trusting his angelic faculties to alert him if something were to go awry. The environment wasn't very comfortable but it went mostly unnoticed as Castiel closed his eyes and meandered into unconsciousness.

The dreams had mostly been just bits of mundane moments he had experienced over his lifetime and certainly nothing to really linger on. The angel woke briefly to roll over and then fell back asleep within a few minutes. This time however he had started to dream of Dean, snippets of conversations, random scenes of things they'd experienced together, memories of cases they'd worked. Then there was a new image forming, something the angel hadn't seen before. He found himself in what appeared to be a living room with comfortable chairs and a small stack of books on an end table. Castiel looked around the dark room, confused at experiencing his first semi-lucid dream. The angel felt like he belonged there, but he just wasn't sure what he was supposed to accomplish. Walking around aimlessly for a while, Castiel explored all of the rooms until he found himself back in the living room. Not sure what to do, the angel decided to pull an oil lamp next to a chair and waited for something to happen. When nothing changed about his surroundings, he began to feel nervous and decided to occupy himself with a book sitting nearby, waiting out the scene. Opening the cover of the first book his hand landed on, Castiel started to read, but frowned when the words simply faded into nothingness on the next page. Feeling antsy, he was about to close the book and go back outside when Dean suddenly walked past him without even taking notice. Caught by surprise, the angel looked up just in time to see Dean look straight into his eyes. The hunter's eyebrows raised and Castiel felt like something was off…this was definitely not anything he was familiar with. Before he could say a word, the dream abruptly ended and the angel awoke, halfway off of the pallet, face resting on the cold earth of the cave. Righting himself, Castiel got the blankets back in order and tried to ignore the strange dream, knowing that it was early yet and he needed the rest.

It didn't take very long to fall back asleep and he was instantly thrown into another dream, this time of the outdoors. He felt compelled to climb the steep hill in front of him, knowing that the top would reveal a magnificent view of his surroundings. Plus, the forest around him was inviting and the angel was glad to have some sort of goal in mind during this dream, more keenly aware of his lucidity this time. Knowing that he was almost to the top, Castiel took a moment to steady his breathing after working muscles he normally wouldn't. In a few seconds he was back to climbing and felt relief at the change in the stoniness of the ground, knowing he had made it. Looking up, he started to take a step forward when he felt a familiar gaze resting upon him. So familiar and present that it made the hairs stand up on his neck and arms. There was Dean, looking just as surprised as himself and now the angel knew something was definitely different. Aware that he was still new to dreaming his own dreams, the angel decided to test a theory and interact with the Dean in his dream. The hunter responded just as he expected to a greeting. It wasn't enough to go on though, so Castiel stepped forward, assuming that if Dean were just a part of his dream, then the hunter would probably fade upon touching him; perhaps similar to the words in the book from the house. When the angel stretched his hand out to feel the hunter's heart, his expectations were dashed when he felt nothing but Dean's steady heart beat and the rise and fall of his friend's chest under his own hand. There was even warmth radiating from the now obviously solid man in front of him. Still skeptical, the angel decided to test one more theory before allowing himself to fully come to the conclusion he had started to form. If this was truly Dean, his speech pattern would reflect properly if asked a question. When the hunter explained his presence, there was no denying that it was definitely Dean Winchester standing there.

Castiel panicked, aware of what this meant. With his revelation fully realized, Castiel felt himself get forcefully yanked from the dream and back into consciousness. There was no time to grab the tablet before he was launched away from the cave. Knowing he would have very little control over this flight, he struggled against it toward the end, wanting to land further away from the destination than was typical. He managed to land a little over a mile away from the Batcave, thankful for having landed in the tree line beside a highway, rather than a crowded area. Castiel began to walk amongst the trees, eyes on the road beside him, keeping a steady pace until he was near what he had come to feel was his new home. He leaned quietly against a tree for a few minutes, listening intently to make sure that nothing had followed him. A burst of power strong enough to propel him unwillingly to another place would probably make him visible again. But then, it wasn't as if he used his own powers to do it, so he wasn't sure if it would register or not. Deciding to get on with it, Castiel teleported into the bunker and made his way down to the main area, figuring that the short travel distance couldn't do any more harm than what had just brought him here.

Sam was in the kitchen when the angel walked in and Castiel cloaked himself, needing to get to Dean quickly, without interruption. Feeling Dean's presence much stronger than before, Castiel made his way straight to Dean's room, surprised at the intensity of this new sensation. Momentarily distracted by it, the angel found himself being plowed into by the hunter, who was clearly not in the moment until being braced by the angel he was thinking of.

The moment Castiel's hands connected with Dean's arms, the angel was flooded with an overwhelming array of sensations. Tingling, white, the feeling of glass shattering. Then it turned into a deep blue, the smell of the woods, and a delicate tickle to his skin. It dawned on the angel that by the look on Dean's face, the hunter must have been experiencing some of this as well.

"Dean." The angel didn't even realize the name had left his lips, as it had become as much an exclamation as any other word in his vocabulary.

Dean's face took on a sickly pallor and he leaned forward, nearly collapsing on Castiel. The angel's senses were now completely overwhelmed and he dropped to his knees, carrying Dean with him. Once safely on the ground, the angel let go of his friend and the barrage lessened substantially, both man and angel panting slightly, trying to reclaim some sense of their physical environment. As Castiel regained his faculties and his breathing returned to normal, he looked up to see that at some unknown point he had wrapped his wings around the both of them and assumed he must have done it on instinct. It wasn't the first time the angel had shielded Dean without his knowledge, so it wasn't surprising to have found himself doing it again without a thought. Dean was still kneeling silently with his head hanging down, waiting for the blood to quit whooshing in his ears, when Castiel started to unfold his wings and pull them in to be tucked against his back. This time was different though; when the tip of a feather brushed against Dean's arm as it was being pulled back, the hunter's head snapped to the side and his eyes widened in an almost panic. Castiel froze when Dean looked at his arm where the feather was touching, not sure how to respond to this development. It looked as if it took a great effort for the hunter to turn his head away from his arm and look Castiel in the eyes. The look only lasted for a moment though, before Dean's eyes darted to the space above Castiel's shoulders and the hunter's eyes started to glaze over in shock.

"Cas…your wings!" Dean's voice sounded almost hoarse, and he blinked hard a few times trying to make sure he wasn't imagining it. Nope, definitely not imagining it.

Curious, the angel moved the wing that was touching Dean's arm ever so slightly, to brush down the hunter's forearm. The movement made Dean's arm feel like it was tingling with electricity for a moment and the feeling was amplified through the touch, back to Castiel similar to feedback. Dean gasped and Castiel's wings retreated quickly, tucking in behind his back, twitching a bit as if to adjust for being moved so hastily. Castiel had never really felt anything at all before, when touching something with his wings, except on the ethereal plane. The two men stayed where they were for a minute, staring curiously at each other, neither one sure how to even begin questioning all of the things that just happened in such a short time.

Dean suddenly darted up and backed up a few steps, the shock wearing off to be replaced with a need to understand what just happened. The hunter leaned to the side and saw that the angel's wings were still there, but twitching nervously under his gaze. _Yep, still feel crazy._

Castiel rose slowly, gaze never leaving Dean's face. "Dean?" The angel asked, his voice slightly higher than normal and a deep flush rushing to his cheeks at part of his angelic form being viewed so blatantly under Dean's gaze. The last human that had seen his wings lost their sight and nearly their life, only spared because they fell unconscious from the shock of it. Dean however was clearly unaffected by the view, and it left the angel feeling a bit self-conscious.

The hunter finally came back to himself and gulped hard, blinking a few times before all of the words started to tumble out.

"What the hell just happened?! Why can I see your wings? What with the electricity? Why did everything just taste purple? What the fuck is going on here?! You were in my dreams, and now you're here!" Dean's voice had steadily risen higher and louder with each question until it seemed impossible to go any higher. Then he had to make do with gesturing his hands wildly, as if to make up for the inability to express any more intensity with his voice.

"This is going to be an uncomfortable conversation," Castiel said with a suddenly tired exasperation in his voice. Big blue eyes shining with what appeared to be almost an apology, the angel slowly felt fear creep up his spine that Dean wasn't going to forgive him, even if all of this wasn't on purpose.

Dean felt himself deflate a bit at the look on Castiel's face and took a couple of deep breaths. The hunter felt a headache starting to build behind his eyes as he tried to process everything that had just happened. Closing his eyes, he rubbed his temples with his thumbs and let out a long slow breath through his nose. After a moment he crossed his arms over his chest and looked up with tired eyes. Dean's brain was already worn out from all of the introspection of the day before and the weird dreams before waking up. And now this.

"Let's start at the beginning, Cas."

The angel crossed the room and flopped down, seating himself on the side of the bed before starting this discussion. He only got as far as opening his mouth when Sam poked his head through the door.

"Dean, is something-" Upon seeing Castiel, the tall man's eyebrows nearly shot into his hairline and he immediately cut off whatever he was about to say. His expression softened into concern before he tried again.

"Hey, Cas. Uh, is everything okay? I mean, you teleported in here, right?" Sam asked with genuine curiosity.

"Yes, Sam, everything's fine for now. I'll explain later, but in the meantime would you mind if I speak with your brother in private? We have some matters to discuss," the angel said in a cool tone, trying to ease the younger Winchester's mind.

"Sure thing, Cas." Sam looked between Dean and the angel nervously and then excused himself, shutting the door behind him. Sam wasn't really sure exactly what could possibly be going on, but the tension had been palpable in the room and he had no problem getting out of their way.

Once Sam's footsteps receded down the hallway, the angel and the hunter met their gazes and a thick silence descended for a moment before Castiel sighed deeply. Dean moved to lean against the wall and waited expectantly.

"Okay, the beginning," the angel said, ready to just get this over with.


	15. All that noise and all that sound

_**A/N: Sorry for the delay, real life's been kicking my ass lately. This chapter might be a bit hectic, but the next is calmer, I promise. Fluff shall ensue. Hope you enjoy!**_

Cas was feeling nervous, but he knew that betraying it with his body would only serve to alarm Dean. The angel relaxed into a more casual posture, mindful of trying not to fidget. Although he was generally socially inept, Cas recalled learning about how humans used body language to communicate and figured this was a good time to put it to use. Dean noticed this change on an unconscious level and moved away from the wall to pull his desk chair over to be closer to the bed, aware that this was going to be a doozy of a discussion.

Cas took a breath before starting. "When I receive a prayer, it sounds sort of like static on a radio station that isn't coming in as clearly as it could. There are a lot of things and people to hear, so every sound that is directed to me tends to compete for what I'll call the 'frequencies' they travel along." Seeing that Dean understood his analogy, the angel continued, choosing to err on the side of clinical.

"The day after I left, I was," the angel looked to the side for a moment before turning back with the nervousness starting to show in his fingers, "thinking about you, when something unexpected happened. I started to feel sensations that weren't coming from myself. I suppose it was my grace picking up on it. Soon after the sensations began, I heard you begin to pray, and it was as if I was feeling _you_ somehow." Cas shrugged. "Your voice came through with clarity and it was as if you were standing right next to me, no static. When you finished praying, the sensation dissipated," the angel finished. Dean's eyebrows were furrowed slightly, but he was still interested to hear more.

"Then it happened again, the feelings, before you prayed to me while you were at the park. I guess I would describe it as experiencing sensations inwardly, without external stimuli. It's strange, but I felt color. And like water was bubbling inside of me, behind my skin. Last night I felt an orchestra and purple and the tide before you prayed to say goodnight. Each time you prayed, I felt all of these strange things right before hearing your voice."

Dean chewed his bottom lip for a moment while contemplating the bizarre story. "So what, I've got some kind of celestial ringtone now, letting you know I'm about to pray? Like getting a head's up on my mood before I say anything?"

Cas nodded slightly to himself while looking at some vague place in front of him. "I suppose you could put it that way."

"Okay, so what else?" the hunter pushed.

"When I went to sleep last night, I started dreaming of things that were mostly just memories from my life, including some with you in them." The angel's voice went soft on the last part and he looked at his hands in his lap. "Then I found myself in a house and I realized that I was semi-lucid dreaming. My dreams had only been memories before, so I wasn't sure what to do. I looked around, but ended up sitting down to read and that was when I saw you walk past me. Then you turned and looked at me."

Dean's face seemed to be caught somewhere between horror and curiosity. "So that really was you, then?"

Castiel gave another small shrug. "It appears so. I wasn't sure if I'd really even seen you, or if it was just part of the dream."

Now Dean spoke. "So we were both really there in the hiking dream, huh?"

The angel nodded and swallowed a lump, knowing what was coming next.

"Why did you leave like that, Cas? What got you so spooked?" Dean asked skeptically.

Looking the hunter fully in the face, Cas' shoulders slumped and he tilted his head slightly. "I didn't leave, I was pulled out." Seeing the concern in Dean's face, Cas shook his head before going on. "Nothing of ill-intent." Dean relaxed, almost imperceptibly.

Cas felt a flush climbing up his neck at what he was going to have to ask next and scrubbed the back of his neck, trying to gather his nerve.

"Dean, I have to ask you a question that you may not like, but I need you to answer me honestly if we're going to straighten this out."

The hunter felt his heart speed up, concerned for what was about to be asked of him, his mouth starting to go dry. With very little confidence he said, "Okay, I'll try." Normally the silences were comfortable between them, but this time it stretched on awkwardly as the angel paused to consider his wording.

The angel pulled his legs up onto the bed to cross them, needing the physical anchor. "Your soul always reaches toward me when you pray, but I think that recently it may have reached farther and made contact with my grace." Cas closed his eyes so he could get the next part out. "To my knowledge this has only happened a couple of times before, this type of interaction between an angel and a human, so there is only so much information to go on. This is why I need your honesty." With another deep exhalation, the angel spoke again, eyes still closed. "Dean, have you been thinking about…our connection?"

Dean felt like he was going to throw up. His uneasiness was intensified by the nervous rambling of his friend; Cas had never been one to avoid cutting to the chase. Dean hadn't planned on having this conversation right now, or at least in such an open, raw manner. The hunter was terrified suddenly that he had unconsciously been soul-flirting with Cas and that it was somehow dangerous, what with the rules of Heaven and such. Dean knew that if he looked into the angel's eyes, he wouldn't be able to answer, even though the bright red burning his ears should've been indication enough. The hunter stood and walked away, back turned to the angel and leaned against the wall again on one shoulder, head still down.

"Cas, I don't think I can do this. Let me go get a beer and I'll be back in a minute." Without waiting for a response, Dean walked out of the room, heading straight for the kitchen. He used the time to just breathe for a minute. The hunter knew that there was no way to get out of this discussion, it was happening now, whether he wanted it or not. Dean also knew that on a practical level, he and Cas needed to talk about this because whatever was going on could also be of importance to their working relationship. Not wanting to jeopardize his brother's safety out of self-imposed ignorance, Dean made his way back to his own room, trying to gather his nerves. Chugging on his beer, Dean stopped to catch his breath before walking back into his room. Cas was still sitting in the same place on the bed, but his expression had calmed a bit, appearing softer now, which put Dean a little more at ease. The hunter felt only slightly more confident now and joined Cas on the bed, sitting at the opposite end up by the headboard. The nervousness left him feeling like every tissue in his body was vibrating.

The hunter chastised himself silently, feeling ridiculous that he had once faced Lucifer himself with more tenacity than he felt at this moment of quiet in his own room, safe from any apocalypse. Steeling himself, Dean began to speak.

"Cas, are you aware that you aren't just a tool to us? Cause if you don't know already I'm telling you now. Your value is much higher than just what you can do. Seriously, I need to know that you know this."

The angel tilted his head in confusion. "Dean, I'll always protect you. You know that."

The hunter started to feel frustrated. "Dammit Cas, you think I don't know that! Jesus, just once please listen. Look, I don't need your reassurance on whether you'll look after me. I need you to know that you, YOU, matter! When I translated your note, you have no idea what that did to me. Do you have any clue what that feels like to have someone always say what they'll _do_ for you? I'll tell you, it makes me feel like a real sack of shit that you seem to think that you're only as important to me as what you do for me." Dean's back was straight as a board and his body had a fine tremble to it, making his voice shake lightly. He really hadn't meant to turn this around on his friend, but any organization he had to his thoughts and where the conversation would go had jumped out of the window when he started to speak.

"Dean, I haven't been required or asked to protect you for a very long time now. I do it because I want to. Because your soul is still just as bright and beautiful as it was the day I raised you. And as my note said, you have always deserved to be saved. You may not be able to get past your self-loathing long enough to see it, but you are truly a wonder, Dean. I will always be inclined toward your soul; to you. My intent was never to imply that I think you use me. No one makes me do anything I don't wish to do. Surely you know that about me by now."

The familiar feeling of panic at having this type of conversation was starting to flare up again. Quickly. Too much had already been said for Dean's own comfort and his feelings quota was nearing full for the day. Dean dropped his gaze in favor of fiddling with a loose button on his overshirt. "Cas, you know I'm no good with these kinds of things. If whatever happened isn't dangerous, can we just drop it?" Dean felt disappointed with himself for backing up now, after having had the little talk with himself about this conversation needing to happen. It just wasn't supposed to happen this way, that's all.

"I'm sorry Dean, but if my suspicions are correct, this is not a matter that can wait. I won't make you talk, but you do need to listen."

Dean glared at his friend and rose from the bed. "I'm telling you Cas, I just can't do this right now. I thought I could, but it's all just too much right now." He turned to walk away and made it to the door before Cas spoke with his voice low, barely above a whisper.

"We're soul mates, Dean."

The hunter startled at this statement, as if someone had tapped him on the shoulder unexpectedly. He froze in the doorway, but didn't turn around immediately, just breathing for a moment. Dean's heart starting beating too fast, and he felt a cold sweat prickle the back of his neck. He knew he was screwed this time. The angel had made the statement with confidence, as if it were simply a fact, non-subjective and waiting to be acknowledged. He turned slowly toward the angel, his jaw and fists clenching.

"What are you talking about, Cas?" he asked quietly.

The angel's patience had already started to run out during the course of their conversation, and Dean's sudden evasion was enough. It occurred to Cas that Dean was better with actions than words, so the angel rose from the bed, wings unfurling as he did so until they were stretched out as far as the room would allow. Dean's eyes went wide again, having almost forgotten about their sudden visibility.

"Why do you think you can see these, Dean?" he said with a low growl.

This was the first time he'd seen the angel's wings outstretched and Dean couldn't help but feel awe at their size and the power that emanated from them. He was reminded of the night he met this angel, the shadows of the appendages flaring against the walls of the barn as lightning crackled and light bulbs blew in a shower of sparks. The thought terrified him, that he could possibly be remotely worthy of bonding with a creature like that.

Cas picked up on this with the feeling of thousands of cold ball bearings rolling across each other in tumult under his skin, making him shudder. With purpose, Cas strode over to Dean, and rested a single feather against the hunter's hand. Dean's jaw dropped at the sensation pumping into his arm. It was hot and electrical, impossibly bright, and pulsing under every inch of skin that covered him. It was power. Then it subdued slowly, the pulse turning into the sensation of rain tapping against his whole being, as well as something soothing and smooth rubbing against his soul, almost like a cat rubbing against your leg when it walks by. Then there was a gentle warmth and he swore he could smell something like honeydew. There was a momentary flicker of the feeling of ball bearings rolling around in him, but it melted away quickly. When he raised his eyes to look into those of the angel, the hunter saw something akin to a small smirk forming on his friend's face.

"What was that?" Dean managed to get out in a whisper.

"Dean, you project to me now, even if you don't mean to. What you just felt, that cold rolling, was an echo of yourself." Cas pulled his wing back to himself but remained where he was, undoubtedly too far into Dean's personal space.

Dean stayed planted, occupied with trying to wrap his head around what was going on in his life. "What I felt just now…it wasn't just me, there were other things. And that was you. Is that what happened when you caught me in the doorway earlier?"

Cas relaxed at finally having gotten through to Dean. "Yes, we both felt each other's emotions, but emotions are too complex to be transferred directly. In order to be able to grasp what the other is feeling, I think we might be giving off sensory information- or concretes- in order to allow ourselves to translate the sensations in our own ways, into abstractions. I'm sorry if this seems confusing, but as I said, there isn't a lot of history to look toward with this kind of event." Cas' shoulders slumped slightly and his wings followed the movement.

"Regardless though, you seem to give off your emotions rather…forcefully, so we at least know that it doesn't seem that touch is necessary for me to grasp, well, you." Then it occurred to Cas that he needed to ask Dean about his own experience.

"Dean, do you feel anything coming from me? Or is it only with a tactile connection?"

"I've only felt it when we've made contact." The hunter just couldn't handle a word even as personal as 'touch' at the moment.

Dean knew he wasn't going to leave and walked to sit back down on the bed. Cas followed and they took their previous seats. Dean stared at the floor, dazed for a few minutes before he spoke without looking up. "When do you think this all started?" the hunter asked flatly.

The angel scratched a couple times behind his left ear. "As I told you, on my end I have always leaned toward your soul, from the moment I laid eyes on it. However, this recent process could only have begun if you considered…our bond…on your own. Once you came to a conclusion you could accept, you unconsciously established a direct line to me through your prayers. I think that may be what allowed us to share dreams." Cas paused uncertainly before continuing, seeing that Dean had nothing to say. "I was told once many centuries ago, that angels and humans could become soul mates, but it was a process, whereas amongst our own respective species there is none; it just happens. It was suggested to me that both sides establishing an 'open line' was the first step. Being conscious of sharing a dream is another; a human would typically never be able to come into another person's dreams, the way I am able to. Not without the aid of a spell, anyway. I was pulled out of the dream because your soul and my grace called strongly enough to each other in that moment that your soul literally pulled me 'home'. I think being pulled was another step, the recognition of two 'souls' finding each other. Since I don't appear to project to you without touch, I suppose my wings are my grace's way of showing you what I'm feeling. This has only happened a few times and it's been so long ago there's no real accounts of exactly what all is involved. The only thing I know for certain is that this doesn't happen without each person's own consent." Cas looked away at this, not sure he wanted to see the look on Dean's face. He knew that Dean probably didn't realize what he was doing when he "consented" and the angel was aware that there was a high likelihood that the hunter didn't want this. The angel wasn't even sure that he had consented himself.

Dean was quiet for a long time, picking at that loose button again. In the silence, Cas remembered something. "I think there might be a possibility that this was also facilitated by the fact that the dreams happened on a Thursday. I'm not certain, though." The hunter quirked a brow, but maintained his silence for a few more minutes, stretching out his legs behind the angel and crossing his ankles. Dean laced his fingers behind his head and closed his eyes, mulling over the information he'd been given. This conversation had gone completely away from how he'd planned it and included enough Hallmark feelings to run the industry for a century. Cas was more than surprised that Dean hadn't stormed off to seek out a bar or the open road and assumed that the hunter was desiring the quiet to process his thoughts. Knowing that this a fairly positive reaction, Cas decided it best to leave the hunter alone with his thoughts. The angel made it as far as a few steps into the hallway before Dean called after him. Shocked that his exit was even acknowledged, Cas turned around and walked back to the door, leaning wordlessly on the frame.

Dean had sat up straight and raised nervous green eyes to meet the angel's skeptical blue. "I feel…cold now. Come back," he said softly with embarrassment clear on his face.

Cas walked back over to the bed hesitantly and Dean could feel himself warming back up again. Even though the warmth inside of Dean had returned with the angel, the embarrassment flared even higher at being so responsive to it, and the emotion was too loud for the angel to ignore. Cas reached a timid hand out toward Dean's shin and locked his gaze with the hunter's, waiting to see if Dean would stop the movement. When the angel's hand was a mere half inch away, Dean looked away but made no protest. Cas took this as permission and laid his hand gently on the leg, willing a sense of calm and non-judgment to push through his hand and wash over his friend. Apparently it worked because within moments Dean visibly relaxed and closed his eyes, returning to his state of meditation he'd held minutes before. Satisfied that it worked, the angel removed his hand and Dean sighed quietly. Not sure what the hunter wanted him to do, Cas continued sitting on the side of the bed silently with his hands folded in his lap. After some time, he noticed that Dean's heart rate and breaths had become increasingly steadier until it was evident that the man had drifted off to sleep. Careful not to wake the emotionally exhausted hunter, the angel lifted himself carefully from the bed and walked quietly out of the room to give Dean some privacy and a much needed nap. There would be plenty of time to reexamine everything that happened later, so the angel took off toward the kitchen, suddenly feeling the strong desire to have a drink. Although there had been little time to plan, Cas knew that the discussion had gone nowhere near the way he'd thought it would. It had been much more chaotic than he'd expected. It shouldn't have surprised him, but as a rational being, he'd thought he might be able to lay it all out as a sort of string of facts, in an order that made sense. This was going to be a process, as all human-related matters seemed to be.


	16. Oh that was so real

The kitchen was empty when Cas walked in, but he suspected that Sam was eagerly awaiting in the living room. After pouring himself a drink, he made his way into the other room to speak with the younger Winchester, knowing that the hunter deserved some sort of explanation. The angel realized how it must look to be holding a glass of whiskey, when Sam raised his eyebrows questioningly. Instead of addressing the hunter right then, Cas chose to sit down his drink on the side table and sit down on the end of the couch that was supposedly Dean's. When Sam realized that the angel wasn't going to start the conversation, he decided to initiate it himself.

Sam sat up in the recliner and tucked his hair behind his ears, ready to be filled in. "So what's going on? Is everything okay?"

The angel picked the glass back up and stared at it for a moment before taking a sip and turning to the younger hunter. "I'm not sure what to say. I think Dean would prefer if I don't share my reason for being here right now."

Perplexed by the non-answer, Sam decided to try a different question. "Okay. Then can you at least tell me if we should be worried about you being followed? I mean, you said that using your powers made you more visible, and I know you didn't just walk through the door."

"I'm honestly not sure if I was detected or not. I didn't come here by my own means, so I can't answer that with any certainty. However, I did wait for some time before entering, to try and sense if my location had been found. All I can say is that there seems to be no threat so far." The angel took another sip of his drink before staring at it again, as if it held some sort of answer.

Sam pulled pursed his lips, not feeling much better with the answer he'd been given. "So you're pretty sure that the coast is clear, but tell me something. What do you mean, you didn't come here by your own means?" The younger hunter was genuinely curious and was trying to keep his tone from sounding accusatory.

Cas' eyes met concerned hazel and he sighed. "I was brought here, in a forced flight. As a precaution, I'm going to continue to suppress my grace unless necessary, just as before. Please don't feel concern about what brought me here, because I don't believe it is dangerous."

Feeling more secure about the immediate situation, Sam relaxed back into his seat and breathed out slowly. "Alright, well, I guess you're staying here again?"

The angel ran an index finger around the lip of the glass. "I would like to, as long as it is okay with Dean."

Sam found it odd that Cas would feel the need to ask for Dean's permission, considering that his presence as of late had been welcome. The younger hunter assumed it had something to do with Cas' reason for showing up, but left it alone, knowing that it would it would be revealed soon enough.

"Speaking of, what's Dean doing right now?" Sam inquired.

"He went back to sleep. He may be a bit…tense when he gets up," the angel warned. Sam was his friend and deserved to know that there may be one of Dean's famous moods in the near future.

The hunter nodded and shared his thanks for the heads-up before rising to go to the kitchen. "Are you hungry? You look like you haven't eaten in a while."

Cas didn't notice until then that it had been several days since he had eaten and he suddenly became potently aware of the hunger he'd been ignoring. Following Sam into the kitchen, Cas watched as the hunter made a wrap with caesar salad and some leftover grilled chicken, and committed the steps to memory. The younger hunter then shifted and encouraged the angel to try making his own. Cas was a fast learner when it came to using his hands and soon had made a wrap so well arranged and neatly folded that Sam was reminded of the food they always show in ads.

"How in the hell do you do that! I've gotta take a picture of that and send it to Charlie," Sam grinned as he took out his phone. After taking the picture, he showed it to Cas before sending the message, and within a few minutes Charlie was calling them.

"Hey! I didn't know that Cas was back…when did that happen? Is everything okay?" Charlie sounded like she wasn't sure whether to be relieved yet.

"Yeah, I think everything is fine for now. He just came back a little while ago. So how are you doing?" Sam asked, feeling glad to hear his friend's voice again.

The two spoke for a couple of minutes before Cas held his hand out for the phone. Sam looked at him with confusion, stunned that the angel would ask to use the phone for social reasons. "Uh, I think Cas wants to talk to you. Hang on a sec."

Cas suddenly felt really awkward, not sure of how to proceed with a phone call that wasn't meant to convey business information. He honestly wasn't sure what possessed him to ask for the phone, but it was too late now. "H-hello? Charlie?"

Charlie's voice came through the other end, excited and radiating warmth. "Hey Cas! I'm so glad to hear you're back…Dean was really worried about you. We all were. So, are you staying around for a while?"

The woman noticed the hesitation before the angel replied. "Thank you, Charlie. As for staying, I'm not quite sure yet, but I would like to if I can."

Catching the undercurrent of Cas' answer, she figured there was more going on, but that the angel wouldn't be the one to elaborate. "Well, I'm glad to hear with my own ears that you're okay. And Cas? Would you mind to tell Dean to call me today when he has time? I've gotta go for now, but it's been nice hearing from you, angel. Tell Sam I said bye, too." And with that she hung up, and Cas handed the phone back to Sam.

The two men sat down at the table and ate their wraps in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the ease with which they had come back into simply eating together. Cas had been staring into space when Dean shuffled into the kitchen, pointedly avoiding eye contact as he walked to the fridge. No one said a word as Dean grabbed a beer, expecting him to walk right back out and leave a cloud of tension behind as he usually did. Then the older Winchester did something that neither Sam nor Cas had expected, and sat down at the table next to Cas, still not making eye contact with anyone. Sam and Cas looked at each other in surprise, but chose not to remark. After a few seconds of awkward silence, the younger Winchester offered Dean the same meal that he'd offered Cas.

"I'm not eating your rabbit food, man. It's like some kind of perverse version of a burrito."

"Dude, it's just a wrap, I'm not asking you to go vegan or anything. Besides, look at the one Cas made earlier and tell me it doesn't look good," Sam said before handing the phone over to his brother.

Dean took a look and then turned to Cas. "Did you really make this? Food never actually looks like that! It's looks so…put together."

Cas gave a small sheepish smile before looking across the table and then back to Dean. "Sam showed me how to make it, so I simply imitated his actions. Would you like me to make you one?"

It's not that Dean actually had any real problem with vegetables, they just weren't his first choice. But seeing the pride on the angel's face for accomplishing this human feat, Dean felt like he should try it and indulge his friend. "Sure Cas, I'll take one, but don't go easy on the chicken!"

The angel beamed as he went to the counter and deftly produced yet another exemplary wrap. He brought it to Dean and resumed his seat, watching the hunter take his first bite. Dean was not expecting the deliciousness that danced across his tongue and hummed appreciatively as he chewed. Cas and Sam looked at each other, surprised yet again by the older Winchester's actions.

"Not a word," Dean said as he pointed sternly at his brother, with a look to match given to both of the other men at the table. He felt the angel slouch slightly, so Dean relaxed his leg, letting his knee rest against Cas' and hesitantly sent feelings of appreciation and pride.

A gentle prod, a low vibration, teal and aqua fading in and out of each other.

The angel was startled to feel anything purposely pushed from Dean and smiled to himself as he pushed back with gratitude. Dean didn't realize that he'd been cold until the warmth came back to him and he unconsciously let out a quiet sigh of relief before continuing to polish off the rest of the wrap. Sam had been watching them with fascination, noting that it seemed like they were communicating without even staring this time and couldn't help the smug grin that crept across his face.

"Mwhat?" Dean said around his mouthful, catching his brother's look.

"Nothing, just thinking."

"Well, quit thinking with your face," Dean said, realizing after the fact that it didn't make that much sense. He figured that Sam would know what he meant, though.

Sam chuckled at the response and its lack of finesse, and stood up to put his plate in the sink. It was hard to pretend to be offended when Dean got flustered like that, so he just let it go. He walked back to the table and leaned on the back of the chair, trying for nonchalance. "So, uh, I think I'm going to work some more on the stacks. Let me know if you wanna talk later."

"We will let you know, Sam. And thank you for teaching me how to make the wrap." Cas was genuinely pleased that he'd been able to do something that made Dean happy. Sam nodded and gave a tight smile before walking off.

Dean and Cas immediately became aware of the awkwardness that Sam had been keeping at bay, the moment the giant left the room. After a minute or so of uncomfortable silence, Dean started to feel antsy and suggested they go to the living room and turn on the TV. He knew that they would probably end up talking, but it didn't seem as daunting somehow, knowing that there would be other noise in the room with them. Cas was just as glad for the distraction and followed Dean out of the kitchen.

Dean had taken his end of the couch and Cas decided it would be wise to sit on the other end, not wishing to make the hunter any more uncomfortable than he already was. Dean quirked an eyebrow at the angel for his unusual show of respect for personal space, but Cas didn't respond and just sunk down to get more comfortable in his seat. The hunter was not in the mood to watch anything with a plot line and put it on Science channel, only barely watching as an astrophysicist droned on about space. Normally it fascinated Dean, but his mind was just not in it today.

"Hey Cas? I was just wondering…can you feel my mood all the time? Or just when it's, I guess, stronger than usual?"

The angel turned and met his gaze, not yet hopeful that this would be a constructive conversation. "I don't think I've really had enough experiences yet to be able to answer that accurately. However, what I do know so far is that the only thing I've felt since you got up earlier, was when we were sitting at the table. It's a good theory that only stronger feelings come through, unless consciously pushed."

Dean nodded and looked back to the TV for a minute before opening his mouth again. "So, are we like stuck together now or something? What exactly is…this?" he gestured between the two of them.

As much as Dean seemed willing to talk about it, Cas couldn't help but worry that speaking too frankly would scare the hunter off. The angel was still confused himself, about the emotions bit. He knew that they'd always shared a bond, but still wasn't entirely sure what all that had entailed.

With a heavy sigh, the angel looked over at the hunter before answering. "Before I answer any more questions, I need to know something. Are you really and truly wanting answers? Because I know you well enough to know that you are uncomfortable with frank discussions of the emotional variety."

Rationally, Dean knew that he needed the real answers, but it didn't mean that his insides weren't squirming like a snake den at the thought of it. He leaned his head back and looked at the ceiling. "You'd be correct, but at this point there's already so much weird that I think it'll make it worse if we don't just deal with it."

Castiel relaxed a little and drew his left wing out from behind him to rest along the back of the couch, as one would normally do with their arm. Dean could tell by the look on the angel's face that this was an action he'd done many times before and had forgotten that Dean could see it. The hunter felt amusement bubble up inside him at seeing such a human motion being made by an angel wing, of all things, and let a laugh slip out. Cas knitted his brows in confusion before he followed the hunter's gaze and pulled his wing back in embarrassment.

"It's okay Cas. If you want to stretch out, go ahead. I'm just not used to seeing you with wings yet, that's all. Ever since that night in the barn, I guess I always figured they were like shadows or something, and not so…definite?" Dean smiled warmly at the angel to convey his ease.

The angel nodded and slowly stretched the wing back out, carefully avoiding making contact with the hunter before speaking. "To answer your question, I'm not sure just how 'stuck together' we are. According to the human tradition of soul mates, we'd simply be two people whose souls attract each other for whatever reasons, and would always be happier being near each other. For angels though, it's a bit more than that. When angels meet that mate, there are more implications, or side-effects, if you will. When angels bond, we gain a direct channel to our partner, with the ability to communicate freely regardless of our location. The channel can be managed with practice, so as not to overwhelm the other with your thoughts all of the time. Also, the bond is permanent and could be likened to a marriage, but without the possibility of separation. An angel's bond includes the intertwining of graces. For humans, meeting your soul mate doesn't mean binding yourself to that person. Especially considering that you can have more than one mate, fulfilling different aspects of your life. Your souls may touch, but they never become as one, because that would thwart free will. As for how this has happened with us, I'm not exactly what parts of each tradition have taken effect."

"I knew it! I knew it had to be a bunch of crap, the whole 'two becoming one' thing that always gets brought up at weddings." Dean felt smug, but saw irritation on Cas' face and settled back down, clearing his throat. "So basically, we aren't going to know exactly what the effects are until we experience them." Dean nodded to himself before continuing. "Okay, so I have another question." When the angel raised his eyebrows in acknowledgement, Dean continued. The hunter looked down now, not wanting to make eye contact, but needing an answer all the same.

"You'd said that my soul has been reaching out and touching your grace, but I don't recall praying any harder or anything, so I'm confused. And did my soul like, molest you or something? Because I swear I wasn't trying to." The embarrassment was rolling off the hunter in waves and Cas couldn't help but find it endearing and without thinking, moved his wing down around Dean's shoulders in a long-distance type of side hug. The hunter startled for a moment, but felt a sense of affection and teasing through the touch and relaxed.

"No Dean, you haven't been accosting my grace. As for how you've been doing it, I don't believe it's been a conscious decision, but more a result of the feelings you've been experiencing when you've prayed to me. Since your prayers have been of a personal nature and not about any crises, the type of emotion behind them has been different. You've prayed because you simply wanted to talk to me or be near me. And admittedly, it's made me very happy that you found a way to include me in your day, even if I wasn't there to see it." Cas wasn't aware to what extent his wings seemed to have a mind of their own until he found Dean staring at him oddly, and looked over to see that the tip of his wing had been absently moving up and down the hunter's upper arm.

The angel started to blush as he removed his wing awkwardly and cleared his own throat. "My apologies. Apparently, I'm the one accosting you."

Dean couldn't help but wonder how many times the angel had done this without his knowing. His initial reaction was to move away as a reflex for personal space and avoiding such an intimate touch, but he stopped when he realized that it wasn't actually all that bad. The hunter didn't protest when the wing was removed again, but the loss of the warming sensation was disconcerting all the same. Dean's thoughts wandered and the room fell quiet again, save for the calm cadence of the scholar on the TV. Reflecting upon the personal space issue, Dean found that it hadn't actually bothered him in quite some time, having gotten used the angel's presence over several years. In fact, it had become almost comforting over time, even though the hunter didn't like to admit it. He supposed that was why it didn't bother him more than it did, snuggling on the couch with his friend only a few days before. Until now though, Dean had assumed that Cas was completely oblivious to the nuances of contact and was simply being tolerant of the hunter's need for it. With this development of the touchiness of the angel's wings though, it occurred to Dean that the feeling was reciprocal, and it sent a shiver down his spine. Cas' wings had opened up a whole new line of understanding for the hunter, and he was surprisingly glad for it. After years of trying to figure out what the angel was feeling (if anything), Dean finally had a way, and he felt hopeful it would makes things a bit easier.

Cas was also lost in thought, panicking about how much his wings had betrayed him. Dean had only recently begun to show affection in a moment of relaxation, so it was entirely possible that this would drive the hunter back into his bubble. Then they'd be stuck together while Dean brooded, and the stupid wing as going to cost him the only friendship he had left and-

"Hey Cas?" Dean interrupted the angel's thoughts and Cas could've sworn he had a stone settling in his stomach.

"Yes, Dean?"

Dean fiddled with that damned button again before asking his question. "Would you mind to put your wing back? It feels…nice, okay?" The situation was girly enough, and the hunter sure as hell wasn't about to start sharing how he felt all warm and fuzzy and safe with the appendage there. And even though it thrummed with power, Dean was coming to realize that the power was being channeled as protection, and not a threat.

Cas couldn't believe what he'd just heard and he stared in surprise for a moment before complying with Dean's request. Then the hunter felt it.

Sunshine, something like a cat purring, cinnamon.

Dean couldn't believe how pleasant the sensation was. It reminded him of walking into a warm house in winter time after spending all day in the snow. Kind of the way he imagined most kids must feel, coming home the first day of Christmas break. The hunter let out a contented sigh and leaned into it, deciding that he might as well enjoy the perks, if they were going to be stuck this way. Dean had closed his eyes and was quiet, just enjoying the sensation when a thought popped in that made him sit straight up. The sudden movement startled the angel and he looked to Dean, whose eyes were wide with guilt.

"Am I the only one benefitting from this? I mean, do I emit any awesomeness waves like you do, or am I just sitting here soaking up all the zen like a sponge?"

Cas couldn't help but chuckle at not only the concern, but the wording. "No Dean, this is pleasurable for me too. It's comforting and I feel…calm."

The hunter settled back down, but his face was still tense. "Cas, this is already five different shades of odd. Please don't use the word pleasurable again." Despite the words, there was no bite in  
Dean's tone. The angel was actually relieved at this small grumpiness, knowing that the recent events weren't influencing his friend toward behaviors he wouldn't typically exhibit.

"Okay, Dean."

"I think I need to call Charlie now," Dean said as if he'd already slipped into another world.

_Jesus, what am I doing? I can't believe I'm actually about to call a friend and talk about this shit like some teenage girl. But please, Charlie doesn't count, she's cool._

With his mind made up, Dean pulled his phone out and called up his friend, ignoring what a girl he felt like for doing it.


	17. A dime's a nickel, a nickel's none

"Oh my god. What the? Seriously? Jesus." Charlie was having a hard time figuring out how to respond for a second there. Dean could hear what sounded like a plastic bag being rustled around in the background.

"Yeah, I know," Dean said quietly.

"Okay Dean I'm not gonna lie, this is a really strange situation as to the sensations and stuff. But I also know that you didn't call me just to talk about the facts. I mean come on, this isn't just some case, this is about you. So spill it, how are you doing with all of this?" Charlie was feeling a bit bossy that day.

Dean was standing outside, leaning against his car and enjoying the fresh air. He hadn't realized just how charged the atmosphere inside had been until making his way outdoors for some privacy, a couple minutes into the conversation. "Geez Charlie, pushy much?"

Charlie sighed on the other end of the line. "Sorry, I'm kind of cranky today so don't take it personally, okay? But anyway, look, you told me yourself that you were pretty sure that you two were soul mates, so which part of it all are you worried about?" Then there was crunching. Dean was amused with Charlie's disregard for phone manners as she was clearly tearing up some chips.

Absently kicking at a small clump of weeds, the hunter shook his head before he realized that Charlie couldn't see the motion. "Well for one, neither one of us is the picture of emotional health, so how are we even capable of bonding with anyone like this? And I don't even know where to begin on the whole sensations and shit. It's like being naked all the time!"

Charlie munched thoughtfully on her potato chip and M&M mix for a moment before responding.

"Friend, I think you need to just slow down for a second and sift through one thing at a time, alright? For one, you need to keep in mind that Cas is probably as worried about all of this as you are, but he doesn't have anyone to help him deal, so I bet he feels as lost and naked as you do right now."

Dean rubbed his forehead, knowing that his friend was right. "I know. But it's overwhelming. I mean, what kind of human bonds with a freakin' angel? Why would he want that? It's not fair to him."

"Seriously, Dean? It's not like you forced him into it. You said it had to be a mutual thing, right? So clearly, he cares about you of his own free will. You know, that thing you taught him years ago? You're a wonderful person Dean, and you deserve whatever good comes your way, even if it's hard for you to believe. I just wish you could see it the way the rest of us do. Moving on though, here's my other question. How does it make _you_ feel when you're sharing the sensations?"

The hunter had been avoiding thinking about this question, but figured he was already in this conversation and might as well deal with it. "It's kind of like wrapping up in a blanket when you aren't really cold but just want the blanket there. You don't realize how warm you are until it's peeled away, and then you get kind of cold until your body readjusts to being without it. It kind of freaks me out because it feels nice, but then at the same time I don't want it there. Makes me feel like some needy chick or something." Dean paused for a moment, starting to feel his incompetence at these kinds of matters and laughed humorlessly. "I am so shitty at this."

"You're really not that shitty, man. This is what normal people do when they're going through a time in their life…they call a friend to help them straighten it out. It's just new for you, that's all. Don't get me wrong, I'm nowhere near the poster child for emotional health, but I like to be able to help where I can. I think Cas is probably less emotionally self-aware than you are, so you might be overthinking all of this. Oh, and Dean? Being needy isn't a pre-requisite for being female, just so you know."

"I know, and I'm sorry. Sam's always on my ass about these things, social enlightenment or whatever it is he calls it," Dean said with the tone of a child that had been chastised.

"Yeah, I figured. And keep in mind that needing people in your life isn't the same as being needy. Everyone needs people they can trust in their life, and that also extends into needing contact. Just part of being human, you know?" Charlie looked at her bowl, suddenly disturbed at how much of the junk food she'd eaten and put the dish in the kitchen. Out of sight, out of mind.

Dean couldn't believe that Charlie had brought that up. "You know, Cas brought up the contact thing just the other day, before all of this happened. It weirds me out that you've both said that now."

"Well, great minds think alike. Now, here's something I want to know, if you don't mind my asking. And you really don't have to answer if you don't want to." Charlie wasn't sure exactly how personal this was but her curiosity was getting to her. "What do his wings look like?"

Dean didn't realize that a smile was creeping upon his face when he answered. "You wouldn't believe how big they are! I swear they're like eight feet long, each! It scared the shit out of me when he stretched them out. Like he could probably knock someone across a room with them. And they aren't white and fluffy, either. They're shiny and black, sort of."

Charlie was listening raptly, trying to wrap her head around the concept of having the acquaintance of an angel, and a friend who could actually see the wings. She was pretty sure that Dean was probably one of the only humans in all of history that had ever seen angel wings and lived to tell the tale, and Charlie didn't even bother not trying to feel jealous. "Wait, what do you mean _sort of_ black?"

Dean focused on remembering the wings' appearance as he tried to come up with an explanation that would make sense. "It's going to sound weird, but it's like the color…moves or something. They're black, but there's also some blue sheen to it too, mostly toward the tips of the feathers. Kind of reminds me of the swirl you get when you mix oil and water, but it's just different shades of blue swirling on top of black. And the swirling calmed down when he wasn't moving. I never really put much thought into wondering what they actually looked like, but they are definitely NOT was I would've expected. And they move like a second set of arms, or something. It's hard to describe without seeing it yourself, I guess." The hunter's voice had taken on the tone of excitement and fondness that one would normally reserve for telling someone about seeing a rare painting or meeting their idol.

Charlie found herself smiling too; Dean's excitement was almost contagious. "I still can't believe you get to see something like that! They really do sound beautiful, Dean. You're lucky, you know that?"

Dean's smile softened down to a small grin. Then he replied quietly, "Yeah, I know. And don't you do dare repeat this, but they _are_ beautiful. Never seen anything like it." After a moment of quiet, the hunter decided to ask one final piece of advice before getting off the phone. "So what do I do with my brother? How am I supposed to talk to him about this?"

"Well, you told me didn't you? Just tell him the truth. You aren't obligated to tell him all kinds of feelings stuff, but you can give him the rundown like you did for me when you first called. It may be awkward, but Sam can handle it, dude. Judging from what I saw of the three of you interacting when I was there, I'm pretty sure that your brother has been expecting something like this, anyway." Charlie really didn't envy Dean's position.

"What do mean, expecting this?" Dean asked, slightly ruffled.

Charlie couldn't believe that Dean had to ask that. "Oh. I just figured you were aware of how obvious you guys are, what will all the staring and closeness. It doesn't take a genius to see how close you two are."

Dean knew he couldn't argue that point, considering he'd heard it before from people that didn't even know them well. "I guess you have a point, but I just know that he'll be walking around with that stupid 'told you so' face, and then he'll want to have all kinds of talks about it." Anxiety was starting come around the edges of Dean's voice.

"Oh come on, Winchester. Is that seriously your excuse? Sure, he'll probably try and have talks, but after a few days he'll probably be over it and it'll all just be a part of life like anything else you guys deal with. Besides, it's not like he has that much room to judge, with some of the things he's done before. I mean, no offense." Charlie was hoping she hadn't just crossed a line.

The hunter had never thought of it that way. Trusting a demon and drinking its blood had been a hard hurdle for Dean to get over with Sam, but the older Winchester had forgiven him all the same, because Sam is his brother. Surely Sam could deal with some of Dean's shit now.

"No, no offense taken. Thanks for talking to me man, sorry I jabbered your ear off. And this all stays between us, right?" Dean was suddenly feeling guilty that he hadn't really asked his friend how she was doing.

"It's all good Dean, I don't mind listening, and I promise I won't tell a soul."

"Alright, well, I guess I gotta go take care of this sooner rather than later. And you know you can call me if you need anything too." Dean really didn't want to be the dramatic friend that never returns the favor.

"I know. And you'll do fine, so quit worrying about it. Not just with Sam either…you and Cas will get this figured out. Just go with the flow and take it as it comes, because this could turn out to be a really good thing for the both of you. Seriously, don't shut yourself down if things get too close. This whole thing seems to be the result of what you've been feeling already, so just let yourself have this, okay? I'll talk to you later, friend."

After they hung up, Dean continued to lean against the Impala, replaying the conversation in his head and summoning the nerve for what he had to do. The hunter knew that Charlie was right, and now he just had to do it. After a few minutes, the older Winchester walked inside and made his way to the kitchen for a much needed beer. Sam was still working, but Cas was in the kitchen enjoying a late afternoon cup of coffee, smiling contentedly to himself.

When their eyes met, Dean was surprised to see humor on Cas' face, considering that the angel had been sitting alone, doing nothing.

Dean grabbed a beer out of the fridge and uncapped it before quirking a speculative eyebrow and asking, "What's going on up there?" He tapped a finger against his temple.

At this, the angel started to blush a little bit and looked away, still smiling. Dean was always amused to see bashfulness on Cas' face. "Dean, I don't believe it's what _I'm_ thinking about."

Puzzlement turned to panic as Dean wasn't sure exactly how much and which emotions could have projected during the phone conversation on accident. The hunter's voice came out a bit hoarser than he expected as he asked, "What are you talking about, Cas?"

The angel didn't make eye contact and focused instead on the mug sitting in front of him. His wings were pulled tight to his back, but seemed to be fidgeting slightly. Quietly, he answered, "You think my wings are beautiful." Cas' face went even redder saying it, as he continued to stare at his coffee.

Dean knew he couldn't deny it; that was impossible now. He also knew he should have felt embarrassed by having been caught saying it, but the angel seemed to enjoy the sentiment, so Dean pushed down his self-consciousness. Barely above a whisper, he responded, "Yeah Cas, they are. Never seen anything like 'em and probably never will." Dean wondered how Cas had picked up on such a specific idea, but filed it away for later.

Then, before he could stop himself, Dean reached out and ran gentle fingers reverently down a few inches of the right wing, as if petting an exotic animal at the zoo. Instantly, both angel and hunter were being flooded with all manner of sensations translating to affection, appreciation, wonderment, surprise, and admiration. Previous times coming into contact with Cas' wings had felt more like a tingling hum and the pressure of the touch, but in this instance, the hunter distinctly felt the smoothness of feathers beneath his fingertips in addition to the hum. Dean pulled his hand away and the two men just stared at each other, trying to figure out what to do next. Neither man was aware of how long they'd been looking, but knew it must have been a while when they came to, as Sam cleared his throat in the doorway. Dean and Cas simultaneously whipped their heads over at the sound and the younger Winchester suddenly felt a little spooked at having interrupted this particular staring match.

Dean also cleared his throat and tried to get his face back into a normal expression. "Hey Sammy, want a cup of coffee?"

Sam gave a tight smile but didn't look much less startled as he made his way to his seat at the table. "Yeah, sure, sounds good."

The older Winchester poured up a cup for his brother and sat it on the table before taking his seat next to Cas. It didn't escape Dean that the angel's wings had relaxed and the one closest to him was resting lightly against the top of his arm. Dean had also unconsciously leaned in slightly toward the angel, waiting for Sam to talk. Sam looked back and forth between them with curiosity and a small smirk touched his lips before he took a sip of coffee.

This was exactly the face Dean had been imagining when he was talking to Charlie earlier. Dean rubbed a hand over his face, knowing that the conversation was going to happen now whether he was ready or not. "What is it Sammy?"

"Well, I was going to ask you the same question." The younger hunter leaned back in his seat but kept his hands on his cup. "You two are being kind of weird, even for you. So are we going to talk about what's going on?"

Cas became very interested in his cup, but his wing nudged Dean's arm, encouraging him to do the speaking. Dean turned to look at him with a small amount of irritation, but the angel refused to look up.

"Okay, seriously? What with the new silent conversations guys?" Sam was starting to feel perturbed now. Cas glanced over to Dean before looking to Sam.

"I think Dean would be best suited to explaining our situation," the angel said flatly, before sending feelings of encouragement to Dean.

Sam was gracious enough to allow the silence that Dean needed to gather his words before beginning his story. Before the words could come out, the hunter's leg began to wiggle underneath the table out of nervous habit. Cas didn't stop the motion this time, knowing that it was Dean's coping mechanism. Dean was surprised at how well he was able to find the balance in his words to avoid oversharing or being too vague. Sam's face had remained fairly composed throughout the speech, simply taking in the details and making mental notes, without interruption. Dean was reminded of why Sam would've made a good lawyer, imagining him sitting behind a desk and listening to his clients' stories with feigned impartiality. However, he also knew that when the story came to a close, Sam would be ready for his own examination. The whole thing only took a couple minutes to tell, but for Dean it felt like it stretched on for an hour. Now that it was out, Dean looked his brother in the eye as a sort of challenge, waiting for the slew of questions that he was sure was coming.

Sam sat up in his seat and took a sip of his drink before speaking. "So let me get this straight. You two are soul mates, but you aren't sure exactly what all can happen on the, uh, I guess metaphysical plane. Meaning, any number of things could happen between soul and body…"

Dean was surprised by how rational his brother was being about it. "Yeah, pretty much."

"And you only found out this morning because Dean's soul summoned you like the Bat Signal, which is what brought you here." Sam looked to Cas, who looked confusedly between the two brothers, not understanding the reference. Dean saw the look on the angel's face and grinned softly before answering his brother.

"Pretty much."

"Okay, so I only have one last question for now. Does this…bonding have any sort of influence on your thinking? Like, could it cause you to do anything against your will?"

Cas decided it was his turn to speak up. "I don't believe so, because this is all simply a manifestation of what is already there. The simple fact of being enlightened to all of this might influence our opinions, but any changes in our behaviors or thoughts would still be of our own volition. The only possible danger I see in this would be the act of my forced flight. However, Heaven is typically not interested in the flare of a human soul, so I doubt that the power that Dean generated to bring me here was noticed. Souls can flare with something as simple as an orgasm, so I'm sure that nothing appeared out of the ordinary."

Dean had been mid-swig and spluttered, choking on his coffee when the angel said the last part. Cas reached over and rubbed calming circles on the hunter's back until his breathing came back under control, while Sam looked on in amusement at the interaction. Dean wouldn't have allowed the touch if he hadn't felt like he was dying and gave both of the other men the stink eye once his eyes quit watering. "Sammy, shut up. And Cas, just don't with the orgasm, dude."

Sam raised his hands in surrender, but chuckled. "Hey, I didn't say anything."

Cas tilted his head and looked at Dean in slight puzzlement. "I don't understand. I was merely stating a fact, and making my point based on the assumption that you are both aware of the probability of how many people must be reaching climax at any given point on this planet. I'm sorry though, if I have made an uncomely remark."

Sam's eyes widened in disbelief before he busted out, unable to contain his laughter. Dean turned red and simply rose from the table, snagging another beer from the fridge while shaking his head as he watched tears rolled down Sam's face. Although Dean was still disturbed at Cas making such an analogy, it was almost impossible to not laugh at the unfortunate wording, and he ended up chuckling before he even made it back to the table. Sam's laughter had always been contagious, anyway. The angel furrowed his brow in aggravation at not understanding what was so funny, which made Dean laugh even more, because it was just so classic Cas. The hunter clapped the angel on the shoulder and smiled fondly through his dwindling laughter as he said, "See Cas, this right here is exactly why I've told you to never change." There was no ridicule in Dean's touch, so the angel let himself relax, glad that his remarks had helped lighten the mood, even if he had no clue what he'd done.


	18. As You Sleep

Dinner was uneventful that night, besides a few raised eyebrows from Sam as he watched Dean and Cas' interactions. Although the silent conversations without eye contact were a little strange, the tension between the angel and older hunter was calming down significantly, and Sam was starting to feel grateful for this small reprieve.

After the meal was finished and dishes had been abandoned in the sink, Cas went for a much needed shower while the brothers made themselves comfortable in the living room. After 40 minutes and no sign of Cas, Dean started to wonder what was going on and walked down the hall to see if everything was okay. The bathroom had been vacated, so he knocked on Cas' door.

"Hey Cas, everything okay?"

"I'm in here," Dean heard coming from his own room.

When Dean walked into his room, he was greeted by the sight of a towel-clad Cas standing at the dresser looking utterly lost as he searched through the drawers, with a t-shirt hanging in the crook of his elbow. The hunter was surprised to see that the angel's wings were perfectly dry, even though there were still stray beads of water on Cas' shoulders. _Must be the 'different plane' _thing, the hunter noted to himself. Dean wanted to be irritated with the invasion of the privacy of his things, but just couldn't bring himself to feel it, with Cas looking so puzzled over something like pants. Plus, it's not like it was the first time the angel had gone through his stuff.

"Dean, I can't find any of the soft pants like the ones I wore before, and all of your regular ones are too big for me," Cas said with a nod toward the bed. Dean followed the direction of the nod to find that almost every pair of pants he owned was strewn across the bed.

"They're in the dryer with your other stuff from when you showed up the first time. I did laundry the other day." Then a thought occurred to Dean. "Dude! Have you been trying on all of my pants… commando?"

"I don't understand." Cas started to look nervous, not sure what he'd done wrong.

Dean's face had taken on a disturbed quality as he had to say, "It means 'without underwear'".

"Well, Dean, I assumed you wouldn't want me wearing your undergarments." Cas' voice carried a tone that implied that his logic made perfect sense, and Dean had to remind himself that human things were still new to his friend.

"Thanks for trying to respect that, but I really wish you'd just taken a pair and not told me, man." Then Dean added decisively, "We're going to town tomorrow to get you some clothes of your own."

Cas looked at the t-shirt he was holding and then tilted his head at Dean. "I don't think it would be prudent to buy anything for me, considering how tenuous our situation is. Since I won't be leaving here more often than necessary, I don't see why I should worry about a wardrobe."

Dean saw that the angel had a point, that there was really no sense in spending money unnecessarily, but he still wasn't willing to share everything. "Okay, but we at least have to get you your own personal things and some pants that will fit you. Otherwise, I guess just wear whatever we have around here. Sound like a deal?"

Suddenly, Dean was hit with the sensation of cold, bees swarming inside of him, and yellow. He had to do a quick check to make sure that Cas' wings were still folded, because the angel wasn't even as close as arms' length away. _Nope, absolutely no contact being made_. Dean opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted when the angel started to speak.

"Are we going to go to…Walmart?" Dean took a better look at Cas' expression and saw what appeared to be anxiety, moving from his eyes toward the rest of his face. The angel's posture had also taken on a similar stance to the first night he'd arrived and stood in the kitchen while everyone looked at him. Dean found it intriguing that such a powerful creature would feel uncomfortable with something as simple as a general retail store.

"Cas, are you afraid of _Walmart_?"

Cue dramatic eye roll and head tilt of sass. "No Dean, I am not afraid of a building. However, I find the experience of being within its walls unsettling."

Dean realized at that moment that Cas must be painfully aware of how awkward he was in situations that required being around people he didn't know. The thought that Cas was not only aware of the extent of his ineptitude, but worried enough about it that he would want to avoid a store was disheartening for Dean. Sure, Cas could make people uncomfortable with his candor, but why would he care? _Oh. He doesn't want to embarrass me. Dammit, now I feel like an ass._

Without even realizing it, Dean had given off vibes of encouragement and calm before he spoke. "Look, I know it's not your favorite thing in the world, but we have to do it. Maybe try viewing it as another learning experience, and just let me take the lead." Cas calmed down a bit, but at some point had started clutching the t-shirt that had been draped on his arm minutes before.

"Perhaps we could go early in the morning, when the store isn't as busy," the angel offered.

The corners of Dean's lips turned up slightly and he nodded. "That'll be fine. But hey, I do have a question, off-topic." Cas raised his eyebrows in signal to proceed.

"So, I was just wondering...did you just try to push a feeling at me a minute ago? Like the way that I do?"

By the knit of the angel's brow, Dean knew that the push hadn't been purposeful. "No, I only come through with contact. Why? What happened?"

Dean really didn't want to make his friend uncomfortable, but it had to be addressed. "Well, I kind of felt nervousness hit me a minute ago when we started talking about the store."

Cas' eyes widened in surprise for a moment before returning to normal, adopting a look of focus. "I suppose it is possible that I could start projecting to you, now that you are starting to accept our situation."

It made sense, so Dean simply nodded, wondering what other things would start to change in his perceptions. As it was, he was using beyond five senses and thought more than once that perhaps he was using a normally unutilized part of his brain to perceive these things.

"Well now that that's all settled, you wanna watch the Doctor here in a minute?" Cas just smiled, so Dean got his night time outfit together and gave the angel's shoulder a squeeze before turning to walk out of the room.

"Thank you, Dean."

"It's all good, Cas."

The hunter changed in the bathroom and then made his way back to the living room, where Sam was dozing. The taller man hadn't taken any naps the past few days and it was clearly wearing on him, so Dean made a mental note to make sure that Sam got to sleep in the next morning. After a couple minutes, Cas came in with two cups of tea and set them down carefully before sitting down next to Dean, ankles crossed and sitting attentively after reclaiming his cup. Dean was certain that he would never get used to seeing the angel looking so human (aside from the extra appendages), wearing pajama pants and old t-shirts and sitting like that. The hunter also noticed that it seemed like the more Cas tamped down his powers, the more human his speech and behaviors became, as well. The only thing that hadn't changed much was Cas' scent. Dean didn't like to admit it, but he'd grown used to it, and over time had come to find it comforting in its familiarity. It wasn't any particular scent, just a general freshness that carried some sort of warm, spicy undercurrent. It was simply Cas, and it had become as welcoming as the book smell that greeted Dean each time he walked into the bunker.

When the DVD started, Sam woke up and looked over at the two men on the couch, glad that they didn't seem to notice his small eye roll and grin. He couldn't believe how domesticated his brother had become, especially since Cas came, and would've never thought in a million years that it was possible until now. Sure Dean had experienced it with Lisa, but this was different…this was _Dean's_ home, not someone else's that he happened to live in. Sam felt happy for his brother, finally getting some fraction of a sense of security after all these years of tumult and carrying all of the burdens of the world on himself. The younger Winchester also felt happy for himself, knowing that as shitty as the world was at that moment, at least they had a sanctuary to call home and feel relaxed in.

Dean started the show up and most of the way through watching the Doctor lodge with some poor civilian, Sam started to nod off again. The older Winchester waited until the episode was over before saying anything.

"Hey Sammy? You need to go to bed. And don't plan on getting up early or anything, just sleep in, okay? Me and Cas are gonna run to town early in the morning to pick up a few things for him, so we might be gone when you wake up."

The younger Winchester stretched and stood up. "Alright. Well, I'll see you tomorrow. 'Night guys." Sam trudged off to his room and passed out within minutes of getting settled in his bed.

Once the idea of sleep came into his mind, Dean realized just how exhausted he was and opted for going to bed as well. The two men made their way to their own rooms and agreed along the way that Dean would set an alarm and get Cas up in the morning for their little foray to the store. With goodnights said, they each closed their doors to settle in and get some rest. Dean had barely gotten the covers pulled up before falling asleep, just glad for the day to be over. Cas was glad for the change from cave to warm, dry room and stretched out on his stomach, taking over the entire bed as he did so, basking in the softness of the sheets as he drifted off.

The angel was having a pleasant dream, a memory of the day he had watched two brothers achieve the first manned flight in history. Cas was always fascinated with watching the progress of humanity, and the memory of that day in December was special for the angel, knowing that it was the genesis of a brand new era. When the plane took off, he couldn't contain himself and flew alongside it so that he could see the look on the pilot's face as he experienced something no other human had before, and it was exhilarating for the angel to witness. In this dream, Cas could hear the cheerful whooping coming from the ground, but then a very different cry rang out in the distance. He searched for its source, and it appeared to be coming from a small house in the distance, so the angel took off toward it. As he drew closer, he noticed that the cry was distinctly Dean's, so Cas sped faster toward the scene. When he arrived, Dean was cradling Sam's lifeless body in his arms, crying and shouting his grief, cursing God for taking his brother away. The angel was aware that this was a dream, but it made no difference as he walked over to the brothers and knelt down, placing his palm over Sam's chest. Dean's sobs had quieted, but he was still racked with grief, even as he watched Cas' palm begin to glow. After a few seconds, the color started to return to Sam's face and then he took a gasping breath as he sat up. Dean continued to hold his brother tightly, until the taller man had to remind him that breathing was necessary. The two brothers rose and Dean stepped away to get a good look at Sam, to make sure he really was okay, before turning to Cas. The angel was pleased that he'd been able to save Sam, and Dean was so relieved that he brought Cas into what would've been a near crushing hug, had he been human. The three men walked out of the house and made their way to a park before the dream became fuzzy and faded out into nothingness. The angel wasn't sure if that had been a shared dream with Dean or not, but figured that he would've saved Sam regardless and didn't think further on the subject as the dream fuzzed out. Cas entered a deep dreamless sleep for the rest of the night, getting the rest he still wasn't used to needing.

Dean had also been semi-comatose most of the night and was startled awake by the obnoxious repetitive noise of his alarm the next morning. More startling though was the fact that about three seconds after the alarm sounded, there was an arm shooting over him, trying unsuccessfully to locate the source of the noise. Then came the grumbling and cursing of the gravelly voice behind him, irritated that its owner couldn't seem to reach the noise on the other side of the bed. Dean rolled to his stomach to better reach the phone and the body rolled with him, still trying to swat over his back in the direction of the noise. It all happened in such a short time that Dean hadn't been sure of what to react to first, but his ears chose for him, and the alarm situation was finally resolved. Now for the Cas situation. The hunter was still on his stomach, and the angel was curled into his side, already starting to snore as he fell back asleep with his head on Dean's shoulder blade and the arm that had been reaching moments before, lying across the hunter's back where he'd dropped it. The hunter was also aware that Cas had curled his wing around him protectively, like a blanket. An incredibly warm blanket. Unlike last time, the hunter was in a good position to escape the octopus' grasp and slowly started to slide out of the bed, needing to escape the strange situation and figure himself out. Dean finally made it to the edge of the bed and rose to a seated position, ready to stand up, when the angel's hand grabbed for his wrist and tugged lightly. The hunter had snapped his head around, startled, as he pulled his arm back and realized that Cas had only just then become semi-conscious, most likely due to the movement of Dean's arm leaving his grip.

The angel scrambled to sit up, blinking dazedly at the hunter before looking around in confusion at the room they were sitting in. When it dawned on Cas that he was no longer in his own room and had at some point unbeknownst to himself come into Dean's room, alarm rose on his face. He was certain that Dean must be unhappy and clamored to get out of the bed, rather unsuccessfully, as he got twisted up in the bedding and managed to fall halfway out of the bed. Practically hanging upside down off the edge of the bed while his legs remained tangled, Cas sighed in defeat and twisted his body until he was free and then climbed to his feet. His head hung and his shoulders drooped as he sped past Dean to get out of the room. It was one thing to be conscious of sleeping next to someone, but to wake up to company in your bed was a whole other.

As Cas walked past Dean, he was startled by Dean's voice. "Hey, hang on a sec!"

Stopping abruptly, Cas turned around to face his friend, expecting a sermon of some sort on the complete intrusion of personal space. When their gazes met though, the angel was surprised to see the hunter wasn't angry, but rather confused and almost humored. Dean had felt the worry coming off Cas in waves and felt bad that his friend had gotten flustered enough to fall out of the bed. It _was_ kind of funny though, seeing the angel so uncollected.

"Cas, you gotta calm down. I'm not mad, okay? I'm just really confused right now, and you're freaking out and it's freaking me out. So just…sit back down or something."

The angel's cheeks still burned red, but he sat down on the side of the bed, still not looking up. "I don't recall coming in here."

"Well, that makes two of us. And look, this may be awkward as shit, but I'm not mad and just want to ask you something." Cas finally looked up, so Dean took it as his cue to continue. "Did you happen to save Sammy in a dream last night?" Dean just wanted to get this cleared up before they tried to go about having a normal day.

"Yes. I'm supposing you remember seeing me, so we must have been sharing dreams again," Cas said with a furrowed brow. Dean nodded and there was a moment of silence while they both reflected on everything that had happened and then Cas voiced a theory. "I was in the middle of my own dream when I heard your cry in the distance and searched you out. And, well, you were there so you know what happened next. Your soul must have called out to me, but I'm guessing that my body also moved physically to get to you in order to help you, even though the danger was only in sleep."

Put in black and white that way, the whole thing seemed pretty rational, all things considered. Dean may not have expected to wake up to playing the role of the little spoon to Cas, but the experience wasn't altogether unpleasant. In fact, what had startled him was that very realization; that maybe he didn't mind waking up that way.

Dean rubbed his eyes with his hands and let out a yawn before speaking. "So basically, you sense I'm in danger on any level and all of you," he gestured vaguely indicate the scope of Cas' whole body, "goes in search of me." More eye rubbing. "I am so not awake enough for this. I'm going to the bathroom and I'll meet you in the kitchen. I'm going to have to get some coffee."

With that, Cas stepped to the dresser and pulled out what he assumed to be the best fitting clothes he could and got dressed before heading to the kitchen. Preferring Dean's coffee, the angel decided to look around for something to eat while waiting on his friend to walk in. When the hunter walked in to a definite absence of coffee smell he frowned and looked at Cas, who was looking back sheepishly.

"I would've made coffee, but I like yours better," the angel muttered.

Dean grinned easily, flattered by the compliment. "Damn straight you do! My coffee is awesome."

They sat across from each other quietly for a while, just trying to wake up, when Cas sighed. One corner of Dean's mouth lifted, but he didn't look away from the newspaper he'd been looking at. "We'll get you a couple of those too," the hunter said absently.

"What are you talking about?" Cas' forehead was wrinkled in confusion when Dean looked up to meet the angel's eyes.

"If you're feeling weird with just the t-shirt, we'll get you a couple of button-downs," the hunter said, as if it explained everything.

"Dean, I didn't say anything. I was merely thinking about it." Cas rubbed his forehead before continuing. "I think the effects of the bond may be evolving."

The hunter mirrored the action and rubbed his own forehead. "Well that's just awesome. More crazy headed our way," he said with heavy sarcasm. Then they locked eyes and the look on Cas' face confirmed as much as Dean had been thinking. Yes, this was definitely how the angel had known what Dean had said about the wings.

Dean felt his cheeks warm at the memory of having been caught calling his friend beautiful the day before. Then right on cue, Cas nonchalantly leaned back in his seat and relaxed his wings, letting them hang slightly off to his sides, allowing more of the plumage to be viewed. The blue was swirling lazily, with a hint of aqua intermingling with it. The smirk on the angel's face crept into a full blown shit-eating grin when he caught Dean's eye.

"You are such an ass," Dean said with an eye roll.

The angel chuckled and finished off his coffee, feeling better about the day ahead.


	19. In My Place

Going to the store early in the morning had been an excellent idea. Being nervous about the experience, Cas walked much closer to Dean than necessary, almost shoulder to shoulder. They got a few looks from some of the older people in the store, but Dean shrugged it off as they walked along, grateful for the relative emptiness of the store.

Ten minutes into trying to buy shampoo, Dean realized that this was going to turn into an all-day event if he didn't do something.

"Come on man, just pick something. It's not like you're trying to keep up a hairdo or anything," Dean whined with impatience.

"How do _you_ pick, Dean?" Cas was starting to look like one of _those_ men you see in the baby section sometimes.

"Look, I just pick something that smells nice and doesn't say anything about color protection or extra moisturizing. Just plain hair here, see?" One look at the angel confirmed that he didn't feel any less daunted. With a sigh, Dean stepped forward to get a closer look at Cas' hair and ran his hand through it to figure out the texture. _Damn, his hair is soft. _ After looking at a few different bottles, he let the angel smell the final three and then threw the favorite into the cart.

After that, Cas agreed to let Dean pick these things and just let Cas choose by smell. Then they moved on to buy the angel a prepaid phone, and quickly wheeled over to the clothing. Dean was pleased that the angel seemed more opinionated about his clothing, going straight toward the items that caught his eye. It didn't surprise the hunter that most of it resembled his own style, and his ego inflated just the smallest bit. It also didn't escape Dean that Cas looked especially attractive in normal clothes that fit properly, and his hair mussed every which way after trying on several shirts. The trip was going fairly smoothly and Dean sighed contentedly as there was an end in sight after the last of the clothes were thrown in the cart. The two men were about to walk over to the registers when Cas spotted them- quite possibly the worst comfy pants that Dean had ever laid eyes on. Not only were they in the women's section, but they were a soft purple, and covered in little bees with 'ZZZZ' trailing behind each one. Apparently Cas had been working on perfecting his own sad face, and tilted his head and looked at Dean as if he were lost little hungry kitten, until the pants ended up in the cart, hidden beneath all the manly stuff. Fortunately, there was an open register and they were able to get right on it, getting through the checkout quickly and making their way back to the car.

All things considered, Dean thought the trip had gone better than expected. Of course Cas had managed to accidentally get a blob of body wash up his nose when he tried to smell it, but who hasn't done that? Once they were in the safety of the car, Cas turned to face Dean.

"Thank you for bringing me out here today. You've been very kind to me, Dean. I wish I could repay you somehow." Cas' face had taken on a haunted look, but Dean already knew that it had been a loaded statement. Then the hunter felt a huge wave of guilt and self-loathing crash upon him, and for a moment he thought he would drown in it.

"Cas, stop it! Look, I know we have our issues, but you can't do that. I think we should look at this bond thing as a chance to start over, and we can't do that if you're going to start drowning in your guilt. If you want to repay me, just stay, dammit! Quit leaving me!" The words had tumbled out before Dean could stop himself.

The angel could feel the hurt and frustration coming off of Dean and was surprised at the intensity. Cas had always assumed that Dean was disappointed in his absences because it had left the Winchesters without backup. The realization that Dean was upset because he felt abandoned weighed heavy on the angel. Cas was aware of Dean's history, but he thought that the issue applied to _everyone else_ Dean had known and lost. Recalling what Sam had said about explaining to Dean the possibility of leaving for the tablet, everything clicked into place for the angel.

"Dean, I'm sorry. I had no idea that my absences affected you this way, and I'm sorry if I've hurt you. I've always tried to look out for you, and I always manage to make it worse. But none of it has been done on purpose." Cas' eyes held nothing but sincerity and urgency for Dean to understand.

This had been a long time coming, and Dean felt conflicting emotions now that he had received the apology that he had never thought would come. The dominant feeling was relief though, and Dean closed his eyes, just breathing for a moment. Dean had spent so long feeling hurt and resentment toward this facet of his friend's personality that it was strange, receiving some small form of closure. It was almost surreal. A small piece of the hunter began to believe the truth in his own words, that this could be a do-over and he wondered if they really could do it.

Still lost in thought, Dean wasn't expecting it when he felt a soft, warm hand close around his own. He opened his eyes and looked over to see Cas looking him dead in the eye, apology and warmth evident on his face.

"I will do my best to stay, Dean. Due to the circumstances surrounding the trials however, you have to know that I may need to leave in order to protect the tablet, as I did recently. Otherwise, I won't leave you unless you ask me to."

The last few minutes had been so emotionally intense for Dean that his voice came out much more shakily than he'd intended. "Thanks, Cas."

The reply may have been simple, but the feelings of appreciation and relief that he projected to the angel said everything. The angel smiled softly and squeezed Dean's hand for emphasis before letting go and turning to put on his seat belt. Knowing that Dean would appreciate a lightening to the mood, Cas looked over with a humorous twinkle in his eyes and said, "So…allons-y?" The angel knew that the comment had been appreciated when Dean smirked and started the car. The ride home was quiet as a new rapport settled over the two men.

Sam had taken Dean's advice and slept in as late as his body would let him and was eating a bagel when the other two men walked into the kitchen. The younger Winchester noticed the difference between the two immediately and couldn't hide the smug grin, try as he may. Dean chose not to acknowledge it and instead sat down in his normal seat, Cas joining him in what had become his own seat. The three men small-talked for a while before deciding that they would all do some more cataloguing and rose to get to work.

The day went by fairly quickly, and satisfied that they'd made good progress, all three men were ready to hang it up by 6 that evening. Falling into their routine, Dean made supper while Cas helped, and after the meal it was time to lounge. Sam went ahead and made for the living room to ready the DVD player, while Dean and Cas took off to get their comfies on. Dean made it back in first and took the end of the couch. The brothers were discussing what episode they'd left off on when Cas walked in, and silence fell between the Winchesters. Sam knew for a fact that the purple pajama pants hadn't previously existed in their household and had to bite on his bottom lip to suppress a giggle that was threatening to make it past his vocal cords. Dean rubbed a hand over his face to avoid grinning like a fool at the oddity of seeing his friend in the ridiculous pants. The hunter's mind had wandered to an image of Cas going all BAMF and smiting the shit out of something while wearing the pants, and his brain just couldn't take the contrast after it had added bunny slippers to the equation.

The laugh didn't even make it out of Dean's throat before the angel fixed him with one of his signature glares and said, "Why would that even happen?! I don't intend on wearing these except at home, you know. And I don't even own any of those!"

Between the mental image already present, and the grumpy one standing before him, Dean was unable to contain it anymore and a loud belly laugh rippled through him. "Oh, come on Cas, you know it's funny. I'm not criticizing your ability or anything…it's just ironic, that's all." Dean rolled his eyes good-naturedly and patted the seat next to him. Cas sat down next to him, although still somewhat pouty. Dean was reminded of the day in the diner when he'd made the 'baby in a trench coat' remark and nudged the angel's shoulder with his own, sending thoughts of affection and apology.

Sam had been watching the exchange and furrowed his brow in confusion. "Wait guys, what just happened?"

Dean and Cas looked at Sam as if noticing his presence for the first time and realized then what they'd just done and adopted matching looks of guilt.

"I'm sorry Sam, I didn't mean to be rude. Your brother was just amusing himself with the idea of me smiting something in my current attire," Cas said, with a small amount of irritation still aimed at Dean.

Sam couldn't help but laugh now that the image was planted in his own mind and the brothers laughed even harder once they caught each other's eye. Cas did not look amused. Finally, the laughter subsided and Dean was ready to answer his brother's question.

"We, uh, seem to be able to sort of communicate telepathically now. Or at least some of the time, anyway." Dean said with more ease than Sam felt was appropriate.

"Are you serious? I mean, I figured that was a possibility, but still." Sam's face was somewhere between awe and disbelief that this was really his life.

"Well, now that that's out there, can we just get on with the show?" Dean really didn't see that there was anything more to discuss and was ready to move on.

Dean ignored the brief but speculative look that Sam gave them right before the opening theme to the show started. True to form, the goosebumps came when the song started, and Cas instinctively wrapped the wing nearest to Dean around the hunter before asking, "Are you cold?"

The hunter said 'no', but allowed the wing to stay where it was and leaned closer to the angel, enjoying the warmth it provided. Dean was more than glad that his brother couldn't see the invisible cuddling, as it would have only gained more looks. Cas wondered why Dean's skin had reacted the way it did, but didn't push his curiosity, and surrendered himself to enjoying the show.

When Dean expressed his surprise and admiration for Rory's loyalty, Cas fixed Dean with a look that could only translate to 'Seriously? You're surprised by the idea of that sort of loyalty?'. No words, mentally or otherwise had been exchanged, but Dean knew exactly what the angel was thinking and shrugged. The fifth season was over, leaving the hunters and their angel ready to see what would happen next.

Realizing that the next season would start off with Crowley, the three men opted to look up a synopsis of the episodes so they wouldn't have to see that smug bastard on screen. After a few more episodes all three men were ready to crash out and abandoned the living room to make for their own rooms. The night had passed as per usual and Dean found it comforting, having a routine. Flopping down in his bed, Dean realized that he hadn't drank any tea that night, but mentally shrugged off the thought, since he didn't feel the need to relax to any further before drifting off to sleep.

Sam woke up a few hours later with an uncomfortable pressure on his bladder and in half-consciousness, shuffled out of his room to go to the bathroom. When he made it to the hall though, he was surprised to see Dean shuffle out of his own room as well. Sam wasn't exactly being quiet as he dragged his feet and had expected his brother to turn around to acknowledge him. When this didn't happen, the younger Winchester called out to see if his brother was okay. No response except a pause in his stride. Sam called again and still no response, so he walked over to face his brother, whose eyelids were open to slits only wide enough to see the floor. To Sam's knowledge Dean had never been a sleep-walker, but he knew that it wasn't a good idea to try and wake someone who was, so he quietly said 'never mind' to Dean's mostly-asleep mind and moved out of his older brother's path. Dean resumed his trek and went into Cas' room. Sam was curious and followed him to the doorway and watched as his brother walked straight over to Cas' bed and crawled under the covers, curling up next to the angel before resuming his typical snoring. Sam wasn't sure whether to be surprised or not and just shook his head before going to the bathroom and returning to his own bed, deciding to ponder it all in the morning.

The next morning, Cas woke up before Dean for once, even though it was still early. It wasn't that the angel was done sleeping so much, as he had been awakened by the sensation of a single feather being repetitively rolled between gentle fingers in a soothing rhythm, and the tickle of breath on the back of his neck. His wing was thrown over himself, covering most of body like a cocoon, with only his bare spine and head exposed. The angel knew that the twisting was going to wreck that feather, but figured it was probably too late and allowed it to continue, aware that Dean wasn't conscious of what he was doing. Cas felt a bit of satisfaction that he wasn't the one to have intruded on personal space this time and smirked to himself, as Dean continued to snore softly.

"Sorry about the feather," Dean said groggily, as he half-heartedly attempted to smooth it down. Cas startled at the sudden verbalization and rolled to his back, accidentally smacking Dean with the wing he'd just been fiddling with.

"Jesus! What the fuck, man?!" Dean looked around and realized that he wasn't in his own room this time and gaped in confusion, but remained on his side. "What the hell is going on? I don't remember any dreams, so why am I in here?"

Cas sighed. "I don't remember anything either, yet here you are. And I think you may have answered me in your sleep."

Dean took on a deep blush when Cas told him what he'd been doing right before the angel accidentally whapped him in the face. Without thinking, the hunter manhandled the wing to fold it over Cas' chest to inspect it, feeling guilty about the damage he had caused once he spotted the rumpled feather. Cas went still as Dean ran a gentle hand over the affected area, trying his best to smooth it down. The blues swirled beneath the hunter's touch like a fog being disturbed and he couldn't peel his eyes away from the sight, it was so beautiful. The angel knew that the hunter wasn't aware of the intimacy of such an act and wasn't quite sure what to do. According to tradition Dean had a right to touch his wings (and it felt good), but Cas still felt vulnerable, regardless of the trust he held for the hunter. The angel's inner struggle must have come through, because Dean suddenly pulled his hand back and his eyes darted up to meet confused blue.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I didn't know." Dean sat up and turned his head, embarrassed that he'd accidentally crossed some kind of line. It's not that Cas didn't know of Dean's fascination, but the hunter had been keeping a personal policy of 'you can look but you can't touch', out of respect for boundaries. Dean threw his legs over the side of the bed, ready to get the hell out of there and go freak out by himself in his own room when Cas grabbed his wrist. The angel was conscious of it, this time.

"Dean, wait."

The hunter startled, then his shoulders hunched as he lowered his head. Dean was fiddling with the edge of the blanket and inwardly cursing his tendency to act before thinking.

The angel's voice was soft when he spoke as he sat up. "Dean, look at me." The hunter shook his head. "Dean." The hunter knew that tone and turned back with great effort to look at the angel.

Cas began with a sigh. "You haven't done anything wrong. If you weren't allowed to touch them, you wouldn't be able to see them. It's just…well, an angel's wings are kept in check by their grace, so grooming isn't necessary." It was Cas' turn to blush now, and his voice dropped down nearly to a whisper. "So the grooming of wings is typically reserved as an act of affection, by a partner." The angel closed his eyes, avoiding the horrified expression he was sure was present on Dean's face. Neither man moved for a few minutes, their breaths the only sound in the room.

"Mind to give me some mental privacy for a minute?" Cas only nodded in response. Dean carefully focused on keeping his emotions at bay, for fear of inciting panic in his friend while he deliberated as rationally as possible. He decided that he would have to ask some questions and gathered his courage.

"Cas, I need to know something."

The angel's stomach had thoroughly knotted itself by this point, and he nodded his head silently.

"I know you've said that humans can have multiple soul mates that can each play different roles in a person's life. But this is gonna be two-fold here. First, do humans with more than one have a…primary soul mate?"

"Most do," the answer came quietly.

"And what about angels? You only have one, don't you?" It wasn't really a question, but more of a statement. Cas exhaled loudly through his nose and tucked his wings back, looking defeated. He eventually made eye contact with Dean, before responding.

"Yes, I will only have one."

"When you laid your claim on me…" the hunter said as he absently moved his right hand to his left shoulder, where the mark had been. Cas didn't respond, but looked down at his lap.

Dean's eyes flitted from Cas' face to his own hands. "Cas…you're my primary, aren't you?" He felt hot and cold at the same time, and nausea started to build as a cold sweat broke out upon his forehead and palms. The hunter was feeling completely out of his depth, but he also prided himself in facing challenges head-on and pulled his nerve together to look Cas in the eye. The angel could feel those eyes that he'd looked into so many times before, burning into the side of his head, demanding to be seen. Cas finally looked up and upon realizing that he wasn't the only one trying to keep his nerve, cleared his throat and straightened his shoulders.

"Yes, Dean, I will be your primary for as long as each of us live," the angel said with as much of a neutral a tone as he could muster. Cas wasn't sure at this point if the rebellion he was feeling inside his body was Dean's or his own.

"And this is most likely why I ended up in here." Dean's eyes didn't hold any anger or disgust, but something more like a student trying to understand new material. Cas was glad for that as he spoke his agreement.

Dean pondered on all of this for a minute. All of these things that he'd only allowed himself to think about in passing and usually cut himself off, or pushed down into his subconscious were exploding out into the open all at once. It took every ounce of his willpower not to break into a sprint and get in his Baby and drive. Dean knew that he was shit at these types of confrontations and wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of Dodge, but he also knew that he couldn't do that to Cas, who he knew for a fact was feeling just as exposed as himself. The hunter excused himself and went to the bathroom, where he spent at least ten minutes warring with himself as he brushed his teeth and splashed water on his face, examining it in the mirror.

_Get your shit together, Winchester. You've had years to deal with this, you knew this talk would happen eventually. But dammit, this is happening fast. We've only known about all of this for a couple of days! It really has been years though, and it's not like this is some stranger. It's Cas. Fuck fuck fuck. It's _Cas_! Oh my god, what am I doing? Okay, what you're not doing is hiding in the bathroom like some girl at the prom. You're going to walk in there and say the first thing that comes to mind and trust your gut, because the gut almost always comes through. _

With a heavy sigh, he made his way back to Cas' room and resumed his seat on the bed. The angel had the look of a person waiting for the verdict of their trial.

Dean licked his lips nervously. He figured that maybe he could just try it out like a sample, see if it felt right to touch the wings in such a way. If it got to feeling too weird, he could just stop and leave it at that. "Cas? Do you want…may I?" The angel lifted an eye brow in puzzlement, until a movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention.

Dean reached a shaky hand in the direction of Cas' wing before taking one last glance at the angel's face, but Cas' eyes were laser-focused on Dean's hands. It felt like everything was happening in slow motion for the hunter. At the hesitation of the hand, the angel's eyes shot up to meet Dean's, a look flashing briefly across Cas' face and before Dean could read it, the angel slowly turned his back to the hunter. Dean had nearly psyched himself out until he saw the inky wings with their colors swirling wildly now, hesitantly unfold to about half their span. The hunter noted that there seemed to be a fine tremble to Cas' skin, revealing that the angel was just as terrified as himself. It felt like the hunter was watching the two of them from a distance, waiting to see what would happen next. Dean seemed to watch as his left hand reached out and before he knew it, he was running his hand down the length of the bone at the top of the left wing, eliciting a shiver from Cas as his hand moved. With that shiver, Dean was snapped back to reality and he became hyper-aware of the sensation of the warm, solid appendage beneath his fingertips and a shiver ran down his own spine. The hunter softly stroked down as far as his arm could comfortably reach without standing, before repeating the movement. For reasons he couldn't consciously name at the moment, Dean began to feel like he didn't want anyone else to ever touch the wings and added pressure to the touch, to let Cas know without words that this second touch was purposeful and without regret. Dean knew that the message had been received when a gravelly hum rumbled through the angel's chest and vibrated through the wing as Cas leaned into the touch. This only drove the hunter on and he moved his hand down to run his fingers through the feathers, gently pulling on a few as they ran between his fingers, reveling in the smoothness and the thrum of power that he could feel pulsing throughout the entire appendage. It was almost too much when the angel let out something resembling a growl and Dean's right hand moved, seemingly of its own volition. Dean's hand came to land only a couple of inches from Cas' neck on his right shoulder, the hunter's fingertips resting against the top of the angel's collarbone as the angel took a shaky breath. With one gentle squeeze of Dean's hand, the angel's wings flared out, and the hunter was running on something close to instinct now, as the only word that flashed through his head was _MINE_. At that instant, the world left Dean's vision as stars swam across his eyes, colliding into each other until there was nothing but white. The hunter then registered the feeling of electricity building up from somewhere in this core and traveling down his arm and through his hand, into Cas' shoulder. Dean was distantly aware that he felt too hot and that Cas' back had stiffened under his touch, but it was the last thing he was aware of before everything went dark.


	20. The Only Exception

Sam knew it was still early when he woke up and chose to lay around in the bed for a while as he let himself come into consciousness. He was musing about what he might feel like doing that day when he heard a yelp from nearby, followed immediately by the sound of light bulbs bursting. Then there was silence.

Sam's heart leapt in his chest as he jumped from the bed, only barely remembering to put on shoes to avoid the glass. He burst into Cas' room, but it was eerily quiet as he entered, the crunching of glass under his shoes almost echoing. Sam flipped the light switch out of habit and cursed to himself when he realized what he'd done. The younger hunter was about to walk back out to look for the LED lantern he had in his room, when something caught his eye.

"Hey guys?" the younger hunter asked softly.

No response.

Upon seeing a soft glow emanating from the vicinity of the bed, Sam ran back with urgency to his room to retrieve the lantern and turned it on, grateful for having charged it recently. When he re-entered Cas' room, he saw that Dean's entire arm was glowing, and that Dean was laying on top of Cas, chest to back. Sam's first thought was '_oh gross, maybe I shouldn't have come in here'. _Upon closer examination though, both men appeared to be unconscious, so Sam began the task of trying to wake them. After a hard slap to Dean's left bicep and a following yelp, the mission was accomplished.

"Dean! Are you guys alright?"

The older hunter raised his head to look around, but his hand was still attached to Cas' shoulder. Dean's jaw dropped when he saw the orangey-yellow glow. There seemed to be a series of Enochian symbols wrapping around the entire length of Dean's right arm and moving down into his fingertips and palm, like a mobile glow in the dark tattoo. The remnants of some of the symbols were also fading on Cas' shoulder, spreading outward from Dean's hand. Sam didn't comment that he thought it looked like a slow-motion Enochian version of the Matrix.

"Uh, I think I'm alright. Nothing hurts, anyway," Dean answered. Before Sam could say anything, Cas squirmed and groaned simultaneously.

"Cas, I don't think we should move," Dean said quietly.

"Why not?" Cas' voice was tense with concern, and his body responded in like, going as still as it possibly could while still breathing.

"Uh…my arm and hand are glowing with what looks like Enochian symbols, and I think they're moving into your shoulder." Dean really wanted to let go now, starting to feel the panic of not knowing what was happening.

Cas managed to turn his head to the right so that he could look over his shoulder at the display. Truth be told, it was a rather beautiful sight to behold, even as it was fading. The angel let out a breath and his muscles relaxed a little once he saw that there was no physical threat.

"We aren't in danger, but it would be wise to leave your hand there until the light fades," the angel said calmly. "And Dean? Do you think you can scoot to the side without letting go? My breathing is rather restricted."

"Oh. Uh, sorry, hang on." Dean carefully wiggled until he was snuggled up to the angel's left side, using his back as a rest for his arm. He found it curious that Cas' wings weren't out, but it wouldn't be the first time it had happened, so Dean figured that the angel could put them away if the situation called for it. Cas took a deep breath, now that he was able to move his diaphragm more easily, and the hunter became very aware suddenly of his positioning. Dean was really wishing that Sam wasn't standing there to witness it, even though he was only trying to help.

Sam had been watching quietly on high alert, not really sure what to do. When the angel confirmed that everyone was safe, the younger Winchester let out his own breath before speaking.

"So what's happening, Cas?" Sam said, voice still edgy.

"I believe that Dean has laid claim on me. The symbols are a sort of contract, stating that he laid the claim and his soul is etching this onto my grace right now. Once it is finished, the symbols will stop glowing and there will be no visible sign of them on either of us. If he lets go, it will put a tear in my grace, similar to ripping out stitches."

The room fell quiet as the Winchesters digested this information. At a loss for what else to do and not sure what to say, Dean dropped his head down and hid his face in Cas' left shoulder, wishing for all the world that he could just crawl inside himself and hide for a while. After a few moments Dean let out a muffled request for Sam to wait in the kitchen for them, to which Sam obliged, knowing that he really wasn't needed at the moment.

Neither man said anything after Sam left, each lost to their own thoughts as they realized the gravity of what had just happened. Dean continued to hide his face, just breathing in the calming scent of Cas, and only became aware of the etching's completion when he felt his hand return to normal temperature. The hunter looked up just in time to see the last of it fade and let out a shaky breath, but didn't move before he spoke.

"Are you alright? I didn't hurt you or anything, did I?" Dean could already feel guilt starting to bubble up at the thought that his own selfish desire could have caused injury to the angel.

"No Dean, I'm not hurt. Maybe a little tender, but nothing that won't clear up on its own. I think it was just the effect of your soul infiltrating my grace that knocked us out." The angel tensed as if to move, so Dean sat up to allow the movement. Cas was facing away from him as he rose, and Dean gasped when he got a look at where his hand had been, although he realized belatedly that he shouldn't have been surprised. Standing out as clear as day was an angry red handprint, burned into the skin of the angel's shoulder.

"Are you okay with this? I mean, Jesus Cas, I didn't know this was going to happen." Dean was guiltily rubbing the back of his neck, certain that there should have been permission asked or something. Cas turned around at this, his eyes soft.

"I may not have known that this would be the outcome, but I did offer my wings to you. And I don't mind this, if that's what you're asking."

Cas' words shaved off some of Dean's guilt and they sat there in silence, simply holding each other's gaze, until they were startled by the sound of a ladder scraping across the floor in the distance. They both assumed that Sam must be changing the light bulbs and each of them laughed lightly, glad to ease the tension in the room.

"Alright, well I guess we'd better go deal with Sam, or he'll be hovering over us all day. See you in the kitchen." Dean was ready to just get this over with and move on with his day, as if Sam hadn't just seen the gayest moment of Dean's life. The older Winchester was already cringing at the thought of the things his brother would ask, because Sam always wanted to be supportive, even when it wasn't necessarily wanted. In all honesty, Dean wasn't even sure what his answers would be. The anxiety was starting to rise in Dean's chest as he stood to walk out of the room, making him gulp. He turned to nod at Cas one last time before leaving for his own room to get dressed. It was only then that he realized that the only thing he was wearing was his boxers and turned a deep red before scooting out of the room.

Dean and Cas managed to emerge from their rooms at the same time, both having opted to wear their comfies and walked quietly together to the kitchen, Dean still a bit red from his state of undress earlier.

"You know that I'm the one that rebuilt you after I raised you, right? I know every inch of your body, Dean, you have nothing to be embarrassed about," Cas said semi-teasingly.

"Oh my gooood! Please, just shut up, Cas," Dean whined as he rubbed his eyes. Cas shut his mouth, lips set in a hard line, but his eyes twinkled with humor at being able to fluster the normally shameless Dean Winchester.

Sam was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee poured for each of them when Dean and Cas walked in. Claiming their normal seats, they sat nervously as if they were in the principal's office, while Sam looked between them. His gaze lingered for a moment on Dean's arm before traveling to Cas' shoulder, where a bit of the burned skin was peeking out from the edge of his collar.

"So you both have a handprint, now," the younger Winchester said as he rubbed at his chin. He then drummed his fingertips against his coffee cup nervously, trying to figure out what all to ask. When the two men nodded in unison, he couldn't help but grin a little.

"Look, I don't know what _exactly_ the nature of you guys' relationship is, but whatever it is, I just want you to know that I'm fine with it. I am wondering what all of that 'claiming' business means, though." Sam figured it was worth it to at least try.

Dean opened his mouth to answer with something undoubtedly defensive, but Cas silenced him with a look and relaxed his leg to rest against Dean's before he took over with a response. "Dean and I are bonded soul mates, which means that we each feel gratified by being in the other's presence and are connected on a mental, emotional, and spiritual level. We will be bonded to each other for the rest of our lives. Dean already had a bit of my grace in his body as a result of when I used it to rebuild him after raising him. What you witnessed earlier was Dean giving me a bit of his soul in return, as the contract was made. This means that we now belong to each other, as it is etched on each of our essences."

"Wait, I've had your grace rolling around in me this whole time?" Dean wasn't expecting this revelation. He also didn't like the idea of belonging to anyone, but he knew it was futile to rebel against this fact, as the damage had already been done.

Cas lifted an eyebrow at Dean, surprised that the hunter wasn't aware of this fact. "I thought you knew. It wasn't a simple healing, so I had to use my grace in order to expedite the regrowth of your cells and 'glue' you back together, using your DNA as a pattern. Some details though, I had to recreate from memory, since they weren't written specifically in your genes, but acquired over time. Like the alignment of your teeth and your freckles, for instance."

Dean had never asked about his 're-creation story' and found himself floored; he'd always assumed that he'd just kind of been willed back into existence by the angel, and that was that. It never occurred to the hunter that Cas had taken such painstaking care to restore him to the way he had been, cell by cell. Dean absently ran a fingertip across his cheekbone. "Cas, I didn't know you did all of that for me. How long did it take you?"

Sam was touched as well. He knew that Cas cared for his brother, but he didn't realize just how much work that the angel had put in from the very beginning, and was eager to hear the answer.

The angel shrugged as he answered, "I'd say roughly three months for your rescue, and about four days to put you back together. I was ordered to put you back to DNA specifics, but I couldn't bear to put such a bright soul into an incomplete and inaccurate version of you, especially after how hard I worked to get you out. And I apologize for leaving you in the ground, but by the time I got your soul back into your body, I was out of time and too drained to fight off the angels that came to retrieve me." Cas was looking at Dean with the admiration that one would typically reserve for a piece of art that had been labored over lovingly until it was deemed acceptable to be called finished. Dean's breath caught in the back of his throat as he was overwhelmed with too many emotions to name at the moment. He knew that finding the words to respond wasn't possible, so he reached for Cas' hand under the table and didn't push anything at all toward the angel; he instead focused on being open, hoping that Cas would be able to make sense of whatever came through.

The angel had been taken by surprise when he felt Dean grab his hand, but was even more shocked at what was coming through that contact. Out of habit and respect, Cas had been purposely giving Dean his 'thought privacy', and wasn't expecting to be given permission at that moment. Dean was radiating gratitude, appreciation, admiration, and love like rays of the sun, nudging warmth against his grace. There was also realization, and awe floating around in all of it, and the angel thought his heart would burst from the intensity of it all. Cas was pretty sure that Dean wasn't aware of all of the specifics being shared, but it didn't matter because it was all much more honest than any words could ever be, and it was amazing.

As all of this unfolded before his eyes, Sam got the distinct impression that he was witnessing his brother fall in love with the angel, if the looks being exchanged between the two men were any indication. It wasn't every day that one was privileged to bear witness to an emotional epiphany by Dean Winchester, and suddenly Sam felt like an intruder on this moment. Most of the younger Winchester's questions had just been answered anyway, even if it was unintentional, so he excused himself. The other two were barely aware of his exit.

It was overwhelming for Dean, realizing that this angel had tromped and fought through decades' worth of hell (in hell time, anyway) purely with the intent of rescuing his soul, only to nearly drain his powers in an effort to knit the hunter's body back together. Then top it off with the fact that Cas had observed him closely enough to accurately (and unnecessarily) restore his freakin' teeth and freckles, and Dean was about to lose it. So few people had shown Dean that care and tenderness in his life, that it felt foreign, to know that someone would direct that much attention toward him. Dean's throat felt impossibly tight and his eyes stung. He had so much to say and he wanted to speak, but he still couldn't get it come out. Cas knew Dean's struggle and released his hand from Dean's grip to rub soothing circles across his back. "It's okay, Dean. And I'd do it all over again if I had to." The hunter leaned forward to rest his forehead on the table and stayed that way for several minutes, just trying to get himself under control. Once he'd calmed down, Dean sat up and sipped slowly at his coffee in silence. Cas was content to do the same and they sat that way until their mugs were empty. Finally, Dean turned to look at the angel and was able to get some words out.

"I'm feeling really tired still. Mind if we go hang out in the living room? I'm just not ready to be productive yet." Both men were pretty wiped from the hubbub of the last few mornings and sunk into the couch easily, Dean on the end with Cas at his side. Cas flipped through the channels aimlessly until settling on a cooking show that seemed to be based mostly around scientific concepts, demonstrated with terrible puppets and various costume changes for the host. The angel had liked helping Dean in the kitchen and was pondering the possibility of being able to be more helpful, when the hunter reached over and grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together. The two men only glanced at each other before grinning slightly, and Cas slid over to lean against Dean, moving their hands to rest on top of Dean's thigh. They sat that way for a long time, Dean becoming more and more aware of the contact and Cas' body heat and scent beside him. Once upon a time, all of this would've made him run, but knowing that he had every right to enjoy this contact sparked something inside of the hunter that had been lying in wait for years now. The hunter thought about the night he had watched Cas kiss Meg so fiercely, and how it had felt to see that heat being shared with someone so undeserving. It was an unnerving thought, and the possessiveness Dean had felt only hours before came back fiercely and without warning.

Cas turned to face him, sensing the change in Dean's demeanor, and was almost startled by how dark Dean's eyes had become. Feeling emboldened by the fire moving throughout him, the hunter lifted their still-entwined hands to his mouth and pressed a gentle kiss to the angel's knuckles, maintaining eye contact as he did so. Cas' eyes went wide, but he didn't pull his hand away.

Dean's voice was pitched lower than normal and held a quiet intensity that made the angel shudder as he began to speak. "Cas, I don't want anyone else to even think about touching you again, you understand?" Before the angel could answer, Dean impulsively turned Cas' wrist over and scraped his teeth across the delicate flesh. The jealousy, possessiveness, and fire were pouring off of Dean, and Cas was too shocked at the hunter's actions to respond for a moment. It took a kiss to his palm to bring Cas back to reality, and he pulled his hand away, surprising the hunter.

"I am amenable to your request. However, I refuse to commit to it unless you're willing to do the same in return." To punctuate his own point, Cas mimicked Dean's earlier movement and scraped his own teeth across the hunter's wrist, adding a short suckle over the pulse point and a wicked eyebrow at the end. "You aren't the only one feeling selfish, Dean." The hunter's breath caught in his throat and his heart thudded against his ribs at the unexpected reaction.

The angel chuckled darkly as Dean turned about three different shades of red and looked down at the coffee table. The hunter considered exactly what this all meant; it really wasn't fair to ask this of Cas without returning the favor. So many years, being able to pick up almost any woman he wanted would come to an end. Not that he'd really bothered in a while. And since when did Dean Winchester even consider being with a dude? When he thought about it, he came to the conclusion that if he were honest with himself, the consideration had begun over a year ago. The wrist thing in combination with the eyebrow lift had also elicited a reaction that Dean hadn't expected to feel so strongly, and goddamn! What the hell else had the angel been holding back? There was clearly a mutual interest, and the hunter's heart sped up at the thought that everything he'd been ignoring for so long was being validated. Cas looked over, knowing that Dean had made a decision, although the angel had remained purposely unaware of what that answer would be.

Dean's mouth had gone dry from the adrenaline of making such a decision and he licked his lips, trying to counteract the effect. "I'll do it." _Oh shit, what have I gotten myself into? Please tell me I'm not going to regret this._

One corner of Cas' mouth twitched and his eyes were calm as he locked his gaze with the hunter. "If you're sure that's what you want, then consider this a mutual agreement." Seeing the small terrified nod he got in response, Cas grinned softly and leaned back into his own seat, giving Dean the space to finish panicking, and possibly retract his agreement. The hunter clearly had no idea what to do next, and went silent for several minutes. He really wanted that contact back though, and was grateful when Cas seemed to sense it and leaned ever so slightly closer to him again, resting their upper arms together. Decision made, Dean reached over and laid his hand a few inches above Cas' knee, fingers resting against the angel's inner thigh. Cas squirmed slightly at the touch and settled his leg to rest fully against Dean's, glancing at the hunter with a small smile. The hunter's confidence renewing, he gave a gentle squeeze to the leg and winked at the angel before turning his attention back to the TV. It was surprising to Dean how natural it felt to have his hand there, even though he'd stopped the impulse to do it several times over the years. When Cas let out a contented sigh, Dean laid his head back on the couch and looked up at the ceiling.

_I am so screwed._


	21. Like puzzle pieces from the clay

_**Thank you all for your patience with the updates! Hopefully I'm caught up enough right now that I can get them out more quickly. Just need to do some editing on the next chapter and it'll be good to go, too. Sexy stuffs coming up soon ;)** _

After a morning squandered by lazing around and channel surfing, Dean and Cas both agreed that if they put on real clothes, they might feel more like being productive. Cas came out first, and went to the kitchen in search of something to eat, since they'd skipped breakfast that morning. When Dean came in, Cas was bent over digging in the fridge and green eyes wandered to the strip of exposed skin at the angel's side where his shirt had ridden up, before his gaze slid down to the prominent hip bone peeking out from above waist of his jeans. _What a waste. He should've been dressing like this before now. _Dean had zoned and was looking somewhere in the vicinity of Cas' thigh nearest him, not aware that the angel was looking right at him until the gravelly voice startled him.

"Hello, Dean." The hunter's eyes darted up to see Cas smiling with curious amusement at him, and Dean realized that the other man must have heard his thoughts.

"Uh, hey Cas. I was thinking of making some early lunch. Wanna help?" Cas' mouth twitched upward, and Dean was glad to not linger on being caught ogling.

After getting the bacon started, Dean called off the ingredients he would need for Cas to retrieve, while getting the cups and bowls they'd be using to make biscuit dough. Dean had the old recipe memorized and measured everything up before showing Cas how to cut the butter into the flour with the pastry blender. Once the buttermilk had been added and the dough was made, Dean took the bowl and dumped the sticky concoction onto the floured countertop.

"The key is to make sure you don't overwork it, or they'll turn out tough. Just fold it over itself gently a few times, like this." Dean had floured up his hands and was working the blob, when his phone started ringing in his pocket, the epic heralding of Charlie. He looked between the sink and the paper towels, trying to decide the fastest method of getting his hands clean enough to answer the phone. With no qualms, Cas reached in Dean's pocket to retrieve the phone, a quick glance as he answered the phone. Dean couldn't believe how casual Cas had been about it, as if this were something that happened all the time.

"Hello, Charlie."

"Oh! Hey Cas. Wasn't expecting _you_ to answer. How're you doing?" Charlie could've sworn she heard a smile in his voice when he answered.

"I'm doing well. Dean is showing me how to make biscuits. How are you?"

"Pretty good, but I was wondering if I could ask a favor. I've been paintballing all morning and I'm all gross and painty, and the showers are out of order here. Mind if I come steal a shower from you? I have a doctor's appointment in a couple hours and can't go looking like this. The place I'm at is only a few miles away from you guys, so it would really help me if you're going to be around for a while." Charlie hated asking for favors, but she hated feeling sticky even more.

Cas chuckled into the phone, feeling happy to talk to the woman. Dean had never seen the angel look even remotely comfortable with a phone in his hand and raised a questioning eyebrow as he started to wash his hands. Cas responded with an index finger pointed up.

"Yes, I think that would be fine, Charlie. We'll see you soon." Cas hung up the phone, grazing Dean's hipbone as he put it back in the hunter's pocket, yet again, as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

"Charlie is on her way, in need of a shower. She said she was 'painty' and the showers aren't working where she is." Cas tilted his head toward his shoulder as he gave a one-shouldered shrug and looked at the pan of bacon to check if it was ready to turn over.

Dean blinked at him a couple of times, trying to understand when Cas had adopted so much humanity. The hunter was aware that the angel had been slowly evolving into acting more human, but the casual breaching of his pockets and easy phone conversation was something new. Regardless of their agreement, Dean hadn't expected Cas to feel so comfortable with that kind of touch. He looked over at Dean and smirked.

"Your hands were covered in flour, and mine weren't, so I assisted you." The angel said it a little too matter-of-factly for the twinkle in his eye.

"Oh-kay," Dean said with a small eye roll, dropping the subject when Sam walked in, lured by the smell of bacon.

The door buzzed a few minutes later, and Sam walked out to open the door for Charlie. Dean took the opportunity to finish his and Cas' conversation. "Dude, since when do you reach in people's pockets and talk on the phone like that?"

Cas felt a tad defensive at Dean's tone and his voice went low. "Well, since when do you scrape your teeth across people's erogenous zones…these days? And I happen to like talking to Charlie, she's kind." The angel thought for a moment before continuing. "And I don't reach in _people's_ pockets, I reached in _yours_."

The sound of a soft snicker startled the two men, who whipped their heads over to see that they had witnesses to their conversation. '_Oh bless, that angel and his awkwardness,' _Charlie thought to herself. She had a huge blob of blue paint trailing up her neck and into the hairline of her ponytail and another, yellow, that looked like it had been smeared by hands on top of her head. She was grinning conspiratorially as she looked between Dean and Cas, and the hunter face palmed.

"Don't bother asking, we heard enough," she said as she lightly elbowed Sam in the ribs. Sam grinned at her before fixing the other two with the same look that Charlie had, only moments before. Dean turned around wordlessly to tend to the bacon with a pair of tongs, leaving Cas to fend for himself. All the angel could do at that point was try to play it cool and hold his hands open at his sides, raising his eyebrows at the other two before ducking into the fridge for the butter and jelly, in an attempt to hide his embarrassment.

"Well, I'm off to the shower, boys." Charlie smiled knowingly at Sam one more time before she walked out of the kitchen. Sam leaned against the doorframe and crossed his ankles.

"So this is a thing?" Sam smirked and gestured between the two men. "About time," he said nearly under his breath.

Cas looked as his feet, and Dean whirled around, pointing the set of tongs still in his hand at his brother. "Shut it, Sammy."

"Alright, alright. Whatever." Sam said with feigned surrender. What Sam didn't see was that Cas had extended a wing out to run up and down Dean's side in an apologetic motion. Dean looked over to the angel and they held their gaze for several seconds before the hunter started to smell the biscuits baking and turned to open the oven to take a peek at their progress.

By the time Charlie got out of the shower, the small meal was ready and she seated herself next to Sam. The group discussed the woman's paintball adventures for a minute before something occurred to Dean; Cas needed to properly learn to use a gun. Dean figured that a soldier's a soldier, and wasn't worried about the angel being able to pick up the skill. Once the meal was finished, Sam offered to wash Charlie's dirty outfit and invited Cas to come along so he could learn to use the washing machine, knowing that Dean needed some Charlie time. The two friends waited for Sam and Cas to leave before they started doing the dishes.

"So…what happened?" Charlie asked gently.

Dean recanted the story of the grooming and claiming, and even shared the bit about the mutual agreement. Charlie listened with fascination, but could tell that Dean was leaving something out. She eyed him skeptically and he ran a nervous hand through his hair.

"Okay, okay. So I might have…seduced his wrist, but I swear I didn't plan it. It just kind of happened. But then he did it back and it was worse, because he sucked on it a little and gave me a freakin' look while he did it!"

Charlie's eyes flew open in surprise. "Wait, what? Seriously? And what kind of look?"

Dean held his wrist in front of his mouth in demonstration and did his best impression of the look. Charlie raised her eyebrows at the hunter, surprised that Cas would be brazen enough to give a smolder like that. "Then when you called earlier, I was wrist deep in dough, so he just reached right in my pocket and grabbed the phone like he'd done it a thousand times. And it's not that I minded, I just wasn't expecting him to be so…I guess, casual? Either way, I'm freaking out a little."

Charlie had been nodding as the hunter spoke, trying to understand what his deal was. "Is it because he's acting so comfortable with all of this? Because I have to say, I'm a little surprised myself that Cas seems to be so cool about it. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't he a virgin? I've been getting that vibe, anyway."

Dean cringed. "I'm pretty sure he isn't anymore. We found him performing healings with no memory of being an angel after he died in the lake, and he was married. Married people tend to have sex." This was a fact that Dean had been ignoring for some time, not wanting to think about Cas being married to some stranger that could never understand or care for Cas as deeply as he deserved. Dean wondered briefly if Cas had used 'the eyebrow' on his wife, but Charlie interrupted his thoughts, continuing the conversation.

"Oh! I didn't know about that…that's kind of…weird. But look, he chose to come with you, right? I seriously doubt he left only because of remembering his angel-ness. He left with you." Charlie said the last part with emphasis and waited for Dean to nod before continuing. "The point though, is that I think you're freaking out because you never thought you'd have him. Really do feel free to argue with me, I'm just giving my opinion here."

The hunter's shoulders slumped slightly as he thought about it. "You might be on to something there. It's just that everything's happened kind of fast. One minute I'm not sure if I'd ever see him again, and the next he's here and we're permanently bound. It almost feels like I've been running on instinct or something, because I never would've just walked up and said 'Hey Cas! Wanna get soul-married?'. Not that I wish it hadn't all happened or anything. Plus it's confusing me that he's so touchy…the way he does it, it's like he's just been waiting for permission or something," Dean sighed heavily and closed his eyes for a few seconds. "Oh my God, Charlie, what if he has? I wonder for how long now…"

"Dude, hate to break it to you, but you can't use the 'it's all so sudden' line. This has been years in the making, even if all of the official bonding stuff happened really fast. And as for the touchiness, he's probably been pining for you for a long time but thought you'd turn him away. No offense, but you are kind of moody, and he was probably trying to avoid pissing you off. But that isn't all you're spazzing about, is it?" Charlie looked at him skeptically, yet again. Dean was starting to wonder when this woman had learned to read him so well, picking up on omissions that most wouldn't.

The hunter worked his mouth around in thought before he answered, debating whether he really wanted to talk about it, before he finally responded. "It's just…I can deal with being attracted to him and all, but the actual sex part kind of weirds me out. Not that I don't understand the mechanics of it and everything. I've just never done the dude thing before, much less with a dude that's made of energy. Okay, so I know that Cas isn't technically a dude, but you know what I mean. It's overwhelming for different reasons. For one this is _Cas, _a freakin' angel of the lord! And let's just add to that the question of whether or not he might accidentally smite us when…you know. I don't even know if all of this is allowed, or if there's going to be some kind of consequences! And what if one of us doesn't like it? Then we're stuck with one of us having permanent blue balls." Dean could practically feel a dam break inside of him, as his worries poured out into the open.

Although her eyes were faintly amused, Charlie's tone was kind. "Whoa there, just breathe. Let's just break it down for a second, okay? As for the physical danger of it, I think Cas would probably have at least a little understanding of how angel sex seems to work. I can only assume that he wouldn't imply his intentions if he thought it would even remotely hurt you. As for the moral implications, let's just be rational here for a second. He may be an angel, but it doesn't sound like he's all that worried about being defiled or whatever you're thinking, and he seems to be exercising the free will that you taught him. Can you really fault him for that? Now let's talk about the schmexy stuffs. As for Cas, you've gotta keep in mind that with as long as he's been around, he's probably seen pretty much everything there is to see. If he wasn't into the idea, he wouldn't keep touching you. And as for you, is it the idea of missing out on the lady parts? Or just the fact that that it's different?"

Dean had started to turn red, having to discuss sex stuff with anyone, much less his close female friend. "I'd be lying if I said that I won't miss the lady parts. They are pretty awesome." Charlie grinned and nodded in agreement. "But I guess it's mostly the difference. What if we aren't…compatible or something, too? "

Putting a gentle hand on his arm, Charlie looked at him until he met her eyes. "I know it's scary doing something new after a lifetime of doing it a different way, but I also know that it can be worse to never know what could have been. And you don't have to rush into anything…just do whatever you're comfortable with, you know? You're both stuck with each other, so there's no sense in depriving yourself when you haven't even tried it. Maybe try living in the moment, and quit worrying about things that haven't even happened yet. You know, go with the flow. You've both waited this long, so it's not like you can't take a little longer to adjust. Besides, millions of dudes seem to enjoy it, so I'm sure that there's plenty of fun to be had. Just sayin'."

Dean was feeling a bit more confident now and straightened his shoulders before he turned back to finish the dishes. His friend had given him some food for thought and he was finally calming down. "Thanks, Charlie. And I'm sorry I'm always unloading on you. You're probably getting real tired of my shit, and I wouldn't blame you."

"Really, it's okay Dean. Just keep teaching me some hunting stuff so I can protect myself, and we'll call it even." Charlie grinned and patted the man on his shoulder blade as they finished up their work.

Cas walked into the kitchen a few minutes later and grabbed a beer, cracking it as he leaned on the counter next to Dean. The angel was stretched out in a way that pronounced almost every line of his musculature and Charlie couldn't help but look, understanding why Dean was having a hard time. She may not have been attracted to men, but that didn't mean that she couldn't appreciate an attractive specimen when she saw one.

"Cas, I think you ought to stick with this look; it suits you. You shouldn't be hiding behind all those layers when you've got all that work with." Charlie gestured with a vertical sweeping motion and winked at Dean, as a deep blush filled his cheeks and touched his ears. The angel didn't fail to notice it either and grinned to himself as his own cheeks warmed up.

"Thank you Charlie, I'll keep that in mind." Cas looked at the woman shyly before turning to speak to Dean. "Also, Sam asked me to tell you that he's taking a nap."

About the time the dishes were done, Charlie's clothes were ready to go in the dryer and the little group headed toward the library, the hunter and angel searching through the books that could be spared to be leant to Charlie for her 'hunter's education'. After careful consideration, they handed her three books and were giving her the rundown on the usefulness of each volume when the buzzer sounded on the dryer. After she'd gathered her things, Charlie made her way over to Cas and brought him into a hug. "It's good seeing you, Cas. And you're just as welcome to call me as Dean is, so put my number in your phone, okay?" The woman got on tiptoe to give Cas a peck on the cheek, before turning around to Dean. "And you. Thanks for the food, it was awesome as always, and the shower too. You've been a real life saver, friend." When Charlie got ready to give Dean a peck, she moved to his ear to whisper, "I think you two could be really happy together. Just let yourself having something for once, okay?" With a pat to Dean's back, Charlie stepped back and smiled broadly at the pair. "I can't believe it's canon," she whispered, more to herself than the men.

"What do you mean?" Dean asked with a furrowed brow.

"Hmmm? Oh, nothing, don't worry about it," she said quickly. _Shit. I can't believe I said that out loud._

Dean looked at her speculatively but didn't push it. The hunter swore he could almost see the little cartoon hearts floating from her eyes as she looked at the two men. "Tell Sam I said thank you for washing my stuff, and you two take care of each other, I mean it," she said sternly. Dean gave her a salute, and she returned the gesture before making her way upstairs and back to the outside world.

Dean and Cas turned to each other, in question of what they were going to do next. Dean already knew what he was going to do.

"Well, I have some research to do on the computer, so I'm going to head to my room." Dean nodded awkwardly before walking off. Cas went back to the library and retrieved some books he'd seen earlier when they were looking for the volumes for Charlie.

Reaching his room, Dean closed the door behind himself and went straight to his laptop. He remembered that there was a site where you could look up slang terms and pulled it up. Within seconds, Dean had put the term 'canon' in the search box and waited for the definitions page to come up. When the entries all pointed to fanfiction, Dean rubbed a hand across his forehead and continued the trail down one side of his face in exasperation. The hunter had been ignoring this facet of the _Supernatural_ fandom, finding it weird that complete strangers were so interested in his and Sam's lives. Then he remembered something he'd seen on Tumblr when he was looking at the fan art; a lot of it had been labeled as Destiel. His hands hovered over the keyboard as he scoffed to himself and shook his head in disbelief at what he was about to do. Gathering his nerve, he pulled up a search engine.

'Destiel fanfiction'

The hunter was astounded at the quantity of results that came up, mostly pointing to pages of people's recommendations. Surely there hadn't been so much written, that that many people had their own lists? _What the fuck am I even doing? This is so creepy. _Dean shook his head, as if to clear the thought out of his head, but didn't close the browser and just sat there for a while, as he argued with himself. _Maybe I could just read one, see what all the fuss is about. _

After several more trips to the slang dictionary, the hunter was able to understand what to look for in a description before actually opening up a story. Within minutes he had found something that looked promising and began to read. Half an hour into a rather interesting story based on a fictional case, it started to feel just a little too voyeuristic for comfort and he had to close out the browser. Dean knew that it wasn't voyeurism to read about himself, but something had felt unsettling about it when the story had gone toward his relationship with Cas and how realistically the story had been written. Dean did take into consideration some of the weapons ideas though, willing to test out the holy water super soaker next time they had leads on demons. Needing to clear his head a little, Dean made his way to the bathroom and took an excessively long shower.

Feeling refreshed and more positive, Dean got dressed and headed to the library, a new goal in mind; he was going to see if Cas wanted to learn to shoot a gun. When he walked in, the angel was sitting at the table, scribbling notes as he leafed through a book. Dean stared at Cas' hands, unable to look away from the long graceful fingers that looked too gentle for the destruction he knew firsthand they were capable of bringing. The hunter's gaze had wandered up to Cas' forearm, watching as the muscles worked to create the pen strokes, when the angel looked up.

"Hello, Dean. Did you find what you were looking for?"

Cas was looking at the hunter curiously when Dean snapped out of his daze. "Huh?" The hunter looked worried for a second before he realized that the angel was talking about the 'research'. "Oh, yeah, it went fine. What about you?" The hunter motioned at the table.

"I'm just making some corrections that I'll put into the book later, after I'm done looking it over. Is there something you need?"

Dean grinned boyishly. "Well, I was just wondering if you wanna go learn how to shoot?"

The angel closed his paper in the book and stood up. "Let's go," he shrugged.

Dean also invited Sam, knowing that neither of them had shot anything in a while and could stand to make sure they were still in practice. The younger Winchester had been sitting in the living room looking utterly bored when Dean had walked by on his way to the library. Dean hadn't expected Sam to perk up as much as he did at the invitation, but was glad to see his brother looking happy about something.

The first thing Dean did when they got to the gun range was take apart the gun that Cas would be using and show him how to put it back together, naming all of the parts as he went. When it was Cas' turn to repeat the action, the angel did it with a confidence and accuracy that Dean hadn't expected. Seeing the hunter's reaction, Cas sighed. "I'm designed for this, Dean, remember?"

Dean grimaced, but continued on with his instruction. When it came time to shoot, Cas' stance was damn near perfect, but could still use some slight adjustment. Dean walked over and put his hands on the angel's hips, turning them slightly, pointedly ignoring where his hands were placed. Even if it did feel nice to have his hands there. Cas didn't mention it either, so Dean breathed a little easier and backed away, telling the angel to fire. After five shots, it was clear that Cas had no difficulty shooting a gun, and Dean couldn't help but be a little turned on at the proficiency of the angel, watching the muscles in his arms and shoulders contract through the fabric of his shirt with each shot. And never mind the way his forehead wrinkled and his eyes narrowed as he focused on the task at hand. Cas turned around after he was finished and handed Dean the gun with a smug look that the hunter suspected had only partly to do with his shooting skills.

"Jesus, Cas, how in the hell do you do that?" Sam's eyes were wide with surprise.

"Like I said, my intended purpose is to be a soldier. I'm not limited to swords and hand-to-hand combat; I have to be able to learn to use any weapon quickly and accurately," the angel said matter-of-factly.

"Well, no one can argue that you pick up skills quickly, that's for damn sure," Dean commented, only realizing the innuendo of his words after he felt his brother looking at him. He glanced over to see one of those patented Sam smirks, to which the older Winchester pulled his own bitchface and looked away. Dean felt unsettled at having just experienced such a fanfiction moment, and cursed himself for correlating his real life to a piece of fiction. He had to give credit to the author of the story he'd read though, for how accurately they had portrayed the three men and the types of innuendo-inducing situations that seemed to come up. _What is happening in my life? I used to confuse porn and real life, and now it's fanfiction? Come on Winchester, that's dorky, even for you._

The angel saw the exchange between the brothers and just said his 'thank you' quietly with a shy smile. Dean smiled warmly back at Cas, before taking his position to start his own shooting. Sam was shooting as well, and much to Dean's relief, his brother's accuracy seemed to improve a little with each shot. Within half an hour, all three men were ready to vacate the gun range, feeling satisfied at their progress. Sam led the way out, leaving the other two to walk together, and Cas immediately grabbed Dean's hand and laced their fingers together. It was a comfortable gesture, and Dean had grown fond of holding hands with Cas, as junior-high as it seemed. It just felt natural, as if their hands were meant to mold together the way they did, and Dean realized at that moment that he was actually pretty content, for the first time in so many years he couldn't even remember. Then the hunter was hit with the sensation of something like soft bubbles building up and popping slowly and a soft peachy color, before Cas glanced at him and sent a mental "me too" his way. The angel wrapped a wing around Dean's shoulder, and the hunter leaned into the touch as he walked, unaware of the small smile that graced his lips. Cas' eyes didn't miss a beat though, and the angel couldn't help his own smile at knowing that he'd been the reason for the look on the hunter's face. He was finally doing something that Dean was pleased with.


	22. Death and All of His Friends

Cas knew that the brothers hadn't had much time together since he'd arrived and sent them out to pick up dinner while he stayed behind under the pretense of research and a shower. Dean and Sam headed out, happy to breathe the fresh air and feel the sunshine on their skin. Dean noticed in the natural light that Sam was looking healthier than the artificial lighting of the bunker had made him appear, and he felt hopeful for his younger brother. Seeing how much color really had returned to his brother's face compelled Dean to ask Sam how he was feeling.

"Actually, I'm feeling okay. Not as tired all the time, anyway. But Dean, I have to say, if something doesn't give soon, I'm gonna go crazy just sitting around. Don't get me wrong, having a break has been nice, but it's starting to get to me, you know?"

Dean could only nod, understanding how Sam felt. Their sedentary lifestyle was starting to wear on Dean too, as he had noticed recently that the lines of his abs were starting to disappear in favor of something softer.

Sam was quiet, looking out of his window when he let out a deep sigh. "I think we need to call Kevin and see if he's made any progress. It's been a while since we heard from him."

Dean's jaw clenched. "Trust me, you're not the only one going stir-crazy, but you're still not in any shape to be doing a trial, Sammy."

Sam knitted his eyebrows, his own jaw clenching in irritation. "The longer we wait, the more the world will keep falling to shit. We need to at least try. It wouldn't hurt to get some sort of ETA on all of this, and it's not like he's done with it or anything…he would've called already, right? Plus, what about Cas? The sooner we can get the trials over with, the sooner we can move on to the angel tablet and Cas can start using his powers again. It doesn't help anyone at all having him hidden away, Dean."

"Well, it's not hurting anyone either," Dean snapped. He was suddenly irritated at the thought of Cas having to angel up again, knowing that it would only bring about the possibility of Cas having to leave and fight Naomi.

Sam responded with a softer tone. "I know you don't want him to go back into battle, but you can't deny that he's been acting more and more human. I think having his grace tamped down for so long is making it kind of…wither. What if it goes dormant, or something? And who knows how to reactivate something like that, if that's even what's happening. He could stand to lose part of who he is, Dean. And never mind how much we need him for the angel trials."

Dean had been avoiding thinking too hard about Cas' slow progression toward humanity, and the fact that Sam's point was actually fairly valid made Dean's stomach knot up. He stayed quiet for a couple of miles as he thought about all of the things he'd been ignoring. "Before any calls get made, we're talking to Cas about it first. He deserves to have some input here."

Letting out a relieved breath, Sam relaxed into the seat a little more. Dean saw the corner of Sam's mouth quirk up in his peripheral and knew what was about to happen.

"I'm glad you two finally got your act together," Sam said with an affectionate grin. "Seriously dude, if something hadn't happened, I was about to intervene. A person can only put up with being around that kind of tension for so long."

Dean's pulled a face. "What are you talking about?"

Sam chuckled and shook his head. "Dean, you two have been eyesexing for years! Kind of impossible _not_ to notice how you guys have been in love for so long."

"Yeah, well, shut up." Yet again, Dean found himself fumbling for comebacks. He knew he'd lost his touch lately, but wouldn't admit to it possibly having something to do with the happiness he'd been working on for the last several weeks. Because Dean just wasn't ready to let himself think about actually having it, content to let himself simply pursue it. Admittedly though, Dean knew that his cranky disposition had been softening recently.

Sam huffed and grinned, but didn't say anything back. The rest of the trip went smoothly, the brothers glad to get to just be Dean and Sam again. It had been far too long since they'd rode in the car together like this, and it felt great to have some sense of normalcy again.

When Dean and Sam got back to the bunker, Cas was sitting at the table in the main area, attentively writing in the book he'd been making corrections to, glancing between his sheet of notes and the book. Once again, Dean couldn't stop himself from watching Cas' hands as they worked. They were like a magnet for Dean's eyes, and the hunter wondered when he'd developed such a fascination with them. He shook his head slightly and put the thought away when his stomach rumbled with hunger.

"So guys, what do you say we eat in the living room, and watch some Who?" Dean wanted to prolong their little bubble of security for as long as possible, knowing that the call to Kevin might bring the kind of news that could rip away every bit of stability that Dean had been enjoying. Sam and Cas agreed and the three men went to the living room to eat their meal. The episode went by too quickly for Dean's liking, and he didn't like the look and deep sigh that Sam gave him when the credits started to roll. Apparently Dean's dread was coming off strongly, because Cas turned to him suddenly with eyes full of worry.

"What's wrong, Dean?" Cas asked seriously.

Dean frowned. "Sam and I were talking, and we were thinking about calling Kevin, to see how he's coming along on the translation. We haven't heard from him in a while, and thought it'd be a good idea to get some kind of time frame on how long we have until the last trial."

Cas returned the frown. "I suppose that would be wise. Are you wanting to do it right now?"

Dean nodded solemnly and Cas held his gaze for a few seconds before straightening his shoulders and adopting the angelic posture that Dean hadn't seen in at least a week. Cas turned to Sam and said, "Let's get on with it, then."

Sam pulled out his phone and dialed the number, the other two watching him intently, ready to glean what they could from the half of the conversation that was about to happen before them. Kevin picked up on the first ring.

"Hey Kevin, it's Sam. How're you doing?"

…"What do you mean?"

…"Okaaaay. I guess I can. See you in about an hour, then."

Sam hung up, and turned to Dean and Cas. "Kevin said that he can't talk about it over the phone and asked if I would come over and talk about it in person. He said he wanted me to come alone though, that we needed to talk in private."

Dean crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't like the sound of that. Are you sure it was really Kevin? Because that sounds exactly like the world's most obvious trap, you know."

"Yeah, I'm certain it was him. He even used the passphrase."

"I still don't like it, but go ahead. You call us though, if anything at all looks out of the ordinary, you got it?" Dean asked sternly, arms still crossed.

Sam looked between Dean and Cas and couldn't help but laugh. Cas squinted his eyes and said, "What's so funny, Sam?" Sam laughed even harder, earning glares from each of the men on the couch.

"Sorry guys, it's just that…well, you kind of look like someone's parents, the way you're looking at..." Sam saw Cas' eyes squint even further. "You know what, never mind, I'm gonna get my stuff ready and head out."

Dean and Cas looked at each other and both men saw in each other's faces and posture how Sam had drawn his conclusion, and quickly changed their body language. Sam chuckled and walked out of the room. Five minutes later he returned, bag in one hand and keys in the other.

"Alright guys, I'm gonna take the POS. That way if you need to haul ass and get me, you'll have Dean's car. I'll call you when I get there to let you know if everything's okay." Sam checked his pocket one last time, to make sure his phone was in there.

Dean rose to give Sam a manly Winchester hug before he left, worried about Kevin's suspicious request. "Be careful, Sammy." Sam nodded to both of them and walked out.

After they heard the door close, Dean and Cas turned to face each other, matching looks of worry. Cas was the first to settle the expression on his face. "It's only an hour, Dean. Sam is capable and knows what to look for; he'll let us know if something is wrong, and we can get to him quickly if necessary. So let's just sit down and watch the next episode, until he calls. Fretting won't help anything."

Dean didn't look entirely convinced, but moved to pick up the remotes all the same. Settling back down on the couch, they started the show, but Dean was still tense. Cas sighed and grabbed Dean's hand, then leaned over and placed a kiss to Dean's temple. Dean startled at the unexpected tenderness and Cas leaned back, pulling his hand away with a worried look.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

Dean pulled Cas' hand back into his. "No Cas, it's fine. I just wasn't expecting it, that's all. No one's done that for me in a really long time," Dean said quietly. Then he pulled Cas' hand up and gave the knuckles a gentle kiss to accentuate his point, before dropping their hands back onto his leg. Dean could still feel the warmth and tingle from Cas' lips on his temple, relishing the comfort of such a small gesture. They continued watching in silence as Dean pondered the conversation he'd had with Charlie, replaying everything they'd talked about again. About thirty minutes later, Dean's phone started to blare out with Sam's ringtone. Dean answered the phone and sat up straight.

"Hey. Everything alright?"

"Yeah, I did a sweep, and everything's fine. I'm sitting in here with Kevin right now." Dean heard the rustle of a paper bag in the background, followed by an exclamation of '_Alright! Waffle fries.' _as Kevin was undoubtedly salivating over a meal that didn't include hot dogs. Sam scoffed and continued talking. "Anyway, I think I'm going to stay here for the night, since it seems like we have a lot to discuss. I'll call you in the morning before I leave."

"Alright. Well, be careful and I'll talk to you tomorrow." Dean still felt apprehensive, but wasn't that just his life?

Putting his phone away, Dean turned to Cas. "Sam's staying with Kevin tonight, so I guess it's just us." Both men were quiet for a moment before Dean cleared his throat. "So, um, I think I'm gonna go get comfortable," he said with a jerk of his thumb toward the bedrooms. Cas agreed, and they made their way down the hall to change in their rooms. While he was changing, Dean couldn't help but shake his head at himself for being so domestic, putting on comfies and settling in with Cas all alone like an old married couple. It's not that he hadn't been aware of it previously, but it just seemed different not having Sam there, and he was suddenly acutely aware of the fact that they were going to be alone for the whole night. Dean stood in his room, realizing what might transpire and began to feel a fresh bout of anxiety creeping up his spine. _Come on dude, just get your ass out there. It's just some TV time with Cas, like you've been doing every night. Go with the flow, live in the moment, all that good stuff that Charlie said. _With only a tiny bit more confidence from his pep talk, Dean squared his shoulders and walked out of his room.


	23. See you, breathe you, I want to be you

_**A/N: Okay, so just be warned, this chapter is entirely porn. I told you I'd get it out there! **_

When Dean came back out to the living room, Cas was lounged at the end of the couch, wearing the ugly purple pants and one of Dean's old t-shirts that had never managed to make it back out of Cas' room. The anxiety melted away at the sight of the innocuous pants. Cas looked up and smiled in victory at getting to the end of the couch first. That smartass smirk sparked something in Dean that suddenly made him territorial of the seat.

"Cas, scoot over man."

"You should really use better manners, Dean. A simple please would suffice." The glint in Cas' eyes was undeniable; the angel was outright flirting, and Dean couldn't hide the surprise on his face. Then he remembered himself and collected his expression before speaking.

"I am not gonna say please to get something back that was already mine."

Cas smiled sweetly and shrugged. "Then I guess you can just sit next to me over here." He patted the cushion next to him. Then he looked from the other end of the couch and back to Dean. "And there's a whole other end, if you'd rather have that."

Dean was still feeling just stubborn enough to do it and shuffled over to the other end of the couch, plopping down with a loud 'aaaah'. Cas quirked an eyebrow, but didn't move except to unfold his wing and rest it along the back of the couch, much as he had the first day Dean had seen the appendages. Dean hit play and settled into his cushion in an obvious move to annoy the angel. After a few minutes, Dean felt a small tickle at his neck and swatted absently, only to find that one of Cas' feathers had come to rest there. He blew a small puff of air at it but it didn't move, so he blew harder, hoping to get Cas' attention with the noise and movement. It got the angel's attention, but the wing didn't move as Cas let out what sounded like a quiet growl. Seeing the agitated look on Cas' face, Dean couldn't resist and leaned over a few inches to blow less harshly on some of the smaller feathers, about a foot away from Cas' body. The growl came louder this time and Cas' eyes had gone dark and his cheeks were pinking.

"I suggest you stop that," he said with the low angelic voice that made Dean shiver a little.

Still determined though, the hunter gave a cocky smile and sat up straight. "Or what?"

Cas lowered his chin and raised his eyes, fixing a stare that Dean was sure he felt in his cells. "You know firsthand that I can overpower you, Dean. Don't test me."

The combination of the threat and the husky tone as Dean's name rolled off of Cas' tongue was just enough for the hunter to make his decision as the angel stared at him, waiting to see what he would do. Dean made it as far as sucking in the breath to blow again, when Cas rolled with angelic speed into Dean's lap and pinned the hunter's arms to his sides, as his wings flared behind him in a dominant display. Straddling Dean's thighs and maintaining his grip on Dean's wrists, Cas brought his face so close that the hunter could see the minute adjustments of Cas' pupils as they scrutinized him. Dean was becoming increasingly aware of not only his inability to move, but the heat and pressure of Cas' body against his and the undercurrent of angelic power thrumming through Cas' hands. Dean realized that his eyes must have betrayed how startled _and_ turned on he was when Cas pulled his face back to smirk and cock that wicked eyebrow at him. Cas lowered his wings, but didn't tuck them away.

"Fucker," Dean barely got out above a whisper.

Cas chuckled, but didn't ease up on his grip. "All you have to do is say please, Dean."

Dean did the only thing he could think of that would gain him any kind of upper hand. He gave his own signature cocky grin, and in an effort to catch Cas off guard, rolled his hips up against his captor. Cas' mouth opened in surprise and a soft "Oh" escaped. Dean took advantage of the distraction and wrenched his wrists free, grabbing Cas and wrestling him to the middle of the couch so that their positions were reversed. Dean had Cas' wrists pinned now, his own knees gripping the angel's hips like a vise. Dean knew that Cas could've fought him off if he really wanted to, but was choosing to stay put. Satisfied to see that a flush had climbed up Cas' neck, Dean leaned in to husk in the angel's ear, "I think I'd rather hear _you_ say please." Two could play this game.

Cas shivered as a deep hum sounded in his throat. The vibration of the sound rumbled against Dean's chest and he felt the self-control that he'd kept in check for years starting to crumble. Sliding his hands down to thread with Cas' the only change in their positioning, Dean ran the very tip of his tongue around the outer shell of Cas' ear and ended with a gentle nip to the bottom of the lobe, earning a shuddering breath from the angel. Cas was emanating sensations of arousal and lust, with a touch of nervousness that made Dean pull back to get a look at the man's face. Although Cas was clearly interested, his eyes gave away some of the anxiety that was lurking beneath the surface, and Dean released his grip on Cas' hands. He brought his hands to rest on Cas' shoulders and looked into those deep blue eyes as he rubbed a thumb against the angel's neck.

"Are you okay? Shit, I just made everything totally weird, didn't I?" Dean was starting to panic that he'd read everything wrong.

Cas closed his eyes and leaned into the touch before he let out a deep breath. When he reopened his eyes, they were full of a different kind of want. "Kiss me, Dean."

Dean's heart stuttered in his chest and his breath caught in his throat. A chill ran up his spine, but he relaxed his posture to allow for a more comfortable angle and lowered his lips to Cas' in a sweet kiss, allowing them both the opportunity to get used to the feeling of each other. For as innocently as their lips moved against each other, Dean felt that it was much more intimate than any contact they'd shared before. The room seemed to melt away from his perception as he became immersed in the sensations of everything Cas. The angel's hands moved to settle on Dean's hips and squeezed lightly, urging Dean to deepen the kiss, and Dean took the hint gladly. Their tongues touched timidly at first, but soon found a rhythm and they slid against each other in a slow dance, as if they could anticipate each other's movements. Before it could get any more heated, Dean pulled away to rest their foreheads together, so incredibly glad that they had the place to themselves for the night.

"Mind if we-"

"Yes," Cas cut Dean off before he could finish.

Dean snickered and climbed off of Cas, extending a hand and pulling him off the couch to lead the angel to his room. When they stepped across the threshold, Cas turned to face Dean with a heat in his eyes that had been slowly building for several minutes. Without ceremony, Cas pulled Dean forward by his hips, bringing them together in a possessive move. Dean grunted at the contact and gave a quick dirty kiss before he proceeded to dip his head and scrape his teeth across the angel's pulse point, finishing the movement by licking a stripe from Cas' collarbone up to the bottom of his ear.

"God, Cas, you taste as good as you smell." Dean punctuated this with a series of short suckles down the side of Cas' throat, eliciting a whine and a slow roll of the angel's hips against his own. Dean immediately wanted to taste more and went back to Cas' mouth, savoring the natural sweet taste. Dean only became aware that his back was against the wall when he used it as leverage to properly grind up into the other man's hips, Cas groaning into the kiss. And damned if that noise didn't sound absolutely sinful, shooting straight down to the hunter's groin.

Cas broke the kiss when the need to breathe became too great and looked down between them to see their matching erections tenting their pants, and felt a deep flush rise up his chest. Dean wasn't doing much better, knowing that his dick was pretty much on display and was therefore much more honest than his words could ever be. Cas raked his gaze back up Dean's body slowly before settling on Dean's face again, a question in his eyes that he didn't seem to be able to find words for.

"You're allowed to touch me, if that's what you're wondering." Dean's voice had roughened, but his tone was gentle.

Cas nodded and swallowed hard before he reached for the hem of Dean's shirt, pulling it timidly over his head. They stood there quietly, a fine tremble to Cas' hands as they roamed reverently over Dean's chest and stomach. Cas' fingertips traced lightly over every rise and dip, absorbing every detail, dragging lightly over Dean's ribs and trailing down to his hipbones. He flattened his right palm against Dean's stomach and ran it back up his chest, bringing the warm dry hand to fit over the handprint on Dean's shoulder that he'd left so long ago. Cas sighed and lifted his chin to retrieve a soft kiss before he spoke.

"You are one of God's most beautiful creations, Dean Winchester. I wish I could take credit for the craftsmanship of what I see, but I only worked with the template of what was already there." Cas was smiling with soft eyes to himself in remembrance. "I was reprimanded for taking so long to restore you, but after cradling your soul against me, I couldn't bear for form not to follow function."

Although Dean was aware of the implications of what Cas had said, he was also aware of the plain fact of the explicit message. "Cas, have you been thinking I'm hot all this time?"

Dean watched as the gears turned in Cas' head as he searched his memory for the term, and the hunter saw the precise moment it clicked into place and had to hold back a snicker when Cas rolled his eyes. "Yes, Dean, I have found you to be aesthetically pleasing for some time now."

At this, a genuine fond smile came across Dean's face. "Well good, I'm not the only one." His hands grazed up and down Cas' sides underneath his shirt and goosebumps trailed beneath his fingertips, urging Dean on to remove the shirt. Now it his turn to explore, appreciating the hard lean lines and muscle, the jut of Cas' hipbones, the smooth warm skin on a solid frame. Not once did Dean think about the lack of breasts on the body in front of him, because it was all Cas and it was all appealing. Dean found his hands roaming to Cas' ass and pulled the two of them together into a deep kiss that spoke of want and longing that had been waiting its turn to be expressed. Cas pushed Dean back against the wall without breaking the kiss and settled his hands around Dean's waist before he began to rock his hips into the hunter's again, searching for some much needed friction. The hiss and grunt that escaped from Dean's mouth as they slid together spurred Cas on to grind with a bit more pressure. Both men were soon gasping and moaning softly and the cacophony of sensations was starting to overwhelm Dean.

Before he could say anything though, Cas pulled back from the kiss and laid his hands on Dean's shoulders, hips pushing more lightly against the hunter, almost instinctually. He was looking Dean dead in the eye with so much pupil revealed, it was almost disconcerting. "Would you like to touch me?" Cas' voice had dipped even lower and Oh good God, it was so deeply sexual, it was nearly a tangible touch all its own.

"Christ, Cas! I…" Dean's hand had already roamed unconsciously to the front of Cas' pants to run down the hardened length and the rest of the sentence was lost. The contact made Cas groan and push into Dean's hand, seeking more pressure. "Jesus, fuck, you're hard," Dean rasped out, before letting out a shuddering breath. Cas groaned and could feel more blood rush south although it seemed like it shouldn't be possible at that point. Dean felt every moment of it and was becoming more aware of his own neglected hardness, already curling to his stomach and leaking.

"Cas…I'm- I'm not making it man." The look on Cas' face showed that he clearly didn't understand, so Dean pulled the angel's hand over to palm his own erection. Instantly, Cas' mouth formed an "oh" and he pushed a little harder a couple times, the heat and pressure of his hand making Dean shudder. Despite this, Dean's hands clumsily found Cas' wrist and stopped the motion.

"Is something wrong?"

The hunter's eyes were closed and he was panting heavily as he shook his head. "No Cas, the opposite… everything's really _really_ great. But if we're gonna have any more fun, we gotta calm down for just a second or I'm gonna blow." After a few deep breaths Dean opened his eyes and lifted them to see Cas looking at him quizzically.

Dean laughed breathily. "Look, let's just…" He grabbed Cas' hand and pulled them over to stand by the bed. They stood there for a moment just looking at each other, not quite sure how to proceed now that they were openly acknowledging what was happening. Finally, Dean decided that he was going to have to take the lead for a minute, even though he suddenly felt like everything he'd ever learned in his sexual history was useless. It was nerve-wracking and Dean felt ridiculous at being so worried over something he'd done so many times before, even if not with a man. Because this was Cas, and Dean didn't want to just get his rocks off in yet another sexual conquest, and this just felt so much more real, even as little as they'd done yet.

"Cas, I'm going to take off my pants…" Before the sentence was all the way out, Cas had hooked his thumbs in his own pants and underwear, and pushed them off in one quick movement, heaving a relieved sigh at being free of the confining material.

_Okay, maybe I underestimated how willing he is. Duly noted._

Dean's eyes dropped to look at Cas with laser-focus, taking in the sight of all of the parts that he'd never thought he would have the right to admire. When the angel had shown up covered in bees, Dean had pointedly avoided looking at the entirety of Cas, even as his curiosity had begged him to do otherwise. Now though, Cas was here in front of Dean, stark naked and ridiculously hard because of what Dean did to him. The hunter felt his mouth water and moved his eyes back up to see Cas blushing fiercely and Dean realized that the look on his face must have been practically wolfish. "Oh, right." Dean quickly removed his own pants, hissing as the cool air moved against the newly exposed flesh, not missing the fact that Cas' dick twitched at the sight, even as a bit of uncertainty flitted behind those deep blue eyes.

Dean closed the space between them and pulled Cas into a kiss, trying to say everything that he couldn't find words for, that this wasn't just about pleasure, but about the intimacy of learning each other. That this was something they were both new at, so it was okay. The message must have been received because Cas let out a little sigh through his nose and his kiss turned more passionate. Although the more heated kissing was still a bit unpracticed, Dean found himself loving it for that very reason; Cas was his and had been holding all of this back just for him. Once again, Dean felt the word 'MINE' rattling around in his head, and reached behind Cas to run his fingers through the soft downy feathers closest to the angel's back, an electric tingle running through his fingertips at the contact. With a growl, Cas dipped his head down to nibble at Dean's collarbone while walking them back to the bed, both men falling onto it in a heap. It only took a second before Cas was on top of Dean, between his legs, and resting his weight on his forearms as he looked down into those lovely green eyes. The dominating move was softened by his next words. "You have me, Dean." Cas dipped his hips and rutted against Dean, managing to line the two of them up on the first try, leaving a slick of pre-come in his wake. The two of them moaned at the sensation of the slippery friction as their lengths rubbed against each other, and their movements sped up for a moment before Cas snaked a hand between them to latch onto Dean's length and began to stroke a slightly clumsy rhythm. Dean's eyes closed involuntarily at the unexpected touch and he let out a harsh breath before reopening them. When he looked up, he could see white rings glowing in Cas' eyes, and if it weren't for the context of their situation, Dean would swear that Cas was about to smite something. And damned if it wasn't the hottest fucking thing Dean had seen in all his years, knowing that he could work up an angel to the point of heating its grace. "Do I have you?" Cas' voice was full-on smiting pitch, but the holy wrath had been replaced by full-blown lust and possessiveness. Dean sat up, pulling Cas with him into his lap, the angel's strokes uninterrupted by the movement.

"Cas…hnnng…yes, fuck, yes you've got me." Dean had no idea that a faint gold ring had appeared in each of his own eyes as he wrapped his fingers around Cas now, marveling at the weight and heat of the other man's dick in his hand. He never wanted Cas to get this hard for anyone else ever again and began pumping his fist, reveling in the moans and pants coming from the angel. Dean knew they were both close and moved their hands to hold both of them, Cas rocking frantically into the motion now as they stroked together, both of them leaking and slick as they slid together. Soon, Dean felt every nerve ending in his body light up and used the last of his restraint to pant out, "Cas, I'm…please…come with me." The angel's eyes went wide when he met Dean's, the gold rings now glowing.

"Dean!"

All it took was the sound of his name falling from Cas' lips and Dean lost it, letting out an embarrassingly loud moan as he shot hot white liquid, covering both of their hands and onto Cas' stomach. Cas followed right after, mouth wide open but no sound escaping until he began to spurt his own load, some of it making its way up to Dean's chest. "Mmmnng," Cas finally grumbled deep in his throat as they continued to stroke slowly through their orgasm. Dean wrapped his arms around the angel's lower back and pulled him close. Dean lowered his head to rest on Cas' collarbone, breath coming in short puffs against the angel's chest. He could feel the hammering behind his ribs echoed in the angel's pulse as it thumped against his temple.

Fatigue hit them both after a minute and the two rolled together to lay on the bed, without concern for the stickiness trapped between them as they laid on their sides to face each other. Dean threw his leg over Cas' and they laid there for a minute, just looking into each other's eyes, each with a small satisfied grin. Dean reached up to push a bit of dampened hair off of Cas' forehead and planted a gentle kiss there before letting out a contented sigh and closing his eyes, just enjoying the moment.

"Dean?"

"Hmmm?

"Do you feel…different? Your eyes were glowing right before we climaxed."

Dean's brow furrowed and he frowned for a moment. "What? Wouldn't I have felt that? And no, I feel like a guy that just got off."

Cas hummed thoughtfully and blinked twice, slowly. "Perhaps your soul was interacting with my grace, as a part of the bond."

A cheeky grin spread across Dean's face at the thought of Cas getting to see the glow. "So…how awesome did it look? Because it looks pretty awesome when you do it."

An affectionate smile lit up Cas' face. "It was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen."

Dean didn't have the heart to retort about being called beautiful, seeing Cas' sincerity as he'd said it. So he settled for a gentle smile and closed his eyes again.

At the feeling of a small movement a few minutes later, Dean reopened his eyes just in time to see Cas run a fingertip through some of Dean's come that had managed to splatter onto the angel's stomach and bring it to his mouth curiously, touching the substance to his tongue. He contemplated the taste briefly before a small thoughtful grin came across his face. "You taste good too, Dean."

Dean looked on with wide eyes before he scoffed. "Cas! Your mouth is gonna be the death of me. Do you have any idea what you've been doing?"

Cas was absently rubbing small circles with his thumb on Dean's side when he chuckled shyly and lowered his eyes before glancing back up. "I've only been speaking freely within the moment, Dean. If it happens to excite you, then I suppose I should remember to continue the practice."

Dean grinned and shook his head as he moved to sit up. He took a long look at Cas from head to toe, devouring the angel with his eyes. "You have no idea what you do to me, Cas. Hell, I didn't even know til now!"

"I think I have an idea," Cas said, eyebrows arching in humor. "You do tend be rather profane while you're…in the moment."

With an affectionate eyeroll, Dean stuck his hand out to help Cas up from the bed. "Well come on, let's go get in the shower before this turns to glue." Dean gestured at the drying semen on each of them and Cas frowned as he tried to pick some of it free from where it had ended up in the some of the soft hairs below his navel. "Yes, I think a shower would be a good idea."

To say that Dean had been surprised at Cas being so comfortable with it all would be an understatement. He also had to admit that he enjoyed it more than he thought he would, having such a powerful being willing to allow Dean to just let go a little. Not that he would say so out loud. But all the same, there was no way that Dean freakin' Winchester was going to just lay down and take it, so to speak; he wasn't selfish, after all. And that's how he found himself considering his feelings on the thought of giving Cas the gift of a blow job. Until Cas, it was an unthinkable idea, but Dean discovered that he rather liked the thought of being able to do something that could make the angel fall apart and decided that it was worth a shot. It began when he discovered the rather quick recovery time that angels have, if Cas was anything to go by; they'd only made it through shampooing their hair when Dean felt Cas' unmistakable arousal press against his hip as they rinsed their hair.

"Seriously?" Dean couldn't believe Cas was ready to go again already, as Dean himself was still pretty mellow from their activities. All the same, he found himself running a hand down the half-hard length at his side.

Cas blushed slightly with a sheepish grin. "I think I may be more pent up than I realized." He then looked down at Dean's hand and started to blush. "And I suppose my recovery time is faster than…mmmm…a human…Dean!" Dean may have counted it as a victory that Cas had to lean on the shower wall.

"Cas, I want to try something, but I've never done it before." Dean licked his lips nervously, but quirked a questioning eyebrow in permission, earning an eyeroll from Cas.

"Dean, you're welcome to touch me any way you'd like." Cas brought a hand up to rest on Dean's shoulder. When green eyes met blue, the hunter was stunned at the even more remarkable depth of blue they had taken on, and felt like he could drown in them. "I'm yours, Dean. I have been for some time now."

The openness of the statements made a lump form in Dean's throat and he swallowed hard before bringing his lips to his angel's in a deep but brief kiss. He then proceeded to trail wet, hungry kisses down Cas' neck and down to his collarbone, rubbing his thumb over a nipple all the while. The soft gasp that escaped the angel's mouth was encouragement enough to keep moving downward until he had no choice but to kneel. Dean licked lightly down Cas' ribs and trailed down to a hipbone, taking a gentle bite as he pointedly ignored the quickly hardening length only inches from his face.

Cas' eyes widened at the bite and he let out a gasp that turned into a whine, his fingers beginning to card through the hunter's hair. Dean chuckled and looked up into the angel's eyes and saw a fierce anticipation in them that made his breath hitch before he spoke, his voice coming out more ragged than he'd expected. "You like that, huh?" Dean took a nip at the other hip and Cas bucked forward with a quiet groan. That was when Dean noticed the unoccupied hand hanging next to his face and pulled it to his mouth, kissing the palm. "Cas, do you have any idea how much I love your hands? Goddamn, the things I've imagined them doing." Dean then pulled the middle finger into his mouth, taking turns scraping his teeth and swirling his tongue around the digit as he sucked. The sound Cas made was downright obscene and his hips bucked forward again, searching for some sort of relief, his cock now completely hard and leaking pre-come.

"Dean, please…I…ungh." Cas' voice was low and rough and his other hand had wandered to stroke himself, desperate for the friction. Dean swatted Cas' hand away and pushed it against the shower wall.

Dean's voice was downright raspy now, even as his tone was playful. "Nope, none of that. This is all me," he said as he took a tentative lick up the underside of Cas' cock. A rather loud gasp of relief at finally getting the contact he'd wanted echoed against the shower tiles. Admittedly, it was a strange experience for the hunter, but he didn't find it unpleasant at all. Even with all of the water, there was still a distinct Cas-ness to the smell and taste that Dean found intoxicating and he decided to try more. Pressing Cas' hips against the wall to keep him from bucking, Dean leaned in and gently suckled the head before sinking down slowly, adjusting to the weight and size in his mouth. He'd expected to be at least a little grossed out, but was surprised to discover that it actually wasn't all that bad, especially when he saw the immense pleasure that his actions were bringing. Cas' back was fully plastered to the wall now, his head thrown back and legs trembling lightly as Dean proceeded to sink down even further, swirling his tongue around just as he had with the fingers.

"Dean! Nnnng…oh my fuck! Please keep doing that," Cas said breathily between pants, surprising even himself with how easy the expletive rolled off his tongue. Dean selfishly enjoyed that he could get the reactions he was, and hollowed out his cheeks to begin the suction that he knew would be the beginning of the end. Although this was a new experience, Dean had surmised correctly that it was mostly a matter of mimicking what he'd experienced himself, if the gasps and moans were anything to go by. Releasing one of Cas' hips, Dean wrapped his hand around what he wasn't brave enough to take in yet and began pumping in time with his bobs. Although it was completely foreign, Dean decided that he didn't mind the taste of the pre-come that was dribbling onto the back of his tongue now. It was slightly sweet with a touch of bitterness and it was incredibly personal to Dean because of who it belonged to. It didn't take long before he could feel Cas getting close, as the trembling had slipped into downright shaking and Dean pulled his mouth off without ceasing the stroking.

"Cas, I want you to look at me. I want you see me watching you come, angel." Dean couldn't believe how expressive his mouth had become, but Cas seemed to enjoy it, so he enjoyed it. With what appeared to be great effort, Cas managed to look down to meet those forest green eyes, the iris only a thin ring. When Dean returned his mouth it was overwhelming for Cas to hold that gaze, and if he wasn't close enough to the edge already, Dean tipped him over with a deep appreciative hum. With a sharp cry Cas came hard, shooting liquid heat down Dean's throat and he was thankful that Dean had grabbed onto his thighs, as his legs had become wobbly while Dean finished milking him to completion. And damned if watching Cas hadn't been the newest most erotic thing Dean had ever seen, knowing that he was the one responsible for it. _ Jesus, the two hottest things I've ever seen, happening in less than an hour. Fuck._

Rising slowly, Dean wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and suddenly felt his face flush with heat at the realization of what he'd just done. Cas used a finger to tip his chin back up to look him in the eye. "Thank you, Dean, that was…" Cas paused to grin goofily and laugh lightly, looking utterly debauched. "That was amazing. I intend on returning the favor, you know." The angel pulled Dean into an appreciative kiss, his hands roaming to grip over the hunter's ass and pull him close. Cas immediately felt the erection Dean had developed over the course of the last several minutes rub against his stomach and grinned against the kiss. "I like that you get pleasure from that, too."

Dean whimpered. "Cas…" was all Dean said pleadingly, as he rocked his hips against the angel.

It was Cas' turn to blush now, as he considered his next words. When Dean lifted a questioning eyebrow at him, he finally decided to go ahead and ask. "Dean…I…I'd like to watch you…" Cas knew that Dean would frown if he used the word 'masturbate', so he opted instead to simply point at Dean's crotch, hoping the hunter would catch his drift. Dean's eyes widened a bit before his face broke into a surprised grin.

"Cas! You big perv…have you imagined me doing this?" Nonetheless, Dean began stroking himself with a smirk on his face when he saw Cas' eyes drop to stare at the sight before him before glancing back up with a bit of, okay, adorable embarrassment. Especially after what all they'd already done.

"I may have wondered about it before. I, uh, popped in one time while you were, well. But I left immediately, trying not to invade your privacy." Cas was looking off to the side, face growing pinker by the second. Dean couldn't help but find the angel's loss of eloquence while sharing a fantasy endearing, and chuckled.

Reaching up to tangle his fingers in the hair at the base of Cas' skull fondly, Dean raised his eyebrows and stared at him until the angel had no choice but to meet his eyes. "Cas, I don't mind if you watch, okay? It may be totally voyeuristic, but…it's kind of hot." And with that, Dean went to task, knowing it wouldn't take long anyway. Cas let out a sigh and dropped his gaze to watch the act he'd thought about more than once. Having permission to look and knowing that this was being done just for him affected him more deeply than he'd expected and he was surprised at the level, of all things, tenderness he felt. The angel watched Dean carefully, cataloguing which movements brought the most gasps and grunts for future reference. In a short time, Dean was coming with a loud grunt, holding Cas' eyes for as long as he could, until the stars clouded his vision and he had to close his lids. After he caught his breath, he grinned lazily at the angel, whose lips had turned up on one side, and rinsed off quickly, as the water was turning cold quickly.

"So, did you like what you saw?" Dean winked and grinned rakishly. He turned to shut the water off and grabbed for the towels.

"Yes, Dean. It was very pleasant, and informational." Dean barked out his laughter and shook his head at the wording.

"Well, come on and let's get dried off, and maybe we can manage to actually watch the TV this time."

It didn't go unnoticed by Dean when Cas grinned to himself toward the floor. Dean paused his drying to await the angel's words, and Cas finally spoke. "You know, we both managed to get a 'please' out of each other," he chuckled.

Dean returned his laughter and felt a warmth spread through his chest at this newfound closeness, knowing that he was thisclose to naming the feeling he'd been ignoring for so long. Yet again, Dean found himself thinking about how screwed he was, but this time, in more ways than one. And he may or may not have laughed internally at his own pun.


	24. Boys Don't Cry

Just like always, Dean and Cas piled up on the couch, but this time Cas laid down to rest his head in Dean's lap. The hunter absently scratched at Cas' scalp as they watched TV, feeling more relaxed than he had in a long time. Thinking back on it, Dean realized that he'd only had sex maybe four times in the last year and found himself aghast at such a paltry number. He knew that it'd been a dry spell, but Jesus! And wait a second, why had Cas thrown in the 'lately' when they had been talking in the kitchen about the wrist incident? How in the hell did he know?

"I haven't smelled anyone else on you for several months now, besides the traces of Sam and Charlie from being nearby."

"Dude!"

"Mwhat?"

"Have you been…sniffing me? Like you did the dead guy?"

Cas rolled to his back to look up. "Not directly, no, but you have a rather powerful scent. And I can smell it when someone else's is mixed with yours."

"Are you saying I smell?"

Cas furrowed his brows. "Are you asking if I find your smell unpleasant?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

With an eyeroll and a sigh, Cas rolled back over. "Dean, you smell fine. I'm just rather…attuned to your natural scent. You emit some rather strong pheromones." Cas patted Dean's knee. "But to be fair, Sam's is just as strong as yours. It's just different…you each have very different body chemistries. Yours is the one I like, though."

Dean grinned in self-satisfaction. "Damn straight! I smell delicious, even good enough to eat."

"Dean, that's not funny."

"Oh come on, it's a little funny. How many things have tried to take a bite of me now? I've lost count," Dean scoffed. He only got a glare in return, so Dean sighed with resignation and resumed his petting.

After an hour or so, both men were yawning and made their way toward the bedrooms after brushing their teeth. Dean may have found it a little endearing that Cas didn't even bother going to his own room, choosing to pile up in Dean's instead. Not that it mattered…one would probably end up in the other's bed in the middle of the night, anyway. Cas pulled off his shirt and pulled the covers down, claiming the right side as if he'd always slept in Dean's bed.

"What makes you so sure that that's your side?"

Cas shrugged with one shoulder. "When I used to watch over you in the hotel rooms, I usually ended up sitting on this side, at the headboard." The angel looked down and fiddled with the edge of the blanket, and Dean stared him down until he looked up and sighed. "And I may have laid down to hold your hand sometimes while I used my grace to calm you from the nightmares."

Dean looked thoughtfully at the floor as he spoke. "I know, Cas. I uh, I felt it a few times."

"Then why did you tell me not to watch over you?" Cas frowned in puzzlement.

Dean stripped down to his underwear and sat down on the other side of the bed. "I don't know, I guess it just freaked me out. You've given me a lot of mixed signals over the years, man. Plus, it really is kind of hard to sleep when you feel someone looking at you, even if it is to protect you."

Cas furrowed his brow in thought. "We've wasted a lot of time, haven't we?"

"Maybe," Dean said with a small shrug. Then he crawled under the covers and Cas rolled to become the little spoon and Dean reached up to turn off the light. "But I don't think I was able to deal with it yet back then. I mean, this, whatever it is, is still a totally brand new thing for me. I'm not exactly an emotionally attuned person."

"I know," the angel said softly as he tangled their fingers together. "Me too. We're just going to have to be patient with each other."

With a quick squeeze to Cas' hand, Dean planted a kiss on the back of the angel's head. "Night, Cas."

"Goodnight, Dean."

* * *

It shouldn't be possible for a human body to give off so much heat. Seriously, even if it does have an angel stuffed inside it. Dean woke up yet again to the octopus and although it was comforting to wake up next to Cas, he couldn't help but wonder how he was ever going to get sleep again with a living furnace under the sheets. Throwing the blankets off of the bed, he sighed in relief as the cool air soothed his overheated skin. Cas sighed in his sleep as well as began to re-situate his position. At least until it turned into rubbing against Dean's hip, and the hunter froze, not sure what to do. It must have registered in his sub-conscious because Cas suddenly stilled and opened up sleep-bleary eyes, a deep blush taking over his cheeks.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was doing that."

"It's okay, I just wasn't expecting it, that's all. I mean, it didn't happen before when we slept, so it just caught me off guard."

There was a long silence that was starting to become uncomfortable. "Sooo…wanna take care of this?" Dean reached down to palm what felt like a steel rod still prodding at his hip, earning a deep groan from the angel. "Jesus, Cas. What do have in there?"

"A penis, Dean."

Dean laughed and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I'm well aware of that. Figure of speech."

They spent the next thirty minutes lazily groping between kisses and Dean couldn't help but notice the warmth spreading in his chest at how good it felt to wake up this way. Soon things became rather heated and within the hour, the two were spiraling down from orgasm and collapsed back onto their pillows to catch their breath. They both seemed to reach at the same time and joined hands as they came down from the high, a shit-eating grin plastered on Dean's face as he looked at the ceiling. Finally, he managed to let out a loud, satisfied breath and turned his head and look at the angel.

"We should do that again sometime." Cas was actually grinning, despite the early hour, so Dean decided to count it as a victory against dealing with typical morning-grumpy Cas.

Once they made it to the kitchen, Dean started the coffee and was about to dig through the fridge when his phone began to ring. Whoops. He'd almost forgotten that Sam was going to call.

"Hey, Sam."

"Morning. Did you sleep well last night?" Dean noticed the humor in his brother's voice and involuntarily let out a loud sigh through his nose as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Yeah, I slept just fine," Dean said with as even a tone as he could muster. Especially considering that he had the ticklish sensation of stubble rubbing at the back of his neck, as Cas playfully sucked a kiss on it. Dean's back tensed at the action and Cas chuckled quietly in his unoccupied ear before he backed off.

"Good. Well I'm about to head out, and if you can wait a minute, I'll bring some breakfast with me. Sound good?"

"Yep, sounds good. See you in a bit." Dean hung up with a quickness and whirled around with a pointed finger.

"You! You're a little shit, you know that?"

Cas smirked and crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned back on the counter. "I seem to recall that I was apparently a 'fucker' last night." His eyes were glittering with humor, his good mood still surprising Dean.

Dean huffed and reached for the coffee mugs. "Yeah, well, you were being one," he muttered as he poured up the coffee. Then he looked up with one brow raised in question. "And since when do you curse? I mean, it used to be 'assbutt'. Not that I mind, just wondering."

Tilting his head, Cas gave a small shrug. "I guess since your mouth started rubbing off on me." Of course the angel had to do that damned eyebrow thing.

"Did…did you just make a dirty joke?" Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing, and huffed a small laugh when the angel's lips twitched up on one corner.

"Yes, I made a 'dirty joke'." Dean couldn't help but grin a little at the dramatic air quotes. "I suppose our activities have brought something out in me." Cas paused for a moment. "This is why sexually active people tend to be more cheerful." It was a realization, not a regular statement of fact. Dean was amused at seeing the angel putting the pieces together, one more puzzle of humanity and shook his head. With a clap to Cas' shoulder, Dean grinned and pushed off of the counter to sit down at the table.

When Sam walked in, the two men were sitting at the table, turned toward each other a bit as they talked while Dean's hand stroked gently through the wing nearest him. At least Sam assumed so, considering that it looked like Dean was running his hand through empty air. The looks on their faces as they spoke was almost sickeningly sweet and Sam couldn't help but snort when Cas laid a hand on Dean's knee as he finished making his point. Dean startled first and yanked his hand away from the mid-air position, but didn't move otherwise.

"Don't mind me, it's fine guys. Here, dig in." Sam set down the fast food bags and was grinning, but couldn't seem to hold eye contact for very long.

Dean cleared his throat, choosing to ignore his brother's behavior as he was pretty sure that Sam knew something had happened the night before. "So, any news you can share?"

At this, Sam did return eye contact, but started to look a touch nervous. "Well, I found out what the last trial is…I have to kill Crowley." He knit his brow and his face became pinched as he leaned back in his chair.

Cas ate his breakfast quietly, not really surprised by the revelation, but suspicious of Sam's nervousness. He could feel that Dean was too, and shot him a glance to urge the hunter to ask.

Crossing his arms over his chest, Dean donned his scowly suspicious face that Sam had been subjected to more times than he could count. "What else, Sammy?"

Sam ran his hand through his hair and sat forward as he looked for something on his phone. "Okay, so the trial calls for three people. I have to be the one to kill Crowley, but it also says that…" He pulled up the image on his phone of Kevin's written translation to show them. "'the protectors of humanity will join, one of Heaven and one of Earth, to protect the cleansed man'. It, uh, says that there 'shall be the union of the guardians, to bring about the time of peace between Heaven and Earth'. Guys…"

Dean and Cas looked with concern between each other for a few seconds before turning their gaze back as one toward Sam. The younger Winchester grimaced at the synchronized movement, as it had become more and more common recently and was just downright creepy. Dean shook his head. "What is that supposed to mean? You're not suggesting that," he gestured between he and Cas, "the two of us are supposed to suddenly become the what? Keepers of the realms or something? Sorry, but what the hell? I was just supposed to be Michael's meat suit, and Cas is on the freakin' run for like the millionth time!" Dean shot Cas an apologetic look, not meaning for the last part to be so blunt.

Cas laid a gentle hand on Dean's forearm and his eyes were understanding. "Dean…I think Sam may be right. Who else would Sam have around him while doing the trial? And you and I are bound now."

Dean scrubbed a hand over his face and leaned back in his seat with a deep sigh. "I heard what he said, but I don't want it!"

Sam put on his sympathy face. "But look, it could be worse. At least it doesn't say anything about you being a vessel! Plus, there's no apocalypse or pit this time."

"Why does everything have to fall on our shoulders every goddamned time? I'm over it, Sammy. Didn't we serve our time by stopping the fucking apocalypse?! I just want all of this to be over." Dean knew he sounded whiny, but couldn't bring himself to care, feeling that he had a right to be upset. He knew that this was going to happen whether he wanted it to or not, because there was no way he would let Sam go off to deal with Crowley all by himself, and the wheels had already been set in motion by something much bigger this time than a bunch of petty angels.

"I know you don't want this, but let me say something. Has it occurred to you that you guys have already been protecting the world? Dean, you've been hunting for decades! And Cas, you've been trying to keep the angels from frying the planet for how long? Maybe not always with the best methods- no offense- but all the same. Do you really think that much would change?" Sam wasn't very happy either, but figured that someone needed to play the optimist.

Cas knew that he'd done many things the wrong way, but that wasn't what made him squint at Sam. "There's something else, isn't there?"

"I don't think it's really that important," Sam said with a nonchalant shrug.

"Spit it out!" Dean was not in the mood for song and dance.

Sam spoke quietly, without eye contact. "Kevin's kind of, um, been done with the tablet for over a week now. He said he woke up one morning and the other half of the tablet was on his table. Once he finished the translation, he said that he fell unconscious and God spoke to him. Told him he was off of all tablet duty and gave him a new job." The younger Winchester rubbed nervously at his forehead as the other two men stared at him. "He's responsible for writing the Winchester Gospels now." Sam let out a deep breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

Dean's jaw dropped and he sat there gaping for a good five seconds. "Wait, you mean that we're out a prophet now? What the hell are we supposed to do with the Angel tablet?! And why didn't he call us when he was done? And of course, more of our lives are going to be for sale to the public. Shit, I'm going to get a migraine."

"That's the thing. He told me that he'd been ordered not to call, and that things would be 'resolved in their own time', whatever that means. I know it's vague, but that's all I know. There was something odd though. Kevin seemed like he was trying to stall me, like he didn't want me to leave last night. He didn't seem scared, so I don't think he'd been threatened. Said something about letting things resolve themselves."

Cas' eyes darted over to Dean in alarm as he put the pieces together. Dean returned the look and Sam knew they were having a silent conversation. Sam cut in before he could be left out. "Oh no you don't! What's going on?"

Dean glanced to Cas one more time and stomped out of the kitchen and down to his room, slamming his door like an angry teenager. Cas didn't look phased and just took a calm sip of coffee. "We may have…fulfilled part of the prophecy last night." The angel tapped his fingers on the handle of his mug.

"You guys…you mean? I kind of figured, but why do you think you fulfilled any of it? And feel free to leave out most of the details, because I really don't want to know." Sam's ears were turning red, but he held his gaze steady.

After a moment to consider his wording, Cas glanced at the doorway as if he'd expected Dean to be standing there and slumped his shoulders. "Dean's eyes glowed gold at one point last night, similar to the white glow you'd see in an angel's eyes when they gather their grace. I'm fairly certain that my grace shone as well. We had exchanged some words that might have counted as 'the union of the guardians', if that is what we are."

Running his hand through his hair again, Sam let out a heavy sigh and closed his eyes. "It's like the seals all over again."

Deciding that there was nothing left to say for the time being, Cas rose wordlessly and went to the library, intent on beginning research for the last trial. He assumed that Crowley was already building an army and that the element of surprise would be unlikely. The angel opted instead to look for spells or weapons that would be strong enough to kill him. After an hour and a half, Cas looked up to see Dean walking into the room, downtrodden and with a vein still sticking out on his neck. He plopped down in the chair next to Cas with a grunt and laid his forehead on the table.

"Why is it always the three of us, Cas? Why would God choose us and dump all of this shit in our laps?"

The angel reached over and laid a timid hand on Dean's leg, not sure if the hunter was going to allow touch. "I don't know," he answered softly as his thumb rubbed back and forth soothingly for a minute. "Dean, do you regret it?" he asked quietly.

"Almost. If I'd known that we were breaking some kind of seal, I probably wouldn't have let it go so far. But at the same time, what does it matter?" Dean sat up and ran and a hand through his hair. "It's not about dealing with a bunch of pissed off angels this time. This shit's happening as a direct order from God, and I seriously doubt that we have much choice. Free will really is a fucking illusion."

"I think…perhaps your love for free will is what brought us here. It is God's most precious gift to humanity and that may be why he chose you to be its guardian, as you've fought harder for it than any other human I've ever seen. And I suppose I was picked because you'd need a connection to Heaven. Because I'm not supposed to have free will, yet I exercise it. Dean, we may not have a choice in these roles, but you know that the world needs this."

Dean growled and slammed his fist against the table. "Cas! Being forced to protect free will is a farce! It's a total contradiction. How can we be expected to give up free will in order to protect it? Look, I know I'll always be a hunter and that it means that I'm protecting humanity in a way, but the whole concept of taking away my choice in the matter pisses me off."

Silence filled the room after that, as Cas wasn't sure what he could possibly say to that. Although he relished free will and exercised it many times, Cas was still an angel and still felt a duty to obey an order if it came directly from God. If Kevin had indeed communed with God himself, it was pointless to try and thwart the prophecy; if Father really wanted this to happen, even death wouldn't stop it, as their own multiple resurrections had proven previously.

Ready to move on, Cas pushed a couple of books toward Dean. "Regardless, we need to look for a way to kill Crowley or none of it will matter. I was looking for a weapon or a spell that could do it and I might have some leads." Dean called Sam into the room and the three men read, made calls, and bounced ideas around for the rest of the day, until they were all turning glassy-eyed. As he stretched, Dean felt a loud, satisfying series of cracks go down his spine and groaned his relief as he stood up. Cas and Sam had both managed to adopt rather wild hair over the course of the day as every dead end wrought more frustration and more hair pushing.

"Guys, we need to go eat. Can't think on an empty stomach. What do you say we get out of here for a while and eat out?" Dean smirked at his brother's 'hairdo'. "And you might want to stop by a mirror before we head out. You're getting that Nick Nolte look."

Sam frowned and touched his hair, aware now of the tangles. He then glanced from Cas to Dean and bitchface came out. "His hair's just as bad as mine. I'm not the only one."

Cas was squinting at both of the brothers, and Dean looked over and winked at him. "Yeah, but he's got me to fix it." Cas went stock still and wide eyed as Dean proceeded to smooth the wild hair back into something resembling order.

Sam's face was sheer surprise. "What the hell are you doing?"

Dean laughed heartily at his brother and stepped back from the angel as he continued to chuckle. "Oh my God, your faces!" Calming down from his laughter, Dean composed himself enough to form an answer. "Well, I guess I'm using my last days of free will to freak you out and do whatever the hell I want, because your reaction is totally worth it."

Sam was sure his brother was losing it. Cas turned his still wide eyes on Sam, the exchange pulling even more laughter from Dean. "Sorry I offended your delicate sensibilities, Samantha. Now come on, my body demands sustenance! And Cas…relax, man. Just having a little fun here. Gotta keep my brother on his toes."

"I'm not offended; it's just…very un-Deanlike. But whatever." Sam shrugged, even though his face was still a bit confused.

If he couldn't find reason to laugh, Dean was certain he would want to cry at the farce that had become his life, and breaking completely down was just not an option. He knew that he might have to pull the solution out of his ass at the last minute, but at least he'd be alive enough to do it.


	25. The brightness of your halo

It was no secret that an angel blade could kill Crowley. Cas had nearly done it when he'd rescued the Winchesters only weeks before. However, the logistics of handing off your weapon to the person you're supposed to be protecting doesn't exactly work out. After two days of research and calls looking for something that could kill the smarmy bastard, the three men were starting to feel downtrodden in their pursuit to complete the third trial. By noon, Dean was stalking around the Batcave like a gorilla in a cage, Sam had rolled out to get some air, and Cas was ready to tear every box and crate in the place upside down in hopes of finding something useful. While it was true that they'd spent much longer doing research on averting other disasters before, it didn't mean that any of them were feeling patient this time. After all, this was supposed to signal the end of hell spawn on Earth and on some level, bring them all a more peaceful life. Well, as peaceful as it gets while beasties still roam the earth. All the same, the three men could almost taste the years' worth of apocalyptic exhaustion coming to a close and were ready to get the show on the road. Then _it _happened.

"Dean, I don't think it would be wise to become inebriated right now. We still have a lot of work to do," Cas said with exasperation and sadness.

"Yeah, well, you know what? I think I deserve a break," Dean said, even as he looked at the bottle with irritation, as the alcohol was doing nothing to soothe his nerves. In fact, it seemed to not really be doing much at all besides burning his throat on the way down, even with a third of the bottle pooling in his stomach. "What proof is this shit, anyway?" he said to himself.

Turning the bottle to get a look at the label, it said '90 Proof', just as he'd expected. The confirmation brought the simmering anger to a boil, knowing that even hard liquor wasn't calming him down. "Goddammit, what the hell is going on here?!" Dean gripped the bottle, ready to hurl it at the wall in a tantrum, but the bottle never made it that far. Instead, he found it crushed in his hand, jagged shards of glass lodging in his palm. The pain never came, and he stared as the glass pushed its way out of his skin and fell to the floor harmlessly, as if it had only been swept off of the countertop. Cas was staring in open shock, his mouth parted and eyes wide.

"Did you see that?! What the hell just happened?" Dean was going into panic mode.

Cas snapped his mouth shut and walked over with curiosity to examine Dean's hand. Turning it over gently, Cas examined the hand, only to find it completely unblemished. Dean had looked as well and started shaking when he saw the utter lack of damage.

When Cas spoke next, his voice took on a deep calm that one would use around an injured animal. "Dean, I need you to take your shirt off and let me check something."

Dean nodded dumbly and pulled the shirt off quickly, his eyes trained on the angel. It made him nervous that Cas' wings were swirling silver and gunmetal gray with a small bit of a sickly yellowish color mixed in, a new color combination that Dean couldn't discern. Cas held his gaze and reached slowly toward Dean's shoulder, poised to fit over the handprint. When his hand was only centimeters away, they both felt heat jolt from the scar, and shared a worried look before Cas finally made contact. The moment hand met skin, a sharp crackle ran through them both and as a unit, they crumpled to the ground on their knees, Cas never losing his grip. Neither man was aware of this though. Dean knew he wasn't unconscious, but the room melted away from his perception as image after image poured through his mind like a movie in fast forward. Impossible things, some of which he couldn't even fully understand at the moment. Sensations that he never knew could exist, information that he'd never even fathomed. He even saw images of himself, as well as Purgatory. Then it all became bright, oh so painfully bright for a few seconds before it abruptly fell to blackness. When he came back to reality some interminable time later, his head started to pound, every sense overstimulated. He didn't even know he had curled up on the floor until he felt Cas heft him up like a child and carry him with ease to the bed, laying him down gently before walking out to retrieve a washcloth. His insides felt like they were made of fire, but not painfully so. Then the fire cranked up until he had no choice but to run to the bathroom as his body demanded that he empty his stomach. Cas draped the cold washcloth across Dean's neck, hands trembling as he gently rubbed the hunter's back.

It didn't take long before he got it all up and was able to pull away from the toilet, laying down on the bathroom floor. Dean relished the feeling of the cold tile against his skin and closed his eyes, waiting on his body to calm down. After several minutes, he was finally able to move and sat up carefully, glad that Cas had left the bathroom lights off, allowing only the light from the hallway to illuminate the room.

"Cas, what happened?" he croaked out.

Dean's nerves went haywire when Cas took a shaky breath and fiddled with the hem of his shirt before raising his eyes to meet the hunter's with little composure. "I think…I think you may have just accessed my grace. It felt strange, like you were combing through me. What did you see, Dean?" Cas' eyes were worried, but with an unmistakable undercurrent of awe.

"I don't know what all I saw, man. You're going to think I'm batshit, but I think I just saw…everything. I even saw myself." Dean clasped his hands over his temples and closed his eyes, trying to will the high-pitched squeal in his head to calm down.

Cas' eyes welled up and a sob caught in his throat in relief, surprising the both of them, before he leaned forward to gather Dean in his arms. He curled his wings around them protectively, like a cocoon. It took a moment before he could get his breathing under control, which was even more disconcerting for the both of them, but Dean stayed quiet until Cas was calm enough to speak.

"Dean, I think you took my knowledge and memories upon yourself. And…" his voice went softer, "you seem to have…grace intertwined with your soul. But it's not mine. Well, some of it is, but only barely. And, well, I seem to uh, have changed as well."

This was too much to process, so Dean elected to stay silent for the next half hour. Oddly enough, the expanse of knowledge he had absorbed wasn't troubling him, and in fact, it felt natural. His mind didn't feel overcrowded or busy at all, but more like a library, facts able to be pulled out like books on a shelf when requested. What was so troubling was trying to deal with the overstimulation of all of his senses, as well as the idea that he had grace. Grace. What kind of fuckery was this? And damned if he didn't basically just pirate a copy of Cas into his very being. Oh shit, Cas!

"What happened to you?" Dean asked softly.

Cas shook his head. "I'm not exactly sure. I mean, I'm pretty sure that I absorbed your memory too, but I feel…well, I feel. Not that that's new, but it's different now. There's…more."

Cas' nervous speech patterns did zero to make Dean feel better. "What do we do now?" Neither man said anything for a moment and then it struck Dean like a brick to the face. "Oh shit! Am I turning into a fucking angel?" And here goes the numbness melting away.

"I don't think so. The grace doesn't seem to be getting stronger or anything, so I think you have all that you're going to. Plus, only angels have wings, and you don't appear to be gaining any."

Well, there was one bit of relief. But Dean's body was starting to throb from head to toe. "I think I need to lie down. Will you just come and lie down with me?" Cas rose and extended a hand to help Dean up and led them to the bedroom, where Dean promptly plopped down.

The two lay on the bed, each lost to their own thoughts until they dozed off. When Dean woke up two hours later, his headache had calmed down and the ringing was nearly gone. Cas wasn't there, but he hadn't been gone long, since the bed was still warm. Dean stretched and padded down the hall toward the kitchen, where he could hear Sam and Cas talking, and the sound of the broom as it swept up the glass from before. They hushed when he walked in, and Sam nodded at Cas to speak.

"How are you feeling?"

"A little better. My headache's calming down, and my ears aren't ringing like they were. How are you?

Sam gasped and his eyes went wide as saucers as he unconsciously backed away a little, before turning to Cas. "Jesus Christ, you weren't kidding!"

Dean looked at Sam as if he'd grown another head, but Cas spoke. "Dean, don't be mad, but I was just testing something as well as inquiring about your well-being. It may not have sounded like it to you, but I engaged you in Enochian and you responded in the same." Now it was Cas' turn to grow another head in Dean's eyes.

He really hadn't heard himself, but decided to test something, and focused specifically on speaking English. "Sam, do you understand me now?"

Sam shook his head emphatically and gulped, to which Dean nodded slightly and looked at the floor. He spied the bag of carrots still sitting in the grocery bag that hadn't been put up yet and chuckled to himself. "Why do I know that carrots used to be purple until they were cultivated? Seriously? I know I've never looked that up." Dean laughed some more, his shoulders shaking. "Really Cas, what the hell have you got knocking around in that noggin'?"

Cas gave him a 'please' face and crossed his arms over his chest, but it only served to make Dean smirk. The hunter straightened up and squared his shoulders. Figuring that Sam had been mostly filled in, Dean couldn't help but try to break the tension. "Hey guys…" He waved a hand slowly before him but had to stop and collect himself after he started cackling. After taking a moment to collect himself, he repeated the motion, more deliberately this time. "I looked into Castiel, and Castiel looked into me." Laughing hysterically at his own funny, tears started streaming down his face as he watched the other two men try not to laugh. "I…[more giggling]…I am the Bad Wolf". Sam broke first, unable to fight the laughter that was bubbling up his throat at the ridiculousness of it all. Cas finally gave in and chuckled, rolling his eyes good-naturedly. Of course, Dean's eyes really had looked like a toned-down version of Rose when they'd glowed. Most of the time when they shared thoughts, it was only rudimentary phrases coupled with emotional pushes. This time though, Dean received a perfectly clear thought from Cas, who was smirking.

"_Oooo…using my full name, huh? Might need to hear more of that." _ Even mentally, it sounded like a purr. The smirk intensified.

Dean startled, face blushing slightly. "Shit, Cas!" The hunter grinned shyly and looked away. Sam really didn't want to know and cleared his throat in that 'back to business' way.

"So…I'm guessing that Dean's getting some version of angel powers as part of the prophecy. This will definitely help if we're going to fight off Crowley's demons. As for Cas though…you don't seem all that changed. So what's going on with you?"

The angel mulled it over for a moment, frown lines creasing his forehead. "I think I may have been given something different. My grace isn't diminished, but something seems to have been added. I don't know how to explain it except that I feel more…human. I think I might have some soul or something. It will take some time for Dean and me to discover the extent to which each of us has changed. Until then, we should continue the search for a weapon."

The brothers both nodded in agreement and back to the stacks they all went.

It turns out that research goes a lot faster when you have two different sets of angel skills at your disposal, able to skim quickly and correlate information in an organized fashion. About two hours in, they discovered a spell that could be applied to Ruby's demon knife, to amplify its powers. Of course they weren't so foolish as to hang all of their hopes on a single weapon and had backups upon backups. It took a few days to gather all of the components needed for spells and weaponry, but finally they seemed to have it together. Feeling confident, the three men decided to make it a night and grill some steaks before heading out for a drink, if they were to go into battle the next day. They invited Charlie, and even took the time to put themselves together a little more than usual before leaving, trying to keep up the pep rally.

After an accidental peek at Dean's mind while on the receiving end of a head to toe gaze, Cas discovered exactly what Dean thought of the old blue tie, and decided to bring it out of retirement for the night. He paired it with a well-fitting but casual black button-down with the sleeves rolled to the elbows, and a pair of medium-dark jeans that hugged in all the right places. For the first time, Cas attempted to fix his hair, but ended up running a frustrated hand through it, managing to accidentally create a style. Even he had to admit that it was on the JBF side of hairdos and chuckled to himself for even knowing what that meant. He also opted to skip shaving, since Dean seemed to appreciate the stubble. Cas laughed to himself again, the feeling of being concerned about his appearance still new.

The three men arrived at the bar with the determination that they were going to have one last good night, and if it reminded them of the night before they lost Ellen and Jo, no one said anything. When Charlie laid eyes on Cas that night, her eyes nearly bugged out at the difference in his appearance, including the way he carried himself. Seeing Dean next to him in his light blue button-down and dark denim jeans, they were a beautiful couple to behold. Even Sam had managed to ditch the flannel for the night and had the professorly look, with the sweater and jacket combination.

"Daaaayuum boys! Spiffy. Definitely worthy of the two-syllable damn. Now I'm just going to get glares instead of smolders." Charlie huffed, but really didn't seem all that put out.

The bar looked nice enough to not be trashy, but no too high-brow to feel stuffy. Warm and comfortable with a friendly atmosphere. Sure enough, when they walked in, at least three women gave Charlie the stare-down and she winked at each of them as they walked past everyone toward their table. She was filled in on the situation quietly, in their booth at the back of the bar. She was certain that the longer she knew the Winchesters (and now Cas), the stranger the shit she was able to handle. Leviathans? Okay. Meeting your literal guardian angel? Sure. Your guardian angel getting destiny-hitched to your best bro? Whatever. Your bro turns into a half-angel and his brother is going to kill the King of Hell with the help of your guardian angel according to a freakin' prophecy? _Fuck my life._ Knowing that that's only a tiny fraction of all the shit that happened after the apocalypse, Charlie couldn't help but wonder how any of them were still sane enough to do their jobs. Of course she wasn't aware that two out of the three had already been through that as well.

After their first round, Cas excused himself to the restroom and Dean made for the front to order the second round. As Dean waited for their order, he noticed Cas get stopped on his way out of the restroom by a man no older than 30, who although not conventionally handsome, was clearly very charming. Although Cas didn't seem very pleased to be in the guy's company, he also wasn't moving away. Dean was fine though, until the guy inched in slightly closer to whisper something in Cas' ear, and he felt jealousy start to rise up. The lights flickered a few times before Cas snapped his eyes over in Dean's direction and shook his head almost imperceptibly in warning. Dean saw the man hand Cas a card and walk off, leaving Cas to walk back to the table and hand Charlie the card. She glanced around and the stranger waved goofily at her. With a tight smile and a small nod, she scooted in closer to Sam and started talking to the other two men, effectively letting the guy know that he had zero chance.

When Dean came back to the table, Sam glanced at Dean and then at the light hanging above their table. "Was that you?" he asked skeptically.

Dean looked down at the table sheepishly. "Maybe."

"You can't let it get out of control, Dean. The last thing we need is for Naomi to spot us before tomorrow. Try to avoid anger and focus on enjoying yourself. The man was interested in Charlie, anyway." Although Cas' words were serious, there was a hint of amusement in his eye at being the object of Dean's jealousy.

Dean didn't respond, but did as suggested and turned his attention back to his friends. After a few games of pool and one more round of drinks, the friends decided that they'd be smart to leave while they were still good to drive and headed outside.

The hair on the back of Dean's arms and neck raised up as they rounded the corner toward the parking lot, and before he realized what he was doing, he had a demon that was now wearing Mr. Charming backed up against the side of the Impala with a knife to its throat.

"Whoa whoa whoa, hey! Look, I'm just here with a message from Crowley. He says that he knows what you're planning and quote 'in the name of sportsmanship, good luck in your endeavors tomorrow, and see you on the field.' Now, if you'll let me go, I'll be glad to fight you properly tomorrow." Then the fool had the gall to smirk. "Nice trick with the lights earlier, by the way."

A dark scowl came over Dean's face. "You really should've kept that yourself, you arrogant asshole." And with that, he plunged the knife deep into the demon, watching it burn out to its death. That's when Dean noticed that something wasn't right. Where was the orangey-yellow flicker? The demon was certainly dead, but it burned out like…like…oh god.

When Dean turned around, the other three were just catching up and had stopped abruptly, gaping at his face and then down to his hand. He followed their gaze and his hand flew open, releasing an angel blade to clatter to the ground. That was when he noticed that it had landed amidst shattered glass and looked up to notice not only the parking lot light above the car blown out, but every window and mirror on the car as well. His face fell and he ran a hand along the roof of the car.

"Oh no, baby, no! I swear I didn't mean it!" He turned abruptly and squatted to retrieve the sword, not noticing that the glass had repaired itself behind him as he turned. When he stood up to mourn his car, Dean gasped and jumped away at the sight. "Fuck! What the fuckin' fuck?!"

"Dean…your eyes! They were…oh shit, Dean. I think you were about to smite that demon!" Sam looked like he was about to faint if he didn't catch his breath, and Charlie could only gape open-mouthed in awe. She wondered if that was even partially what Cas looked like when he was feeling smitey and couldn't help but stare at him as well. Cas, however, was focused on Dean as he strode over to look at the hunter's back. Still no wings. He rubbed his face for about five seconds straight before letting out a sigh. "Dean, we need to get home, now. Are you okay to drive?"

Dean was barely aware that he was being spoken to as he studied the sword, the weight and balance of it perfect in his hand. It wasn't the standard issue silver, though. The sword had a greenish-blue tint to it, and the words 'Rearden Metal' floated through his mind as an afterthought, a memory of something he'd read long ago. The weapon was cool in his hand, and it hummed ever so slightly, a sensation that seemed to align in perfect harmony with Dean himself, as if it were part of him. He looked up to see Cas, who clearly was waiting for an answer to something.

"Hmmm?"

The sword retreated back to wherever it came from, without Dean's notice.

"I asked if you're okay to drive. You look shaken."

Dean snapped back into hunter mode. "Oh! Yeah, we need to get out of here pronto. The little shit knew about my grace issue, so who knows if anyone else does." Then Dean paused and grinned to himself. "Allons-y!" Yeah, he said it, just because he could. Free will, doing as he pleased and whatnot. Plus, it earned amused eye rolls from all around, with Sam and Charlie calling him a dork. "Charlie, you need to hunker down with us until this is all over. We were gonna ask you over, anyway."

Charlie nodded. "Y-yeah…that's fine. I'll follow you out."

Soon everyone was on the road and headed to the bunker, the Impala filled with nervous tension. Sam was fidgety in the back seat, adjusting and re-adjusting his clothes, touching his hair, slouching and then sitting back up. "Quit squirming Sasquatch, you're making me nervous. Just chill out, alright? We're almost home and then we'll all have a talk." Sam breathed out slowly and nodded his head in reply.

Cas, meanwhile, couldn't take his eyes off of Dean. His face kept shifting between awe, irritation, confusion, and want. Sensing Cas' conflict, Dean said softly, "Just hold my hand, Cas." Dean held out his hand and Cas took it, feeling a new hum flowing between them. It was different from what it felt like before, yet it was still completely recognizable, as if adding that one extra dash of salt to a dish.

"_I'm totally Batman now, cave included."_

Cas laughed lightly, out loud. _"No Dean, you're not. Batman doesn't have any powers, remember?"_

"_You take my fun, Cas."_

"_Nothing I'm not willing to give back."_

And damned if the angel didn't give Dean a wink.


	26. The resolute urgency of now

_**A/N: Yikes, my sleep has been messed up. Sorry for the long delay, but nothing creative happens when I'm sleep deprived. Things seem to be getting back to normal though, and I've actually written quite a bit ahead, so I should be able to update more regularly now. Thanks for your patience! Also, sexy times a-coming (har har) with next update. So anyway, here, have a chapter!**_

Once they arrived at the bunker, the group convened in the kitchen, as usual for them. Instead of the panicked and irritable Dean they were expecting, they were looking at someone much more collected. And yeah, it kind of weirded everyone out. Of course he was brooding, but that was just his Deanness. He realized after a minute that everyone seemed to be waiting on him to say something, so he straightened up in his seat, ready to get everything straightened out.

"Look, I don't understand how I did what I did back there, but it happened, and we can use this to our advantage tomorrow. We need to revise some of our plans, now that we have more firepower. Charlie, nothing will change in your role. We still need you to intercept the 911 calls; we can't have cops showing up to investigate and getting in the line of fire. The devil's trap is still a go, but we definitely can't count on using it for Crowley because there's no way he'll wait for a summoning. We can also assume that he'll know exactly where we'll be, considering that he sent a freakin' minion after us earlier. That said, we may not have the advantage of knowing where exactly he'll be, but we do know that he'll have a hefty set of security surrounding him. Sam, you stay on top of me and Cas, and keep an eye out for Crowley. Since I don't know the extent of what all I can do yet, I'll try not to use any extra mojo and limit it to combat use. Since we don't know if my mojo will deplete, I'll make sure and conserve it as much as possible. That said, we need to test this all out right now and see what all I can do that's unlikely to draw attention from Naomi. Cas, help me come up with a list of the stuff that angels can do, even the ones we can't test yet, and we'll get to work. Anything untestable right now, I guess we'll find out tomorrow. Also, we need to make that call to Kevin and get him down here tonight if he doesn't already have protection on him from up above. If he does, then the Angel tablet needs to be transported to his place so that it's not at risk while we're fighting. I guarantee that Crowley has been working on locating it in order to distract Cas away from the fight, but since nothing has interrupted your mojo on it, we can assume that it hasn't been touched. If I've left anything out, now's the time to remind me and draw up the last of the details."

They all knew that Dean was good with planning and especially when he had the time to put into it, but Cas in particular couldn't help but notice the almost militaristic approach that Dean was taking. It's not that a whole lot of the plan had been altered, but the way Dean was handling it was much more thorough than usual, and delivered with a lot more efficiency. Cas truly saw the soldier in Dean that night and wondered at how the grace was affecting him. No time like the present to find out though, so without further ado, Dean began the ability testing.

Truthfully, Dean had a lot of fun with the testing, learning the new ways he could help protect his brother. Not that he was happy with the reasons for having the abilities, but he figured that this wasn't the time to sulk because they had bigger fish to fry. The guardian thing could be dealt with later, after he made sure that Sam was protected and able to complete the trial. And so, after a wrist-spraining punch to Dean's face by Sam, it was determined that not only was Dean more solid than usual, but he had some healing ability. Not that the punch didn't hurt, but it wasn't the sharp pain that normally would accompany such a blow. Dean also discovered a new level of speed and agility while sparring with Cas, saw Charlie's memory of meeting with Dick Roman, wrote out a rather complex equation worthy of Feynman's approval, and discovered after three glasses of water and two beers that urinating was a thing of the past. Dean still felt hunger and thirst, so Sam hypothesized that it was taking everything that Dean put into his body to maintain the grace, leaving nothing to waste. Within an hour, they had a pretty decent checklist of what all Dean could do.

**Short- range teleportation, blade manifestation, molecular manipulation (the windows):** observed under duress

**Enhanced strength, self-healing, enhanced senses, language comprehension:** observed initially

**Effective telepathy:** experienced in calm, limited to angelic communication

**Healing abilities to others**: present, but limited in speed

**Thought probing of humans:** present, with permission

**Ability to see demons' true form:** present

**Enhanced agility:** present

**Enhanced combat skill set**: present

**Enhanced cognition:** present

**Self-maintained homeostasis:** limited to temperature regulation and lack of waste products

**Concentrated solidarity of skeletal and muscular structures:** partially enhanced

**Wings**: negative

**Angel radio:** negative

**Soul visualization**: negative

**Materialization of objects**: negative

**Long-range teleportation:** unobserved

**Teleportation with others:** unobserved

**Time travel:** unobserved

**Smiting**: unobserved

**Contact with Heaven:** unobserved

**Intensive diagnosis of injury and illness:** unobserved

To make the most of their, Sam made the call to Kevin while Dean and Cas were duking it out.

"Hey Kevin. I assume you know what we're doing tomorrow, and we needed to know if you want to come here, or if you have, uh, higher level protection."

"Yeah, I'm safe here, no need to leave."

"Okay, well on that note, we also have a question. Do you think the Angel Tablet would be safer with you than remaining hidden?"

Kevin scoffed. "Well no shit, of course it would safer with me. I'm pretty sure that nothing will be coming anywhere near me for at least the next 24 hours."

"Okay, well do you mind if we bring it by here in a minute?"

"Go ahead, I'll be here. See you in a bit."

Sam shut the phone and rose from the table. "Alright, so Kevin doesn't need to hide out here and said that the Tablet would safe with him and he'll be waiting for the drop off."

"Hang on now, you're not leaving this place til morning," Dean said sternly to Sam. "Can't risk you out there, you know that. I might have attracted too much attention already from you know, earlier." Dean looked down at the floor after the last sentence.

Sam sighed, but relented and gave his brother the quick 'watch your ass out there' hug, and with a nod, Dean and Cas were out the door.

The reality of what was facing them the next day settled like a heavy, scratchy blanket between the two men in the car, and neither said anything for several minutes. Finally, Cas caved, knowing that Dean wouldn't be the one to bring anything up.

"What are you thinking about all of this?"

Dean heaved an annoyed sigh. "What, you can't feel it coming off of me?" He knew that Cas didn't deserve the attitude, but the weight of it all was starting to fall upon him.

"Of course I feel what you're feeling, but I want to know what you're thinking. I still prefer to give you the option of sharing your thoughts willingly." Cas was irritated, but calm.

With a deep sigh through his nose, Dean shook his head. "I don't know, Cas. I mean, I have freakin' angel powers! Don't get me wrong, they're pretty awesome, but it's a lot to carry. Don't even know what I am anymore. And not to mention that Heaven has bent me over with no lube. Plus there's the fact that I have no clue what I'm doing with all of this. Not like I've had years of training to use mojo! I don't like that I'm going to have to wait until we're out there to know what all I can do. Never mind we still don't know what the hell is going to happen with the tablet. Of course I'm flying by the seat of my pants, just like always, and I fucking hate it. And it should be me out there, not Sam, but the stubborn asshole just had to go and take this upon himself, as if being worn by the devil and going to hell weren't enough to make up for everything he's done."

Cas really hadn't expected Dean to share so much, but was glad for the change and sat quietly for a moment as he considered his wording. "Dean, I know you feel unsure about your abilities, but I can tell you one thing right now. You need to trust your grace. It is part of you, and therefore intuitive in a way, knowing what to do when you need it. Just like how you handled the demon earlier without a second thought. As for what you are, you are without question still Dean, but maybe just with more…accessories. Plus, there are no guarantees that your abilities are permanent; they could just be temporary, like Heavenly granted armor. As for Sam, you know why he's doing this, and you know that you would do the same if you were in his position, Dean."

Dean knew that there was validity to what Cas had said, but he still couldn't get over the knot in his stomach for Sam. Sensing it, Cas reached over and laid a warm hand on Dean's leg.

"Dean, I really and truly think that we have a high likelihood of success tomorrow, and I think Sam will survive the experience. You've told me before to go with my gut, and I believe this is what you were referring to before."

At this, Dean took his eyes off the road to glance in surprise at Cas. "What're you talking about, going with your gut? No offense, but that's never really been your forte, man."

Cas shrugged. "I don't know, but I seem to be feeling it now, although I'm not sure how I seem to be identifying it for what it is. Most likely an effect of the humanity that you lent to me. Which, by the way, how do you deal with this? It's…overwhelming to say the least. There's so much to consider at every single moment, and it's exhausting."

Dean laughed bitterly. "Cas, in case you haven't noticed, I don't exactly _deal_ with things. I'm sorry I had to be the one for you to imprint on, or whatever. You got the short end of the stick, having to learn about humanity from me of all people."

With a glare aimed at the side of Dean's head, Cas squeezed his leg warningly and his voice went low. "Do not start that. You already know my thoughts on what kind of person I know you to be. If anything, you're the one that got the bad end of the deal here. You know exactly what all I've done, Dean, and you really think I'm a shining example of the best way to be an angel? Don't think you're the only one here that feels guilt and weight and loss."

After a moment to consider what he could say to that, Dean realized there really wasn't anything. "What are we doing here? I mean, we're probably two of the most screwed up people in the world, yet here we are, being trusted to use our judgment to somehow protect it? Even for us, this is ridiculous. Cas, we're part of a freakin' prophecy! It was bad enough, me being part of one for the apocalypse, but to be part of another one? What the hell is this?"

Cas shook his head, but stayed quiet as he had his own epiphanies. It was quite a bit to take in, realizing that everything he'd gone through and seen in his long life had been leading up to this. Particularly after the Winchesters had carved their place. The rescue mission to Hell, his rebellion, being blown up twice, the Leviathans, Purgatory, Naomi, all of it. He remembered having to kill the multitude of fake Deans and thought bitterly of it, that he had to go through that, most likely as the catalyst to bring him back to Dean. All of the flack that he'd caught for his rebellion, only to realize that he'd been created this way on purpose, in order to draw him to Dean. And knowing that Dean had been destined for the many traumas in his life well before he was even created was leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.

They didn't talk for the rest of the ride, both needing the time to think and cope with the new situation. It didn't take long to get to the cave and retrieve the Angel Tablet. On the trip from there to Kevin's, both men were on high guard and Dean drove a bit faster than normal, ready to just get the Tablet to safety and get home. When they pulled up to Kevin's, Dean was surprised at what he saw. On almost every surface of the outside of the building, Dean could make out the shapes of every kind of sigil you could imagine. They were glowing faintly, almost like something under a black light, and he knew that there was no way that he would've been able to see it before.

"Cas, I don't think we can go in there. He's gonna have to come to us."

"I agree. Call him and get him to meet us out here."

Within a moment the call was made, and Kevin was walking out the front door. With little discussion to be had, the Tablet was handed over and the two men made their way back home. The ride was a little less tense this time, with the only task left being to get home and rest up for the big day.

Upon arriving back at the bunker, Dean and Cas found Charlie drinking a cup of tea on the couch alone in the living room.

"Hey guys. Sam went on to bed, and I was just about to head that way myself. Did everything go okay?" Charlie was clearly a bundle of nerves, and still a bit apprehensive about being too close to Dean, as bad as it made her feel.

Dean didn't fail to notice, and his heart sunk a little that his friend could be afraid of him. It was exactly the way she'd looked when she first met Cas. "Yeah, everything went fine. But Charlie, I need to know if you trust me. None of this will work unless we're all on the same page." Might as well cut to the chase.

"Of course I trust _you_, Dean. Just being honest here though, your mojo or whatever you call it kind of scares the shit out of me right now."

Dean rubbed his forehead. "I know that this is probably the opposite of what you want to do, and feel free to say no, but will you come here please?"

"Uh…okay?" Charlie stood and took a couple steps toward Dean and glanced at Cas to see if he had any concern on his face, but there was none to be found.

Dean took a step forward and gathered her into a hug. "Does this feel any different to you? Do I feel like anything other than myself?"

Charlie took a deep breath before she relaxed and returned the hug. "No, you feel the same. Well, you're warmer than usual, but still you. I'm really not trying to be mean or anything." She pulled away and studied him for a moment, as if to make sure that nothing had changed that she could see. The scrutiny made him feel a bit self-conscious, but he allowed it, considering the circumstances.

Dean shook his head. "Charlie, look, I know you're not trying to be mean. Hell, I tried to kill Cas the first time I saw him. But do you mind if I try something?"

"Uh…I guess?" Charlie closed her eyes tightly, not sure what to expect.

"I'm going to touch your forehead, so don't freak out." Charlie nodded, and Dean put two fingers to her forehead, willing his grace to calm her nerves. In a couple of seconds she gasped, then relaxed with a little sigh and Dean removed his hand.

"Dude, what was that?" Charlie's eyes flew open, full of curiosity.

Dean grinned and laughed softly, glancing at Cas before he turned his eyes back to Charlie. "Do you feel a little better?"

"Yeah, that was crazy. It felt…warm…and fuzzy. Like a tribble rubbing against my brain or something."

Dean chuckled at the reference as much as the little head tilt from Cas. He'd really grown fond of that little mannerism over the years, even if he'd never admit it. "I'll show you a tribble later, Cas." The angel felt warmed, knowing that Dean didn't even need the bond to know what Cas was thinking and the corners of his lips turned up slightly.

"Well, I guess that's one more thing on the list, being able to help calm people down." Dean's grin softened, and Charlie looked visibly less anxious. Right on cue, she yawned and her shoulders sagged with tiredness.

"I think you relaxed me right on into sleepy-town. Thanks, Dean." And with that, Charlie laid down and said goodnight. Cas gave Dean a tiny smile and grabbed his hand and the two walked off toward the bedroom. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.


	27. Soul Meets Body

_**Thanks for your patience, y'all!**_

When they reached the bedroom, both men stripped down to their boxers, and Dean felt a wave of exhaustion sweep over him as he sat down on his side of the bed. The day had challenged him mentally, physically, and emotionally, and it was starting to catch up with him. It was a different kind of exhaustion, though. His head felt too full, too many thoughts circulating, and he imagined that it might be similar to a computer needing its RAM cleared.

"I imagine your analogy fits me, too." Cas had come over to sit next to him on the edge of the bed, their legs and arms coming to rest against each other. Dean had gotten used to Cas answering his thoughts out loud and supposed that some thoughts must be louder than others, considering that Cas had continued to try and not listen in on them. "That was part of why I would go into a meditative state while you and Sam were sleeping, when you were on the road." Dean nodded to himself and took Cas' hand.

"How are you doing with all of this?" Dean rubbed his thumb absently over Cas'.

Cas gave a tiny shrug but didn't look up, aiming his gaze at their hands. "It's hard to describe. I still feel like myself, but maybe a bit more relaxed. In other ways though, it's been tumultuous. I'd liken it to putting on glasses for the first time. Things made sense before, but now it's like seeing things that I didn't even know were there until now. Some of the things are good and make me happy, but then there are a lot of things that I'm having a hard time understanding. I'm sorry if this is an inadequate description of my…emotions." Another little shrug, more with a touch of defeat in his shoulders, making eye contact now. "Never really had occasion to describe them before, so I apologize if it sounds vague."

"Okay, first of all, you don't have anything to apologize for. It's not like I'm much better, and I'm a freakin' human. Well, mostly, now. And it makes sense. Like pulling off a filter that you didn't even know was there."

"Yes, that would be a good way to describe it. For instance, I've known for some time your loyalty and protectiveness of me and your enjoyment of my company, but it was all simple objective fact that went no further than that in my mind. Now though, it makes more sense. " Cas tilted his head and his eyes were warm. It made Dean nervous to be given that kind of look, even though he'd seen it many times on the face next to him; it was so close to when Dean had said he'd rather have Cas cursed or not. Something was different this time though, and Dean felt his mouth go dry as he realized what was about to happen. Cas ducked his head shyly with a little grin and a blush that was, ugh, adorable before he raised his eyes back up.

"It's because you love me," Cas said softly, his eyebrows raised a little.

Dean really didn't know what to say, because it's not like he could deny it. The damned bond was honest if nothing else. He felt like he was standing near a waterfall and he was being misted with the pleasure and contentment coming from the angel. It's not that he'd been unaware of his feelings for Cas, it was just easier to not think about them and how it could turn around and bite him in the ass later. He swallowed hard and looked down to see that he'd been bouncing his knee, not even sure how long he'd been doing it.

Of course this all came through the bond too, and Cas laid a firm hand on the bouncing knee to still it. "Dean." It was a gentle command to look up, a request to calm down, and affection all wrapped into one word.

Dean could feel the flush climbing up his neck but shook his head as he continued to look down. Cas reached up and gently pulled Dean's chin to make eye contact. Once it was made, the angel's hand trailed down to rest over Dean's heart. "Me too."

The green eyes in front of him started to water up and Dean turned his head to look away as he tried to blink it away and took a deep breath. Cas continued speaking. "I just needed you to know. Before tomorrow…" Cas trailed off, having no desire to think about the implications of the rest of that sentence.

"Cas, I don't know what to say. I'm no good at this shit." Dean's voice waivered and he cleared his throat quickly.

"You don't have to say anything, Dean. It's okay." Cas then leaned over to press a chaste kiss first to Dean's lips, and another to his forehead. The angel understood that Dean was about actions, not words, and continued to show, by running his hand gently down Dean's spine and coming in for another kiss, slow and full of words that neither really knew how to say. It still felt inadequate though, so Cas climbed over to straddle Dean's lap, needing more contact. He needed to communicate and to share and reflect back everything that Dean had been giving through their bond without even realizing it. Dean felt every bit of this and placed his hands on Cas' lower back, pulling him in for a deep kiss to return all of those unspoken words. Dean was sure he'd never get tired of the feeling of Cas' skin on his, the heat, and lean lines pressing into him. As they kissed, Dean noticed the angel's wings slowly unfolding from his back. The colors were swirling in greens, and it didn't escape Dean that they were a direct reflection of the nuances of his own eyes as the tips started to curl in toward him. Cas had been keeping them hidden or folded against his back more often lately, and Dean had missed seeing them open like this, asking to be touched. He broke from the kiss to marvel at them and reached up to run a hand along the bone at the top and then trailing down to run his fingers through the feathers. It didn't feel like electricity this time, but more like a warm hum that felt like it was reaching out toward him, beckoning him to keep his hands there. When he looked up into the deep blue eyes, they had lost some of the gentleness and were turning into something more desirous, but Cas had stilled, watching Dean's every movement. The wings curled in a little closer and when Dean leaned up to place a kiss to each of the top bones, the angel closed his eyes and a contented hum sounded in his throat. Cas leaned in and began to gently suckle little kisses down the side of Dean's throat, threading a hand through the hair at the back of his head. Dean's hand slid down to run through the soft down at the inside of the wing, near where the wing joined his back. Simultaneously, Dean found his hair being tugged and a quiet growl coming from above him.

"If you continue doing that, I may not be able to control myself, Dean."

Well shit, if that didn't turn Dean on. Dean removed his hands though, and nipped and sucked at Cas' collarbone, licking an apologetic stripe along the worried skin. He became aware suddenly that Cas' smell and taste were stronger than before, but not in a bad way. If anything, it was like an aphrodisiac, and Dean couldn't help but roll his hips up, both men groaning at the friction. They continued to kiss and rut lazily until Cas pulled away to rest his temple against Dean's and murmur in his ear.

"Dean, I…I think I want to make love. I think I understand it now. Or at least better than I did before." Cas' eyes were closed and he was breathing hard through his nose.

Dean immediately tensed; that was by far the chickiest thing that had ever been said to him. It was just so earnest and innocent though, and a completely justified request, considering the nature of their relationship. In fact, this is kind of what they'd already agreed to, even if Dean hadn't really understood it all at the time. He'd always just assumed on some level that he would never be loved enough to be part of an act like that and never let himself ponder on what it would be like. Making…you know, was just one more item on Dean's list of things he'd never have…like children, or a world without monsters. Yet here he was, being propositioned by his soul mate (Dean still had a hard time wrapping his head around all of this), and knowing that it was a genuine desire. Plus, the prophecy said nothing about the two of them surviving Sam's trial; only that they would bring about an era of peace, possibly through the simple act of protecting Sam. _Jesus, Winchester, don't be a freakin' coward. It's not like he doesn't know; he just said so! Are you seriously trying to deny something that's already been confirmed? This is irrational, even for me…_

Cas' voice cut into his thoughts. "You're thinking too hard again. I'm sorry if my wording upset you, but it's the truth." In an effort to bring Dean back to the present, Cas rolled his hips down deliciously. He knew he'd made his point when the man below him groaned and brought darkened eyes up to meet his gaze.

"Point taken," Dean said in a strained voice.

Cas grinned to himself. "You know, when we had previous relations, I had to be careful to contain my grace so as not to hurt you. But now, well, I'd like to see what it's like to experience a fuller release, since I'm more certain that you could take it. I'm sure it would be a powerful experience."

"Wait, you were holding back? Shit, Cas! Isn't that like angelic blue balls or something?"

The corners of Cas' mouth twitched up slightly. "I can't miss what I've never had. There was no reason to complain." True to himself, Dean started to feel bad that he'd probably enjoyed it more than Cas, but the angel silenced his thoughts with a look. "Stop it, Dean. I've thoroughly enjoyed myself." As if to prove his point, Cas made his way back to Dean's mouth and put the practice he'd gotten into use, exploring his mouth with a fervor that Dean didn't know the angel possessed.

Breaking for air, Dean pulled back and looked him square in the eye. "I know I've said it before, but your mouth is gonna be the death of me." He grabbed Cas' hand and pulled it to rub over the rapidly hardening bulge in his boxers, as if to illustrate. Cas groaned into a short dirty kiss and pushed Dean back to lie on the bed. For the second time now, Dean found himself under Cas, perfectly content to be at the angel's mercy as he ground down onto Dean's hips. Cas smiled and chuckled as he moved to suck hard at the soft flesh beneath Dean's ear. The angel then blew gently on the spot to soothe it, Dean letting out a small gasp as the cool air hit the spot. He was wondering idly if hickeys would still show up with his new mojo when all of his thoughts were interrupted by a low voice in his ear.

"Do you _want_ me to mark you?" Cas asked with genuine curiosity and a bit of enthusiasm.

Dean's reply was a whine that grew louder and higher as teeth moved to bite at his shoulder. It wasn't hard enough to break the skin, but _would_ leave a clear bite mark. The thought sent a hard shiver down Dean's spine. Cas was surprised to realize that he liked the carnality of it, but just added it to the list of things he was learning about himself. One being the fact that he liked the look that Dean would get when Cas would assert his authority in one way or another. There was still so much to figure out though, and he just wanted to be able to do something to take care of Dean for once, besides saving him from impending doom. No one ever took care of the man with the world on his shoulders…

"Cas, you're thinking too much." Dean grinned and raised an eyebrow, volleying the angel's own words back to him. "Just do what feels right and it'll _come_ to you." Dean flashed a bright grin and wiggled his eyebrows.

Cas couldn't help but snort and shake his head. "That was terrible, Dean."

"Yeah, but you know you love it," he said around a grin.

Cas smiled fondly before Dean pulled him back down for a kiss, his hands running down the angel's sides. The touch was soft and left goosebumps, inspiring a shiver to run down Cas' spine. He really wanted to show Dean just how much he was valued and loved and took his time trailing kisses down Dean's neck and across his collarbone. He pulled the man's left arm up and kissed along the underside of his bicep up to his elbow, then lightly rubbed his cheek up the forearm, almost cat-like. When he dragged his teeth along Dean's wrist, the man's breath hitched. Cas loved that he was becoming familiar enough with this body to know how to get a reaction and bit down, leaving another mark.

"Cas!" Dean hadn't been expecting that after all of the gentle attention to his arm, but the contrast was exciting and he snapped his eyes to look into the lust-filled eyes that were boring into him. Cas' lips were still on his flesh and he grinned into it, licking the bite mark before blowing on it. A shudder ran through Dean and he let out a ragged breath. Cas moved back to Dean's mouth and their tongues slid hungrily against each other as Cas' hand swept slowly down Dean's body until his hand found the waistband of his boxers and slipped a finger underneath to tug at it.

"Off." The single-word command and husky tone in Cas' voice had Dean peeling them off quickly and sighing in relief as his cock sprang free of the confines. Cas' eyes took in the sight greedily and he licked his lips unconsciously. Needing his own relief, the angel rolled off of the bed and removed his own boxers. Dean had taken the opportunity to reach into his night stand and pull out a bottle of lube and laid it on the bed beside him in a neutral place, not sure who was going to end up using it. Cas returned to the bed and Dean watched with rapt attention as Cas sucked a line up his inner thigh, ending with a hard lick to the hollow next to his hip bone. Dean gasped and his back arched into the touch.

"Cas, please."

"Please what, Dean?" Cas asked with a purr.

"Touch me, Cas. Hands, mouth, I don't care."

Cas quirked that brow and gave a thoughtful hum as something flashed in his eyes. Dean knew that only good things could come from that look and his breath hitched in anticipation.

"As you wish, then."

With that, Cas ducked his head and licked experimentally from the base to the tip of Dean's cock, taking the head into his mouth and sucking lightly. When he pressed his tongue to the slit to gather the pre-come that was beading there, Dean let out an obscene moan. This was all the encouragement Cas needed to take in a little more, swirling his tongue as he moved down the shaft.

"Fucking Christ! How do you even..." The sentence was left unfinished when the rest of Dean's cock disappeared into Cas' mouth, and Dean supposed that the angel had no gag reflex. After a surprised hiss from Dean, Cas hummed his contentment around Dean's cock as he increased his suction. Dean's hips involuntarily pushed upward, but Cas just placed firm hands to them, aborting the movement.

It didn't even matter that it wasn't the most skilled blow job Dean had ever received; whatever Cas may have lacked in rhythm and pressure change was more than made up for with the ridiculous agility of Cas' tongue as it danced and swirled around Dean's shaft. As much as he was enjoying it though, Dean really didn't want to come yet and tried to cool his blood a little. Cas could feel tell that Dean was growing restless and replaced his mouth with his hand without changing the pace.

"I told you I'd return the favor." Cas had a rather smug look on his face and even had the nerve to wink. And damned if that wasn't a good look on him, Dean thought to himself. Cas blushed a little at the silent compliment and ducked down to place a kiss to the bottom of Dean's rib cage before looking back up, more serious now.

"Dean, do you trust me?" Cas had rested a hand at the top of Dean's thigh and was lovingly rubbing his thumb back and forth where thigh met groin.

"Seriously? You know I do," Dean said quietly.

Cas hummed quietly and gave a small nod. "Then I need you to hand me that bottle." Dean gulped nervously, but did as he was asked, deciding it best to not think too hard on what was about to happen. He reminded himself that if it didn't feel good, people wouldn't do it.

"Spread your legs for me, Dean." Cas had meant it to be matter of fact, but Dean couldn't help the tingle in his nerves at being ordered that way. When he heard the lid pop open on the bottle, it may as well have been a gunshot in the room and his eyes snapped to Cas' face to see his eyes asking permission. Slowly, Dean spread his legs, feeling suddenly vulnerable. It didn't last long though, as Cas had moved his mouth back down to continue where he'd left off and distract Dean from the intrusion to come. The distraction worked well enough that Dean hadn't even noticed Cas pouring the lube on his fingers to warm it up. Soon though, Dean felt a finger circling his entrance and instinctually scooted away from it. Cas went stock-still, waiting for Dean's direction.

"Sorry, just not something you feel every day," Dean muttered. Dean shifted back down with an embarrassed flush rising up his chest. "It's okay, I'm ready now," he said with a whisper. He made it a point to make eye contact with Cas as a reassurance, and let out a deep calming breath.

With a nod, Cas added more lube and resumed what he was doing until he could feel Dean relax under his touch. Soon Dean felt the intrusion of a fingertip and hissed in surprise as he tensed up at the foreign feeling.

"You have to relax, Dean. If you can do that, this will be pleasurable for you. I know how it works, and I promise I won't hurt you."

"I know, I'm sorry. Just different, that's all. Keep going."

Cas gently stroked the lengths of Dean's arms with the tips of his wings to distract Dean and it worked, as he finally relaxed enough to take the whole finger. After a minute of slow thrusting, Dean relaxed more and began to push into the movement. Taking it as the cue to continue, another finger was added and Dean was starting to see how this could feel good, even with the burn. That is, until he shifted his hips and suddenly he was hit with a wave of pleasure that he hadn't anticipated, as his prostate was brushed.

"Oh fuck! God fucking…shit…do that again." He was really beyond caring if he sounded needy at that point. Cas chuckled darkly and did as requested, adding in a slow lick to the underside of Dean's cock, all the way to the tip. Dean groaned, the sound heating Cas' blood.

By the time the third finger was added, Dean was shamelessly rocking onto Cas' hand until he couldn't stand it anymore. "Cas…I- I need you." Dean wasn't sure when he'd started to enjoy feeling the fullness, but he did know that he didn't want to come undone this way and was ready for the real thing. Cas sighed in relief at the request and carefully removed his hand and retrieved the bottle to slick himself up, moaning deep in his throat as his dick finally got the attention it needed. He had to stop himself though, and peered down at Dean with heat and tenderness, one last look to make sure Dean wanted this.

Although he was grateful for the concern, Dean couldn't help but growl his impatience. "Come on Cas, I want you. Now." Cas' irises nearly disappeared and he swallowed hard, nodding as he shifted Dean's hips to get the right angle. Pushing in slowly, they both gasped at the feeling.

"Hnnng…Dean…" Cas let out a long controlled breath as he felt sweat start to prickle the back of his neck. He knew he had to go slow and let Dean adjust, glad to have had a couple millennia's worth of practice in patience.

After a couple minutes, he was finally able to go in the rest of the way and his arms started to shake from the effort of staying still. He really hadn't anticipated just how good the tightness and heat would feel and started panting. Dean finally relaxed again and hooked his ankles around Cas' hips. He was astounded at the feeling of being linked to someone so intimately. It necessitated a different kind of trust being on the receiving end, allowing someone to enter your body.

"Move," he said before letting out a deep breath. Cas leaned down for a tender kiss and began at an achingly slow pace for a couple minutes, until Dean's gasps and groans became more intense and he could start to speed up. Dean pushed his heels into Cas' ass, a silent request for more, bringing him in for a hard thrust.

"Dean! Fuck!"

The curse surprised them both, but it only served to spur Dean on, now rocking himself harder into their rhythm. Knowing they were both getting close, Cas changed the angle a bit, hoping to find the sweet spot again. It was exactly the right move, because Dean shouted when the bundle of nerves was hit, sending stars into his vision. Cas moved his hand to start stroking Dean's cock as he pounded harder, both of them uttering nonsense and broken words as their orgasms were getting closer. Lost in the sensations, neither man noticed the flickering of the lights or the low buzzing hum that was building in the room. Dean could swear that he was going to get drunk on the smell of Cas as the angel leaned in for a sloppy kiss, too far gone to multi-task much more. Dean's nerves were on fire from head to toe and he knew that he knew he wasn't going to be able to hold on much longer. He had no idea that his eyes were emitting that beautiful golden glow as the warmth pooled in his abdomen.

"Cas! I'm gonna..." Dean panted a few times before he could finish his thought. "All the way, Angel, come on! I can take it." The term was an acknowledgement, not an endearment, and it earned him fierce growl that was almost too much to bear.

Cas felt an intense wave of need wash over him and intermingle with his own as he felt Dean coming undone through the bond. Cas' senses became overloaded and he came with a startled cry, his own eyes burning bright. The sound was downright obscene and Dean couldn't hold on anymore, his orgasm ripping through his body. He didn't even know he was shouting as his vision whited out and all he could feel was Cas in every corner of his being. Dean became aware only of the most remarkable vision he could ever imagine, accompanied by a voice that could only be one person. It wasn't familiar to his ears, but his soul was flaring bright upon the sound. The voice surpassed all sense of language, but Dean grasped it in the way one feels an idea through music, and all he could feel was 'youarelovedwantedneeded'. Even as a shapeless light, Cas was the most achingly beautiful thing Dean had ever seen. After seeing so much ugliness in his life, Dean was astounded that something like this could even exist. The angel pulled him close, the sound quieting as Dean nestled into the comfort of the warm light that was threading itself around him. Slowly, the other world he had entered started to fade away until it went dark and the sensations of his environment started to come back to him. He had no clue how long he was "gone" for, but when he came to, Dean felt wetness on his cheeks and Cas' hand shakily come to rest over his heart. Cas was breathing hard and his eyes were a bit dazed as they made eye contact. Quickly though, an elated smile graced his face that Dean had never seen before and he was taken aback by the sight, knowing that it was only for him. Dean laid his hand over Cas' and let out a breathy, almost hysterical, laugh before catching his breath.

"Goddamn, Cas! What the hell was that?" Dean felt bad momentarily for that particular curse, but Cas didn't even seem to register it and just scooted over to nestle into Dean's side, wrapping around him in his octopus position. He hummed contentedly and pressed a kiss to Dean's shoulder. Before he could answer the question, Cas realized that something was off, and apparently Dean noticed it at the same time. They sat up simultaneously and looked around.

"Uh…didn't we leave the light on before…you know?" The only light on in the room was the LED nightlight that Dean kept on by the door so he could find his way to the bathroom at night. Dean reached for the lamp and tried to turn it on to no avail. "Oh, shit." When he grabbed his phone off of the night stand, he was greeted with the sight of a very broken screen. Suddenly, Cas started cackling maniacally at their situation, startling Dean out of his panic.

Within seconds there was a timid knock at the door and Dean ran a hand over his face before remembering their thoroughly debauched appearance and grabbing for the blankets to cover them up. No sense trying to conceal what just happened, seeing as they had probably just had the noisiest sex in the history of earth (literally), if the shattered glass was any indication. Now Dean was starting to feel more concerned for Sam and Charlie's safety than his own pride.

"Uh, come in?" Dean knew his voice sounded completely fucked out, and wasn't sure if he could withstand hearing Cas' at that moment.

Sam only opened the door a couple of inches and was holding the LED lantern at his side. "So, um, I really _really_ don't want to come in there, but…are you okay?" His voice was equal parts concern and disgust. If he weren't so worried, Dean would've laughed at his brother's disconcerted tone.

Cas piped up to answer this time. "Yes, Sam, we're fine. We'll meet you in the kitchen in a few minutes." Dean was right. Cas' voice was at phone-sex operator levels right now, and he almost wanted to clamp his hand over the angel's mouth to keep that voice all to himself. Dean could feel Cas grinning cheekily at him in the semi-darkness and smacked lightly at the angel's bicep.

With a muttered 'okay', Sam walked off. Dean let out a heavy sigh and reached over to the night stand to grab his zippo and lit it to give them some more light. He didn't even bother looking for clothes and just pulled his robe on, tying it off in the middle. Dean fished around the floor until he found his and Cas' boxers, and the purple pants and a t-shirt that smelled relatively clean. He turned around and stuck his hand out to pull Cas up from the bed.

"I guess we'd better get cleaned up and head to the kitchen. Pretty sure we did some damage around here." Dean looked at the floor sheepishly and handed Cas his clothes. The angel's face was still blissed out and he didn't seem fazed at all by what they were dealing with. It almost annoyed Dean, but when Cas leaned over to give him a kiss on the cheek and squeezed his hand on the way to the bathroom, he couldn't find it in himself to take that feeling away from him.

Once they were in the confines of the bathroom, Dean looked over to see the grin getting even bigger on Cas' face as they cleaned up.

"So, uh…you didn't hold back earlier, did you?"

Cas giggled a little. "No, I didn't, and neither did you, apparently." Then Dean felt a bit of amusement around the edges of the bond.

"Spill it, Cas."

"Well…I heard your soul's true voice. Every soul has one, but it's extremely rare for it to be heard."

"What?! Well that's…new. And fucked all kinds of up. I don't remember saying anything." Dean hesitated before asking the next question. "So what does it sound like? 'Cause you sounded kind of awesome, and I mean that in the literal sense." Dean's voice trailed off in volume and he looked down at his feet.

Cas cupped his face and placed a gentle kiss to Dean's forehead. "You didn't have to say anything Dean. And your voice is absolutely perfect and fitting for you. To give you an idea, it reminded me of Beethoven's works, if a person could be summed up that way. And your soul, well, I haven't seen it or felt it like that since I pulled you out. Thank you for sharing that with me."

Dean felt a little embarrassed at the praise, but also a swell of pride that Cas found him so pleasing. "So that really was your true form and voice, then? Because I thought you were the size of the Chrysler building, I mean. No offense, but you didn't look that much bigger than me."

Cas tilted his head and his eyes carried a hint of sadness. "Yes, you experienced me in my true state. But what makes you think that your soul is so small that you wouldn't be able to stand _with_ me?"

"Wait, what? I don't understand…I thought I was seeing like a condensed version or something." Dean frowned. He really couldn't believe that his soul would compare to Cas in any way more than an ant next to a car.

"No, Dean. That's what makes you so remarkable. You righteousness and love burn so brightly; it's no surprise to me that you could stand so close to an angel. Granted, it's a bit more powerful than before, bustill. There's a reason why you were chosen to protect humanity, Dean. And, well, for us to be mates." Cas looked away and blushed at his last statement. Dean shook his head and decided it was time to insert some humor or he wasn't going to be able to steel himself for the conversation ahead of them after Cas said all those lovey things.

"So…then I guess it was as good for you as it was for me?" Dean flashed a cocky grin, earning a chuckle.

"Yes, that was beyond expectation. But how are you doing? I know you'd never done that before, I mean."

"Not gonna lie, I'm sore. But in a good way, I think. And we are NOT gonna share any details with them, alright? It's none of their business." Dean really couldn't handle the thought of anyone knowing that he'd bottomed, even if he didn't regret it. "And it's my turn next time, by the way." Then he waggled his eyebrows and gave a playful smack to Cas' ass as he walked by. The angel startled at the gesture and stared wide-eyed at Dean before recognition passed behind his eyes. Cue head tilt.

"That was a gesture of affection, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, Cas." Dean chuckled and pulled Cas into a smiley kiss before they exited the bathroom, walking into the darkened hallway by zippo-light.


	28. A Modern Myth

"Sooo…you don't think it's going to be like that every time, do you?" Charlie couldn't decide if she was more disturbed or amused. "Because that's just really not conducive to staying hidden. Or budgeting out brain bleach."

Sam shuddered and gave a small cough. "God I hope not," he said with mild horror.

Dean and Cas walked in shortly thereafter and all eyes went to the ground, no one really wanting to be in the room at that moment. Sam finally cleared his throat and looked up, ready to get this tremendously awkward conversation over with. Taking in the sight of a nearly high-looking Cas with his even wilder hair, and Dean's satisfied smirk, Sam had to look away and focused his eyes upward. "So I think we can skip the details and- Dean! I can feel you grinning, stop it!" The bitchface was exaggerated by the shadows created in the candlelight and Charlie couldn't help but giggle, breaking the tension a bit.

Cas scoffed before speaking up. "Our apologies for the disturbance, but Sam, Charlie, we need to know what happened around the time the bulbs burst. We were…occupied at the time."

Seeing Sam's discomfort, Charlie decided to take this one. "Well, after all the man-moans and wall-knocking, a high pitched squeal and a low rumble started. Right after that, all of the bulbs burst and a few other things that were glass. And by the way, I'm totally ready to kick your ass for shattering the screen on my iPad. Moving on though, your security system lit up like a Christmas tree, and we had to run and turn it off before a self-destruct could start. It took seismic readings and everything, guys! The power's out for a 10 mile radius, too. You seriously didn't hear all of that?"

Dean was glad that the place was poorly lit because he was sure that his face was nearly crimson. "Uh…sorry, we kind of blanked out for a minute there. But seriously, are you guys okay?"

Sam huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. "Our hearing is fine, if that's what you mean. It wasn't as piercing as when angels try to manifest. Can't say as much for my brain, though. There are some things I really just don't need to know. " His nose wrinkled up like he'd just stepped in something. "And what the hell were you thinking, anyway?! You basically just sent up a flare with our location. We'll be lucky if demons are the only thing we have to deal with tomorrow."

Dean's shoulders slumped a little as the reality of it all started to sink in. "I know, I'm sorry, alright? But I don't think anything will happen tonight…neither of us have felt any disturbance. Pretty sure they'd rather wait until after we close Hell and all that. I think it's safe to assume that they know what's going down tomorrow just as well as Crowley does. We just need to make sure and double-check our wards in the morning before we leave."

Sam was still incredulous, but knew there truly wasn't anything else they could do for now. "Well, I'm pretty sure that every bulb on this level is blown. Haven't checked the others yet. So can you guys just fix it or something? We don't exactly have time to replace all of them. I mean, since we saw Dean fix the Impala's windows, I would guess you could do the same for the bulbs, right?"

Dean and Cas exchanged a glance and Cas sighed. "I hadn't thought of that. Dean and I will fix what we can and then we can all get back to bed." With a wave of his hand, Cas restored the lights in the kitchen and turned to Charlie. "Go get your device and we'll fix that first."

Charlie cracked a wide grin and took off for the living room with Dean and Cas trailing behind, fixing bulbs along the way. After they repaired the iPad, the two walked down the hall and made their last stops of the night in the bedrooms and bathroom, Sam on their heels and ready to get back to sleep. After fixing Sam's room, Dean and Cas turned to get back to their own, but Sam caught Dean on the way out. Cas gave a tight-lipped smile and walked out to give the brothers a moment to talk.

Sam had calmed down now that some of the damage had been repaired, and a smirk was starting to settle itself on his face as he leaned against his desk. "Look, I really am glad that you and Cas have finally, erm, worked out your relationship. But dude, please don't _ever_ make me have to hear all of that again…I've never wanted to rip my own ears off so badly in my life."

"Pffft. Whatever, man. You're just jealous that you've never gotten off hard enough to-"

Sam punched his brother in the shoulder. "Ugh! Dean! Just…don't even, okay?" Then he shuddered belatedly.

Dean chuckled and clapped his brother on the arm. "Alright, alright, I'll leave you alone. Night, Sam."

"Night, Dean."

Dean made his way back to his room and shucked off his robe once he closed the door. Cas was sitting on the side of the bed, clearly just having sat down after changing the sheets. Dean grinned sadly at him and the domesticity of the scene, drinking it in as much as he could, considering what the next day was going to bring. Cas rose and walked over to bring Dean into a tight hug, burying his face in his neck. They didn't need words or even the bond to understand each other as they stood, swaying in the hug. Despite the statistical likelihood that they might not survive, neither man could allow themselves to sink into that hopelessness. They needed to hold onto their fire for _life_, or it would all be for nothing.

Dean stepped back to make for the bed before pausing and turning around. "Cas? Would you mind to, uh, just sleep in your boxers?" He knew it sounded like a weird question, but figured Cas would understand that he needed to feel closeness that night. Cas raised his brows, but complied, thinking about the phenomenon of premature infants thriving when given more skin-to-skin contact rather than being left to their swaddling. Dean caught sight of the handprint he'd left on Cas' shoulder as he removed his shirt and felt something stir in his chest, wondering if the angel ever got that feeling at seeing his own mark on Dean.

"I didn't at first. Your mark was accidental, and I felt guilty for laying a claim on you without your permission. But then as we became closer, I started to like the idea that others would know that you were under my protection. And, well, you know how I feel about the marking now." Cas blushed a little and looked away to the side as he rubbed the back of his neck. Dean was amused at the mannerism that the angel had picked up as well as the embarrassment. Because seriously? An angel blushing about the discovery of a kink was just too much. Dean walked over to the mirror and was pleased to see that the hickeys and bite marks were still visible and lifted his chin in satisfaction before walking over to the bed and climbing in. That satisfied look alone was enough to quell Cas' embarrassment and replace it with a small amount of smugness at what was apparently, a job well done.

"Oh, shut up," Dean said, earning a snort from Cas. All the same, Dean didn't protest when Cas rolled him to be the little spoon, pressing into Dean's back in a protective gesture. They laid there for what felt like ages, neither man able to sleep. The feeling of Cas' heartbeat against his back and the steady rhythm of his breathing would normally have settled Dean's nerves, but for now it was only serving to work him up more, almost breaking his heart. Feeling that a vibrant life force surrounding him and realizing just how much that heartbeat meant to him was simultaneously making Dean swell with affection and ache pre-emptively for its eventual loss. It was the injustice of not being able to relax into spending a life with someone that was freakin' made for you, because that lifetime could be yanked away at any moment. Of course that's true for anyone, but just the nature of their work alone significantly increased the odds that that happiness would be brief. Death was not what Dean feared; he'd experienced it enough times that it had completely lost its mystery, and he was certain that he had a reservation waiting for him in Heaven. But the thought of being left without Sam or Cas was devastating. A stone suddenly formed in his stomach at the next thought and he felt his chest tighten as his heart sped.

"Cas?"

"Mmmm?"

Dean rolled over to his back to get a look at the angel, who didn't look any closer to sleep than he had been. "Where do angels go when they die?"

Cas shifted his hand to rest over Dean's ribcage and his thumb absently stroked along a couple of ribs as he considered the question. "I'm not exactly sure. It would make logical sense to say that we simply cease to exist, as our grace is our life force and has to be destroyed in order for us to die. You know, considering that our 'souls' are not separate from our forms as humans are. We certainly don't go back to Heaven, but that's as far as I know. There are a few theories, though. Some think that God collects our grace after it is shattered and uses it to create new angels. Others have postulated that after death He gives us the option of being reborn as a human. Then there are those who think that there might be a place similar to Purgatory, where we go to live out our existence without the confines of the expectation of any sort of obedience. A realm of free-will of sorts. Most do agree though, that it seems likely that if there were ever a time that God would directly communicate with any of us, it would be upon our death. Whether to hand out judgment or simply offer death-bed comfort, who knows."

Dean frowned, his eyebrows drawing together. "So let me get this straight. _Angels_ are just as uninformed about their own afterlife as most humans are? Seriously? How do all of you not end up with existential crises like humans do?"

Cas gave a tiny shrug. "We were created to serve a single purpose, so as long as it is fulfilled, most are not concerned about whether there is an afterlife. It doesn't drive our actions, so it is merely a point of curiosity for most."

"Well what do you think happens?" Dean asked softly.

"Honestly? I think anything could happen. Considering that there's nothing I can really do to prepare for an afterlife that may or may not exist, I've never really lingered on the thought. To my knowledge, God has never told any angel what happens, so there's no reason to worry about it. What he wants us to know, we'll know."

The unconcerned tone to Cas' answer made a fit of anger bubble up within Dean. "You seriously don't care? How can you not be worried about what happens? What if there's like a special Hell for angels or something? What if…what am I supposed to do, Cas?"

Cas' hand had stilled as he peered down into angry and frightened green eyes, trying to understand where the anger was coming from. Slowly, he worked his answer out of his mouth, unsure of what exactly Dean was wanting him to answer. "Dean, I do value my existence, if this is what you're concerned about. However, I don't see it a wise use of my time or energy to worry over something that I have no control over." He was feeling nervous, certain that he was missing something as to why Dean was so worked up and his hesitation was clear in his voice.

Although he knew it seemed ungrateful, Dean couldn't help but feel disappointed at the prospect of not having everyone he cared about there with him in Heaven when his time would come. But worse, it was hurt. It hurt that Cas seemed completely indifferent about leaving Dean behind permanently. Always flitting off without a second thought. Then the humiliation came, that he had allowed himself to even consider for one moment that he could be loved back as fiercely as he tended to love others. A lump was forming in Dean's throat and he started to roll away, ready to run, even if only to the kitchen for a while. The onslaught of emotions must have been powerful, because suddenly Cas was upright and had a strong grip on his bicep, blue eyes searching his own as the angel pulled him to sit up.

Cas' voice was thick with worry and apology, his eyes shiny with threatening tears. "Dean, I'm sorry. I…I didn't realize that this mattered to you."

"Of course it fucking matters, you asshole!" Dean's voice came out much more ragged than he'd wanted. "So what? You get to play Pinocchio for a while and then check out, all satisfied with your 'human experience' and that's it? Well fuck if that doesn't make me feel like a whore. I'm not your college experimentation phase, Cas!" And of course Dean knew that Cas would never use him, but deflection had been a tool in Dean's arsenal for so long that it came more naturally than he would like.

It was clear that the angel was confused about what exactly was going on here, considering that the head tilt was pretty dramatic at this point. They sat there, Dean boring his gaze into Cas, while Cas stared as if the answers might pop out in writing on Dean's face. Although Dean knew that he was being unfair, he was too riled up at the moment to back down or explain himself. After some time, Cas straightened his head as realization dawned. All at once Dean felt exposed and relieved and swallowed loudly as he looked away.

"Dean," Cas began softly, "you know I would never use you, and that and that you are definitely not an experiment." He paused to scratch at his forehead as he considered his wording, and shifted closer to grab Dean's hand. Dean tried to pull his hand away, but Cas tightened his grip. "Look at me," he commanded. That tone sent a small shiver down Dean's spine and he begrudgingly complied.

Cas' eyes softened in relief that Dean was listening, rather than fighting. "You, Dean Winchester, are the only person that's ever had reason to worry about my demise. I have spent my entire existence without real concern from another for my well-being, and it's still strange to me sometimes, knowing that there are others who care about whether I'm around or not."

Okay, so Cas' tendency to leave had been a huge sore spot for Dean over the years, but this subject had moved past 'spot' territory and more into 'contusion-land'. Dean sneered and shook his head. "You really have no clue how your existence affects the people you know, do you? Shit, and I thought I had the self-esteem issues. You honestly thought I wouldn't care if I didn't see you after I'm settled upstairs?" Dean rubbed his hands over his face and groaned in frustration. "Cas, we suck at this…feelings shit and all of that. But goddamn, how can you not know how much you matter to me? I'm pretty sure I've said all I can say." Dean was pretty certain that 'I need you' is as clear as it gets. Plus, hadn't the bond been kind of taking care of all of this?

Cas narrowed his eyes defensively. "Maybe because you're always angry with me, Dean! It seems like I've spent more time out of your favor than in it since I've known you. You are the most frustrating man I've ever known because the things you say often contradict what you do, and you confuse me constantly! Every time I think I know what's going-''

Dean cut him off with a growl. "I'm not always angry with you!"

Cas excitedly threw his hands open in a wide gesture in front of him. "Then what is _this_? Aren't you angry right now?!" His eyes were wide with disbelief and frustration.

"No! I'm pissed because I love you, and you always leave me, you shithead!" Dean and Cas' eyes both went wide at the verbal declaration. Dean scrubbed a rough hand through his hair. Well, damn. This was NOT a conversation he'd expected to have tonight, if ever. "It's no surprise though," Dean laughed bitterly. "I know I'm fucked up. Can't even say three little words without slaughtering it.

Cas put on a bitchface to rival Sam's and flicked Dean hard on the ear, earning an indignant yelp. "You self-deprecating son of a bitch! Don't you **ever** imply that I leave you because I don't love you! As I've said before, everything I've done has been for you, even if that meant leaving in order to protect you. So yes, Dean, I love you, even if you can't understand it. And no, I do not want to leave you behind in Heaven. This is not a one-sided relationship, just in case the definition of 'soul mates' has escaped you." Cas' nostrils were flaring in irritation and a vein was ticking away at his forehead. He realized belatedly that his wings had unfolded and were twitching in agitation, as if in support of his words.

The tension in the air shifted suddenly as Dean simultaneously took in Cas' words and the sight of the pissed off angel in front of him and humor overtook him as the corners of his lips turned up slightly. "Calm your feathers, Angel." He reached forward to run his hands down the appendages in a placating motion, almost as one would normally rub down someone's arms. "I believe you, but it's hard for me."

Skepticism over Dean's calmer demeanor was still written all over Cas' face, but he slowly tucked his wings back in anyway, never breaking eye contact. Then he squinted in confusion. "Is that what you needed, Dean? Did you need me to actually say it? I really thought you knew, especially with the bond and all…"

Dean tilted his head as he began to speak. "Look, I know we kind of almost dealt with all of this earlier tonight, but it does make me feel better, okay? It's different, when the person has the nerve to actually say it out loud. So thank you. I mean, not that we don't still have issues up to our eyeballs, but shit, am I the only one that feels like I can breathe a little bit now?" As if to illustrate, Dean exhaled loudly and relaxed his shoulders.

It was surprising to Cas, that verbalizing his standing with Dean would matter so much. The bond had allowed them to share their most honest emotions, so it seemed redundant to Cas, to have to actually express it out loud. He knew he still had much to learn about humans. Well, mostly his human. Even so, he had to admit that it was particularly gratifying seeing Dean say 'I love you' out loud, as well. Maybe it really was more about the courage than the words. Cas couldn't help but give Dean a fond little grin. "Yes, I do believe this conversation was a long time coming, and I do feel a little better now. And thank you for your honesty. Perhaps we should do this more often." With this he reached for Dean's hand and kissed the knuckles with tenderness.

Dean yawned and tugged on Cas' arm to pull him back down into the bed. "Well, I'm glad we got all that out, but that was exhausting. I'm ready to get some sleep." Dean ran an affectionate hand through Cas' hair and pulled him in for a kiss. This one was different, though. Although short, it spoke of relief and familiarity. Comfort. Cas pulled Dean closer with a hand on his waist and hummed a contented sigh, sleepiness starting to take him over as well.

"Night, Cas."

"Goodnight, love."

Dean's eyes flew open, but Cas was already starting to relax into what was about to be a doze. Although it felt weird to hear those words come out of Cas' mouth, much less aimed at himself, Dean didn't have the will to fight it off. If anything, he greedily latched onto it, feeling pleased that he got to be one of those people that was loved enough to have an endearment attached to him. There was no sense in trying to play it cool, because Cas knew the truth. Dean knew the truth. It was out now, and maybe this was one of those few things that Dean could let himself have, one more hard-earned little prize that he could tuck away for himself.


End file.
